David Wallace comes bearing the news that not all the staffers will receive a raise this year. Jim pushes Dwight to the limit and causes him to form office alliances. And Pam decides she wants only cash as a wedding gift.
WAR
117.3
Wins Above Replacement
“The Promotion” ranks #59 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 90.0 — Elite. The episode packs 85 scored jokes at 2.6 per minute, averaging 7.5 on craft and 7.3 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Dwight: Dwight in talking head: 'If the people here were our founding fathers, the Revolutionary War would have been delayed ten years because Stanley Washington was napping, and Phyllis Hancock was still signing the Declaration, and Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly.'
Dwight Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael: 'Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes?'
Michael Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael's talking head about the raise situation: 'This is worse than I ever possibly could have imagined. And I have imagined some terrible things. Horrible, awful things. Things men do to each other in the heart of battle that the English language doesn't even have words for. Oh. German captures them nicely, but—'
Michael Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Jim · Dwight: Jim writes 'held back tears' in the complaint report after Dwight says no to everything. Dwight: 'Wait, stop writing that. That is not true.' Jim: 'If you stop crying, I'll stop writing it.' Dwight: 'I'm not cr-- uhh!'
Jim Dwight Escalation Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Jim: Jim's talking-head confessional: 'Oh, sure — things are great. For Michael. Absolutely nothing's changed for him...But today, Jim Halpert puts his foot down.' Cut to: 'So that was three days ago, and it didn't take. But today, mark my words, Jim Halpert really, really puts his foot down.'
Jim Irony/Sarcasm Running Gag ★ Rewatch Standout Moments
Michael: Michael: 'Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes?'
Michael Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight: Dwight in talking head: 'If the people here were our founding fathers, the Revolutionary War would have been delayed ten years because Stanley Washington was napping, and Phyllis Hancock was still signing the Declaration, and Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly.'
Dwight Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael's talking head about the raise situation: 'This is worse than I ever possibly could have imagined. And I have imagined some terrible things. Horrible, awful things. Things men do to each other in the heart of battle that the English language doesn't even have words for. Oh. German captures them nicely, but—'
Michael Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 85 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Michael · Unknown Employee: Michael declares expense reports are 'a day-to-day item' and that he is exclusively 'big picture, epic, Gone with the Wind.'
Michael · Unknown Employee: Michael: 'Gone with the Wind.' Employee: 'Never saw it.' Michael: 'Me neither. Chick flick.'
Michael · Unknown Employee: Employee asks to be 'grandfathered in' on Michael signing expense reports. Michael is baffled. Employee explains it means Michael would still do what he used to do. Michael: 'That doesn't make any sense because I would still be doing exactly what I used to do.'
Michael · Unknown Employee: Michael to employee: 'You're making my brain smaller. Get out.'
Michael · Unknown Employee: Employee responds to 'You're making my brain smaller' with a story about his uncle who went mad and had to be buried, only for Michael to say 'I am so sick of that story. Get out.'
Jim · Dwight: Dwight approaches Jim with an expense report. Jim says 'Where's the please? We're not animals.' Dwight refuses to say please. Jim refuses to sign without it.
Dwight: Dwight walks away from Jim muttering 'Idiot' to camera.
Dwight Reaction Beat Character Comedy Dwight · Michael: Dwight goes to Michael to complain about Jim, framing it as a 'huge, enormous, massive complaint about the tallest guy in our office.'
Jim · Dwight: Jim takes Dwight's complaint about Jim himself, asks who it's about, and when Dwight says 'You!', Jim responds 'Okay. Just want to let you know I take complaints very seriously. So...when did this happen?'
Jim Dwight Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim · Dwight: Jim writes 'held back tears' in the complaint report after Dwight says no to everything. Dwight: 'Wait, stop writing that. That is not true.' Jim: 'If you stop crying, I'll stop writing it.' Dwight: 'I'm not cr-- uhh!'
Jim Dwight Escalation Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight: Dwight's complaint fantasy escalates into a full wrestling match description: triangle choke hold, hammer lock, 'he's gasping, he's panting. Every last breath. And the crowd is going crazy. And boom! I emerge victorious! $18,000 and a chance at the title!'
Dwight Escalation Character Comedy Dwight · Unknown Employee: Dwight delivers the punchline to his entire wrestling fantasy: 'Jim wants you to keep it down.'
Michael: Michael traces a line from toilet paper to human anatomy to outer space planets in a conference room meeting justification.
Michael Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael · Jim: Michael explains that a meeting about planets started as a toilet paper discussion: 'What part of the human body does one use toilet paper upon? So you draw a line from there to the other planets.'
