Body Language

Michael:Michael insists the office speak only Spanish, greeting everyone as 'Miguel'

Jim:Jim talking head: 'Michael's relationship with the English language has always been at best, tenuous, and at worst, abusive. So it's nice to see him with a language that makes him happy and brief.'

Dwight:Dwight talking head: 'I have it on very good authority that within 20 years, everyone will be speaking German. Or a Chinese-German hybrid.'

Michael · Jim:Michael labels objects with genital drawings to remember grammatical gender in Spanish

Michael · Jim:Michael says 'Eso es lo que dice él' — 'That's what he says' — accidentally doing a Spanish 'That's what she said'

Michael · Angela:Michael calls Angela 'Angelo' and she corrects him flatly; he responds 'Yo soy Cancun'

Ryan:Ryan and an unnamed person discussing cables: 'It's not a good idea to force it if the shapes don't match up.' / 'The shapes don't matter, Ryan. As long as there's a connection, stuff can pass through it.'

Michael:Michael talking head about Donna: 'We're in the midst of a passionate love affair.' Cut to: 'Um, no. But she is coming by today maybe to buy some printers.'

Jim · Pam:Jim tries to suggest a joke for the pitch: 'I just delivered a baby. They didn't offer me a guarantee.' Pam and Jim's shared cringe.

Michael · Jim:Michael's joke pitch: 'I just delivered a baby. They didn't offer me a guarantee.' Jim's flat response: 'Yeah, or maybe we don't even need that.'

Dwight · Andy · Kevin:Dwight's talking head: 'Can you smell the power of Halperts? Power couple. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.' Andy: 'Oh, they wish they were Power Rangers. Good luck getting Ninjor to share his power coins with these two.' Kevin: 'Okay, nerd alert. Never saw the show. And that stuff was not in the movie.'

Dwight:Dwight on why Jim and Pam are bad choices: 'If you want people to put the best face on something, why would you get two people who probably have never cut the face off of anything in their lives?'

Pam:Pam talking head: 'We have good give and take. I give, he takes!'

Jim:Jim's reaction face to camera after Pam says 'I give, he takes'

Michael:Michael introduces Donna to the office: 'Did somebody order a hooker over here?'

Michael · Donna · Jim · Pam:Michael tells Donna that Jim and Pam 'look exactly alike' and when Donna says she has a sense about these things and they probably 'have ancestors in common somewhere back,' Michael says 'I knew it.'

Michael:Michael on Donna's restaurant visit: 'Dined and dashed. Usually they don't follow you to your place of work. Happens sometimes. Part of the game.'

Michael · Pam · Donna:Michael interrupts the sales pitch to ask Donna if she shops at Victoria's Secret, claiming magazines are being sent to his condo address for a previous tenant — Pam points out: 'None of this is time sensitive.'

Michael:Michael's talking head: 'Do I realize Donna's an attractive person? Yes. Am I attracted to her? Yes. Does that mean I am more excited to sell her printers than to someone else, some ugly client? Yes.'

Michael · Donna:Donna's reaction to the Sabre 'Print in All Colors' minority executive program: 'Doesn't just sound a'ight, it sounds amazing.' Michael corrects: 'I didn't say a'ight.'

Michael:Michael on Darryl potentially being in the program: 'Ten seconds ago, this guy was driving a forklift. Okay? Now, all of a sudden, he's Cinderella of the office.'

Michael:Michael's talking head choosing between Darryl and Kelly: 'The competent, hardworking one who does things his own way, or the malleable simpleton who can be bought for a few fashion magazines?'

Michael:Michael's talking head choosing between Darryl and Kelly for the program: 'The competent, hardworking one who does things his own way, or the malleable simpleton who can be bought for a few fashion magazines?'

Michael · Darryl:Phone call scene: customer service rep says 'White people, right?' — Michael enthusiastically agrees, then the rep notes maybe the angry customer wasn't white. Michael: 'Well, you can kind of tell from the voice.'

