Tallahassee

Nellie:Nellie's calculated schedule: 50 minutes for Jim to style his hair, 40 minutes for Erin to get between her room and the lobby, 90 minutes for Ryan to do his morning ecstasy

Nellie:Nellie confessional: 'I don't have kids, so I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. And then I thought of something...' [cut to Dwight covered in shaving cream or prank]

Jim · Dwight:Jim covered in shaving cream / aftermath of prank. Dwight: 'Looks like Jim got mixed up with some bad apples.' Jim: 'Oh, no, no, no, no — it wasn't me.'

Nellie · Ryan:Nellie announces seat assignments: 'Shotgun goes to Ryan. Congratulations, Ryan.'

Andy:Andy's confessional: 'I need to make Nellie see me as a leader today. First impressions get locked in forever. When I first met Pam she said something that slightly rubbed me the wrong way. Since then I've loved working with Pam and she's frankly wonderful. But I hate her.'

Andy:Andy at souvenir shop: 'Also I want to get a souvenir for my son, but his mother doesn't acknowledge my paternity. Do you have anything for that? Also I want it to have a Florida feel.'

Ryan:Ryan puppeteering a souvenir puppet, addressing Nellie: 'Okay, Twiggy, that's enough. Get in the car.'

Dwight · Unknown:Dwight: 'The fact that none of you are vomiting or diarrheal right now—' Random voice: 'Who says none of us are diarrheal?'

Jim · Dwight:Jim: 'Are you sure it's stress? Because I did poison you.' Dwight: 'Very funny, Jim.' Jim: 'Oh, no, I'm serious. I was thinking... I'll poison you.'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight threatens: 'What are you going to do? Put a cricket in my cereal?' Jim: 'I'm gonna set your face on fire.' Dwight: 'That's a good one.'

Dwight · Stanley:Dwight sees Stanley in Florida casual wear: 'Whoa. Stanley, did you just come back from burning down a rival night club?'

Stanley · Jim:Stanley to Jim: 'You're a nice guy, Jim, but you have no idea how to vacation.'

Stanley · Jim:Stanley: 'Find some Kenny Loggins.' Jim puts on Loggins and Messina. Stanley: 'Did I say Messina?'

Dwight:Dwight confessional (presumably): 'It's so peaceful, I've already written 12 plays today.'

Unknown · Jim:Someone sets up 'It's so quiet, one might say you could hear a pin...' leading to a pin being dropped and actually found

Pam · Kevin · Andy:Erin set the phones to voicemail. Pam and Kevin bicker about who should answer. Andy is told 'You're standing up, you're the closest one to it.' Andy answers: 'Hello, Dunder Mifflin... Hello, you've reached Dunder Mifflin. How may I be of service?'

Andy:Hello, Dunder Mifflin. Hello, you've reached Dunder Mifflin. How may I be of service?

Jim:Jim: 'I would love to hear the other mottos.'

Todd Packer · Jim:Todd Packer arrives: 'Quick query, Halpert. Still queer?' [Jim ignores him] Packer: 'You can't put me down! Too strong!'

Todd Packer:Packer: 'Yeah, Dwight and Jim tried to get me fired. But I landed on my feet down here in Florida. You see, this cat's got nine lives and a nine-inch—'

Todd Packer · Nellie · Unknown:Packer whispers to a colleague: 'Say, "So who's leading this thing anyway?"' The colleague asks it. Nellie: '"Him" you said? Don't think a woman can be a leader?'

Nellie:Nellie's introductory speech: 'Expected a man, did you? Strong, powerful, huge whopping penis? Well, sorry to disappoint. But my huge whopping penis is right here and I'm not afraid to use it. So stop looking at my breasts and start looking at my penis.'

Nellie:Nellie explains her origin story: 'I went on a shopping spree. Very destructive. I bought 11 pianos. Then I realized: what if Sabre had a store?'

Nellie · Dwight · Ryan:Ryan asks about the store concept. Nellie: 'Probably going to look stupid, right? Like a big turd with a door on the front, right?' ...Ryan: 'What do you think it should look like?' Nellie: 'It might be fun if each store had a different theme — beach one, a winter one, a jungle one.' Dwight: 'No. Not a big fan of the winter aesthetic.' Nellie: 'Well, that was just one idea.' Dwight: 'Oh, no, it does. It has to be winter, and I reject it.'

Nellie:Nellie about her own design: 'So I drew up a design concept — probably going to be rubbish, right? Would you like to look at it? Just so you can laugh at it.'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight: 'You got to stop with the antacids. It's not the antidote.' Jim: 'You didn't poison me. It's just stress.' Dwight: 'Okay... What is the antidote?' Jim: 'True love's kiss.'

Nellie · Jim · Dwight:Nellie: 'Jim, you're a big tall man. You'd be hilarious trying to do it like a little boy.' Jim awkwardly lowers the screen. Dwight: 'Something done right, ask Dwight.' 'Right, Dwight. Right, Dwight. Right, Dwight.' 'Sorry. Now you'll never be able to get that out of your head.'

