The Dunder-Mifflin staffers join in kindergarten-like festivities for Valentine's Day while Michael heads to New York City for a conference with the corporate heads. After showing the documenters a tour of his favorite city, Michael accidentally lets slip to the others at the conference that he and Jan hooked up, and he finds himself in hot water when Jan and the new CFO of Dunder-Mifflin hear the story. Back in Scranton, Pam becomes irked when she discovers that Roy hasn't gotten her anything for Valentine's Day, Dwight struggles to find a gift for Angela, and Kelley talks off Jim's ear about her rather desperate affections for Ryan, who is less than interested.
WAR
52.2
Wins Above Replacement
“Valentines Day” ranks #182 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 79.4 — Elite. The episode packs 58 scored jokes at 3.1 per minute, averaging 7.1 on craft and 6.7 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Pam · Dwight: Pam: 'Sometimes the gift is really about the gesture... instead of what it is.' Dwight: 'You mean like a ham?'
Dwight: Dwight's talking head: 'It's me. I'm the bobble-head.' — delivered with barely contained joy
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Craig · Jan · Michael: Craig blames Michael's video: 'You know what? Michael made that stupid movie. He doesn't get in any trouble. Maybe I should've slept with you too.'
Michael: Michael's talking head: 'The city so nice, they named it twice. Manhattan is the other name.'
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Phyllis · Bob Vance: Phyllis's enormous Valentine's card reads 'Happy Valentine's Day, Darling, love Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration' — he signs it with his company name
Standout Moments
Dwight: Dwight's talking head: 'It's me. I'm the bobble-head.' — delivered with barely contained joy
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Pam · Dwight: Pam: 'Sometimes the gift is really about the gesture... instead of what it is.' Dwight: 'You mean like a ham?'
Craig · Jan · Michael: Craig blames Michael's video: 'You know what? Michael made that stupid movie. He doesn't get in any trouble. Maybe I should've slept with you too.'
All Jokes — 58 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Pam: Pam's talking head: 'Like last year, Jim gave me this card with Dwight's head on it. It was horrifying and funny.'
Pam Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Phyllis · Bob Vance: Phyllis's enormous Valentine's card reads 'Happy Valentine's Day, Darling, love Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration' — he signs it with his company name
Michael · Dwight: Michael asks Dwight to come to New York. Dwight: 'And you want me to come with you.' Michael: 'No. Opposite of that.'
Dwight: Dwight's talking head: 'It's New York, city of love.'
Dwight Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Michael · Pam: Michael to Pam: 'Hey Pam, you heart NY, right? You want me to pick you up anything?' then immediately pivots to 'Fo'get abou' it!' and a New York accent
Michael: Michael's talking head: 'The city so nice, they named it twice. Manhattan is the other name.'
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jim: Jim's talking head: 'So I broke up with Katy and haven't been dating anybody else. So this year I don't have to worry about Valentine's Day.'
Jim Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Dwight: Dwight discovers a mysterious gift on his desk and interrogates it: 'What's this? What is this?... Yeah, but who put it here and for what purpose?'
Dwight Character Comedy Reaction Beat Michael: Michael's New York tour: 'Right here is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I'm gonna go get me a New York slice.'
Kelly · Jim: Kelly's rapid-fire recap of her night with Ryan, ending with: 'I mean, I just said it to him. Can you believe that?' Jim's face during this monologue.
Ryan: Ryan's talking head: 'I hooked up with her on February 13th.'
Ryan Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: Times Square tour: 'Named for the good times you have when you're in it.'
Michael: Michael's Times Square restaurant recommendations: 'Great places to eat. We have Bubba Gump Shrimp, Red Lobster down there.'
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Phyllis · Kevin · Bob Vance: Phyllis receives another enormous delivery from Bob Vance. Kevin: 'Holy God. It's from Bob. Man, that thing's bigger than I am.'
Michael: Michael narrating the subway: 'Everybody takes the subway in New York. It's fast, it's efficient, gets you there on time.' — then interrupts himself mid-sentence when he sees a man pooping in a cardboard box.
Michael Physical/Slapstick Misdirection Character Comedy Michael: Michael at Rockefeller Center: 'Founded, of course, by Theodore Rockefeller.'
Michael · Tina Fey (or lookalike): Michael spots Tina Fey: 'And it's... that's Tina Fey. That's Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live.' — then approaches her and she rebuffs him.
Michael: Michael on the phone, apparently just missing a second celebrity sighting while distracted by the fake Tina Fey: 'When? When I was talking to the fake Tina Fey? Come on!'
Michael Escalation Character Comedy Callback Angela · Dwight: Angela and the mystery gift-giver: 'Did you hear? Somebody totally rocked the house and got me the best present I've ever gotten.' 'I wouldn't know anything about that. But I'm glad you enjoyed it.'
Michael: Michael's New York fantasy: 'Scranton is great, but New York is like Scranton on acid.'
Michael Character Comedy Observational Michael: Michael's Desert Storm analogy for his presentation: 'It's like Michael Jordan in the NBA finals or like Stormin' Norman Schwarzkopf. And this presentation is Desert Storm. And as soon as it's over, we will not have to deal with those Iraqis anymore.'
Michael · Craig: Michael's introduction of Craig: 'You have been kicked out of every strip club in Albany, is that true?' Craig: 'Guilty.'