Michael · Darryl:Michael tells Darryl he probably gets pulled over for his race; Darryl says they say it's because of texting. Then Michael tells him he's probably paid less — Darryl makes $17/hour for phone calls. Michael: 'A goat with a tape recorder could—'

Michael · Kelly:Michael: 'You could be the Indian Bill Gates. You could be the Indian Ted Turner.' Kelly: 'I could be the Indian Julia Roberts.' Michael: 'That's not— She's— Okay. Yes.'

Michael:Michael's sales technique: showing Donna photos of himself on the printer to make her associate him with things that 'turn her on' — 'Soon she doesn't know what is me, what is the image.'

Michael · Jim:Michael scanned a photo of himself in 'a place I like to go to be alone with my thoughts. I've never taken anybody there before.' — Jim: 'Who took the photo?' Michael: 'Ryan.'

Michael · Donna · Jim:Michael attempts to kiss Donna during the sales pitch — Jim is called in and comes to find Donna looking horrified

Michael:Michael's talking head after attempted kiss: 'It wouldn't have been inappropriate 50 years ago. "Mad Men."'

Michael · Jim · Pam:Michael: 'What about Pam? And you did a heck of a lot more than kiss.' Gesturing at Jim as justification for his own workplace kiss attempt.

Donna:Donna's talking head: 'Was it professional? No. But I work in the nightlife industry. I get hit on all the time. In my 20s, it would have been annoying. In my late 20s, I find it really flattering.'

Michael · Pam · Jim:Michael: 'Team Shortbread!' — then the whole group devolves into competing Team Shortbread factions after Pam takes his side

Jim · Pam:Jim on Pam's soft support of Michael: 'Don't act like you understood anything that [the Schwab] guy said.'

Michael:Michael talking head: 'Reading people's faces is an artform. A blind person can do it just by touch. A deaf person can do it by sight. A hearing and sighted person can do it, like me, by sight.'

Michael · Donna:Donna laughs at Michael's 'English Mike' accent bit: 'Oh my God, I thought you were from England just then. Do that again.' Michael: 'I'm English Mike.' Both delight in it.

Michael:Michael talking head: 'We are tough, from the streets. Never took a handout. Always had to pull ourselves up from the boob straps.'

Dwight · Kelly:Dwight trying to coach Kelly: 'You have a terrible personality and an awful work ethic. Maybe we can cobble something together from the emotional turmoil you felt being an Indian.'

Dwight · Kelly:Dwight berates Kelly about her 'accent': 'You do. Central Pennsylvania. Allentown suburbs, maybe. It's really annoying.'

Dwight:Dwight on Kelly's accent: 'I'm sorry. It's just your accent. Sometimes that's all I can hear. The rest just sounds like gibberish.'

Kevin:Kevin: 'You ever notice you can only ooze two things: sexuality and pus. Man, I tell ya.'

Andy:Andy talking head on reading signals: 'It's easier than it used to be. If a lady is interested, she'll send me a wink. And then I'll send back an e-flirt. And if it doesn't work out, I block her.'

Meredith:Meredith talking head: 'She's way out of his league. It'd be like me going for Sean Hannity.'

Oscar:Oscar: 'There's a third base? Baseball? Really? I always thought it was based on orchestra chairs.' — pause — 'And now you're telling me there's a third base in the orchestra? No. That's a bass-heavy orchestra.'

Kevin:Kevin, analyzing Donna's crossed arms: 'Maybe she's just pushing her breasts together to make them look bigger.' — then appears to demonstrate on himself

Jim · Ryan:Jim on selling at a loss: 'Sometimes it makes financial sense to lose money, right? Like for tax purposes.' Ryan: 'Actually, ran the numbers on this, and in this case it makes more financial sense to gain money.'

