Spooked

Andy:I've three simple rules. Don't be offensive, don't be cliche, and don't take the first two rules too seriously.

Andy · Unknown:Oh! Wow. Spoiler alert! It's been out for ages, man. Costume vetoed.

Unknown:Why can't there just be two Kate Middletons?

Angela:I stayed up all night, and I watched that GD wedding, and then I came to work and I made everyone else watch it all day. Meredith wasn't even here. Because I was there.

Angela · Meredith:I thought you were at your sister's funeral. What I said was, 'my sister's funeral is this weekend.' Didn't say I'd be there.

Meredith:Warms my heart, thinking about them two kids... Doin' it.

Jim:When they talk about all the nice things about dating a coworker, they don't mention one of the best parts. After you're done dating, you still get to work together every single day.

Jim:Kevin started crying, so...

Ryan · Kelly:What are you, some kind of Jamaican zombie woman? / Whoopi Goldberg. / Has no one here heard of Kerrigan? From Starcraft? Queen of blades?

Andy:Every Halloween, I tell him the same thing. You can't bring weapons into the office. And every year, he says the same thing. 'Soon as I get my weapons back, I'm gonna kill you.' But there I am at Thanksgiving, alive, you know? I'm the lucky turkey.

Andy:Everybody looking good? This is-- this is the best we can do? I'm not judging, I... I think you guys look great. I just...Wanna make sure. This is the best we can do?

Andy:I just got a text from Broccoli Rob--'boo!' It scared me. And then I got this text from Robert California-- 'looking forward to Halloween party. Expectations are high.' Scared the [Bleep] out of me.

Andy · Pam:What are you doing? Oh, I just wanted to see how you do it. If you're doing something I don't.

Erin:That Andy. So hot and cold. One day, he's like, 'fax these documents, please.' Then the next, he's like, 'Pam, you fax them. Who cares what Erin's feeling?'

Erin · Pam:Pam, how would you rate me as a receptionist on a scale of one to three? / Um...Two? / That's, like, the second to last thing I wanted to hear.

Phyllis:Bob and I are doing the Scranton Haunted walking tour. I always wondered what kind of people went on that thing.

Jim:Wait, they have food there?

Jim:My wife does not believe in ghosts.

Jim:I had just told you about the day that I met the blue angels. I figured you had to top it.

Robert California · Andy:Uh-oh, looks like we're under a Jack attack. Yes, Andrew. And you, on this day of fantasy, are...A laborer.

Jim · Bert · Unknown:Hey, Bert. / Hello. / Can I use a computer? I need to check a hurricane.

Robert California · Erin · Bert:How did you know I was bringing my son? / Oh, I didn't. It was for us. / That stuff's for babies. / Well, perhaps this party will awaken the baby in all of us.

Robert California:Wow, who shot our grownup party with a kiddie ray gun?

Toby · Gabe:♪ dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones ♪ ♪ now we're the skeleton crew ♪

Robert California · Kelly:Just fine, Kelly? Everything all right? / So there is something you want that you do not have. / I try not to think about it. Because it's too terrifying to imagine.

Kelly · Robert California:Never marrying. / Yes. Dying alone, that is very scary.

Robert California · Toby:And how are you, Toby? / So great.

Angela:So can we speak our minds now, or are we still sparing feelings? Because I hate all of this.

Bert · Robert California:Very low pressure in the Sargasso sea. Warm air from South America. Cold air from Greenland. All signs point to the perfect storm. / Yeah, perfectly mediocre.

Kelly · Bert · Dwight:I am Kerrigan from Starcraft, I've been censored. / If you're gonna be a Zerg, at least be a lurker, not some girl. / Kerrigan is ruler of the Zerg Swarm! / Yeah, she also has boobs. / Yeah, but no nipples.

Andy · Jim:November's sure creeping up, ain't it? / Can't stop that month.

Andy:And maybe we could mix a little more 13 into the PG.

Erin · Andy:But that's it? / There's nothing about me, or...I?

Erin · Gabe:Remember that Halloween party you took me to once? The one where I started crying as soon as I walked in, and I didn't stop crying? / Yes. Lars and Takako's.

Gabe · Erin:I will make this sexier than you could ever imagine. / No, just scary. / If we wanted ideas for scary stuff.

Jim · Pam:Hey, it's Jim Halpert. I was wondering if you wanted to see a movie tonight, 'cause I've read a lot about this really great documentary. / Is it called Ghostbusters? / It's called Ghostbusters.

Unknown · Dwight:Dwight, are you eating a stick? / It's a root, idiot.

Dwight · Bert:Everyone hates you. / That's really rude. / I don't tell you hurricanes suck even though it's true.

Bert:What's the vaccine you could take to avoid a hurricane? Open up a newspaper. Oh, look, a hurricane's coming.

Erin · Dwight:I'm only scared of real things, like serial killers and kidnappers. Not things that don't exist, like ghosts or mummies. / Mummies are real. There are mummies at museums.

Erin:Why on earth would a museum put a mummy in it?

Gabe:Get out of here, little kid party. Nobody loves you. And clean up your room. Grown-ups are gonna use it later.

Kelly · Jim:I'm about to play Starcraft with him. / Are you serious? / Yeah, I'm serious. It's funny.

Angela:You know, I guess nobody would believe it still fits.

Oscar:Hey, guys, I'm an Oscar... Liar... Weiner.

Darryl · Erin:Party's tight, E. The fog is cool. / Thanks. It's on medium.

Gabe:The cinema of the unsettling is a growing film movement. The most well known film in the genre is an hour long shot of a squirrel with diarrhea.

Bert:Is that my grandmother?

Gabe:This game is called pecker poker. It's the game of cards that gets you har--

Robert California:Why didn't you simply ask Andy to clarify? Asking is a very easy thing to do. The two of you are obviously very close. / Oh, I see. This no longer seems like my business.

Andy · Erin · Robert California:Did you think I was gonna fire you? / No, I wasn't. / I'm sorry, this must be really uncomfortable for you. / I'm never uncomfortable.

Andy · Erin:31. / Wow. / I'm so happy for you guys. Um, let me know when you get to 40.

Pam:Jim doesn't let me wash his NFL Jersey during the playoffs, how is this any less logical?

Pam · Jim:Really. / That is just a bunch of people participating in a collective thing that maybe the eagles will hear about and wanna play better.

Kevin · Bert:You wanna attack, or let them come to us. Your call, B. / Unleash the hell storm. / Nice. / Got him. Go!

Kelly · Phyllis · Angela:Is she Asian? / I don't know. She's from somewhere, I bet. / Maybe from the forest. / Forest? / Did Andy say his girlfriend's from the forest?

Creed:You don't live as long as I have without a healthy fear of snakes, Bobby.

Pam:Like, a few years down the road, Cece says, 'mom, there's a ghost in my closet.' Now you say one of two things. One-- You're just having a bad dream, or two-- Let's go see what it wants.

Creed:Creed's horror story about Lydia and the baby with mummies and snake

Creed:'I'm fine, bitch. I'm fine.'

Robert California:Fear plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us? How dare we let it into our decision-making, into our livelihoods, into our relationships?

Toby · Bert:Wanna see the dance? ♪ dem bones, dem bones, dem-- ♪ / You're fired. / What? / You heard me. Pack your things. / I'm the CEO's son. Pack your things. You're done.