After Hours

Angela · Oscar · Pam:Angela asks if anyone wants to see a picture of Philip, then pivots to her cat Philip — but Oscar's dog is apparently doing baby things too

Angela · Pam:Oscar thinks having a dog is just like having a baby. News flash, if you didn't carry it around in your belly for nine months, it isn't your kid. Exactly. Unless you adopted, of course. That is where we disagree.

Pam · Oscar:Talking head: Angela and Pam simultaneously — 'Angela is such a liar.' / 'It's maddening.'

Angela:'No one said you must have two. Like her genes are so important. The world just needs more Pam-Jim DNA.'

Oscar · Angela · Pam:Oscar pivots from baby talk to 'There's nothing harder than taking care of a boat' — Angela and Pam: 'Unbelievable! Un-be-lie-va-ble.'

Robert California · Andy:'It is the end of the day. It is the end of the week. We managed to fill 40 hours somehow.' [Laughs] 'Pretty good.' 'That's great.' 'Well, thank you. This is very helpful feedback.'

Dwight · Robert California:Dwight insists he wasn't going to ask about the VP position, then immediately monologues about Robert thinking about 'Dwight, VP. Dwight, VP' — before Robert says 'I can't be hypnotized, Dwight. I tried it, I ended up smoking more.'

Dwight · Robert California:Dwight asks Robert to eliminate candidates not in running; Robert rattles off non-jobs — 'Catching butterflies.' 'That's a hobby unless it's for food.' 'Theater.' 'Waste of time.' 'Dragging.' 'That's just a verb.' 'Dragging sticks.' 'Yes, nice, perfect.'

Robert California:Robert California: 'I tried [hypnosis], I ended up smoking more.'

Robert California:'English peoples' main use today is judging American talent. You're crap. You're wonderful. They're mean, but they're incisive.'

Robert California · Dwight:Robert: 'I'm not allowed to say it's mandatory, so let's just call it compulsory.' Dwight: 'I'll be there at 6:00.'

Unknown · Cathy · Unknown:'Maybe we'll see the real Talla-nasty we've been hearing so much about.' 'Talla-nasty, very clever.' 'Wait, you think she invented Talla-nasty?'

Cathy:Cathy talking head: 'I thought I was gonna be hanging out with Stanley on this trip, but he's turned out to be kind of a loose cannon.'

Stanley:Stanley approaches two women: 'My friend and I are new here in Tallahassee. Would you like to get a cocktail? Maybe go out for a little dancing. Beautiful day, no?'

Andy · Office workers:Andy: 'And... bring 'em back up because now the late-night work jam begins.' / 'Say what?' / 'We are good to go!' / 'Say what?' / 'We're good to go!' / 'Stop it. Stop it.' / 'Stop.' / Andy: 'Say—' / 'Andy.'

Kevin:'Ball droppings can be beautiful. For example, when it turns an awkward soprano into a rich, full tenor.'

Unknown bar patrons / Florida crew:'Jason Bourne would kick Bond's ass.' 'Jason Bourne has no support staff. His own government's out to get him.' 'Genghis Khan could take 'em both down 'cause he's not afraid to kill children.'

Unknown:'What? It's true. He would— He would eviscerate babies and hang them from poles outside of the villages.'

Dwight · Others:Dwight's drinking game: 'Everyone empty your pockets. Whoever has the most seeds is the king, whoever has the least buttons is the hunchback.' 'How many buttons do you have?' '40. Always.'

Packer · Dwight · Unknown:Packer wins at Dwight's button game by counting transferred buttons, kicks Dwight. 'And he lost at his own lame game. Ooh, double meaning. The game was lame, and now he's lame from the kick.' 'Quick wit.' 'Thank you.'

Robert California · Erin · Waiter:'I'll have a glass of your oakiest chardonnay, please.' 'And I will have a waffle with your mapliest syrup.' 'Sorry, no waffles.' 'Oh, okay. Just forget it, then. Forget it. Forget it.' 'A waffle?' 'A hotel waffle. I know what I want to eat. Is that crazy?'

Ryan:Ryan talking head: 'Why would Erin confide in me that she's staying in Florida if she didn't want me to make some sort of last-ditch, nothing-to-lose, Kelly ka-who run at her?'

Andy · Kevin · Others:Andy's team processing orders: 'Eight cases, bright white inkjet. Paid.' 'I'm dying!' 'Processed.' 'And delivered.'

Kevin:'Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, and then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sort of feel out what the situation calls for.'

Packer · Unknown:Packer to unknown: 'She's going to give it to me, as I'm giving it to her tonight.' [Clicks tongue, whinnies] 'The cowgirl has chosen her saddle.'

