Garden Party

Andy · Colleague:Andy excitedly asks about the billboard campaign, not yet knowing it's been defaced with phallic graffiti

Jim:Talking-head: 'There's this thing that people tend to do with billboards... if there's an opportunity for a graffiti artist to work in a phallic shape interacting with the artwork, it'll happen. And Andy gave them that opportunity.'

Andy:Andy's reaction upon learning the billboard says '20 dongs' — 'Great billboard. Funny, edgy, right up to the line without crossing it. Loved it.' when asked which one he saw

Dwight:Dwight's dawning horror upon realizing the billboard featuring him and Andy has been defaced — 'No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no'

Dwight:~30 seconds of Dwight apparently looking at his phone/screen showing the defaced billboard — pure reaction, no dialogue

Dwight:Dwight giving directions to Schrute Farms via soil acidity: 'If the soil starts to get acidic, you've probably gone too far.'

Colleague · Dwight:'Just give us the address, we'll look it up online.' / 'It's simpler this way.' / 'It's really not.'

Darryl · Dwight:Darryl's response to Dwight's 'no burping, no slurping, chew thoroughly' lecture: 'What happens when we're done chewing? Do we spit it out on the floor or keep it in our mouths the rest of the time?'

Andy:Andy: 'I promise to be under-bearing for a week if you guys just all step it up.'

Andy:'This is not a picnic, Phyllis. It's a garden party. There are rules.'

Andy · Colleague:Andy's description of 'Connecticut casual' dress code, and someone asking if it's 'Pennsylvania business, i.e., this is what I'm wearing to your party'

Kevin:Andy's family garden party video — 'Who's the sausage?' referring to Andy's brother in the viral video

Andy:Andy singing along to his family's video: 'It's my dad and my brother / I would have joined in but this melody doesn't really support another harmony part, so'

Andy:Andy's awkward cover story: 'Did Robert California get an invite? Yeah, of course. I mean, yeah. I think he did.'

Jim:Jim's talking head: 'Why didn't you just say this was to impress Robert California?'

Gabe:Gabe's talking head: 'Classic Gabe move. Hey, Andy, how about you don't steal my business strategies and I won't dress like my life is just one long brunch.'

Jim · Pam:Street view of Schrute Farms on Google Maps — the camera apparently caught something embarrassing on the farm

Angela · Others:Angela pregnancy small-talk: cankles, cup size, the senator being 'grossed out'

Pam · Angela:Philip name collision — both Pam's baby and Angela's baby are going to be named Philip, for entirely different reasons, revealed in escalating awkward beats

Robert:'Gretchen, I need another marmalade.'

Mose:Mose as the valet — aggressively demanding guests surrender their cars, physically blocking them, refusing all reasonable alternatives

Mose:Mose: 'Have a good time at the thing. It's a little tricky. You might want to—'

Dwight:Dwight announcing guests from Jim's fake garden party book: 'Chapter Two. Announcing guests as they enter is the height of decorum. The more volume displayed, the more honour is bestowed upon everyone present.'

Dwight · Jim · Pam:Dwight announces: 'James, Pamela, and Peepee Halpert.'

Andy:Andy to Mable: 'Mable, Mable, if you're able, keep your elbows off the table.'

Andy · Mr. Bernard · Mrs. Bernard:Andy's parents arrive and immediately correct that Andy is not the CEO but merely the regional manager: 'I thought you were the CEO.' / 'I don't know how you got there. You said you were running the company.' / 'This branch. I'm the regional manager.' / 'That makes more sense.'

Andy:Andy's talking head: 'Did I throw this party to impress my parents? That's crazy. No, if they wanted a garden party, they could throw one themselves. Which, as a matter of fact, they did last week. They threw one for my baby brother, and it was totally amazing. But I couldn't care less.'

Mr. Bernard · Mrs. Bernard:Andy's parents have theatre tickets — to see 'Moneyball' — 'It was Walter Jr.'s choice.'

Walter Jr. · Jim:Walter Jr. introduces himself to Jim: 'Tuna, right?' — using Jim's office nickname — and Jim's visible surprise that the brother knows his nickname

Walter Jr. · Pam:Walter Jr. to Pam: 'No. Hell no. She wishes. No, no, no, no, no. No.' — about whether Pam is with him

Dwight:Dwight reading from Jim's book: 'Chapter Four. One of the host's most important duties is as dance master. A proper courtly dance sets the tone for the entire afternoon.' — then apparently attempting to lead a courtly dance

Dwight · Robert:Robert California's grand entrance — announced by Dwight at maximum volume — 'Ladies and gentlemen, may I present... Robert California.'

Kevin · Dwight:Kevin is apparently suspended or elevated in some contraption at the party: 'This is not funny, man. Let me down. I think this thing is broken.' / 'It's not broken, Kevin. This is how it works.'

Andy:Andy's toast strategy: 'Toasts are great. I mean, you toast somebody, they toast you back. It just goes round and round. That's my favourite part about toasts, the reciprocity.'

