Since Dwight's departure, Andy had been clinging to Michael. Andy's antics had been wearing very thin on his co-workers. In fact, Andy left Jim actually wishing Dwight would come back.
WAR
34.9
Wins Above Replacement
“The Return” ranks #87 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 78.9 — Elite. The episode packs 55 scored jokes at 3.0 per minute, averaging 6.7 on craft and 6.6 on impact, with Jim landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Andy · Michael: I really Schruted it. / What? / Schruted it. This is the thing that people say in your office all the time. Like when you screw something up in a really irreversible way, You Schruted it.
Michael: Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice... strike three.
Michael Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Dwight: One of my life goals was to die right here, in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered.
Dwight Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Andy: And where it asks you to state your business, he wrote, 'Beeswax Not Yours, Inc.'
Andy Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight · Michael: That's what she said. / Don't you dare.
All Jokes — 55 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Michael: I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Michael · Jim: That's so rude. I'm sorry, I can't control him. / Yeah, you can.
Michael: Pam, you look very hot today.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Michael · Pam: Me so horny. Me love you long tim. / Who's Long Tim?
Pam · Jim: Well, you should bring Long Tim in one day. / I'd love to meet Long Tim.
Pam Jim Callback Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: You ruined a funny joke. Get out of my offfive.
Michael Irony/Sarcasm Cringe/Discomfort Michael Cringe/Discomfort Physical/Slapstick Angela · Kevin: Is it a big deal? / Is it, Kevin? / Do you really not know? / Because it is a big deal.
Jim: It's like we're touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what. I'm not falling in a chocolate river.
Jim Observational Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Andy: Hey, Dwight, pass the tardy sauce. Get it, Michael?
Andy Wordplay/Pun Cringe/Discomfort Andy: Michael Scott. PhD. Doctor of sales.
Andy Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Phyllis: We're the same age.
Phyllis Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Stanley · Michael · Stanley: Pass. / You can't pass, You gotta pick somebody. / I'll take the kid.
Ryan: I was his second choice, after 'pass'.
Ryan Observational Deadpan/Understatement Callback Jim: Oh, young Jim. I was just... so much... I need to warn you about, and yet, tragically, I cannot.
Jim Observational Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Dwight: Sebring, by Chrysler. A heck of a motor carriage.
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist Michael: You guys are the retired marines. And, you guys are the mother and daughter. And, you guys are the gay couple. And, we are the fire fighter heroes.
Michael Observational Character Comedy Phyllis · Michael: Then, how is this amazing race? / It's... just... It's Amazing Race, Phyllis, okay?
Jim: It's the safest part of a car. In the event of a crash, the driver always protects his side first.
Jim Observational Deadpan/Understatement Jim: every success I've ever had, at my job or with 'the lady-folk,' Has come from my ability to slowly, and painfully, wear someone down.
Jim Observational Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Jim: Wow, that is a long story, but quite well told, Michael.
Jim Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Jim: I used to work at Abercrombie, So... pretty good folder.
Jim Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Dwight: Why are we turning in here? This is beauty salon.
Dwight Observational Character Comedy Dwight: Nothing would delight me more!
Dwight Character Comedy Escalation Pam · Roy · Pam: Leave the keys. / You still do that thing? / Leave the keys.
Jim: Except for Dwight. He is kind more of a super dud. I mean, he'd be a super friend, if there was a Super Friends who has super power was always being late.
Jim Observational Wordplay/Pun Jim Observational Deadpan/Understatement Jim: I have walked two marathons, so...
Jim Observational Deadpan/Understatement Dwight · Jim: 7 out of 10 attacks are from the rear. / Okay, but that still leaves a 30 percent chance that I'll attack you from the front.
Andy: I caught an 80-pound shark off Montauk. It's in Hamtons. My dad's got a 42-foot Bayliner. Sniped it with a rifle from the crow's nest.
Andy Character Comedy Escalation Andy: We don't work out of a log cabin. We trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Ever heard of it? It's in New York.
Andy Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Andy · Michael: No, I swear, this guy could sell paper to a tree. / Stop it, stop it.
Andy: Oh man, talk about your classic lame-dash-o.
Andy Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Angela: This friend of mine? let's call her, Noelle. She missed this deadline... But then this gallant gentleman? We'll call him Kurt. he drove all the way to New York and handed it in for her!
Angela Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Andy · Michael: I really Schruted it. / What? / Schruted it. This is the thing that people say in your office all the time. Like when you screw something up in a really irreversible way, You Schruted it.
Andy: I don't know where the word comes from, though. I think it comes from Dwight Schrute. I don't know. Who knows how words are formed?
Andy Callback Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Ryan: Um... Hi. Hello, Ryan. What do you have for us?
Ryan Awkward Silence Cringe/Discomfort Stanley: And you just said, 'Hi. Hi. Hi.' You sounded like my niece. And she's six months old!
Stanley Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Callback Kelly · Jim: Dunder Mifflin customer service, this is Kelly. / Oh my god, Jim, how are you?
Jim: I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don't celebrate any major holidays.
Jim Character Comedy Escalation Kelly: He was hung up on Pam for such a long time... I didn't think he'd ever get over her.
Kelly Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Jim: You can pay me back later for the makeover.
Jim Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Andy · Michael: Why would Dwight go New York without telling anyone? / You think he went to see Jan?
Michael: Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice... strike three.
Michael Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Dwight: She could be a model. Or a college professor. Which is intimidating to a lot of guys.
Dwight Character Comedy Observational Andy: And where it asks you to state your business, he wrote, 'Beeswax Not Yours, Inc.'
Andy Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight · Michael: That's what she said. / Don't you dare.
Angela: I hate those two people more than anything in the entire world.
Angela Character Comedy Escalation Karen · Jim: Did you ever have a thing for Pam? / Pam? Did I ever have a thing for her? No... Why, did she say something?
Karen Jim Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Dwight: Although, I've loved this company more than almost anything in the world, I decided to step down from my post and spend more time with my family.
Dwight Character Comedy Observational Dwight: But remember... while today it is me, we all shall fall.
Dwight Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Kelly: Oompa loompa, doompadee dossum, Dwight is now gone, which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy. No, he was not, he was a total douche. Doompadee doom.
Kelly Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: Dwight will be missed. Not by me ... so much, but he will be missed.
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dwight: One of my life goals was to die right here, in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered.
Dwight Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Jim: Well, happy's such an ugly word.
Jim Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ⏩ The part you fast-forward
Our scorer flagged 08:00-08:30 as the stretch with the fewest or weakest comedic moments. Everything else lands harder.
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