David Wallace comes bearing the news that not all the staffers will receive a raise this year. Jim pushes Dwight to the limit and causes him to form office alliances. And Pam decides she wants only cash as a wedding gift.
WAR
45.3
Wins Above Replacement
“The Promotion” ranks #119 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 76.0 — Great. The episode packs 60 scored jokes at 2.6 per minute, averaging 6.9 on craft and 6.7 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Dwight: If the people here were our founding fathers, the Revolutionary War would have been delayed ten years, because Stanley Washington was napping, Phyllis Hancock was still signing the declaration, Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly.
Dwight Character Comedy Observational Escalation ★ Rewatch Dwight: Can I also be a boss? It doesn't take a genius to know that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would catholicism be without the popes?
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Dwight: Makes me want to put him in a triangle choke hold and force him down to the ground and just keep pressing and pressing. And then flip him over and then put him in a hammer lock. And he's gasping, he's panting. Every last breath. And the crowd is going crazy. I emerge victorious! $18,000 and a chance at the title.
Dwight Character Comedy Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jim · Dwight: When did this happen? - One minute ago. - And how do you feel? - Angry. - All right. Did he hit you? - No. - Did you cry? - No. - Did you feel like crying? - No. I'm gonna write, 'held back tears.' Wait, stop writing that. That is not true. If you stop crying, I'll stop writing it.
Jim Dwight Escalation Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Kelly: How is that gonna repair Ryan's car?
Kelly Character Comedy Misdirection All Jokes — 60 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Michael · Dwight: Could you sign my expense report? - No way, no how. Expense reports are a day-to-day item. That is Jim's now. I am exclusively big picture, epic.
Dwight · Jim: Sign this. Where's the 'please'? We're not animals. Sign it. Not without a 'please.' Idiot.
Dwight: I would like to file a huge, enormous, massive complaint about the tallest guy in our office.
Dwight Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Dwight · Michael: Jim won't sign my expense report. That is not... Okay... - That is day-to-day. - No, that his huge. You're trying to trick me. Get out, get out, get out...
Dwight · Jim: I'd like to lodge a complaint. - I'm sorry to hear about that. - Who is this about? - You! Just want to let you know I take complaints very seriously.
Jim · Dwight: When did this happen? - One minute ago. - And how do you feel? - Angry. - All right. Did he hit you? - No. - Did you cry? - No. - Did you feel like crying? - No. I'm gonna write, 'held back tears.' Wait, stop writing that. That is not true. If you stop crying, I'll stop writing it.
Jim Dwight Escalation Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight: I deserved that promotion, not Jim.
Dwight: Makes me want to put him in a triangle choke hold and force him down to the ground and just keep pressing and pressing. And then flip him over and then put him in a hammer lock. And he's gasping, he's panting. Every last breath. And the crowd is going crazy. I emerge victorious! $18,000 and a chance at the title.
Dwight Character Comedy Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jim · Dwight: Jim wants you to keep it down.
Jim Dwight Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Michael · Jim: Can I talk to you in my office? Sure, but could I first talk to you in my office?
Dwight: Can I also be a boss? It doesn't take a genius to know that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would catholicism be without the popes?
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Michael: Jimothy... That sounds weird. Are you okay with being called Jim?
Michael Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Michael: At first, we were talking about introducing a line of toilet paper. And what part of the human body does one use toilet paper upon? So you draw a line from there to the other planets, and I think by the end, we all learned a little bit about how small we are.
Michael Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: You know what eats a large amount of the day are naps. You go to sleep, it's light out, you wake up, it's dark. That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea.
Michael Observational Character Comedy Jim · Michael: No more meetings this week. - Really? - You just agree to that? - I can be very surprising.
Pam: What's going on? I need to fit into my wedding dress. However, I'm also pregnant.
Pam Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Pam: It's a myth that women have to gain more than nine pounds in a pregnancy? Look at these actresses. Some of them lose weight.
Pam Character Comedy Observational Pam: Why doesn't Crate & Barrel let you register for a toaster full of cash?
Pam Observational Wordplay/Pun Phyllis: My cousin makes the most amazing, romantic birdhouse mailboxes. I know I shouldn't tell you, but you'll still be surprised.
Michael: If you don't smell this, you're fired.
Michael: Everybody, I think that Jim has gone insane, because he thinks that my office is a conference room.
Michael Character Comedy Misdirection Michael · Jim: What do you mean by 'these people'? ... You don't need to go anywhere. Anything that Jim has to say to me, he can say in front of these types of people.