Dwight:Dwight, doubled over: 'A complete inability to pass gas, pervert.' 'Yeah, it's tender, but it can't be appendicitis. I eat more than enough bacon.'

Dwight:Dwight Googles frantically: 'What poison mimics the symptoms of appendicitis?' ...pause... 'You don't know. Hold on.'

Nellie · Dwight:Nellie: 'There is no name listed [for VP].' Dwight on the phone with 911 dispatcher: 'Sir? Where should we send the ambulance?' Dwight: 'Send it to the freaking moon, idiot!'

Todd Packer · Unknown:Todd Packer on hunting: 'Hunting's so primal — almost sexual.' Colleague: 'Totally.' Packer: 'Yeah, I mean, I'd never bang an animal. You can hardly tell the difference between a boy or a girl, you know?' Colleague: 'But hunting's intense.'

Todd Packer · Dwight:Colleague mentions 'master hunter.' Packer: 'Did you say masturbator?' Colleague: 'I'm a decent baiter. My cousin Mose, that's a master baiter.'

Stanley:Stanley drinking rum with a straw poolside: 'It's just rum. I'm not bored. I'm a pirate.'

Jim:Jim's confessional: 'I've spent so much of my life telling myself, "Please, don't end up like Stanley." And now I'm wondering if I even have what it takes.'

Nellie:Nellie pitches a human pyramid team-building exercise. 'You love it. Who's in? Tallahassee, let's go!'

Dwight:Dwight: 'I'll be on top. That's the most important position.' While attempting to form the human pyramid despite clearly having appendicitis.

Dwight · Unknown:Dwight: 'Everyone stop moving! Everyone stop wiggling!' ...about to vomit... colleague: 'Dude, don't you yak on me. This shirt is Van Heusen.'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight being carried out: 'Arrest Jim. He poisoned me.' Jim: 'What? No!' Dwight: 'The one thing Pam made sure I knew — Florida's pretty loose with the death penalty.'

Jim:The one thing Pam made sure I knew: Florida's pretty loose with the death penalty.

Jim · Dwight:Jim's reaction after Dwight is taken away: 'Remember me as the man who pulled down the screen.' Doctor: 'Drama queen, am I right?'

Dwight · Mose:Dwight immediately calls Mose after: 'Mose. Hey, it's Dwight. Listen, yeah, I just want to give you a heads up—'

Nellie:Nellie: 'I figure if we keep things savory while Oscar's mouth is in canker country... bacon-wrapped dates on deck.'

Ryan:Ryan holding a mini pizza up to his face: 'Look at me. I'm huge.' Repeated beat of Ryan making himself look larger with the tiny pizza.

Andy:Andy answering the phone doing reception: 'Dunder Mifflin, this is Andy.' Then confessional: 'I'm acting like I like Reception and I'm a really good actor, so people are actually buying that I actually like Reception. But I mean, seriously, Reception sucks.'

Andy:I'm acting like I like Reception, and I'm a really good actor, so people are actually buying that I actually like Reception. But I mean, seriously, Reception sucks.

Andy:Andy's confessional mid-sentence: '...Ooh! There's the phone!' — excited to answer it despite just saying Reception sucks.

Andy:Ooh! There's the phone! [Andy reacts with disproportionate excitement as the phone rings]

Dwight:Dwight calls from the hospital immediately post-surgery: 'I just got out of surgery. What's going on? Fill me in.'

Jim:Jim's update to Dwight includes: 'Ryan switched his name tag to his pants, so now if you wear yours on your shirt, you're a total dip. But if you switch, you're a copycat. But I think I figured out a solution...'

Todd Packer:Packer's presentation on tech support: 'A bunch of nerdy virgins fix it on the spot. Huge for building loyalty.'

Dwight:Dwight arrives back at the meeting still bandaged/in hospital attire. 'I'm great. How are you?' — responding to the obvious concern with aggressive normalcy.

Jim · Dwight:Jim: 'Dwight, will you go back to the hospital? You were there for like three hours.' Dwight: 'I got the surgery. What else is there to do?'

Jim · Dwight:Jim challenges Dwight to do 100 jumping jacks. Dwight: 'No. I don't feel like it.' Jim: 'You do 100 jumping jacks!' Dwight then does 97, 98, 99 jumping jacks post-surgery.

Jim · Dwight:Jim and Dwight are trying to prepare a presentation. Dwight: 'You're too slow. You're too small. Seabiscuit is a stupid name.' Jim: 'You guys sound just like the enemies of Seabiscuit.'

Stanley:Stanley listening to music with earbuds during the presentation. 'Stanley, are you listening to music?' 'Yep.'

Jim · Dwight:Jim and Dwight's presentation begins. Dwight: 'Retail consumer habits is...' Jim: 'The only thing you need to know about retail consumer habits is that consumers are mindless lemmings. They just want to be told what to do.'