Michael · Donna:Michael's tip to test Donna's interest: 'Ask her if she wants a mint. If she says no, then she is not interested.' — and then Michael actually does this, and Donna says yes

Jim · Pam:Pam: 'You can flirt with someone to get what you want and also be attracted to them. How do you think we got together?' Jim: ''Cause I stopped by your desk like 15 times a day.' Pam: 'I was after your money.' Jim: 'Well, the joke was on you.' Pam: 'Yes, it was.'

Michael · Gabe:Michael to Gabe about Indian CEOs: 'Soft drink ain't paper, Gabe. Now name one significant paper company CEO that's Indian. Just one, and I'm out of your hair. Name two.'

Kelly · Ryan:Kelly and Ryan cyberbully a girl from the mall. Ryan: 'Tell her everyone in homeroom thinks she's fat.' Kelly: 'Oh, that is so good.'

Kelly · Ryan:Kelly on interview prep: 'It's easy. You just turn every question around on them.' Practice: 'Do you think you're treated differently because of your race?' Kelly: 'Would you ask that same question if I was white?' Kelly/Ryan: 'We're so in.'

Michael:Michael talking head: 'Her words are telling me to back off. But her eyes, and her smile, and her overall vibe is telling me to go for it. And I just think it's unfair that our society puts more weight on words than on somebody's vibe.'

Michael · Jim · Donna:Michael rushes back in and tries to kiss Donna a second time; Jim has to physically restrain him.

Jim · Michael:Michael: 'I can't stop myself from kissing her.' Jim: 'Yeah, now you know how I feel sitting next to those M&Ms all day.' Michael: 'Well, why don't you just move the M&Ms?' Jim: 'Well, why don't you shut up!'

Dwight:Dwight argues Kelly is disqualified because 'anthropologically, she is Indian. Indians migrated from the Caucuses region of Europe. Therefore, technically, she is Caucasian. You're welcome, America.'

Darryl:Darryl: 'I got my whole life to be a minority executive. I only have about a year left in these knees, though.'

Michael · Angela:Michael sees the bindi on Angela's forehead: 'That's very nice. I never noticed that before.' Angela: 'Sometimes my bangs cover it.' Michael: 'Yeah. I don't want to be offensive but, uh, may I ask you what that means?' Angela: 'I do find that offensive, actually.'

Michael:Michael returns from the parking lot: 'Okay, finally. That bartender would not leave.'

Dwight · Kevin:Dwight recruits minorities: 'How would one of you feel if I told you I could put you on a fast track to an executive position?' Kevin: 'Holy cow. I'd be so happy.' Dwight: 'I wasn't talking to you, Pale Face.' Kevin: 'I know. I meant I'd be happy for them.'

Dwight · Oscar:Dwight to Oscar: 'Speaking of rainbows, Oscar... you are kind of a double minority. Gay.' — then immediately pivots away without explaining the rainbow connection

Oscar · Dwight · Stanley:Oscar and the other minorities refuse to apply, not because the program isn't good, but because they're scared of Kelly. Dwight: 'Are we scared of Kelly? That's ridiculous.' Cut to everyone clearly being scared of Kelly.

Kelly:Kelly's interview application 'hobbies': yoga, belly dancing, snake charming, beds of nails.

Dwight · Michael:Dwight bursts in with Hidetoshi for the program. Michael: 'Dwight, what are you doing?' Dwight: 'Helping heal America in a dramatic fashion in the 11th hour.'

Dwight:Dwight's ranked list of who he tried before Hidetoshi: 'My first choice was Oscar, then Stanley, then Calvin, Danny, Alfonso, Hassan, Tad, Diego, Greg P., Greg M., Demetrious, and Hank the Security Guard.'

Kelly · Dwight:Kelly: 'God, I hate you so much!' Dwight: 'Caucasians, am I right?'

Dwight · Hidetoshi:Dwight immediately tries to 'translate' for Hidetoshi, who doesn't need it: 'Why? I don't need translator.' Dwight: 'You don't know what you need. Just...'

