Out of the Loop

Warm-up Host:Now that sign says 'applesauce.' I'm kidding. It says 'applause.'

Larry Sanders:November 4 is the day Jerry Brown may drop out.

Larry Sanders:Perot dropped out because they wouldn't put a Supercuts in the White House.

Larry Sanders:Not bad, Jerry, considering everything you wrote is dying.

Artie:The monologue was awful. A piece of shit, but you're hilarious when you're bombing.

Hank:Everybody but you, of course.

Larry:Shut up.

Larry:Three months. We should find out if he has any head writing experience.

Peas in a pod.

Larry:Lesbians?

Artie:No, just friends.

Artie:One of them can't get through a metal detector.

Larry:Which one?

Artie:Which one do you think?

Larry:Couldn't get a Supersaver?

Larry:Is this a new... Is this a new chair?

Jeannie:Yes.

Larry:I did not know that.

Larry:I can't watch it again for the second time. Too much pain.

Larry:This can't possibly be number 7 for 45 seconds.

Beverly:I know, Larry, but I got distracted for a moment.

Larry:By what?

Larry:Beverly, I want to know. What could be more important than my burrito?

Larry:Beverly, I want to know. What could be more important than my burrito?

Larry:Was my mug out there? 'Cause in this day and age, you can't...

Larry:Steer clear of the phrase 'Jerry's penis' when I'm biting into this cold burrito.

Phil:You know I'm talking about Jerry, right? He's really fucking up.

Artie:We'll just give you a hot dog and a beer and you can sit there and watch it on a little TV like those guys do at a ball game.

Hank:All I could see was Mr. Heston's rug and a bit of the back of Larry's jacket.

Artie:That's a tragedy.

Larry:It's about Jerry and Sally.

Artie:Fucking. I know.

Artie:Behind your desk. That's new carpeting, that little prick.

Artie:It's taken us eight years to disconnect you the way you always wanted to be.

Larry:Do you ever notice that we get caught up in a certain kind of thought process?

Artie:What thought process?

Larry:Like the one we're involved in now.

Artie:We should try and put a stop to it.

Larry:Fine.

Artie:Stop it we shall do.

Artie:Stop it we shall do.

Norm Crosby:I heard you're having one of those 'interorifice' relationships with one of the girls in the Sterno pool.

Jerry:I said, 'This job is a pain in the bass' and I got outta there.

Larry:I said, 'This job is a pain in the bass' and I got outta there.

Hank:It's October... and we all know what that means.

Hank:If Princess Di were here... I'd tell her, 'Hang in there.'

Hank:I'd kill for a Dreamsicle right now.

Hank:Maybe it's me, but I think Sharon Gless should be on TV every night.

Hank:I sure do miss the Cowsills. That miniskirted mom sure was sexy.

Hank:I am telling you, nothing beats that missionary position.

Hank:I am telling you, nothing beats that missionary position.

Newsletter writer:We never edit 'Hank's Thoughts.'

Artie:If he bangs her any harder, the air bags are going to inflate.

Artie:If he bangs her any harder, the air bags are going to inflate.

Jerry:Suddenly this girl comes around and says I remind her of her teddy bear. What am I supposed to do?

Jerry:I'm worthless as a writer and as a man. I need help. I'm addicted, and I need a program.

Jerry:I'm addicted, and I need a program.

Jerry:The only reason you're able to write so much is 'cause you never get laid.

Jerry:The only reason you're able to write so much is 'cause you never get laid.

Larry:It sounds to me like, with Eddie, you get a lot of boyfriends at once. So I would stay with him.

Larry:Number three: Put your mother in a nursing home. Don't even give it a second thought.

Larry:Number three: Put your mother in a nursing home. Don't even give it a second thought.

Peter Falk:Don't ask me back on this fuckin' show again.

Peter Falk:Don't ask me back on this fuckin' show again.

Larry:I love this son of a bitch!

Peter Falk:I love this son of a bitch!

Larry:You guys are somethin'.

Peter Falk:Look at this guy.

Larry:You guys are wild.

Peter Falk:Well, it's nothin' I haven't seen before... but not in a room full of 250 people.

Jerry:Sally and I are very much in love. We are spontaneous people.

Sally:I've accepted a position on Saturday Night Live as a talent coordinator.

Larry:When were you planning on telling me?

Sally:I didn't know when to tell you.

Sally:Besides, this gives me a chance to be with my boyfriend again.

Jerry:You have a boyfriend?

Sally:Yes! He's a writer on the Letterman show.

Larry:That is wrong on so many levels. I don't know where to start.

Artie:She's 53, fit as a fiddle.

Larry:I did not know that.