Two Weeks

Michael · Dwight · Jim · Pam:Michael recounting his resignation story in agonizing, meandering detail — starting with needing to pee on the drive

Michael:Michael walked into the wrong building due to nerves

Jim:'He finally has a story we really wanna hear. And he knows it.'

Michael:'You have no idea how high I can fly.'

Dwight · Jim · Pam:The coworkers' fantasy quitting-speech suggestions: 'Wouldn't it feel good to tell him he's incompetent... that he's wasted 15 years of your life? Maybe spit in his face?'

Michael:'You guys have thought about this a lot more than I have. I just winged it.'

Pam:'I love a good quitting story. It makes me feel like I have control over my own life. Gives me hope. Maybe I'll have one of my own someday. But I dream.'

Jim:'There is a very big difference between Michael trying and Michael not trying.'

Michael:'Scotch and Splenda. Tastes like Splenda, gets drunk like Scotch.'

Michael:Michael's 'last days' declaration: 'I'm gonna stay up all day. I'm gonna sleep up all night.'

Michael · Pam:Michael insists he'll be 'headhunted' for a new job rather than look for one

Michael:'Any really good headhunter will storm your village at sunset with overwhelming force and cut off your head with a ceremonial knife.'

Michael · Phyllis:'You can talk to me for as long as you want, because I have all the time in the world.' / 'Oh, God.'

Michael · Phyllis:Michael already has wine at his desk, and Phyllis's farewell wine is redundant

Dwight · Charles · Isaac:The job candidate in the waiting room asks Dwight if he's also interviewing — Dwight says yes, then Charles announces he's going with an outside hire 'for obvious reasons'

Kevin · Pam:Kevin presses Pam about the copier — 'Soon could mean anything. Soon could be three weeks. Is that what soon means to you?' / 'Sometimes.' / 'Then come back soon.'

Angela:'Bandit, no! No, no, no!' — a cat apparently loose in the office

Pam:Pam's confessional about the copier: 'Yesterday they delivered the new one. But they didn't set it up. So my day just got a little more interesting.'

Pam · Michael:'It's monster.com. Singular. Thank you.'

Michael:Prince Paper's voicemail: 'We are sad to inform you that after 40 years of serving the community, we are no longer in business... Bye!'

Michael · Jim:Michael asks Jim to close his eyes before revealing his big idea — Jim refuses and says 'it added nothing' when Michael insists

Jim · Michael:'Do you know the industry's in decline?' / 'Yeah. Oh, God, I practically invented decline.'

Jim:'What I wish for you is that you land a job at a company that A, exists, and B, has a salary'

Charles · Jim:Charles asks Jim if he also handed in his notice; Jim says no — 'Okay.' / 'After you.' / 'No, I'm staying.' / 'Okay.'

Dwight · Pam:Dwight offers to translate the German copier instructions; Pam declines; Dwight invokes American arrogance leading to wars; Pam says 'That's a really—'; Dwight cuts in: 'World War II.'

Michael · Pam:Michael asks Pam to modify the Dunder Mifflin order form to say 'Michael Scott Paper Company' — 'Somebody's been talking in bed. Pillow talk.'

Michael · Pam:Michael's solution to rebranding forms: 'Could I take a piece of paper and just tape it with transparent tape?' / 'Yeah. Good.'

Angela · Charles:Angela barges into Michael's office mid-interview to push an accounting seminar — mentions a sundae bar, then: 'I mean, I didn't have any. To stay trim.'

Charles · Jim · Michael:'Did Michael just let anybody in his office?' / 'Yes. He loved to facilitate communication... He was like, Come in.' / 'I am aware of the effect I have on women.'

Michael:'She's such a special person. She's turning 50 this year.'

Michael · Dwight · Jim · Andy:Michael pitches his paper company to the salespeople with theatrical seriousness: 'It's going to be worldwide.'

Dwight:'Well, it's a very intriguing concept, isn't it?' — Dwight's non-committal talking-head about Michael's company

Jim:Multiple confessionals where coworkers are asked about Michael's paper company idea — Jim's deadpan: 'Your own paper company?' (as if it's the most reasonable thing).

