The Dundies

Michael:Michael's talking-head about the Dundies being 'everybody's favorite day' and 'everybody looks forward to it' — cut to the rest of the episode proving nobody wants to be there.

Michael:"Like Meredith or Kevin. I mean, who's gonna give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts?"

Michael:Michael's story escalates from employee recognition to a neighbor hanging himself due to 'lack of recognition.'

Jim:"You know what they say about a car wreck where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you."

Michael · Jim:Michael's old footage labels Jim as 'Fat Halpert' on the Dundies tape.

Jim · Michael:Jim says he keeps his Dundies hidden so he won't 'get cocky,' then Michael reveals his are in a display case above his bed.

Michael:"TMI? Too Much Information. It's just easier to say TMI. I used to say 'Don't Go There' but that's lame."

Michael · Stanley:Stanley says he threw out his Dundies. Michael refuses to believe it. Stanley insists he did.

Michael · Oscar:Archive footage: Oscar receives 'Show Me the Money' award

Ryan:Ryan's talking-head: Michael has taped every Dundies and is making Ryan watch hours of footage to find highlights.

Michael:Old Dundies footage: Michael sings 'A Little Bit of Pam All Night Long' to the tune of 'Mambo No. 5,' inserting employee names.

Kevin · Ryan:Kevin stands in front of the camcorder all night in the old footage, blocking it.

Dwight · Pam · Kelly:Dwight confronts the women about what's written on the bathroom wall. He demands to know who wrote it. When someone mentions 'Dave Barry,' Dwight takes it seriously as a suspect.

Dwight:"Kelly, if you tell me, you'll be punished less."

Pam:After Dwight's 'punished less' offer, someone responds: 'Ok, now I'm laughing at you!'

Michael:Michael calls Jan at corporate, asking her to attend the Dundies, describing her as 'her highness Jan Levinson Gould descending from her corporate throne to visit us lowly serfs.'

Michael · Jan:Jan says she's not coming. Michael's response: 'You could take the bus, work on the way here, sleep on the way home.'

Jan:Jan: 'We don't approve of this Michael. You only have the budget for one office party a year, so we're not paying for this.'

Michael · Jan:Michael: 'You're dropping an A-bomb on me here!' Jan: 'Really? I'm dropping an atomic bomb on you.'

Michael · Jan:Jan reveals Michael already spent the party budget on a '05-05-05 party.' Michael: 'It happens once every billion years!'

Michael · Jan:Jan mentions the 'tsunami relief fundraiser that somehow lost a lot of money.' Michael: 'It was a FUN-raiser. I think I made that very clear on the flyers. Fun, F-U-N.'

Michael · Dwight:Michael's Karnac the Magnificent bit: 'PLO, IRA, and the hot-dog stand behind the warehouse... Name three businesses that have better healthcare plans than Dunder Mifflin.'

Michael:"Here's the problem: there is no open bar because of Jan, and it's the reason why comedy clubs have a 2-drink minimum."

Michael:"We'll be fine. I just wish people were gonna be drunk."

Michael:Michael: 'We'll be fine. I just wish people were gonna be drunk.'

Dwight · Pam · office women:The women accuse Dwight of being a pervert for being in the ladies' room; Dwight protests he was investigating the bathroom wall graffiti.

Michael · Pam:Immediately after the Dwight/ladies' room chaos, Michael cuts to: 'The Dundee award for longest engagement goes to Pam Beesly!'

Roy:Roy accepts Pam's 'Longest Engagement' Dundee on her behalf and his entire speech is: 'We'll see you next year!'

Michael · Dwight:Michael and Dwight debate keeping 'longest engagement' for Pam. Dwight: 'I just think, world's on disengagement, we're all expecting it, you know? That's why it's funny. Every year that Roy and Pam don't get married it gets funnier!'

Michael · Dwight:Michael says using the same joke every year 'comes across as lazy.' Dwight replies: 'Ow, lazy!'

Dwight:Dwight announces to the office that women will lose bathroom privileges and there will be 'two men's rooms' as punishment for the graffiti.

Michael · Dwight:Michael dismisses Dwight mid-sentence with 'Don't don't talk don't touch stop it — oddment!'

Michael:Michael's speech addressing 'rumors' about the Dundies: 'No money, no food, and the jokes are really bad.'

Michael:Michael's Dundies opening warning: 'Keep your acceptance speeches short, I have wrap-it-up music and I'm not afraid to use it, Devin.'

Michael:The Dundies theme song: a badly mangled song about the Dundies with near-incoherent lyrics performed at the ceremony.

Jim:Jim's confessional: 'The Dundies are kind of like a kid's birthday party, and you go, and there's really nothing for you to do there, but the kid's having a really good time, so you're kind of there.'

Michael · unnamed waitress:The waitress trips on the cord, cutting off Michael's song mid-performance.

