Michael and Jim head off to a meeting and Michael comes back soaked after having fallen in a koi pond. Meanwhile, Pam and Andy, as the two worst salesmen in the branch, have to go cold calling for sales.
WAR
37.2
Wins Above Replacement
“Koi Pond” ranks #123 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 75.9 — Great. The episode packs 51 scored jokes at 2.4 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 6.5 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Michael: Jim is my enemy, but it turns out that jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend, so jim is actually my friend. But because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy, so actually, jim is my enemy. But...
Michael Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael · Creed: I could get a fish for a five-cent worm. Oh, you're paying way too much for worms, then. Who's your worm guy?
Michael · Jim: Maybe I was trying to save a child that had fallen in. So a child had fallen in? Not yet!
Michael: Kids, just remember, suicide is never the answer, all right? Why is christmas the only holiday that can have a message?
Michael Dark/Subversive Absurdist ★ Rewatch Oscar: Jim, you let michael fall in. He purposefully leaned away and let you fall.
Oscar Observational Cringe/Discomfort Callback All Jokes — 51 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Michael: We are doing a haunted house this halloween, which is actually kind of spooky, because, as legend has it, on this very site there used to be a productive paper company.
Michael Meta/Self-Referential Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Michael: Look, nobody told me what people were, all right? So label yourselves or take what you get.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Michael · Oscar: I vant to sell your blood! That's really not the trend in vampires right now.
Jim · Michael · Creed: I'm jigsaw, idiot. You're not as scary as bookface over there. Yes, I am the popular social networking site known as bookface.
Michael: Kids, just remember, suicide is never the answer, all right? Why is christmas the only holiday that can have a message?
Michael Dark/Subversive Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael · Pam: I can't believe it's yogurt. Oh, it'll be fun.
Michael: Jim is a good kid. He can handle a lot, but sometimes you have to call in a master. Why would you date an amateur when you could date a professional?
Michael Character Comedy Observational Michael: All right. All right. Let me go get your stroller.
Michael Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Jim: Sure, michael's a good teacher. A teacher is someone who stands right next to you your whole life and never lets you do anything. That's what a teacher is, right?
Jim Irony/Sarcasm Observational Michael: It is a tankard. I highly recommend you wear that.
Michael Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Jim: He's trying to micro-co-manage me. Or co-micromanage... Me.
Jim Wordplay/Pun Observational Andy · Phyllis: Yeah, I was gonna sing that part. I know. Now you don't have to. Well, except it was gonna resolve the melody, so... Now my head hurts. Feels like I held in a sneeze.
Pam · Jim: Why isn't jim wet? I... Outran it.
Pam Jim Setup/Punchline Absurdist Stanley: I don't think it rained. My hip would be throbbing.
Stanley Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Pam: Looks like somebody's got a case of the 'definitelys.'
Pam Observational Wordplay/Pun Michael · Erin: Did you say kol pond? Yeah.
Michael · Jim: Maybe I was trying to save a child that had fallen in. So a child had fallen in? Not yet!
Jim: Truthfully, it wasn't the way he fell in. It was how long it took him to get out.
Jim Observational Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Andy: I date models. Face models. My girlfriend, on a scale of one to gisele, uh, a nine.
Andy Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Andy: Pam's carrying our surrogate, because my girlfriend needed to keep her figure for fashion week, so we, uh, we put our baby in pam.
Andy Escalation Cringe/Discomfort Pam · Andy: You were way meaner to me than I was to you. The very idea of us together made you burst out laughing like you just bit into an adam sandler and jelly sandwich.
Erin Character Comedy Observational Erin: He heard you made a big splash at the meeting.
Erin Wordplay/Pun Callback Callback Oscar: A carp is both a fish and a term for complaining. They're mocking you with wordplay!
Oscar Observational Character Comedy Phyllis · Michael · Oscar: When you fell in, did you flounder? Good one, phyllis. Michael, flounder is both a kind of a fish...
Michael: I'm not usually the butt of the joke. I'm usually the face of the joke.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael: I wish jim had fallen into that pond. Then he'd have to put on my suit, and it would be too short, and he'd look... Damn it, he'd still look good.
Michael Character Comedy Observational Michael: Show of hands. Who here has been kol-ponded?
Michael Character Comedy Callback Callback Michael: Well, it is hard to tell the difference between you guys saying stop because I want you to stop, or stop as in, 'stop! You're making me laugh so hard. What you're doing is so funny. you're on a roll, I am busting a gut. Stop!'
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Dwight · Michael: I don't want people making fun of my nose. Your nose? It's too small.
Michael: Oh, my, that is small. Can you breathe okay? What keeps your glasses on? Did you sneeze it off?
Meredith: Well, I really didn't want to put it on the board, but I thought maybe it was gonna come out somehow, so...
Client · Andy: Well, you two are quite the salesmen, and a very cute couple. Thank you. Thank you.
Andy · Pam: Right, sometimes i'll just dance for hours in the living room... And I'll watch him.
Kevin: This sounds ridiculous, I know, but some people say that I eat like a squirrel.
Kevin Character Comedy Observational Erin · Michael: Apparently, a kol has died. It's a fish. They want you to pay for it. It could have died of natural causes, though. Well, they said you stepped on its head.
Michael: He did not suffer. Um, when is the funeral?
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Michael · Creed: I could get a fish for a five-cent worm. Oh, you're paying way too much for worms, then. Who's your worm guy?
Andy · Pam: Hey, li'l soybean, what do you want? It... I felt a kick. Oh, that's great. Oh, my gosh, like a little magical foot just high-fived me.
Andy Pam Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Andy: It's like he's trying to say, 'i love you, too, daddy.' I love you, too.
Andy Escalation Cringe/Discomfort Michael · Jim: Kids in high school still call me ponytail. No, they don't. Yes, they do, jim. Because of the time I got my ponytail stuck in the power drill.
Michael: In high school, the girl's volleyball team always used to throw me into the frozen lake. Four years in a row.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Michael: And the guy was like, 'who are your five friends?' and I'm like, 'uh...' I didn't even know! I couldn't even think.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Michael: I don't even have jan's cell phone number, and I hate her! She won't give it to me. It's like, oh, well, I guess I'm a loser. A loo-hoo-hoo-hoo-ser!
Phyllis · Kevin: Enjoying your nut? Why? I'm not mocking. I was just making an observation about her... Nut.
Pam · Andy: If I'm being completely honest, I could have done without the belly kiss. You know what? I'm sorry, 'cause in that moment, I knew I was kissing your belly too much.
Pam Andy Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Oscar: Jim, you let michael fall in. He purposefully leaned away and let you fall.
Oscar Observational Cringe/Discomfort Callback Michael: Jim is my enemy, but it turns out that jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend, so jim is actually my friend. But because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy, so actually, jim is my enemy. But...
Michael Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: Jim is jealous of me? Jim is jealous of me.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael · Oscar · Jim: Oscar's a douche. Oh, jim, I think I'm in your way. No, he's all right. No, he's a... Yeah, he's all right.
Erin · Pam: He's like marlon brando. Oh. Do you mean marlon wayans? 'cause he is. I actually do mean marlon wayans, yeah.
Erin Pam Character Comedy Observational Top Episodes — The Office