Dwight:Dwight's presentation: 'Shopping is also cyclical. The menstrual cycle determines every choice a woman makes.' Followed by slides on ovulation, menses, and shopping as consolation for reproductive failure.

Dwight:Dwight: 'And how does the woman console herself?' Long pause. 'Shopping. Shopping.' (He apparently pauses for audience participation that never comes.)

Dwight · Jim:Jim: 'Just, Jim, could you fetch me some ice chips?' — Dwight calling Jim 'Jim' while referring to himself in third person, asking for post-surgery ice chips in the middle of a business presentation.

Unknown:Mail call rap during the presentation break: 'His name is Oscar, and he's got some mail. And he better open it or go to jail, 'cause it's your taxes. His name is Kevin, and no mail for him, but he got a coupon for some frozen yogurt.'

Dwight · Jim · Nellie:Nellie holds up a slide titled 'Anderson's Three Pillars of Retail.' Dwight: 'Crucial. So important.' Then the pillars are revealed as nonsense rhyming pairs: Convenience/Ingredients, Service/Burgers, Building Loyalty/Killing Royalty.

Dwight · Nellie:Nellie: 'What are the Three Pillars of Retail?' Dwight: 'Convenience. Ingredients. Service. Burgers. Building loyalty. Killing royalty.' Then: 'But truth be told, we should really disregard Anderson's Three Pillars. He was later diagnosed with dementia.'

Nellie · Dwight:What are the Three Pillars of Retail? Convenience — Ingredients. Service — Burgers. Building loyalty — Killing royalty.

Dwight:Dwight: 'Do we have a desire to dominate the retail space? Not just succeed in it, but to dominate. And looking around this room, I'm not so sure that we do. But we can get there. And I can lead us there. And that is all that matters.'

Nellie · Dwight:Nellie: 'Where there's a will, there's a way.' Then: 'A passionate night with Hugh Grant's brother John Grant. He's older than Hugh, just a little bit uglier.' Dwight: 'How did I pull that off?' Nellie: 'Sheer force of will.'

Jim · Dwight · Nellie:Nellie: 'That is very good, Dwight.' Dwight thanks her. Then Jim: 'You are bleeding through your shirt.' Dwight: 'Oops. That's embarrassing. Egg on my face.'

Darryl · Andy:Darryl gives Andy advice on Reception using a zoo field trip analogy: 'Andy, when I was 12 years old... I was in love with her. But when the sun came up I knew it wasn't real — because she was ugly and I had grown tired of her. Reception today, but tomorrow you won't want to do her. She's a dog.'

Darryl:Andy, when I was 12 years old we did a field trip, a lock-in at the zoo. I was in love with her. But when the sun came up I knew it wasn't real because she was ugly and I had grown tired of her. Reception today but tomorrow you won't want to do her. She's a dog.

Dwight · Jim:Dwight post-surgery, flexing: 'Amazing. Just lost four ounces of appendix, already replaced it with muscle.' Jim: 'Can I see the wound?' Dwight shows it. Jim: 'Oh, that's disgusting. That's barely healed.' Dwight: 'You're not paying me to heal. You're paying me to kick ass.'

Jim · Dwight:Jim: 'A few hours ago, your body was open like a cabinet.' Dwight: 'That's right. That is amazing.'

Dwight:Dwight's confessional: 'My two goals for today: first, make myself the clear candidate for VP. I achieved that, no thanks to my appendix. The second was to find a memorable souvenir for Philip. For that, I do have to thank my appendix.' [He is holding his own appendix in a jar.]

Andy · Caller:Andy answering the Scranton phones: 'Dunder Mifflin, how can I help you save money on paper? This is Andrew.' Caller: 'What happened to Erin?' Andy: 'Oh, she's on an assignment in Florida for a couple weeks.' Caller: 'Oh, good for her. She's such a sweetheart. You tell her Donna Moraski misses her.'

Nellie:Nellie introduces Wally Amos (Famous Amos): 'He turned an idea into a store into hundreds of stores... of Famous Amos cookies.'

Famous Amos · Dwight · Ryan · Group:Famous Amos begins his speech. 'So I hear you're all looking to bake up some dough in the sales game. Well, back when I was regular Amos—' Someone: 'What's under the cloth?' Amos: 'We'll get to that.' 'Cookies. I bet you anything it's cookies.' 'It's cookies.' 'Let me finish my speech first.' 'Oh, we get the gist. It's just success and effort, isn't it? So just don't be coy. Make with the cookies.' 'Cookies.'

Packer · Famous Amos · Dwight:What's under the cloth? We'll get to that. Cookies. I bet you anything it's cookies. It's cookies. Let me finish my speech first. Oh, we get the gist — it's just success and effort, isn't it? So just don't be coy. Make with the cookies.

Famous Amos · Unknown:Famous Amos is approached by someone asking about new cookie ideas. 'Is it oatmeal with no raisins?' Amos: 'I'm sorry to have wasted your time.' He dismisses them and leaves.