Dwight · Packer:Dwight's counter: 'Well, saddles... [clicks tongue, whinnies] sometimes fall off, especially if you don't properly cinch the girth.' 'What? That's a joke, right?'

Dwight:Dwight confessional: 'If anyone's having sex with [Nellie] for personal gain, it's me, and I'm not joking at all.'

Dwight:Dwight: 'I went south of the border for this. And then I went south of that border.' [Jamaican accent] 'A Jamaican feast, man!'

Robert California:'If I wanted Jamaican food, I'd just hire a bunch of bodyguards and go there.'

Darryl · Brandon · Val:Dwight introduces Brandon as Val's 'boyf' — Brandon confronts Darryl about sleeping with Val, Darryl denies it. 'Dude, you didn't tell me you were fucking Val.' 'High five.'

Robert California:Robert trying to defuse Brandon's jealous confrontation: 'Let's get back to the food. Brandon, tell us about these delicious-looking goops.'

Stanley · Server:Stanley asks the server: 'Blow in my ear.' Server complies. Stanley: 'Like I'm on the beach.' [Blows] 'Oh.' [Imitates seagull calls] 'Seagull. [Cawing] And a wave crashing.' [Both imitate waves] 'Oh, that is lovely. All right. That's gonna do it for me tonight.'

Jim · Cathy:Jim: 'Is this March Madness? I love March Madness.' Cathy: 'Oh, no, that's not this 'cause that's in March.' Jim: 'Uh, this is just the NBA. Professional. Miami Heat, actually. So—' Cathy: 'LeBron James.' Jim: 'Yes, nice. Good word association.' [Giggles]

Cathy · Jim:Cathy does something with a piece of food (apparently ties a knot). Jim: 'Impressive.' Cathy: 'Oh, please, anyone can tie a knot. The real skill is in untying it.'

Stanley · Jim · Cathy:Stanley shows up at Jim's room: 'My mini bar is oddly out of rum.' Sees Cathy. 'Oh, hello.' Jim: 'We're watching a game. The Heat game. Just a game.' Stanley: 'Got it. Good night. Careful, Jim. It gets easier and easier.'

Erin · Andy:Erin: 'Whoa. The lights are still on.' Andy: 'Yeah, they keep them on 'cause it's less expensive than turning them on and off.' Erin: 'I like how guys just know stuff all the time.' Andy: 'Girls know a lot of stuff too, okay? And nobody knows more than you. Especially me.'

Andy · Erin:[Whispers] 'Get down. It's the fuzz.' 'Shh! Do you want us to get scolded?' 'Shut your beautiful, beautiful mouth, please.'

Kelly · Darryl · Others:Text analysis: 'The moon is huge tonight.' 'Ooh, gosh, the moon one's damning.' 'Yeah, sorry.' 'That's regular text talk.'

Darryl · Unknown:Darryl: 'Brandon, Darryl and me? That's ridiculous, right? Yeah. Totally crazy. Puts me in an insane asylum just thinking about it. I'm stranded on Shutter Island over here.' 'You look like Ed Harris. If they stretched him a little bit.'

Unknown:'You want to see a picture of me trapped under a tree?'

Val:Val: 'You look like Ed Harris. If they stretched him a little bit.'

Dwight · Gabe:Dwight: 'Freak, I need a favor.' Gabe: 'Well, then you have to call me by my name.' Dwight: 'Gabriel Susan Lewis.'

Dwight:Dwight talking head: 'If Jim has bedbugs, that means they're everywhere. I can't risk them coming back to Schrute Farms. Our biggest attraction is our 200-year-old mattresses.'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight: 'We gotta find it before it eggs.' Jim: 'Argh!' Dwight: 'Jeez! Describe it.' Jim: 'Brown, shiny, painful bite.' Dwight: 'Could be a bat weevil. Describe its mood. Did it seem sleepy?'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight checking Jim's hair: 'You are clean.' / then: 'God, oh. So greasy. You should just shave all this.' / Jim: 'Just check it.'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight: 'So greasy. You should just shave all this.' Jim: 'Just check it.' Dwight: 'You are clean.'

Dwight · Jim · Hotel employee:Dwight: 'One thing a bedbug thrives on is heat and carbon dioxide. I am gonna generate myself into a human trap. When I jump into the bed, you are gonna cover me with the sheet immediately. And then we'll see who's laughing.' [Dastardly laugh] 'Yeah. Cover me!' Jim: 'Is this really necessary?' Hotel employee: 'He knows what he's doing.'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight: 'Nope, I wasn't bitten.' Jim: 'Okay, well, maybe it's not warm enough in here.' Dwight: 'Oh, it's plenty warm, and I was farting continuously under the sheet, creating a kind of greenhouse effect.'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight emerges: 'I wasn't bitten.' Jim: 'Maybe it's not warm enough in here.' Dwight: 'Oh, it's plenty warm, and I was farting continuously under the sheet, creating a kind of greenhouse effect.'

