Michael and Jim head off to a meeting and Michael comes back soaked after having fallen in a koi pond. Meanwhile, Pam and Andy, as the two worst salesmen in the branch, have to go cold calling for sales.
WAR
89.1
Wins Above Replacement
“Koi Pond” ranks #75 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 89.2 — Elite. The episode packs 73 scored jokes at 3.4 per minute, averaging 7.2 on craft and 7.2 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
Get weekly comedy rankings
Join comedy fans getting new analyses, score drops, and the funniest moments each week. Free, no spam.
Top Jokes
Dwight: Dwight talking-head: 'Jim is my enemy, but it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend, so Jim is actually my friend. But because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy, so actually Jim is my enemy. But...'
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael · Office Staff: 'Maybe I was trying to save a child that had fallen in.' 'So a child had fallen in?' 'Not yet!'
Oscar · Jim · Michael · Office Staff: The tape plays and Oscar stops it; it's revealed Jim stepped aside and let Michael fall rather than catching him
Michael: Michael's talking-head: 'I wish Jim had fallen into that pond. Then he'd have to put on my suit, and it would be too short, and he'd look... Damn it, he'd still look good.'
Michael Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Andy · Erin: Andy: 'He's like Marlon Brando.' Erin: 'Oh. Do you mean Marlon Wayans? 'Cause he is.' Andy: 'I actually do mean Marlon Wayans, yeah.'
Andy Erin Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Standout Moments
Michael · Office Staff: 'Maybe I was trying to save a child that had fallen in.' 'So a child had fallen in?' 'Not yet!'
Oscar · Jim · Michael · Office Staff: The tape plays and Oscar stops it; it's revealed Jim stepped aside and let Michael fall rather than catching him
Dwight: Dwight talking-head: 'Jim is my enemy, but it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend, so Jim is actually my friend. But because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy, so actually Jim is my enemy. But...'
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 73 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Michael: Michael introduces himself as a 'gangster pumpkin on his pallet truck of doom' to children at the haunted house
Michael: Michael's talking-head: 'as legend has it, on this very site there used to be a productive paper company'
Michael Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael declares 'This is the spookiest warehouse in the world, kids' — the warehouse is clearly a lame corporate haunted house
Michael: Michael describes the costumes he can't identify: 'This is a surgery with an octopus and a burn victim. Black widow. Leeloo from the Fifth Element.'
Michael Character Comedy Observational Michael: 'Look, nobody told me what people were, all right? So label yourselves or take what you get.'
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Unknown Employee: 'That's really not the trend in vampires right now.'
Unknown Employee · Michael: 'I'm Jigsaw, idiot.' — Michael had called him a clown
Michael · Unknown Employee (as 'Bookface'): 'You're not as scary as bookface over there. Yes, I am the popular social networking site known as bookface.'
Michael: Michael tells children at the Halloween event: 'Suicide is never the answer, all right? It is the easy way out. You are not alone.'
Michael Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: 'Why is Christmas the only holiday that can have a message?'
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael · Jim · Unknown: The TCBY conversation: Michael enthuses about a TCBY booth at a garlic festival; Jim and another character respond with complete indifference and rote agreement
Michael: Michael insists the client meeting only needs him: 'Why would you date an amateur when you could date a professional?'
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jim: Jim's talking-head: 'A teacher is someone who stands right next to you your whole life and never lets you do anything. That's what a teacher is, right?'
Jim Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement Michael: Michael criticizes Jim's watch and offers him his own: 'It is a tankard. I highly recommend you wear that.'
Jim: Jim confessional: 'A teacher is someone who stands right next to you your whole life and never lets you do anything. That's what a teacher is, right?'
Jim Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Jim: Jim's talking-head: 'He's trying to micro-co-manage me. Or co-micromanage... me.'
Jim Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Dwight · Andy: Dwight and Andy bicker about who will sing the cold call melody — Andy sings first, Dwight protests: 'Yeah, I was gonna sing that part.' Andy: 'I know. Now you don't have to.'
Dwight: Dwight: 'Well, except it was gonna resolve the melody, so... Now my head hurts. Feels like I held in a sneeze.'
