Charles Miner

Michael · Charles:Michael's 'surprise' in the break room turns out to be empty — 'The real surprise is in the conference room!'

Charles · Jim:Charles to Jim: 'Why are you wearing a tuxedo?' / Jim: 'I didn't think you'd notice.'

Jim · Charles:Jim's rambling explanation about the Dwight memo collapses into 'Not more crazy than wearing a tux at work. I'll grant you that, so I'm gonna...'

Michael · Charles · Kevin:Charles: 'Michael, I don't need to know everyone's sexual history.' / Michael: 'Well, perfect, because we have now arrived at Kevin, and he has no sexual history.'

Charles · Michael · Stanley:Michael: 'What about your party?' exchange — Charles announces discretionary spending freeze including parties; Michael's party is now threatened

Michael · Charles:Michael hears 'Saticoy Steel' and assumes it's an African-American name: 'Beautiful! See, African-Americans have such a rich history of unusual names.'

Michael · Charles:Michael: 'You're not from paper?' Charles: 'No.' Michael: 'Does David know this?'

Charles · Michael:Charles accidentally gets put through and has no idea who he's talking to: 'Hello? Hello, who is this?' / Michael: 'Who is this? I was never given a name.'

Charles · Michael:Charles buying the whole office lunch — 'Lunch is on me today!'

Kevin · Michael · Charles:Kevin tries to get overtime approved by Michael; Charles overrules; Michael says 'I say approved'; Charles says 'that's not the way it's gonna work'; they mirror each other's 'okay, so we're on the same page'

Michael · Charles:Michael does the 'talking butt' routine to Charles's face

Charles · Jim:'What is a two-way petting zoo?' / 'You pet the animals, they pet you back.'

Michael · Charles:Michael: 'Newsflash. I've been here for 15 years.' / 'Headline. You have been here one day.' / 'End of story.' / 'End of story!' / 'End of story!'

Dwight · Charles:Dwight explains his job title to Charles: 'Assistant to the Regional Manager.' / Charles: 'Assistant Regional Manager?' / Dwight: 'No — but yes.'

Charles · Dwight:Charles: 'Any responsibilities come with it?' / [long pause, looking at Dwight] / 'Do you want to keep this made-up position?'

Michael · Charles · Office Staff:Michael's speech to David: 'I've put having a family on hold...and I have never gone hang-gliding' — then immediately the scene of polite goodbyes from the office as Charles leaves

Dwight · Charles · Isaac:The job candidate in the waiting room asks Dwight if he's also interviewing — Dwight says yes, then Charles announces he's going with an outside hire 'for obvious reasons'

Charles · Jim:Charles asks Jim if he also handed in his notice; Jim says no — 'Okay.' / 'After you.' / 'No, I'm staying.' / 'Okay.'

Angela · Charles:Angela barges into Michael's office mid-interview to push an accounting seminar — mentions a sundae bar, then: 'I mean, I didn't have any. To stay trim.'

Charles · Jim · Michael:'Did Michael just let anybody in his office?' / 'Yes. He loved to facilitate communication... He was like, Come in.' / 'I am aware of the effect I have on women.'

Michael · Charles · Hank:Michael claims 'immunity' for his last two weeks; Charles says not if he's starting a competing company; Michael calls 'Hank' to escort Charles from the building

Michael · Charles:Charles vs. Michael standoff — Michael: 'I've got nothing to lose.' / Charles: 'Okay.' / Michael: 'Oh, my God. No, God! No! No. All right. It's not worth it.'

Charles · Kevin · Stanley:Charles's solution to losing the receptionist: Kevin on phones, Stanley as 'productivity czar'

Charles · Michael (referenced) · Jim · Dwight:Charles's meeting is interrupted by Michael asking: 'Charles, where were you born?' Charles clarifies he meant questions about day-to-day operations.

Charles · Jim:Charles interrupts the meeting to tell Jim: 'You're breathing very heavily.' Jim: 'This is how I breathe. If you have a problem—' Charles: 'No, it's not.'

Charles · Jim:Charles calls on Jim: 'Jim Halpert. I need your eyes up front.' Jim tries to explain, Charles cuts him off: 'No, hey, hey. I just want to hear, "Yes."'

