The Cover Up

Jim:Jim's full sarcastic breakdown of the supposed Morse Code conspiracy — hiring a nanny, taking a class in 'a very outmoded and very unnecessary form of communication just so we can talk about you in front of you'

Dwight:Dwight's foot-tapping rebuttal: 'I will when you lose the baby weight.'

Dwight:Dwight's confessional: 'Very well. I must have imagined it. I apologize.'

Michael · Dwight:Michael mistakes Jim clicking a pen for Dwight clicking a detonator — 'Jim, are you clicking a detonator?'

Jim · Dwight:After the detonator confrontation resolves, Jim sarcastically tells Dwight 'Fine. Tap away.' — Dwight clears his throat and presumably resumes tapping triumphantly

Michael:Michael's talking head about Donna: 'Emotionally, and sexually, and orally.'

Michael:'She has a Pilates butt. But we need to find something to do this weekend beside have sex.'

Stanley · Michael:Stanley gets up and says 'I have an idea for your weekend' — Michael enthusiastically encourages him — Stanley's idea is to go back to his desk

Office Staff:Suggestion: 'You and Donna should hit the Poconos. They have heart-shaped Jacuzzis, room enough for three.'

Michael · Office Staff:Michael went all the way to the Poconos to eat at P.F. Chang's — 'Why would you go all the way to the Poconos to P.F. Chang's when we have the Great Wall in Scranton?'

Michael:'Because when your super-hot girlfriend says, "I want to go to Mount Pocono," you go to Mount Pocono, and you do her. And we screwed. Whoops! TMI!'

Kelly:Kelly: 'Wait, that's crazy far. Are you sure she's not cheating?' — planting the episode's central conflict with zero tact

Michael:Michael's comeback: 'You know what, Kelly, this is the real world. Not, The Real World, Scranton.'

Ryan · Kelly:Ryan corrects Kelly's 'some diner' reference: 'Some diner? It was the Starlight Diner. It's in a Life magazine spread about Americana.'

Michael:As people try to reassure Michael, he adds 'And sex. We had sex, too.' completely unprompted

Michael · Office Staff:Michael: 'I said it on the second date.' — referring to 'I love you'; beat — 'That seems quick, even for lesbians.'

Ryan · Michael:Ryan's rapid-fire infidelity checklist: 'Does she keep her phone locked? Does she watch how much she drinks? Does she leave the room for calls? Does she keep perfume in her purse? Does she shower before sex? Does she shower after sex?' — and Michael says 'Yeah, she does all that.'

Michael · Pam:Michael: 'Run what?' Pam: 'Amok.' Michael: 'Why didn't you just say that, Pam?'

Michael:Michael: 'You have a bad imagination, it's stupid. I live in a fantasy world.'

Michael:Michael in confessional: 'It's the not knowing, that's what's killing me.' — delivered after knowing for about five minutes

Michael · Dwight:Michael whispers to Dwight: 'I want someone to follow Donna. I want her tailed.' — then immediately negotiates his own PI's rate from $100 to $50 while saying 'Money's no object.'

Dwight:Dwight warns Michael as a PI: 'You might not like what I find. And you might not like how I find it.'

Dwight:'I'm just going to warn you, and I say this to all my clients, you might not like what I find. And you might not like how I find it.'

Andy · Stanley:Andy tells Stanley about a printer catching fire; Stanley responds: 'My doctor told me to cut out hotdogs. We all got problems.'

Gabe · Andy:Gabe's repeated interjections about almond butter/apricot preserves while Andy tries to escalate a safety crisis

Jim · Pam:Jim's talking head: 'Wow, that dude is good.' / Pam: 'What do you mean?' / Jim: 'You didn't feel like he was hiding something? Like he was covering something up?'

Darryl:Darryl's confessional: 'Two years ago Andy blamed the warehouse for a late shipment. Almost lost my job. I said, "Darryl, just wait. He's a fool. There's going to be an opportunity."'

Dwight:Dwight's confessional about his investigation plan: 'All cases are solved with logic. The only logical way to find out if Donna is a cheater is to seduce her, bring her to orgasm, then call Michael and tell him the sad news.'

Michael · Jim:Jim finds Michael eating mayonnaise and black olives: 'It's never too early for ice cream, Jim. But we didn't have any ice cream, so this is mayonnaise and black olives.'

Michael · Jim · Pam:Michael listing his great loves: 'Holly, Carole, Jan.' Then adds 'Helene.' Jim: 'Helene?' Michael: 'My mother.'

Jim:Jim's honest intervention: 'You kind of torpedo every romantic relationship you're in.'

Dwight · Donna:Dwight and Donna awkwardly reach for the same gym weight simultaneously — 'Oh, gosh, we're both going for the same weight at the same time.'

Dwight · Donna:Dwight's gym pickup line: 'Hey, you know an exercise for two people that uses the whole body?' — Donna clearly expects a sexual answer — Dwight: 'Tractor pull.'

Dwight:Dwight: 'One thing you need to know about me, I don't quit until something tears or pops.'

Dwight · Donna:Dwight asks Donna if he can feel her pulse after a workout; she declines; he says 'Really?' with visible disappointment

Dwight · Donna:Dwight to Donna: 'We both know why I'm here.' Donna: (expecting something sensible) — Dwight: 'To see you naked while I'm naked.'