Kelly:Someone toasts Robert California. Kelly immediately yells 'Yay, Robert!'

Gabe:Gabe's talking head: 'I cannot believe I didn't think of toasting Robert. Get in the game, Gabriel.'

Gabe · Andy:Gabe to Andy: 'Why are you talking to Stanley's mistress?' — whispering at the party

Ryan · Kelly:Ryan toasts 'someone who isn't here but who will be in just four short months — Welcome to the world, Philip Lipton.'

Jim:Jim's toast to 'Philip Halpert' — and his elaborate explanation that he promised his grandfather 'as a child, long before tonight' that he would name his son Philip

Angela:Angela's reaction to Jim's Philip toast: 'She just always has to copy anything I do. It's the Ford Taurus situation all over again.'

Dwight:Dwight's toast: 'I'd like to make a toast to the troops. Here, here. All the troops. Both sides.'

Andy · Oscar · Others:Two separate people attempt to toast Robert California — Oscar then someone else — and Andy intervenes: 'You can't triple-toast somebody. At least not until we hit everyone once.'

Robert:Robert California's toast speech: 'You want to toast the man who led you to success, but the boss is irrelevant. Andy and I produce nothing. We do nothing. We sit in our offices and demand, like petulant children.' / 'You know the difference between a crying baby and a manager? One day the baby will grow up.'

Andy · Dwight:Andy tries to continue his toast to Robert immediately after Robert finishes — 'From the moment you entered our building and our hearts, you—' — then gets immediately cut off by Dwight announcing Walter Jr.

Dwight:Dwight's announcement of Walter Jr.: 'Mr. Walter Banes Bernard, Sir, please report to the stage.'

Andy · Mr. Bernard:Andy and his father try to perform 'More Than Words' — the guitar is too high-pitched and they argue about the key while guests watch uncomfortably

Andy:Andy: 'Is anyone filming this? Seriously. Erin!'

Mr. Bernard:Andy's father to Walter Jr.: 'Get up there and sing, or I will cut your larynx and you'll never be able to sing again.'

Dwight:Dwight's Schrute Farms birthday party packages: 'The Pewter package has the least amount of goats. It's not no goats — it's still 10 to 12 goats depending on the availability of the goats.'

Potential Client · Dwight:Potential client: 'Of course I am not interested in goats. Why would you spend so much time going over the goats with me?'

Dwight:Dwight's exotic meat upsell: 'I can get you exotic meats. Hippo steaks. Giraffe burgers.'

Dwight · Potential Client:After the exotic meat pitch, the client's non-committal 'We'll talk' — followed by Dwight's confident talking-head: 'It'll all be goat.'

Andy:Andy's terrible sales call to Cece Halpert (a baby): 'Hello, Cece Halpert. This is Andrew Bernard. I'd very much like to speak with you about your paper supply needs.'

Andy:'That wasn't even my worst sales call.'

Mr. Bernard · Andy:Mr. Bernard confronts Andy privately: 'I'm not going to tell you how impressed I am that you're a manager of some rinky-dink branch of a paper company in Scranton, Pennsylvania.'

Darryl:Darryl's talking head about Andy's family: 'I think if I had parents like that, I'd be trying to convince everyone all the time how great I was, too. Guess we found Andy's Rosebud.'

Oscar · Darryl:Oscar correcting Darryl's Citizen Kane interpretation — 'No, Rosebud didn't explain why he was how he was. It just represented what was important to him as a child that he missed.' / 'Different school of thought. Let's just agree to disagree.' / 'No. You're wrong.'

Darryl:Darryl: 'I'm too hot anyway. My body has somehow become acclimated to southern Italy. Isn't that strange? I've never been there.'

Mr. Bernard · Mrs. Bernard:Andy's parents say goodbye: 'It was a nice party. The setting was a little strange. The food... Sandwiches were dry.' / 'Bye, Tuna. Bye, Pam.'

Andy · Unknown Guest:Andy's apology to the party: 'Hey, everybody. I'm going to leave and I just wanted to say I'm really sorry.' / 'Cheeseburger or hamburger?'

Oscar · Andy:Oscar calling Andy 'Nard-Dog' — Andy's reaction of genuine, childlike gratitude

Mose · Dwight · Jim · Pam:Closing ceremony drumming — 'What are they doing?' / 'Closing ceremonies.' / 'Nice touch.'

Jim · Dwight:Jim keeps returning to the party having 'forgotten' things — returning multiple times — while Dwight announces him with full ceremony each time: 'Mr. James Halpert!' / 'Keys. My keys.' / 'Stop forgetting things.' / 'I didn't forget them. They're right here.' / 'Mr. James Halpert!'

Jim · Dwight:Jim returns one more time ('I think I forgot the—') / Dwight: 'What, you idiot' / Jim asks Dwight who the best salesman in the office is, just to trigger one final 'Mr. James Halpert!'