Michael · Stanley:Michael announces separate checks instead of a group tab. Stanley reveals he did bring his family. Michael: 'I'm looking forward to meeting Terry.' Stanley: 'It's this person whose hand I'm holding, Michael.'

Michael · Dwight:Michael's HR joke: He was on a 'very hot date with a girl from HR' and was about to take her bra off when she made him fill out 'six hours of paperwork.'

Dwight:Dwight's follow-up to Michael's HR joke: 'Like an AIDS test?'

Michael · multiple employees:The audience starts leaving for Poor Richard's mid-Dundies. Michael: 'Guys, where are you going?'

Pam:Pam stays at the Dundies because she 'has to eat somewhere,' then adds she'll get a ride home from Angela.

Michael · Phyllis:'The Busiest Beaver award goes to Phyllis Lapin!' Michael then realizes the trophy says 'Bushiest Beaver.'

various employees:After the 'Bushiest Beaver' disaster, other employees use it as a final excuse to leave for Poor Richard's.

Multiple employees:After the Phyllis trophy incident, someone: 'He's a jackass, every year!' — and the remaining employees start leaving too

Jan · Michael:Jan arrives at the Dundies. Michael: 'Jan Levinson Gould!' Jan: 'Good, I'm just in time for Ping.'

Jan:Jan arrives and immediately asks for a drink. The camera/audience registers this is significant.

Michael · Ryan:'The hottest in the office award goes to... Ryan the temp!'

Ryan:Ryan's confessional about receiving the 'hottest in the office' award: 'What am I going to do with the award? Nothing. I don't know what I'm gonna do. That's the least of my concerns right now.'

Michael · Angela:'The Tight Ass award goes to Angela — not only because she's everybody's favorite stickler, but because she has a great caboose!'

Michael · Jan:Michael and Jan drinking from apparently empty glasses. Michael: 'I think those might be empty.' Jan: 'No, 'cause the ice melts, and then it's like a second drink!'

Michael · Kelly:'The Spicy Curry award goes to our very own Kelly Kapoor!'

Michael · Kelly:Kelly: 'Spicy curry, what does that mean?' Michael: 'Not everything means something, this is a joke.' Kelly: 'Yeah but why did you give it to me?' Michael: 'I don't know, I'd just...' Kelly: 'This is a bowler!' Michael: 'I know, they didn't have any businessmen, so...'

Michael:Michael's aside: 'It's so freakin' hot in there. Now I know what Bob Hope was going through when he performed in Saudi Arabia.'

Michael · Dwight:Michael says Dwight is 'sucking the funny out of the room' — then the music cue comes in too early and Michael is caught off-guard.

Michael:Michael's 'Tiny Dancer' parody: 'You have won a tiny Dundie.'

Michael · bar patrons:Random bar patrons heckle Michael: 'You suck man! You suck!'

Michael:Michael announces he'll 'rapid up' and cut the Dundies short so 'everybody can enjoy their food.'

Michael · Kevin:Kevin's award: 'The Don't Go In There After Me award... for the time I went to the bathroom after him and it was really, really smelly.'

various employees:Employees who haven't received Dundies demand more awards. 'Dundies! Dundies! Dundies!'

Multiple employees:Remaining employees demand more Dundies: 'Hey I haven't gotten one yet!' 'So keep going — More Dundies!'

Stanley:Stanley's acceptance speech: 'Last year I got great work, so I don't know what to think about this award... but at least I didn't get smelliest bowel movement like Kevin!'

Stanley:Stanley's acceptance speech button: '...at least I didn't get smelliest bowel movement like Kevin!'

Michael · Pam:Pam's 'Whitest Sneakers' award — Michael: 'because she always has the whitest tennis shoes on!'

Pam:Pam: 'Let's give Michael a round of applause for MC-ing tonight because this is a lot harder than it looks, and also because of Dwight too.'

Jim:Jim's closing confessional recap: 'We got to see Ping, and we learned Michael's true feelings for Ryan, which was touching. And we heard Michael change the lyrics to a number of classic songs, which for me has ruined them for life.'

Michael:Michael's reaction to Pam falling/being drunk: 'Oh my god! You are so drunk! Did you get that?'

Dwight:Dwight announces he's a sheriff's deputy and then takes off his shirt to cushion Pam's head.

Dwight · Unknown:During the chaos of drunk Pam: 'It's ok I'm a sheriff's deputy.' Response: 'He's a volunteer!'

Chili's manager · Michael:The Chili's manager announces Pam has been 'banned from this restaurant chain ever again' for sneaking drinks.

Dwight:Dwight to the documentary crew: 'Thanks, I do check her pupils to make sure that wasn't a concussion.' Camera operator: 'Yes that too, but I mean with the audio, great work!'

Meredith:Meredith's confessional: 'I feel bad about what I wrote on the bathroom wall.' Off-camera voice: 'No you don't.'

Jim · Pam:Jim helps drunk Pam to her car. Pam says 'I just wanted to say thanks.' Jim: 'That's not really a question.'