Kelly: I love rivalries... Michael or Jim, Paris or Nicole, Heidi or L.C. It's so much fun. But I guess if I'm really thinking about it and answering your question honestly, I'd have to go with L.C. Heidi's a bad friend, and her skin is terrible.
Kelly Character Comedy Misdirection Jim · Michael: Hey, David. You got Jim here. This is Michael, senior co-manager.
David · Michael: Are you texting me?
Michael: When I am irritated and I look at you, I don't see you anymore. All I can see is how big and gross the pores on your nose are.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Michael · Jim: Hey, why haven't we ever... We have.
Michael · Jim: Like break in in the middle of the night and change the numbers on payroll? - We can do it during the day. It doesn't have to be that dramatic.
Michael · Jim: You use your brain too much. - Are you advocating that I use it less? - Sometimes the smartest people don't think at all. - You just came up with that. - As I was saying it.
Michael: Con: you look like a nerd. Pro: you get to share your list with the other nerds. Con: you unzip your pants, and you find that there's a calculator down there.
Michael Character Comedy Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jim: I've been studying Michael for years, and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart. How Michael spends his time. As you can see, we have procrastinating and distracting others, and this tiny sliver here is critical thinking. I made it bigger, so that you could see it.
Jim Visual Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Creed: In the memo line, I'm gonna write, 'To love's eternal glory.'
Creed Character Comedy Absurdist Pam: Wait till Monday. Is this what I've become? Materialistic? Shallow? I feel horrible. Look! 'Mrs. Pam Halpert!' That's the first time I've seen it in writing.
Pam Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael: I can see it in your crusty little eyes that you are going to make everything perfect.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Michael: You're not good at making tough decisions. At thinking out the options, and then stating that decision very clearly, especially when it's an unpopular decision. Here's a tough decision for you. You suck. You suck. Is that clear enough for you?
Jim: You're not good at making tough decisions. At thinking out the options, and then stating that decision very clearly, especially when it's an unpopular decision.
Jim Irony/Sarcasm Observational ★ Rewatch Michael: OK, Skippy, here we go. Why don't you run yourself out there and tell them?
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Oscar: Thank you, Jim, for thinking that we're smart people. But I do not understand. If we're such smart adults, then why don't we get raises?
Oscar Irony/Sarcasm Setup/Punchline Michael: Excellent question, genius. 'Cause Jim wants to give the raises to his friends and the people he sleeps with.
Kelly: How is that gonna repair Ryan's car?
Kelly Character Comedy Misdirection Meredith · Michael: My kid needs shoes! You want to tell him he doesn't get shoes? Her kid needs shoes, Jim!
Michael: Her kid needs shoes, Jim! What the hell?
Jim: I'm just gonna rewind and back off a bit.
Michael: These are the people who will open their hearts to you. They all have heart-ons for you, and that is a gift.
Michael Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Michael · Oscar: A man... Panama. - That's not how that goes.
Michael · Jim: Ryan, obviously the best. - Well, obviously. Too bad he's a temp, he doesn't count.
Jim · Michael: Each Boston Baked Bean represents half a percent raise, we each got 24 beans, so the idea is you place the bean on the picture of who you think deserv... Who's that? - He's not a part of this. - Just wanted to draw a picture of him.
Michael · Jim: I will skip a turn. - You're gonna still have to play that bean.
Dwight: If the people here were our founding fathers, the Revolutionary War would have been delayed ten years, because Stanley Washington was napping, Phyllis Hancock was still signing the declaration, Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly.
Dwight Character Comedy Observational Escalation ★ Rewatch Phyllis: Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me?
Phyllis Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Dwight: Is he as matronly as Phyllis?
Dwight Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Dwight · Kevin: Come on... Tick. Let's get him... Tock. Let's get Jim! Tick. And drag Jim out of his office... Tock. Take his keys away from him. Tick... That's a clock.
Kevin: What does a bean mean?
Kevin Running Gag Character Comedy Callback Jim · Michael: On a scale of one to ten, I'd say I'm about a four. - What are you usually? - Six. You? Usually a ten, but I'm feeling like a zero.
Michael: I used to have to do this part alone, and it was the worst.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Michael: I used to have to do this part alone, and it was the worst.
Pam: You cannot just keep avoiding us like this!
Pam Reaction Beat Cringe/Discomfort Creed · Jim · Pam: Would you guys rather have $100 now or $5,000 a year from now? - $100 now for sure. 'Cause you just give me $50 to cover the broker fee, I put in 100 of my own money as the gift...
Creed: The guy has an algorithm to determine the winner of any given college basketball game.
Creed Character Comedy Absurdist Creed Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Top Episodes — The Office
