Michael's relationship with the new vice president becomes increasingly tense, as Michael finds an excuse to goof off even more than usual. Meanwhile, Pam faces the challenge of a new copier and Kelly develops a crush.
WAR
41.5
Wins Above Replacement
“Two Weeks” ranks #96 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 78.2 — Elite. The episode packs 58 scored jokes at 3.0 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.6 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Pam · Jim · Michael: I'm going with him. What? Pam. I'm going! Pam, you can't be serious. Michael, wait! I'm coming with you. You are? Yeah.
Michael: You have no idea how high I can fly
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael: This is a dream that I have had since lunch and I am not giving up on it now.
Michael Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight: That is either an incense dispenser or a ceremonial sarcophagus. My German is preindustrial and mostly religious.
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael · Stanley: Listen, Stanley, you don't need to answer me now. No. Just... I want you to think about it. No. Okay, you're not letting me finish. No. And you just lost out on a million dollars. No, I didn't. You know what? I had a great time at prom. And no one said yes to that, either.
All Jokes — 58 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Michael: Should've peed before I left
Michael Observational Character Comedy Michael: Revolving door, broken. So I have to take the normal door.
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael: I was so nervous, it was the wrong building. I had walked into the wrong building.
Jim: He finally has a story we really wanna hear. And he knows it.
Jim Meta/Self-Referential Observational ★ Rewatch Michael: You have no idea how high I can fly
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael: You guys have thought about this a lot more than I have. I just winged it.
Michael Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Pam: Maybe I'll have one of my own someday. But I dream.
Pam Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Michael: Scotch and Splenda. Tastes like Splenda, gets drunk like Scotch.
Michael Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: Clinky. Clinky-clink. Come on. Come on. Come on.
Michael Physical/Slapstick Cringe/Discomfort Michael: I'm gonna stay up all day. I'm gonna sleep up all night.
Michael Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Michael: you don't just look in the want ads for a job. You're headhunted.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael: Any really good headhunter will storm your village at sunset with overwhelming force and cut off your head with a ceremonial knife.
Michael Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Pam: Right, 'cause that's what we're talking about.
Pam Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Michael: Your 'I need you to' is my command.
Michael Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Michael · Phyllis: Is this wine? Busted. Yes. I already have wine.
Charles: For regional manager, I've decided to go with an outside hire. For obvious reasons.
Charles Irony/Sarcasm Cringe/Discomfort Kevin · Pam: Soon could mean anything. Soon could be three weeks. Is that what soon means to you? Sometimes. Then come back soon.
Kevin Pam Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Angela: Bandit, no! No, no, no!
Angela Physical/Slapstick Visual Gag Michael: It's monster.com. Singular.
Michael Character Comedy Observational Prince Paper recording: Hi, you've reached Prince Paper. We are sad to inform you that after 40 years of serving the community, we are no longer in business. Thank you for your support and may God bless you. Bye!
Michael: What am I gonna do?
Michael Reaction Beat Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: I'm going to start my own paper company.
Pam · Michael: Do you know that the industry's in decline? Yeah. Oh, God, I practically invented decline.
Michael · Pam: Close your eyes. I'd prefer not to. Just close your eyes.
Michael: Close them. Okay. All right. Michael Scott Paper Company.
Pam: I am not going to do this. Obviously. And you are not going to, either. Agreed. Except...
Pam Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight · Jim: Typical American arrogance that got us involved in a war we never should have been in. That's a really... World War II.
Dwight: That is either an incense dispenser or a ceremonial sarcophagus. My German is preindustrial and mostly religious.
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael: Somebody's been talking in bed. Pillow talk.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Michael: This is a dream that I have had since lunch and I am not giving up on it now.
Michael Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael · Pam: Could I take a piece of paper and just tape it with transparent tape? Yeah. Good. Thank you very much.
Andy: We're really tight. We're like the Kardashians.
Angela: I mean, I didn't have any. You know, to stay trim.
Charles: I am aware of the effect I have on women.
Charles Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Charles: She's turning 50 this year.
Charles Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Dwight · Michael: Location is hard for me with the farm... That's what I was thinking. ...and the responsibilities, so... That's what I was thinking. With the farm. You getting to wherever... It's so crucial... ...I'm gonna put my thing. Okay. So, think about it. Yeah. Let's put a pin in it for now. You know, I would love to put a pin in that.
Pam: It's not ready, Kevin! I am at a crucial point where I have sunk four hours into that copier. And I am not gonna let it beat me like that wireless router did.
Pam Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael · Oscar: I made it sterile. Just saying sterile doesn't make it so.
Oscar · Michael: Can you go five years without a salary, Michael? Okay. Five years? You already have the job. You don't have to convince me.
Michael · Stanley: Listen, Stanley, you don't need to answer me now. No. Just... I want you to think about it. No. Okay, you're not letting me finish. No. And you just lost out on a million dollars. No, I didn't. You know what? I had a great time at prom. And no one said yes to that, either.
Pam: I know all the buttons. Even the inside ones. I know all the error messages. I could do a bound book in plastic with offset colors, which feels...
Pam Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Michael · Charles: I have immunity. It's my two weeks. Not if you're starting a competing paper company, Michael.
Charles · Michael: You really think Hank is going to be loyal to you? Hank, please escort Charles from the building.
Hank: I always thought Michael got a bad rap. He's a good guy. And he's super funny. Yeah, maybe I should tell him before he goes. He's all the way over there.
Hank Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Jim: And just like that, as mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone.
Jim Meta/Self-Referential Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Stanley · Andy: Andy, he's gone. I know. You don't have to kiss his ass anymore.
Ryan: Michael's like a movie on a plane. You know, it's not great, but it's something to watch. And then when it's over, you're, like, how much time is left on this flight? You know. Now what?
Ryan Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael · Angela: Don't look down. Look straight up. Come on. Please. These are for employees only.
Michael: I was going to. I wanted to. But I had to start somewhere. And you didn't want to start with us? No. Of course not. But now I want everybody.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Jim: I did have a chance to think about it, but then I thought about something else.
Jim Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: This is not Michael Scott talking right now. This is your future. Hello. I am your future. You are older and you are very happy now, because you went with Michael Scott, right?
Michael Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: Are you doing your best here? Are you being the best that you can be? All right, everybody who's gonna go with me, I want you to stomp your foot.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Physical/Slapstick Charles · Michael: I think maybe Hank should be here. Hank? You know, I don't need Hank. You're gonna mess with me? Is that what you're gonna do? I'll tell you something, Charles. I don't even care, because I've got nothing to lose.
Pam · Jim · Michael: I'm going with him. What? Pam. I'm going! Pam, you can't be serious. Michael, wait! I'm coming with you. You are? Yeah.
Pam · Michael: Great. Except I don't want to be a receptionist anymore. Right. Executive assistant. Salesman. All right. Okay. Deal. Deal.
Michael · Jim: It's not how you leave an office. It's how you... Jim, Jim, Jim. We're having a company meeting here.
Charles · Kevin · Stanley: Phones? Also, there's been way too much wasting time. So, Stanley? Yes? Yeah, I want you on top of that. Okay, I want you to be my productivity czar.
⏩ The part you fast-forward
Our scorer flagged 04:00-05:00 range with interview setup having fewer laughs as the stretch with the fewest or weakest comedic moments. Everything else lands harder.
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