Dwight:Dwight to Donna as she leaves: 'Tomorrow's fertilizer, am I right?' — trying to bond over gym culture

Dwight · Michael:Dwight limps back: 'I pulled muscles in both my thighs. Thanks for asking.' — to which Michael immediately asks 'What happened with Donna?'

Michael · Dwight:Michael looks at Dwight's expense receipts: 'Who eats eight protein bars?' Dwight: 'People who don't trust egg whites.'

Dwight:Dwight reveals he told Donna and gym security that Michael sent him to check if she was cheating — 'Also, I joined the gym. You'll be billed monthly.'

Michael:Michael whispering to himself: 'I am not paying for that membership.'

Michael · Jim:Michael moaning and grunting dramatically on the couch; Jim suggests he'd be more comfortable in his own office; Michael: 'No, I like the attention.'

Michael:Michael to Donna: 'You work at an adult arcade. You could have any man you want.'

Michael:Michael to Donna: 'Well, you are bonerific.'

Michael · Donna:Michael asks Donna if they should go away. She asks what he'd say if she suggested it. Michael: 'Poop my pants.'

Michael · Donna:Michael: 'If I said we should go away for a couple days, you would...' [implies a romantic answer] / Michael: 'Poop my pants.'

Kevin · Andy:Kevin tells Andy that Gabe said 'Andy, problem, eliminate' — Andy: 'What? You don't know what it meant? How about, "Andy is a problem and we must eliminate him."' Kevin: 'Oh! I hadn't even thought of that.'

Dwight · Donna:Dwight interrogates Donna about where she bought her heart-shaped earrings — listing every possible mall store and then two malls by name

Dwight · Angela:Dwight's confessional deduction: 'Heart-shaped jewelry is not something a woman buys for herself. A man definitely bought it for her recently, and it wasn't Michael.' Pause. 'Wait, so you like heart-shaped jewelry, though, right? No. Except for the pendant that you bought me. Which I love.'

Creed:Creed appears in the background and goes 'Psst!' — then cut to his confessional where he explains he'd do the prank for free and has done 'a lot more for a lot less'

Pam:Pam's confessional: She uses a Facebook mutual friend to look at Donna's photos — and instead of showing pictures of a boyfriend, she's looking at pictures of her own baby CeCe, narrating them with wonder

Pam · Jim · Michael:Pam pretends to want to discuss her sex life with Michael to distract him while Jim tries to get something signed — 'Yes, yes, I desperately want to speak with you about my sex life with Jim.'

Pam:Pam, desperate to get Michael alone: 'Yes, yes, I desperately want to speak with you about my sex life with Jim.'

Michael:Michael randomly says: 'I gave my clubs away. Swear too much.' (about golf) — and he and Donna laugh

Andy · Gym Trainer:Andy receives a text reading '911' from someone, panics, calls it urgent — cut to the gym trainer trying to motivate a downbeat man: 'Look, I'm not down anymore, so if the guys start making fun of you, you've just gotta stand up for yourself.'

Andy · Dwight:Andy and Dwight decide they need proof — 'I need, like, a printer to catch on fire.' Dwight: 'I can videotape it.' Andy: 'Yeah.' Beat. 'There it is.'

Michael:Michael looking at Pam's phone photo of Donna with another man: 'Who the hell is this? Who is this guy? Lowest of the low, that guy. Just a notch above Toby.'

Gabe:Gabe's corporate response to the printer fire crisis: hands Andy a coupon — 'That's good for five bucks at Dunkin' Donuts. Any Dunkin' Donuts.'

Gabe · Andy:Gabe rewards Andy's safety report with a Dunkin' Donuts gift card: 'That's good for five bucks at Dunkin' Donuts. Any Dunkin' Donuts.'

Andy:Andy tries to schedule plans with someone; they keep being unavailable — until Andy invents a fake concert: 'Spice Girls are opening for Weird Al. Front row.'

Andy:Andy's whistleblower video — he introduces himself formally: 'My name is Andrew Baines Bernard and if you're watching this, it's because I've turned state's witness, because I'm in danger, because I know too much.'

Dwight · Andy:Dwight tells Andy he should speak in a higher voice because the camera makes him sound weird — Andy adjusts increasingly higher until speaking in a squeaky tone

Andy · Darryl:Andy introduces Darryl on the whistleblower video: 'This is my partner, Darryl Philbin. He's been my partner through this entire thing.' Darryl's confessional: 'I don't want to prank anymore. Things get real. I'm going to stay in my room, go to church, try to do one nice thing per day.'

Michael:The spin class scene: Michael takes over from the instructor — 'You're no leader. Up, out of your seat! Let's blast!' — 'If they catch us, they will rape us. Go for the cliff. And three, two, one, jump!' — then assesses casualties: 'You're dead, you're dead, you're dead. Good jump. You're barely alive.'

Michael:The spin class instructor competing with Michael to lead the class — 'No! The hill's a trap. Let's take the dirt road off to the side.' / 'If they catch us, they will rape us. Go for the cliff. And three, two, one, jump!'

Michael:Michael adjudicating spin class survival: 'You're dead, you're dead, you're dead. Good jump.' Then immediately pivoting to 'Okay, now, nice cool-down. Check your pulse rate.'