Jim · Dwight:Jim: 'Is that really how you want to get this job?' Dwight: 'Such a chorus girl.'

Jim · Cathy:Jim: 'Dwight, Dwight, Dwight, Dwight...' [pause] 'Is crazy gone?'

Packer:Packer stumbles out of somewhere with music playing, vomits. 'They don't make these cords in boot cut anymore.'

Packer:'Pathetic, huh? A real man swallows his vomit when a lady is present.'

Cathy · Jim:Cathy: 'Wait, this is why I exercise like a fiend. Feel.' [Jim hesitates but feels] Cathy: 'Seriously.' Jim: 'Okay, all right. I'm really sorry, uh, I just have to say it. I'm married. I'm very happily married.'

Cathy:Cathy: 'Oh, my God! What are you thinking? I know that you're married. I sat at your wife's desk. How little do you think of me?'

Cathy · Jim:Cathy: 'Can you without running to the other side of the room all night?' Jim: 'Yes, I can.' Cathy: 'Okay. You can watch, not watch, whatever you want to do. Take another shower. I don't care.' [Pause] Jim: 'Okay.' [Sighs] Cathy: 'I am so cold.'

Pam:Pam (via phone) to Darryl: 'My friend Jim would tell you to play it cool. My husband would tell you to go for it.'

Ryan · Erin:Ryan to Erin: 'I'm really impressed by how much you've grown. Since I met you, it's like night and day. You should move down here with me. We could be roommates. We could get a dog. We could go to R-rated movies. And who knows, I mean, you're a guy, I'm a girl — Maybe in six months —' Erin: 'Six months?' Ryan: 'Um, okay, I'm in love with Kelly.'

Erin · Andy:Erin telling Andy he should move to Florida: 'You should move down here with me. We could be roommates. We could get a dog. We could go to R-rated movies. And who knows, I mean, you're a guy, I'm a girl — maybe in six months—' Andy: 'Six months?'

Nellie · Dwight:Nellie to Dwight: 'Put your forehead near mine, and see if you can read my thoughts.' Dwight: 'Okay. Seven, one, one, nine...' Nellie: 'No, no, no. Not numbers, no.' Dwight: 'Try again.' [pause] 'Ugh, I'm still getting numbers. Seven, one, one — Is anyone around here thinking the numbers seven, one, one? 'Cause please stop, okay?'

Dwight · Nellie:Nellie: 'Dwight, give me a key card to your room. Meet me in seven minutes for some one-on-one time.' Dwight: '[Gasps] Wait, the numbers!' Nellie: 'Mm-hmm.' Dwight: 'Oh. Mm-hmm. There you go. I will see you in seven—' Nellie: 'Seven minutes.'

Andy · Office workers:Andy: 'Andy, this has been an amazing night. Epic. Cool-down fiesta begins right now. I got decaf coffee.' 'No way.' 'I got Romy And Michele's High School Reunion.' [applause]

Ryan · Erin:Erin to Ryan: 'That was so weird. Can we just, like, never talk about it again?' Ryan: 'Sure.' Ryan: 'Hey, just so you know, me and you — I don't think that's ridiculous. Dot, dot, dot... Dot, dot.'

Dwight · Jim · Cathy:Jim tries to get Cathy to leave; Cathy acts surprised. Dwight bursts in with chemicals from the maid's cart. 'Stand back! Aah! Stop it, oh, my God! That burns! What is that?' 'It's a compound of chemicals I pulled off of the maid's cart.' Jim: 'Dwight, there!' 'Oh, God, stop it! Stop it!' 'Big one! Really big one!' 'I can't breathe!'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight to Jim after Cathy leaves: 'You can't stay here. This place is a biohazard. If I were you, I'd just bunk with Cathy.' [Scoffs]

Stanley · Unknown · Nellie:'Second best bananas foster I've ever had.' 'Oh, yeah? What's the first best?' [knock on door, it's Nellie] 'Dwight?' [lights go off]

Jim:Jim's exhausted scoff/reaction shot after Dwight suggests bunking with Cathy

Nellie · Stanley · Unknown:Nellie: 'Dwight?' [knocking] 'Hello? Dwight...' 'I can see the lights under your door.' [lights go off] 'Hello?' 'Look, the light went off.' 'Just as I said the light went on.' 'Dwight?' [long pause] 'Oh, Dwight!'