Michael and Holly have sex for the first time, and Michael holds a fund-raiser for the office after it is burglarized. Dwight confides in Phyllis after Andy and Angela set a wedding date, and Jim runs into Pam's ex-fiancé Roy.
WAR
36.5
Wins Above Replacement
“Crime Aid” ranks #81 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 79.1 — Elite. The episode packs 50 scored jokes at 2.8 per minute, averaging 6.9 on craft and 6.6 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Creed: The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.
Creed Dark/Subversive Misdirection ★ Rewatch Dwight: She introduced me to so many things. Pasteurized milk, sheets, Monotheism...
Dwight Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Jim · Dwight: What are you making? A knife. You're making a knife with a knife? You got a better way?
Jim Dwight Absurdist Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jim Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Toby: Mike gave me a list of his top ten springsteen songs. Three of them were huey lewis and the news. One was tracy chapman, fast car. And my personal favorite, Short people.
Toby Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 50 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Michael: Hey. * pamela-A-A *
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Pam: Of course, Now michael knows where to reach me 16 to 18 hours a week.
Pam Observational Deadpan/Understatement Pam · Michael: Hey, michael. * pamela-A-A *
Pam Michael Running Gag Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · Holly: Um, tonight. I'm free tonight. Is that too eager? No. I don't care. I'm free tonight.
Michael · Holly: Oh, wait. Oh, tonight's no good. Because i am busy taking you out. Oh, i just remembered. I can't tonight. Why? I'm going out with you.
Michael: In my opinion, the third date is traditionally the one where... You have sex. Does holly feel that way? I don't know. I will probably find out tonight. If she starts having sex with me, I'll know for sure.
Michael Observational Character Comedy Jim · Dwight: I am right in assuming that Dwight is short for d-Money. 'Cause that's what i wrote on your save-The-Date.
Dwight · Jim · Pam · Kevin: J-Money. Or should it be t-Money, for tuna? Receptionist-Money. K-Money.
Jim · Dwight: What are you making? A knife. You're making a knife with a knife? You got a better way?
Jim Dwight Absurdist Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jim · Dwight: You wanna talk about it? About what? You know I know. You know they know. I know none of that. And if i did, you'd be the last to know.
Michael · Holly: We could go to the food court, get different foods. You could get chicken teriyaki. I could get a hot dog. Some of what we order depends on whether we're having sex after.
Michael · Holly: Oh, my! Wow, elephant in the room. Are we, do you think? Do you think we're gonna have sex tonight? Hell, yeah.
Dwight: She introduced me to so many things. Pasteurized milk, sheets, Monotheism...
Dwight Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Dwight: Presents on your birthday, Preventative medicine. It's nice to learn new things.
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Angela · Phyllis: That's really fattening. No, it's lettuce.
Michael: I'm a crazy 8. I'm crazy. You're crazy. Go crazy.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Michael · Holly: Oh, after vous. Thank vous.
Michael: Oh! I didn't forget my keys. I just didn't want to make out with you In front of the cameras.
Michael Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Holly · Michael: Do you think they can hear us? Not if we turn these dials All the way down. Now they can't hear us at all. Oh, good. We're totally alone.
Oscar · Kevin: Great, they stole my laptop. Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector. How does that even compare? Oscar, i'm now going to be prone to surges.
Dwight: Bravo, Watson. Looks like a classic seven-Man job.
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist Michael · Holly: Oh, my god! So much for sex without consequences. You are such a dork!
Jim: So apparently Pam went out last night And accidentally called my work phone at 3:00 in the morning. I'm not drunk. I'm on minute six of this message.
Jim Observational Character Comedy Jim: Okay, i do not sound like that. You can take the girl out of philly... Scranton. The future mother of my children.
Jim Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Angela: I'm a very good screamer.
Angela Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Phyllis: It did when Bob said I had to stop talking to my sister on the phone so much.
Phyllis Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Creed: The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.
Creed Dark/Subversive Misdirection ★ Rewatch Michael: It's like farm aid. But instead of farms fighting against aids, It is us fighting against our own poverty
Michael Wordplay/Pun Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael: Was this a sorority that you didn't get into a real sorority So you had to kind of form your own?
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Michael: We'll auction off people, Like in the olden days.
Michael Dark/Subversive Cringe/Discomfort Michael: It could be a pedestrian. It could be a old person. It could be a lookie-Loo. Or it could be A bruce springsteen fan-- What? Who said that? I did. Why did i say that? Oh, i think you know why i said that.
Michael: Michael scored the big ticket item. Springsteen tickets. The boss scored the boss. Yeah, i think that's pretty boss.
Michael Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Dwight: Listen to me close, 'Cause i'm only gonna say this once. You either break off your engagement with that singing buffoon, apologize,and then date me. Or you can say good-Bye to this.
Dwight Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Michael: Crime reduces innocence. Makes everyone angry,I declare.
Toby: Mike gave me a list of his top ten springsteen songs. Three of them were huey lewis and the news. One was tracy chapman, fast car. And my personal favorite, Short people.
Toby Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Michael: It squeaks when you bang it. That's what she said.
Michael Running Gag Setup/Punchline Callback Michael · Creed: It just says creed. Yeah, that's all-Inclusive.
Darryl · Jim: She thought I was mcnabb. I can see that.
Kevin · Michael: Hi, i'm kevin. And i'll do your taxes. Let's hear an opening bid, everybody. Who's first? Kevin do your taxes. He's the tax man. Kevin, the tax man. Federal and state.
Michael: Fine. Okay, all right. Hey, you know what? I would appreciate it if people would stop storming off the stage.
Michael Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Dwight · Phyllis: Someone let the air out of your tires. Come quick. Oh, dear.
Dwight: And you slap like a girl.
Dwight Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Jim Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Roy: I thought you were a friend.
Roy Reaction Beat Awkward Silence Michael: Oh, where are those? Has anyone seen An envelope with Bruce Springsteen Front row tickets And backstage passes?
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Phyllis · Michael: I have my hug. Yeah, well, phyllis, Nobody...really wants a hug, so.
Michael · Bob · Phyllis: She's your wife, you idiot. $100. 200. What are you doing? I need a hug, unless you're gonna give me one. Not here.
Michael: $1 million. 700. 700 and one penny. Humuna-Humuna-Humuna- Humuna-Humuna-Humuna--
Michael Escalation Physical/Slapstick Jim: No. You know what? No. Because... I'm not that guy. And we are not that couple.
Jim Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Holly: The springsteen tickets seemed too good to be true. But a lot of michael seems too good to be true. So far it's all true. But yeah, those tickets Really seemed too good to be true.
Holly Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch ⏩ The part you fast-forward
Our scorer flagged 09:20-10:20 range with Michael's rambling auction explanation as the stretch with the fewest or weakest comedic moments. Everything else lands harder.
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