Boys And Girls

Jan:We need to establish some boundaries for this women's workplace seminar.

Michael:Boundaries? Jan, come on. We're all friends here.

Jan:Michael, no.

Michael:No what? I'm just saying—

Jan:No.

Michael:But if we could just talk about—

Jan:No.

Michael:Jan, seriously—

Jan:Michael. No.

Michael:I just realized something profound about life...

Michael:That's what she said.

Michael:You know what we need around here? More Saved by the Bell energy. That show really understands the modern workplace dynamic.

Dwight:Sir, that show ended in 1993.

Michael:Exactly. And look how well things are going now. Coincidence? I think not.

Michael:Women are equal, they just have different needs. Like, they need more bathroom breaks because of their... you know... monthly expenses.

Michael:I'm not going to say you're stupid. I'm going to say you're not smart.

Michael:What do you think they talk about in there? Do you think they're talking about us?

Michael:Probably. I mean, I would be. If I was a woman, I would talk about me all the time.

Michael:Ugh, that's gross.

Dwight:Women are like wolves. If you take away the wolf's teeth, it becomes a puppy. Similarly, if you take away a woman's mouth, she becomes a wife.

Michael:Alright guys, gather around. I want to talk to you about something important.

Michael:Toby, you can stand over there. Actually, you know what? Just... stand further away.

Toby:Why do I have to—

Michael:Because you're not a guy. I mean, you are a guy, but you're not a *guy* guy. You know what I mean?

Toby:No, I don't think I do.

Michael:Exactly.

Jim:This is like when the Avengers met the Guardians of the Galaxy. We're about to see if we can actually work together, or if it's just going to be a lot of confused staring and someone accidentally breaking something expensive.

Michael:Roy and Pam... Proy. No wait, Ram. Hmm, Roym? You know what, it doesn't matter because they're not together anymore.

Michael:No, no, no, you guys don't get it. It's like Brangelina, you know? Brad and Angelina? I'm doing that with Ram and... okay, so Pam and I, we're 'Pam.' Wait, no. Ram. Like, Ram-Pam? No, that doesn't work. Okay, okay, okay—Pam backwards is Map, so Ram is like... no. What if we use the 'R' from... Jim! Jim and Pam is Jam, obviously. So if I put a 'R' in there, it's Ram. Which is what I said. So Ram. That's us.

Michael:Why are you all looking at me like that? It works! It's a perfect portmanteau. Ram. It's catchy, it's cute, and it rhymes with... jam. Which is what other people call themselves. So I'm ahead of the curve here.

Michael:I'm colorblind to the whole white-collar, blue-collar thing. I don't see color. I don't see collars.

Meredith:Hi, my name is Meredith and I'm an alcoholic.

Meredith:Wait, no. Hi, my name is Meredith and I'm... really good at supply management.

Phyllis:I'm actually really good with computers.

Jan:

Pam:I'm supposed to relate to the other women in the office, but honestly? My closest connection is with Jim.

Pam:I mean, what does that say about me?

Roy:Yeah, sure, you can be friends with Jim. I don't care what Pam thinks.

Michael:I'm just as much a part of this warehouse as any of you guys. I can do everything you can do.

Michael:Watch this!

Michael:Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Meredith:My five-year goal? To cut back on drinking. My ten-year goal? To cut back on drinking. My fifteen-year goal? To cut back on drinking.

Meredith:I want to be five years sober in five years.

Meredith:Well, four years sober in five years.

Angela:I'm not going to be one of those typical moms with a minivan.

Angela:I'm going to get a sensible sedan.

Michael:You know what? I'm going to show these warehouse guys that I'm just like them. I can operate heavy machinery.

Darryl:Michael, no—

Michael:How hard can it be? I've driven a car before.

Michael:Watch this.

Darryl:Michael, stop!

Michael:I got this. I'm a natural.

Warehouse Worker:He's breaking the forklift!

Michael:I meant to do that. That's how you... that's how you park it.

Warehouse Worker:Are you kidding me right now?

Michael Scott:What? I was just trying to show you guys how to have fun at work.

Warehouse Worker:You just broke a $3,000 forklift.

Michael Scott:It'll buff out.

Warehouse Worker:No it won't. And you're not even down here most days. You don't get to come down, break our stuff, and leave.

Pam:I appreciate the opportunity, I really do. But I can't take the design training right now.

Pam:I'm way too busy at reception. I don't have time to learn a new skill.

Pam:I mean, who would answer the phones? Who would greet people? It's a two-person job.

