Niagara

Pam:My stomach's a little more sensitive lately, so if you wouldn't mind wearing a little less perfume... And if your lunch is especially pungent, maybe have it in the break room.

Pam:Pam's pregnancy morning sickness sensitivity demands from coworkers (no perfume, different soap, eat lunch in break room)

Jim:A three-ounce fetus is calling the shots. It's so badass.

Phyllis:I guess I missed the meeting where we all voted for you to get pregnant.

Creed:All morning I look forward to my afternoon cigars, and I am not stopping for anybody.

Ryan:Watching people get sick always makes me sick. And... Well, frankly, so does talking about it, so...

Jim · Pam:Jim showing off something he spent all morning doing, Pam's confused reaction about doing it to 'our--'

Jim:Uh, believe it or not, Kevin, firecrackers are in the 'don't' column.

Kevin · Jim · Dwight · Andy:So you're gonna provide them, then? - No, this is a firecracker-free wedding. - What the hell? - You've got to be kidding me.

Angela:Decent people everywhere will get offended.

Angela:Some of us have to be our own grandmother.

Pam · Angela · Jim:You know, Angela, um, you don't have to come to the wedding. - Really, Pam? - Yes, she does.

Todd:What happens in Niagara stays in Niagara.

Michael:So I will see you up here in 'Viagra' falls.

Dwight:Pam and Jim's wedding will be the single best pickup destination in the history of the universe.

Dwight · Andy:Dwight's elaborate wedding guest research including mountain bike selling history

Dwight:I stole the guest list from Jim's desk, and I search-engined every female on both sides of the family.

Andy:Okay. You're an idiot.

Michael:It's the hair.

Kevin:Kevin's new haircut reveal and immediate regret

Kevin:Kevin's hair transformation talking head: 'It's the hair.'

Ryan:Nah, this is so much cooler. We feel like we're in a limo and you're our driver.

Michael:She smells like my mom.

Michael:Click. Oh, you blinked. Damn it. Now that's in my brain forever. What a lousy picture. Should have hired a professional to take the mental pictures.

Jim · Pam:Mental picture joke sequence with Jim blinking

Dwight:Hello. My name is Dwight Schrute. If you're listening to this, you're a lucky woman Michael has seduced.

Dwight:Don't be scared of your night in heaven.

Hotel Guest:Hey. Got the room the night before you guys. I'll break in the bed.

Jim:I don't like that.

Jim:Their proximity to the falls makes everything smell like a basement.

Dwight:And I had spoken to Theresa about a room with two safes.

Dwight:If I have a woman up there and things are getting amorous, she's gonna get turned off if she looks in the bathroom and she sees you brushing your teeth with butter and clay, okay?

Michael:When Mary was denied a room at the inn, Jesus was born. When Michael was denied a room at the inn, we don't know what happens, because that story hasn't been told yet.

Stanley:A queen-size bed is five feet wide. I am not five feet wide, Michael.

Michael:I'm not a physics major, Stanley. I'm just saying be careful.

Kelly:You are going to be sleeping by yourself for the rest of your life, so you should just get used to it.

Pam:She's the only 80-year-old with no smile wrinkles.

Michael:Didn't move my lips.

Meemaw:Well, I wouldn't care to live if I thought that.

Dwight:Because while I was busy trying to improve the company and make it a success, Jim, the bad man, was busy kissing the boss man's butt.

Penny · Kevin · Oscar:Penny mistaking Kevin for Pam's boyfriend, Kevin's outraged reaction

Kevin:You thought I was dating this? What the hell is wrong with you?

Oscar:I would be proud to date you.

Meredith:Like I did with Erin.

Dwight · Andy:In 1996, her 10th grade volleyball team went 10 and 2. What am I supposed to do with that, Dwight? - That's a very good record.

Michael:Never married... Never... for a noogie.

Michael:Michael's smart car routine falling completely flat

Jim:Pam, I can now admit in front of friends and family that I do know how to make a photocopy. Didn't need your help that many times.

Jim:She shouldn't, because she's an alcoholic. Pam is an alcoholic.

Michael:They had an accident, and you know what? These two people, they're living together. They are having lots of consensual sex.

Michael:And you know what? You can't expect them to be careful every time, because, frankly, it's just a different sensation.

Meemaw:The hotel's television set had a movie on called Bruno last night. The remote control had so darn many buttons on it, I couldn't turn it off. So I had to just sit there while it happened to me.

Pam · Jim:Is there something about being a manager that makes you say stupid things? - I have not found that to be the case.

Michael:Michael's excitement about free hotel room from Meemaw leaving

Meemaw:Oh, you're that foul man that kept talking about intercourse.

Michael:And I know in your day she would be considered a whore, but now women go out and they have sex and they get wild and they take their tops off and they have pictures taken of them.

Michael · Meemaw:They're gonna call it Meemaw. - You mean Sylvia. - Yes. And if it's a boy, they will call it Sylvio.

Andy:'Cause that would help me deliver on some promises I made. Whoo!

Michael · Dwight:Looks like you're going to a fish fry, Dwight. - No, they're howling at the moon. It's suggestive to women. Because of howling during sex.

Toby:You have that thick, beautiful, Chicano hair. So nice.

Dwight:I invented a device called Burger on the Go. It allows you to obtain six regular-sized hamburgers or 12 sliders from a horse without killing the animal.

Dwight:Sears said no.

Michael · Dwight:They're men, Dwight. - I love finding a good set of twins.

Meredith · Andy:Meredith's robot dancing critique leading to Andy's dance battle

Andy:Did someone change my name to Baskin Robbins? Because I feel like a banana split.

Andy:I was dancing and I did a split and I landed on my car keys in my pocket. I tore my scrotum.

Michael:That Pam? Hey! Have her come out. Have her come out! It'll be like Coyote Ugly.

Michael:'Jim, hey, why don't you braid my hair? I want to watch TV.' Now you sound like Kermit.

Hotel Manager:When the bag was opened by our shoeshine, the smell overcame him. I, too, smelled them and made the choice that they must be thrown away. Incinerated, actually.

Kevin · Hotel worker:Kevin's shoes being incinerated due to smell

Dwight:She's a dental hygienist from Carbondale, and she makes love like one. She's a bumpkin. Pass.

Jim · Andy:Andy's scrotum injury pillow offer from Jim

Creed:I have painted a portrait of the two of them from memory. And I have another one of them in the nude. But that one is for me.

Pam:Mom, you're totally projecting and being a drag.

Jim · Pam:Pam's veil tearing and Jim ripping his to match

Angela:Apricot. Made of real apes.

Michael:End up going to sleep by the vending machine. It was loud, but it was warm.

Kevin:I got six numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number.

Kevin:My Kleenex shoes were a huge conversation piece, but man, my dogs are barking. My feet were so sweaty, I can't even feel the cold.