Pam · Dwight: Pam warns Dwight: 'You can't fire me, Dwight, just 'cause Michael's not here.' Dwight: 'No, Pam, just, um...'
Dwight · Pam: Dwight describes his girlfriend to Pam without naming her: 'She's not really the kind of person you'd think would be into Valentine's Day. She's kind of...' Pam: 'Tightly wound?'
Dwight Pam Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Dwight · Pam: Dwight: 'Okay, shut up. I know exactly what to do.' — after Pam says it's about caring, not what the gift is
Craig · Michael · others: Craig describes ignoring Jan's order to fire four people: 'She called me in September. And she's like, you gotta fire four people. And I was just like, what? You know.' 'Did you?' 'No. I just ignored her.'
Craig · Michael: Craig: 'She is the worst.' Michael: 'She is our boss.' Craig: 'She ain't my boss, dude. I don't work for that bitch.' Michael: 'Hey, ca... ca... come on... maybe because she's my girlfriend.'
Michael · Craig: Michael's 'Was or not my girlfriend' correction and the awkward revelation that he and Jan hooked up, which Craig didn't know.
Kelly: Kelly's talking head about Ryan: 'I don't know what he's thinking, but I would just be so psyched if we just dated forever.'
Kelly Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Ryan · Kelly: Ryan to Kelly: 'I mean, I know that it's Valentine's Day or whatever, but there's totally no pressure at all of any kind whatsoever.'
Ryan · Kelly: Kelly declines Ryan's invitation because she has plans — Jim's poker game — and Ryan's visible non-reaction / the beat of awkward politeness between them.
Jan: Jan's talking head: 'And, well, it is Michael. So, yeah, I'm very nervous.'
Jan Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Michael: Michael's presentation begins: 'What is a business? Is it a collection of numbers and sales reports? Sure.' Then cuts to a video montage.
Michael Character Comedy Misdirection Michael · David Wallace · Jan: Michael begins his presentation: 'What is a business? Is it a collection of numbers and sales reports?' [Long pause.] 'Sure.'
Michael: Michael's video: 'Life moves a little slower in Scranton, Pennsylvania. And that's the way we like it.' — accompanied by presumably slow, pastoral footage of Scranton.
Michael · Stanley: Michael's video narrates Stanley: 'An African-American father of two, Stanley's dedication is no doubt one of the hallmarks of the foundation of the business we're hoping to build our basis on.'
Michael: Michael's talking head about the video: 'Yeah, I shot a bunch of footage around the office, edited it together on my Mac. Was thinking about entering it in some festivals. Probably won't. You know, not what this is about.'
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Michael · Oscar · Phyllis: Michael's video ending: 'What it's like to walk a mile in Oscar's shoes. Or try on Phyllis' pants.'
David (CFO): 'Great Scott!' — David (the CFO) says as Michael's presentation ends, then immediately pivots to: 'Questions.'
Oscar · Kevin: Oscar at the reception desk receives nothing for Valentine's Day. Kevin's advice: 'Nothing for me? Join the club.' Followed by Oscar: 'Who's it from?' About his gift. 'My mom.'
Jim · Kelly: Jim invites Kelly to his poker game to cheer her up. Kelly: 'Okay, cool. Is it okay if I invite Ryan?'
Craig · David (CFO) · Jan: Craig's explanation for having no financial presentation: 'I was under the impression this was more of like a meet-and-greet type deal.'
Jan · Michael: Jan to Michael after the Craig disaster: 'I just don't know what to do anymore, Michael.'
Michael · Jan: Jan: 'The CFO thinks that we slept together.' Michael: 'Technically, we fell asleep in the same bed.'
Michael Jan Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Michael · Jan: Michael: 'Surely, you cannot be serious.' Jan: [presumably mortified] Michael: 'I am serious, and don't call me Shirley. Airplane.'
Dwight: Dwight's talking head: 'Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it. And then you have to tame it. Keep it happy. Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.'
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael's talking head: 'Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it. And then you have to tame it. Keep it happy. Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.'
Roy · Pam: Pam tells Roy she'd hoped he'd get her something despite their 'no big gifts' agreement — Roy's response: 'Valentine's Day isn't over. Let's get you home, and you are gonna get the best sex of your life.'
Roy Pam Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · David (CFO): Michael explaining Craig's comment to David: 'Before you guys came in, I was talking to the guys, we were all chatting. And I made a joke. A really dumb joke. And Craig the idiot took it seriously.'
Michael: Michael defending Jan to the CFO: 'Jan is a fantastic executive and has all the integrity in the world.'
Michael Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Callback Jim · Pam: Jim and Pam's goodbye: 'Heading out?' 'Yeah.' 'All right, Beesly.' 'Hey, happy Valentine's Day.' 'Bye.'
Jim Pam Awkward Silence Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael · Jan: Jan thanks Michael for defending her to the CFO. Moment of genuine warmth. Then: 'So, uh, happy Valentine's Day.' 'Yeah, happy Valentine's Day.' — beat of longing between them.
Michael Jan Awkward Silence Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · Jan: The long pause after the 'Happy Valentine's Day' exchange between Michael and Jan — inferred from [20:07] to [20:31] timestamp gap — before the scene ends
Michael Jan Awkward Silence Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: Final moment/tag: 'Oi vey... schmear.' — Michael apparently saying something Jewish-inflected as a parting comment in New York
Jan: Jan's final muttered line: 'Oi vey... schmear.'
Jan Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Top Episodes — The Office