Pam:Well, one person technically, but you know what I mean.

Pam:I was just learning the design program, and it's really complicated. There's so many buttons and features, and I didn't know what half of them do.

Jan:So you're saying you're not qualified to do your job?

Michael:Hey, hey, hey, shh! Shh!

Darryl:What?

Michael:No, I wasn't... I wasn't shushing you. I was just... I was making a noise. A shhing noise. It's something I do when I'm thinking.

Darryl:You were shushing me.

Michael:No, no, no. I would never shush you. You know me better than that. I respect you too much to shush you.

Michael:David Hasselhoff. The man is a national treasure.

Angela:If you dress for the job you want, Jan must want to be a slutty temp.

Warehouse worker:Dating is expensive, man. You gotta take her out to dinner, movies, all that stuff.

Warehouse worker:Yeah, and then there's gas money. I'm already spending a fortune on gas just getting to church on Sundays.

Warehouse worker:Church? That's free.

Warehouse worker:The gas ain't.

Warehouse worker:You don't get it, Michael. You're up in that office all day with air conditioning and a desk. We're down here breaking our backs.

Michael:I know, I know. But I've worked in a warehouse before.

Warehouse worker:When? For like five minutes during a motivation speech?

Michael:It was more than five minutes.

Warehouse worker:You wore khakis, Michael. You wore khakis to a warehouse.

Michael:Are you guys with me on this?

Warehouse workers:Michael! Michael! Michael!

Michael:Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!

Michael:Jan, don't get hysterical.

Jan:Hysterical?

Michael:Yes. When you're talking to a woman, you have to be very careful. Because if you say something even slightly wrong, they can really take it the wrong way. And before you know it, you have to apologize. It's like tiptoeing through a minefield.

Michael:Jan, you need to handle this union situation. They're getting hysterical!

Jan:Hysterical? Michael, I'm not the one being hysterical here. You are.

Michael Scott:We need to set up an assembly line. It'll be much more efficient.

Warehouse Worker:Yeah, but Michael, we're already just killing time in the warehouse.

Warehouse Worker:And the office? That's just killing time too.

Jan:In golf, the lower your score, the better you play.

Kelly:So if I shoot a 72, that's bad?

Jan:No, 72 is good.

Kelly:Wait, I'm confused. You just said lower is better.

Jan:Yes, lower is better. 72 is a low score.

Kelly:But that's a high number!

Kelly:Wait, so when you say someone 'struck out,' that means they failed?

Kelly:So did Michael strike out with Jan?

Jim:So what did you guys actually do at the women's seminar?

Pam:We mostly just sat around and talked about how much we hate you.

Michael:Oh no, Jim's coming this way. It's like a cold front moving in from the north, colliding with a warm front from the south, creating a perfect storm of awkwardness. We're talking Category 5 social hurricane right now.

Michael:Jan, I know this is a difficult time for you, but you look really hot right now.

Pam:You know, I've been thinking a lot about my terrace dream. And I've come to realize something really important.

Pam:Life's too short to spend it in a place that doesn't make you happy. You have to take the leap. You have to go after what you really want, even if it scares you.

Pam:So... I'm quitting.

Pam:I'm not going to do the design program.

Jim:I know.

Pam:I don't know, Jim. It's just a lot of money and a lot of work, and I'm not even sure if I'm good enough.

Jim:Pam, come on. You're talented. You're really talented. And you're not going to know if you're good enough unless you try. So why are you being such a baby about this?

Michael:Pizza is the great equalizer. It doesn't matter if you're black, white, rich, poor, everyone loves pizza.

Michael:Wait, do they?

Michael:Jan? Please. She's the worst. Controlling, manipulative, horrible boss.

Warehouse Worker:Isn't she your girlfriend?

Michael:Yes, and she's amazing. A visionary. I'm very lucky to be with her.

Michael:You need both a man and a woman to run an office smoothly. It's like a yin and yang thing. Men and women balance each other out.

Michael:Without women, we'd just be sitting around scratching ourselves and talking about sports. Without men, nothing would get done because you'd all be gossiping and crying.

Michael:I'm back! Did you miss me? Of course you did. I'm like the sun—everyone needs me to survive.

Michael:Look at this! A working stapler! *makes exaggerated celebration sounds* This is the best day of my life!

Michael:Oh, and the copy machine works too! *does a little dance* I'm so happy I could cry. Actually, I am crying.

Michael:You know what? Everything is amazing. Pens work. Phones work. Chairs exist. This is paradise.