Jim · Charles:Jim tries to bond with Charles over soccer. Charles: 'You a soccer fan?' Jim: 'Oh, yeah. I'm so embarrassed. You weren't supposed to see this. This is like my secret obsession.' Charles: 'Well, that makes two of us.' Jim: 'No way.' Charles: 'Yeah.' Jim: 'I hate soccer.'

Jim · Charles:Charles asks Jim: 'What about you, Jim? Are you a fan of the game?' Jim: 'Oh, no. Not really.' Charles: 'Well, it's not for everybody, I suppose.'

Dwight · Jim · Charles:Office soccer game play-by-play: 'Minor sees his partner Halpert... he looks up, defend Doyle... he shuts him up... Goal!'

Charles · Jim:Charles scores, then: 'Man, I can't wait to play with you.' Jim: 'Oh, it's gonna be the... worst.'

Charles · Dwight · Jim · Office staff:Soccer position exchange. 'What positions do people play?' 'Wing.' 'Leg.' Jim: 'Left.' Charles: 'Forward or half?' Jim: 'Forward, definitely.' 'Striker, huh?'

Jim · Phyllis · Dwight · Charles:Soccer game: Jim gets hit in the face/misses the ball catastrophically. Phyllis yells: 'No, I swallowed a crown.' Then: 'Why'd you duck, Jim?' 'Yeah, Jim, why would an experienced soccer player like yourself duck at the very last moment?'

Charles · Jim:Charles and Jim small talk: 'Do you get TNT? The station?' 'Yeah, I have cable and satellite as a backup.'

Michael · Charles:Michael confronts Charles in the hallway: 'Yes, I am, Charles. Except this time you have no legal right to kick me out. Because I have started my very own paper company right here in the building.'

Kelly Kapoor · Charles · Kelly Hannon:Kelly Kapoor hovering near Charles's office so that every time he calls for 'Kelly' she can swoop in and say 'You wanted me.'

Charles · Kelly Hannon:Okay, I'm gonna call you Kapoor and you Hannon. / If we're changing names, can I be Erin? It's my middle name.

Charles · Kelly Kapoor:That's very pretty. / Thanks. / Well, you know what MY middle name is? Rajani Ghanda — and I HATE it! I HATE IT!

Michael · Pam · Ryan · Charles:Oh, this is awkward. [beat after Michael, Pam, and Ryan pass Charles in the hallway]

Charles · Jim:You started on that rundown yet?

Jim · Charles:This is just something I'm taking on a break with me. But I will get back to the rundown right now. / Okay, great. / Hey, you know what, do you have a rundown I could take a look at, just so I know what type of rundown you're looking for? / Just keep it simple.

Pam · Charles:Well, it was great catching up with you. And I'll see you around the building. / Okay. / I'm just gonna sit here for a little bit longer, if that's okay.

Jim · Charles:Do you want to look at it first? / Do I need to? / No, no, no, I just... wanted to make sure we have the same format.

Jim · Charles:What's that? / The one I have. / I'll use the one I have.

Charles:Like a wolf.

Charles:I thought Michael Scott left the paper business after his nervous breakdown.

Charles · David Wallace:I'd just like to point out that I have been here less time than these guys. — Why are you telling me this? — I just think the bar should be lower for a newbie. — Is this something you really want to have said? — I don't want to have said that. But I think it's important that you know it.

Charles · David Wallace:May I have your attention? The Michael Scott Paper Company is broke. — What? How'd you hear that? — They've been calling their clients and begging them to pay more money. They're desperate. — Which can only mean one thing. They're total failures.

Charles · Dwight · Jim:Do not go anywhere near the conference room. — Done. — Because you have embarrassed me for the last time today. — Got it? — I'm not following you. — You two are morons. — Got it. — Get out.

Michael · David Wallace · Charles:And I want Charles gone. — I am not firing Charles. He's very valuable. — That's very kind of you to say. — I need him gone.

Charles · Dwight · Pam:Charles calls a rule violation on Pam's hand touching the net; Dwight objects; Charles insists on taking the point.

Charles:Charles trash-talks from the other side of the net: 'Now it's seven-six. Or is that too much accounting for you?'