Michael · Jim: Michael: 'You know what eats a large amount of the day are naps. You go to sleep, it's light out, you wake up, it's dark. That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea.'
Jim · Michael: Jim: 'You mean on a weekend.' Michael: 'Yes.'
Jim Michael Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Callback Jim: Jim's talking-head confessional: 'Oh, sure — things are great. For Michael. Absolutely nothing's changed for him...But today, Jim Halpert puts his foot down.' Cut to: 'So that was three days ago, and it didn't take. But today, mark my words, Jim Halpert really, really puts his foot down.'
Jim Irony/Sarcasm Running Gag ★ Rewatch Pam: Pam tells someone she needs to fit into her wedding dress. Beat. 'However, I'm also pregnant.'
Pam Misdirection Deadpan/Understatement Unknown Character: Someone tells Pam: 'It's a myth that women have to gain more than nine pounds in a pregnancy? Look at these actresses. Some of them lose weight.'
Pam: Pam on registering for gifts: 'We did, but mostly because people expect us to.' Pause. 'We're also accepting other gifts not on the registry.' Pause. 'However much. It's awkward asking people for money, but we could really use it. Why doesn't Crate & Barrel let you register for a toaster full of cash?'
Pam Character Comedy Observational Phyllis · Pam: Phyllis tells Pam that her cousin makes 'the most amazing romantic birdhouse mailboxes' and that Pam will 'still be surprised when you see it' — then asks 'You're not registered for a birdhouse, are you?' Pam: 'No, we're not.' Phyllis: 'Good. Good.'
Unknown Employees: Someone eating loudly at their desk ('Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.'). Another employee says 'Do you mind?' The eater responds: 'I'll tell you what. You show me one of those crossword puzzles that you've finished and I'll be quieter.'
Unknown Salesperson: Employees discover Jim's memo requiring 20 cold calls a day. One says: 'I hate making cold calls. It's like trying to sleep with someone you've only known for a month — it's impossible.'
Unknown Employees: After the cold calls complaint, another employee adds: 'And get a new haircut.' First employee: 'Thank you, I've been saying that for years.'
Dwight: Dwight's talking head: 'Big Tuna is starting to stink a little... People are starting to notice how terrible Jim is. It's great. Eventually, they'll rise up and revolt.'
Dwight Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jim · Unknown Employee: An employee congratulates Jim on his promotion, then asks him to 'forget what I said last week...about the fact that I don't really do my job.'
Jim · Unknown Employee: Jim tells the employee he should probably stop telling Jim these things. Employee: 'Gotcha.' Then immediately adds: 'It was just that I was late today and I took a nap in the bathroom for a while.'
Jim · Michael · Stanley: Jim walks in on Michael's secret 'focus group' meeting. Jim: 'Hey, Stanley, what was the last thing Michael said before I came through the door?' Stanley: 'If you don't smell this, you're fired.'
Michael · Jim: Michael: 'Listen, Jim, no offense, but when push comes to shove, what I want is more important than what you want.' Then turns to the focus group: 'What do you guys think?'
Unknown Employee: Talking head comparison of Jim vs. Michael: 'Comparing Jim and Michael is like comparing apples and oranges. I like apples, and I really, really don't like oranges. Oranges are annoying and hate me.'
Unknown Employee: Talking head: 'When you ask Jim a question, he'll tell you the answer. When you ask Michael a question, he'll do an imitation of you for five minutes and then when that doesn't work, he'll try to tickle you. But he also doesn't care if you come in late, so I guess I prefer Michael.'
Andy: Andy's talking head: 'Michael is like the fun dad. Jim is like the serious mom. And wittle Andy is stuck in the middle, and he wuvs them both vewy much, but if he had to pick one, well, goodness gracious, he would probably pick Jim because Jim gives Andy his num-nums on time. Num-nums are, of course, my commission checks.'
Andy Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Unknown Employee: Talking head: 'I love rivalries — Michael or Jim, Paris or Nicole, Heidi or L.C. ...I'd have to go with L.C. Heidi's a bad friend, and her skin is terrible.'
Jim · Michael · David Wallace: David Wallace calls the office at exactly the moment Jim and Michael were debating whether to call him. 'Or David Wallace will call us on line two.'
Michael · David Wallace · Jim: During the Wallace call, Jim reveals Michael has been texting Wallace during the conversation. 'Wait, I'm sorry. Michael, are you— are you texting me?' Michael: 'I thought maybe we could talk after this is over.'