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael · Erin: Michael returns to the office soaking wet; receptionist immediately notices: 'You're soaking wet.' Michael: 'Oh, well, jim and I got caught in a little flash... rain, flash winds, flash lightning.'
Erin · Michael: 'Why isn't Jim wet?' Michael: 'I... outran it.'
Stanley: Stanley: 'I don't think it rained. My hip would be throbbing.'
Stanley Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Meredith · Dwight · Andy: Dwight and Andy are assumed to be a pregnant couple by the receptionist: 'Do you guys know the sex yet?'
Kevin: 'Looks like somebody's got a case of the definitelys.'
Kevin Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Erin · Michael · Jim: The custodian calls about keys found in the 'koi pond' — first mention revealing what happened to Michael
Jim · Michael · Office Staff: Michael on speaker phone trying to deny the koi pond: 'It's like michael said. It was, um, some... something else. It was... Okay, this is what it was. It was these bunch of idiots that had put a fish tank in the ground with no cover and no railing.'
Jim: Jim's talking-head: 'Truthfully, it wasn't the way he fell in. It was how long it took him to get out.'
Jim Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Jim · Michael · Client: The client mistakes Jim and Michael for a couple: 'it's nice to see that you are, too [a family business].' Both react with outsized denial.
Michael: Michael: 'I date models. Face models. My girlfriend, on a scale of one to Gisele, uh, a nine.'
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael: 'Pam's carrying our surrogate, because my girlfriend needed to keep her figure for fashion week, so we, uh, we put our baby in Pam. It doesn't matter what Pam looks like.'
Michael Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Jim: Jim: 'The very idea of us together made you burst out laughing like you just bit into an Adam Sandler and jelly sandwich.'
Jim Setup/Punchline Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael · Erin: Erin: 'Staples?' when Michael asks for 'clips that hold paper together'
Erin · Michael: David Wallace calls to say Michael 'made a big splash' at the meeting
Stanley · Michael · Oscar: Stanley: 'You just ignore their carping.' Michael: 'Okay.' Oscar: 'A carp is both a fish and a term for complaining. They're mocking you with wordplay!'
Kevin · Phyllis: 'Don't you mean koi story?' and 'When you fell in, did you flounder?'
Kevin · Michael · Unknown: 'Hey, boss, did you find Nemo?' / 'I can name Pixar movies, too. Toy Story.' / 'Don't you mean Kol Story?'
Michael: Michael: 'I'm not usually the butt of the joke. I'm usually the face of the joke.'
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael's talking-head: 'I wish Jim had fallen into that pond. Then he'd have to put on my suit, and it would be too short, and he'd look... Damn it, he'd still look good.'
Michael Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael's sensitivity training: 'Who here has been koi-ponded?'
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist Callback Michael · Phyllis · Office Staff: Phyllis: 'Michael, you make fun of us every day.' Michael: 'Uh... you never said anything.' 'We have countless times.'
Michael: Michael: 'It is hard to tell the difference between you guys saying stop because I want you to stop, or stop as in, "Stop! You're making me laugh so hard. What you're doing is so funny. You're on a roll, I am busting a gut. Stop!"'
Michael Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Dwight · Michael · Office Staff: Dwight puts his small nose on the 'do not mock' list; office immediately mocks his nose.
Dwight · Michael · Office staff: Dwight: 'I don't want people making fun of my nose.' / Michael: 'Your nose?' / Dwight: 'It's too small.' / [Beat — everyone looks at his nose] / 'Can you breathe okay?' / 'What keeps your glasses on?' / 'Did you sneeze it off?'
Meredith · Michael: Meredith won't say her 'do not mock' item out loud, writes it on the board secretly — everyone looks anyway, and she gives a resigned 'What are you gonna do?'
Andy · Michael: Andy and Michael's elaborate fake-couple role-play at the second client meeting, complete with 'we complete each other,' 'she loves to cook, he loves to eat,' and belly dancing story
Andy · Pam: 'Sometimes I'll just dance for hours in the living room.' / 'And I'll watch him.'
