Unknown employee

Unknown Employee:An employee trying to guess their race card: 'Lots of cultures eat rice. That doesn't help me.'

Unknown Employee:"We don't do anything until Michael gives us further instructions." — employee reacts to Michael's paralysis after the oven mitt moment

Unknown Employee:"What line of work you in, Bob?" — someone asks Bob Vance his profession immediately after he has just stated it three times

Oscar · Unknown Employee:'So that he can have us rob a bank and then escape through the sewers.' / 'And brush our teeth.'

Unknown Employee:'This meeting' — someone responds to Holly's question about time-wasters

Unknown Employee:Someone asks a person in a costume who they are; they say 'Dave.' 'Cool. And you are?' — implying they're not in a costume at all

Unknown Employee · Andy:'It's pronounced Colonel. It's the highest rank in the military.' / 'It's pronounced Cornell. It's the highest rank in the Ivy League.'

Michael · Unknown Employee:Michael declares expense reports are 'a day-to-day item' and that he is exclusively 'big picture, epic, Gone with the Wind.'

Michael · Unknown Employee:Michael: 'Gone with the Wind.' Employee: 'Never saw it.' Michael: 'Me neither. Chick flick.'

Michael · Unknown Employee:Employee asks to be 'grandfathered in' on Michael signing expense reports. Michael is baffled. Employee explains it means Michael would still do what he used to do. Michael: 'That doesn't make any sense because I would still be doing exactly what I used to do.'

Michael · Unknown Employee:Michael to employee: 'You're making my brain smaller. Get out.'

Michael · Unknown Employee:Employee responds to 'You're making my brain smaller' with a story about his uncle who went mad and had to be buried, only for Michael to say 'I am so sick of that story. Get out.'

Dwight · Unknown Employee:Dwight delivers the punchline to his entire wrestling fantasy: 'Jim wants you to keep it down.'

Jim · Unknown Employee:An employee congratulates Jim on his promotion, then asks him to 'forget what I said last week...about the fact that I don't really do my job.'

Jim · Unknown Employee:Jim tells the employee he should probably stop telling Jim these things. Employee: 'Gotcha.' Then immediately adds: 'It was just that I was late today and I took a nap in the bathroom for a while.'

Unknown Employee:Talking head comparison of Jim vs. Michael: 'Comparing Jim and Michael is like comparing apples and oranges. I like apples, and I really, really don't like oranges. Oranges are annoying and hate me.'

Unknown Employee:Talking head: 'When you ask Jim a question, he'll tell you the answer. When you ask Michael a question, he'll do an imitation of you for five minutes and then when that doesn't work, he'll try to tickle you. But he also doesn't care if you come in late, so I guess I prefer Michael.'

Unknown Employee:Talking head: 'I love rivalries — Michael or Jim, Paris or Nicole, Heidi or L.C. ...I'd have to go with L.C. Heidi's a bad friend, and her skin is terrible.'

Jim · Unknown Employee:Jim announces the raise policy honestly. Employee: 'Thank you, Jim, for thinking that we're smart people.' Beat. 'But I do not understand. If we're such smart adults, then why don't we get raises?'

Unknown Employee:Various employees in talking heads explaining their need for a raise: 'I need that raise, unless you know a hot tub repair man who will work for empty red wine bottles.'

Creed · Unknown Employee:Creed in talking head: 'I am so pissed at this company.' Employee: 'And Jim.' Creed: 'Yeah.' Then: 'Who said that?' Employee: 'I think it was Creed.' Creed: 'Yep.'

Unknown Employee · Jim:Employee to Jim: 'Not according to the beans.' (When Jim says his time is as valuable as Kevin's.)

Unknown Employee:'Last Sunday I had to put down over 150 pets all by myself.'

Unknown Employee:'I have a way to make Scranton a better place. You could leave it.' — directed at Michael

Unknown Employee:'That's really not the trend in vampires right now.'

Unknown Employee · Michael:'I'm Jigsaw, idiot.' — Michael had called him a clown

Dwight · Unknown Employee:Dwight's confessional: 'Whoever has been sending me the parts to this gun — I think you sent me a gear instead of a trigger.' Office worker: 'How do you know it's a gun?' Dwight: 'What else does it look like?' Worker: 'Not a gun.' Dwight: 'Well, unless the missing piece is a gun, you don't have a gun. Not a gun.'

Dwight · Unknown Employee:Dwight announces: 'This just arrived from the Dunder Mifflin North Pole branch.' Another character: 'We don't have a North Pole branch.' Dwight: 'Idiot!'

Michael · Unknown Employee:'Open your eyes.' / 'You never told us to close them.'

Unknown · Unknown Employee:'I don't know what the **** that was.' / 'I say we bomb 'em.'

Dwight · Unknown Employee:Dwight asks for a building wish list. Someone wishes for 'a million wishes.' Dwight: 'No, I'm not a genie.'

Dwight · Unknown Employee:Dwight asks the office for their new-building wish list: 'I wish for a million wishes.' Dwight: 'No, I'm not a genie, I'm talking of...' Someone: 'Then see you later, building.'

Unknown employee · Others:In fairness, Darryl did tell me that joke, so... / Oh! Darryl's funny. / I know, right.

Unknown Employee · Andy:The gorilla from Rise of the Planet of the Apes. The one who sacrifices his life. Whoa! Spoiler alert. It's been out for ages, man.

Unknown Employee:Why can't there just be two Kate Middletons?

Dwight · Unknown Employee:If you had some really big wings with blades on the end, you'd kind of look like Kerrigan from StarCraft. / Damn it! I am Kerrigan from StarCraft. I've been censored.

Unknown Employee:Oh, my God, kill me

Andy · Unknown Employee:And is anyone kosher or halal? / What's the halal option? / Dates, tabouleh and bagel with cream cheese. / Out. / You know, it's the same as the kosher option. There's a lesson in there.

Unknown Employee:Oh, isn't that the one where the guy becomes limitless?

Unknown Employee:I got Source Code on the way back.

Jim · Andy · Unknown Employee:By the way, did we leave all the food on the bus? / Let's talk about food for a second. Food for thought. / Yeah, that's what I had for breakfast, and I think that's probably why I'm still hungry.

Andy · Unknown Employee:I commissioned this flag for Dunder Mifflin. It cost me $200. / Only $200?

Dwight · Unknown Employee:Spangler's Spring is a mile this way. / Oh, wow. So, that's two miles if you incorporate the walk back.

Unknown Employee:All I had for breakfast was oatmeal, yogurt, coffee, orange juice, and toast. Two poached eggs and then that half a sandwich on the bus. I can't.