Michael · Jim: After Wallace hangs up, Michael complains: 'You didn't let me say goodbye.'
Michael · Jim: Michael to Jim: 'When I am irritated and I look at you, I don't see you anymore. All I can see is how big and gross the pores on your nose are.'
Unknown Employees: Talking head: 'Hey, why haven't we ever, um...' Other person: 'We have.'
Michael · Jim: Michael's pros and cons list participation: Michael's 'cons' for the equal 1.5% raise include 'you look like a nerd,' 'pro — you get to share your pros and cons list with the other nerds,' and 'con — you unzip your pants, and you find that there's a calculator down there.'
Dwight: Dwight's talking head with a pie chart: 'I've been studying Michael for years, and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart — how Michael spends his time. As you can see, we have procrastinating and distracting others, and this tiny sliver here is critical thinking. I made it bigger so that you could see it.'
Dwight Visual Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Pam · Kevin: Pam asks for cash as a wedding gift. Kevin: 'Like money? Like you — you want my money?' Pam: 'Mm-hmm.' Kevin: 'Will you take a check?' Pam: 'Yeah.' Kevin: 'Cool. In the memo line, I'm gonna write, "To love's eternal glory."'
Pam Kevin Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Pam: After discussing Pam's cash gift request, we get Pam's talking head: 'Is this what I've become? Materialistic? Shallow? I feel horrible. Oh, look! "Mrs. Pam Halpert!" That's the first time I've seen it in writing.'
Pam Character Comedy Misdirection Michael · Jim: Jim attempts to explain Michael's weaknesses. Michael: 'Why don't you enliven me?' Jim pauses. 'I don't think you're good at making tough decisions.' Michael: 'Okay, here's a tough decision for you. You suck. You suck. Is that clear enough for you?'
Michael: Michael: 'I can see it in your crusty little eyes that you are going to make everything perfect... if I can just think this through, if I could just think it exactly right, I can make this perfect... and then another avenue. And then another—'
Michael: Michael watches Jim go out to announce the raise decision and mutters under his breath: 'This had better be terrible.'
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jim · Unknown Employee: Jim announces the raise policy honestly. Employee: 'Thank you, Jim, for thinking that we're smart people.' Beat. 'But I do not understand. If we're such smart adults, then why don't we get raises?'
Dwight: Dwight in the angry crowd: 'It's because Jim wants to give the raises to his friends and the people he sleeps with.'
Dwight Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Kelly · Jim: Kelly enters the angry crowd: 'What the hell? Why are you being such a jerk?' Jim: 'Hold on, Kelly.' Kelly: 'Would it help you to know that Jim thinks you're smart?' Kelly: 'No. How is that gonna repair Ryan's car?'
Kelly Jim Character Comedy Escalation Callback Oscar · Jim: Oscar: 'My kid needs shoes! You want to tell him he doesn't get shoes?' Jim: '...yeah.' Oscar: 'Her kid needs shoes, Jim!'
Oscar Jim Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Jim: Jim attempts to regroup: 'Wow. I'm just gonna rewind and back off a bit, so...' Long beat of silence as he retreats.
Jim Reaction Beat Awkward Silence Michael: Michael enters and attempts to salvage the situation with a speech about the office family: 'They all have heart-ons for you, and that is a gift.' Beat. 'Angela, yes, lend Oscar a cup of sugar. Phyllis, read to Kevin. Andy, tuck Stanley's daughter in bed.'
Michael: Michael's speech includes: 'They all have heart-ons for you.'
Michael Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Meredith · Michael: Meredith speaks up: 'At least Jim was being direct.' Michael: 'Thank you, Meredith.' Meredith: 'When he was telling us his dumbass plan.'
Michael · Jim: Michael: 'Not to state the obvious, but the only reason I failed out there was because you brought the crowd down.' Jim: 'Okay, you know what? I'm not gonna engage.' Michael: 'They were primed not to like me after you imploded all over them.'
Michael · Jim: Michael suggests they 'go in reverse' to erase the bad announcements. 'Close your eyes. Open your eyes. Lollipops and rainbows. Magic words. You're already there.'
Jim · Michael: Jim: 'Do you know you said "heart-on?"'
Jim Michael Callback Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · Jim: Michael and Jim attempt a merit-based raise system using beans placed on photos of employees. Michael: 'Ryan, obviously the best.' Jim: 'Well, obviously. Too bad he's a temp and doesn't count, so let's get started.'
Jim · Michael: Jim defends Pam's position on the raise list. Michael: 'Pam is still lower than Kevin right now.' Jim: 'Kevin sleeps on the toilet.' Michael: 'Still higher than Pam.'