Michael · Oscar: The koi that Michael stepped on has died; the custodian wants $300. Michael: 'I could get a fish for a five-cent worm.' Oscar: 'You're paying way too much for worms, then. Who's your worm guy?'
Michael · Erin · Oscar: The koi has died; it 'stepped on its head' — Michael is billed $300
Michael · Oscar: Michael responds to the koi funeral question: 'Do not mock, Oscar. Do not mock.' / 'He did not suffer.'
Michael · Oscar: Michael: 'I could get a fish for a five-cent worm.' / Oscar: 'You're paying way too much for worms, then. Who's your worm guy?'
Andy · Michael: Andy feels the baby kick and says it's 'like a little magical foot just high-fived me'; starts talking to the belly: 'Hey, li'l soybean, what do you want?' / 'I love you, too, daddy.'
Jim · Michael: Michael's plan: 'Maybe if you make fun of yourself, it'll all go away.' He makes Michael say 'I am a big, stupid goofball.'
Jim Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael's self-mocking speech escalates from the koi pond to 'in high school, the girls' volleyball team always used to throw me into the frozen lake. Four years in a row.'
Michael Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael breaks down about not having five friends for his cell phone friends-and-family plan: 'The guy was like, "Who are your five friends?" And I'm like, "Uh..." I didn't even know!'
Michael Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: 'A loo-hoo-hoo-hoo-ser!'
Office Staff: Office reaction: 'Too far!' after Michael's 'loo-hoo-hoo-hoo-ser' — sympathy turns to cringe
Dwight · Angela: Dwight to Angela eating a nut: 'Enjoying your nut?' — then to camera: 'I'm not mocking. I was just making an observation about her... nut.'
Kevin: Kevin reveals his roommate's friend is the night janitor at Raskin Design and has obtained the security tape of Michael's fall
Kevin Setup/Punchline Escalation Jim · Office Staff: Jim warns the office: 'You watch that tape, and you're gonna have to stay late for more sensitivity training.' Office: 'We'll stay late.'
Andy: Andy confesses he got 'caught up in the fantasy' of having a wife and baby: 'I'm so sick of being single.' Pivots immediately to asking Jim about Erin.
Andy Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Andy · Michael: Andy's post-meeting talking-head: 'If I'm being completely honest, I could have done without the belly kiss.' Michael: 'I knew I was kissing your belly too much.'
Jim · Oscar: Jim's excuse: 'I think when I started to see you go in, I think I just froze.' Oscar: 'I don't think you froze.'
Jim Oscar Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight: Dwight talking-head: 'It's a killer new dance move.'
Dwight Deadpan/Understatement Absurdist Jim · Michael: Jim's apology: 'I may never be as good a salesman as you are, but I at least need the chance to do the job.' Michael's talking-head: 'Jim is jealous of me?' / 'Jim is jealous of me.'
Oscar: Oscar to Jim: 'Hey, what's up, lifeguard?'
Oscar Irony/Sarcasm Callback Callback Jim · Michael: Jim: 'I think I'm in your way.' — stepping aside for Michael in the hallway, echoing the tape
Michael · Jim: Michael's talking-head: 'Oscar's a douche.' / Jim: 'No, he's all right.' / Michael: 'No, he's a...' / Jim: 'Yeah, he's all right.' / Michael: 'Okay.'
Michael · Jim: Michael: 'Thanks, michael.' Jim: 'You're welcome.' Michael: 'Whoa! Almost fell.'
Michael Jim Callback Physical/Slapstick ★ Rewatch Callback Erin: Erin: 'Hand them to me upside down, so I don't accidentally read them.'
Erin Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Erin · Andy: Erin asks Andy if the cold call day went well: 'No, it was a total waste of time.' Then immediately: 'Um, it was fun, though, because I got to spend the day with Andy Bernard. He's really cool.'
Erin Andy Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Andy · Erin: Andy: 'He's like Marlon Brando.' Erin: 'Oh. Do you mean Marlon Wayans? 'Cause he is.' Andy: 'I actually do mean Marlon Wayans, yeah.'
Andy Erin Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Top Episodes — The Office