Dwight:Dwight's talking head: 'Just once, I would like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask?'

Michael · Jim · Pam · Dwight:Michael returns dejected; the whole office immediately denies being attracted to him. Michael: 'You might all wanna be having sex with me right now and I wouldn't even know it.'

Michael · Jim · Pam · Dwight:Michael to the group: 'You might all wanna be having sex with me right now and I wouldn't even know it.' Multiple people: 'Not at all.' 'Do not.' 'Please.'

Phyllis:Phyllis: 'Bob's warehouse guys flirt with me all the time. It's mostly harmless. Usually I don't let it go too far.' — delivered completely seriously

Meredith · Oscar:Meredith: 'Michael, I flirt with Oscar sometimes when I want him to do something for me.' Oscar: 'Why would you even say that? I don't find you even remotely attractive.'

Kevin:Kevin's talking head: 'When I tore my scrote, I was seeing this really hot urologist about it, and thought she was into me. But now I think she was just doing a bunch of stuff to bill my HMO... She's touching around down there. It's easy to get confused.'

Michael:Michael's circular logic: 'I felt like an idiot because I didn't realize I was being used. But most of the people in this office have been in the exact same position. And if I'm an idiot, then they're all idiots as well. And I hired them, which makes me an idiot, which I'm not. Just ask anybody out there.'

Erin:Erin: 'Michael, I think Donna left this here. Should I put it in the lost and found for 14 days and then I can take it home?' — referring to Donna's barrette

Michael:Michael: 'I felt like an idiot because I didn't realize I was being used. But most of the people in this office have been in the exact same position. And if I'm an idiot, then they're all idiots as well. And I hired them, which makes me an idiot, which I'm not. Just ask anybody out there.'

Michael · Oscar:Michael interprets Donna leaving her barrette as a romantic signal: 'People don't just take barrettes off.' Oscar: 'Michael... She doesn't want you to return the barrette. She's not interested in you.' — the whole office's defeated delivery

Michael · Jim · Pam:Michael returns triumphant: 'I kissed. We kissed.' — describing returning the barrette. Cut to the whole office's disbelieving reaction.

Gabe:Gabe announces Kelly's full name: 'Kelly Rajanigandha Kapoor' — which is a real Indian name for a flower (tuberose), delivered with full corporate gravity

Gabe:Gabe: 'They're going to be pretty pleased in Tallahassee that I snagged an Indian for the program. She'll be the first. The program's mostly Black. It's almost too Black. That didn't sound right.'

Kelly · Ryan:Kelly tells Ryan he can buy her old clothes. Ryan assumes she means free hand-me-downs; Kelly clarifies she means clothes she was going to give to Goodwill anyway — not gifting them to him.

Dwight:Dwight's talking head: 'Just once, I would like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask?'

Kelly · Ryan:Kelly: 'Will you make sure to come and visit me?' Ryan: 'I can't make it.' Kelly: 'What do you mean you can't make it? I haven't told you the dates.' Ryan: 'I'm sorry. What are the dates?' Kelly: 'No, you just said you couldn't make it and I didn't even tell you what the dates are.'

Kelly · Ryan:Kelly gets the Yale sweatshirt and does a celebratory leap/toss — throws it — Ryan catches it — 'And wait for it. Boom. Ah! I gave myself a front wedgie.'

Andy · Kelly · Ryan:Andy interrupts Kelly and Ryan's serious fight about the dates: 'Ah, scrote's still tender. I'm sorry.' Kelly: 'Andy, we're trying to have a private conversation.' Andy: 'I'm sorry.'

Ryan · Kelly:Ryan and Kelly's final argument: 'I'm not a liar.' 'Yes, you are.' 'No, I'm not.' 'It's — I don't always know the truth until I'm in it.' 'Are you sure?' 'No.'