Kevin: Kevin: 'Oh, I better get that raise. Because once your cats have kittens, all of your priorities change.'
Kevin Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Unknown Employee: Various employees in talking heads explaining their need for a raise: 'I need that raise, unless you know a hot tub repair man who will work for empty red wine bottles.'
Unknown Accounting Employees: Two accounting employees in talking head: 'It's not like we're not gonna see the checks. We're in accounting.' — establishing they can literally see who gets raises.
Creed · Unknown Employee: Creed in talking head: 'I am so pissed at this company.' Employee: 'And Jim.' Creed: 'Yeah.' Then: 'Who said that?' Employee: 'I think it was Creed.' Creed: 'Yep.'
Jim · Michael: Michael and Jim's bean-based merit system: 'Each Boston Baked Bean represents half a percent raise, we each got 24 beans, so the idea is, you place the bean on the picture of who you think deserves...' Michael draws Toby's picture just to exclude him: 'He's not a part of this. You know that.' Michael: 'Just wanted to draw a picture of him.'
Michael · Jim: Bean game: Michael announces 'I...will skip a turn.' Jim: 'Okay, you're gonna still have to play that bean. You know that.' Michael: 'I need more time.'
Jim: Jim reads the email about a Wallace meeting. Long silent pause. Jim stares ahead.
Jim Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Creed · Pam · Jim: Creed's wedding gift gambit: 'Would you guys rather have $100 now or $5,000 a year from now?' Pam: '$100 now for sure.' Creed: 'Because you just give me $50 to cover the broker fee, I put in 100 of my own money as the gift...' Pam backs out. Creed: 'Instead of $5,000 a year from now?'
Creed: Creed adds: 'Don't tell Jim.'
Creed Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dwight · Office Staff: Office mob storms into Michael's office to see the bean board: 'Come in, feast your eyes. They determine our worth by putting beans upon our faces.'
Kevin: Kevin in the mob: 'What does a bean mean?' (asked multiple times)
Kevin Running Gag Character Comedy Unknown Employee · Jim: Employee to Jim: 'Not according to the beans.' (When Jim says his time is as valuable as Kevin's.)
Dwight: Dwight's speech: 'Are we idiots? An idiot is someone who feels angry and frustrated but instead of doing anything about their problem, they just bang their head into a wall... again and again and again...' [physically bangs head into wall repeatedly]
Dwight Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight · Oscar · Office Staff: Dwight's motivational speech to the office mob: 'What right does Jim have to claim authority, hmm? Think about it. Is he as good a salesman as I? Is he as smart as Oscar? Is he as matronly as Phyllis? Some rule by imposing their rule through their heft. Is he heftier than—' Oscar: 'We get it.'
Dwight: Dwight: 'Is he as matronly as Phyllis?'
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dwight: Dwight's full revolutionary speech: 'For a few seconds every decade, we exist, and these are those seconds. Let us storm his castle. Come on. Tick — let's get him. Tock — let's get Jim! Tick — and drag Jim out of his office. Tock — take his keys away from him. Tick — that's a clock. The time is getting very close.'
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist Dwight · Office Staff: Dwight's rally ends: 'What say you?' Office worker: 'I say no.' Dwight: 'No, I mean, what do you say to my plan?' Office: [silence/no]
Kevin: 'What does a bean mean?' — Kevin, one final time, after everything has collapsed.
Kevin Running Gag Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Jim · Michael: Jim and Michael sit together in defeat. Jim: 'On a scale of one to ten, I'd say I'm about a four.' Michael: 'Oh, what are you usually?' Jim: 'Six. You?' Michael: 'Usually a ten, but I'm feeling like a zero.'
Jim · Michael: Michael's scale of 1-10: Jim says he's 'about a four.' Michael says he's 'usually a ten, but feeling like a zero.' Jim: 'Oh, what are you usually?' Michael: 'Usually a ten.'
Michael · Jim: Michael (genuinely, quietly): 'I used to have to do this part alone, and it was the worst.' He gives Jim a bottle of gin.
Michael Jim Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael: 'I used to have to do this part alone, and it was the worst.'
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Michael · Jim · Pam: Michael, Jim, and Pam drink gin in the office while the angry staff presses against the glass. Michael: 'Just pretend we're not here.' Jim: 'Okay.'
Dwight: Final Dwight talking head: 'So it appears I acted too soon. I'm not worried. I'll get Jim yet. All I need is a plan, a devious plan. No. A diabolical plan.'
Dwight Character Comedy Running Gag Top Episodes — The Office