Michael · Andy:Michael pitches Andy and an unnamed colleague — everyone responds with vague, non-committal enthusiasm ('Lots of potential. Yes. What a courageous venture.')

Michael · Dwight:Michael and Dwight talk over each other in excited agreement about farm logistics, neither listening — 'Let's put a pin in it.'

Meredith:'Little Miss Thing wants attention.' — Meredith's reaction to Michael calling a meeting

Michael:Michael's farewell announcement turns out to be a bingo game — 'G-44'

Pam:'It's not ready, Kevin!'

Pam:Pam on the copier: 'I have sunk four hours into that copier. And I am not going to let it beat me like that wireless router did.'

Oscar · Michael:'You put a note in my food?' / 'I made it sterile.' / 'Just saying sterile doesn't make it so.'

Oscar · Michael:Oscar's business-plan reality check: 'Best-case scenario, you don't cut yourself a salary for at least five years.' / 'You already have the job. You don't have to convince me.'

Michael · Stanley:Michael interrupts Stanley at a urinal: 'Can't you see I'm urinating?'

Stanley · Michael:Stanley in the bathroom: 'Can't you see I'm urinating?'

Michael · Stanley:'I want you to think about it.' / 'No.' / 'Okay, you're not letting me finish.' / 'And you just lost out on a million dollars.' / 'No, I didn't.'

Michael:'I had a great time at prom. And no one said yes to that, either.'

Pam:Pam's copier victory speech: 'I did it. I learned everything about this machine. I know all the buttons. Even the inside ones. I know all the error messages. I could do a bound book in plastic with offset colors, which feels...'

Michael · Charles · Hank:Michael claims 'immunity' for his last two weeks; Charles says not if he's starting a competing company; Michael calls 'Hank' to escort Charles from the building

Hank:'I always thought Michael got a bad rap. He's a good guy. And he's super funny.' / 'Yeah, maybe I should tell him before he goes.' / 'He's all the way over there.'

Michael · Jim · Dwight:Michael's dramatic exit from the office — apparently singing/performing — coworkers watch confused: 'What is he doing?' / 'I think he's singing.'

Michael:Michael: 'And I feel free!' — sung in the parking lot.

Dwight:'And just like that, as mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone.'

Andy:'The whole office feels darker. You know? It's just a sad, dark day.'

Jim · Andy:'Andy, he's gone. You don't have to kiss his ass anymore.'

Michael · Jim:'Michael? Don't look down. Look straight up.'

Michael · Jim:Jim: 'I did have a chance to think about it, but then I thought about something else. So, which way are you leaning?' / Michael: 'Well, it is tempting, but I am 100% leaning towards passing.'

Michael:Michael crawling back in, coaching employees on where to look while he's on the floor: 'Don't look at me. People, stop. Don't look down. Don't look down. He's gonna see me.'

Michael:'This is not Michael Scott talking right now. This is your future. Hello. I am your future. You are older and you are very happy now, because you went with Michael Scott, right?'

Michael:Michael's call to action: 'Are you being the best that you can be? All right, everybody who's gonna go with me, I want you to stomp your foot.'

Michael · Charles:Charles vs. Michael standoff — Michael: 'I've got nothing to lose.' / Charles: 'Okay.' / Michael: 'Oh, my God. No, God! No! No. All right. It's not worth it.'

Pam · Jim · Michael:Pam announces she's going with Michael — 'I'm going!' — to everyone's shock

Pam · Jim:Pam decides to quit and join Michael: 'I'm going with him.' / 'What? Pam.' / 'I'm going!'

Pam · Michael:Pam's negotiation: 'Except I don't want to be a receptionist anymore.' / 'Executive assistant.' / 'Salesman.' / 'All right. Okay.' / 'Deal.'

Jim · Michael:'Michael, it's not how you leave an office. It's how you—' / 'Jim, Jim, Jim. We're having a company meeting here.'

Charles · Kevin · Stanley:Charles's solution to losing the receptionist: Kevin on phones, Stanley as 'productivity czar'