Dwight's loyalty to Michael is tested when he finds a new hero in Charles. Meanwhile, Andy tries to provide for all of Jim's emotional needs.
WAR
105.5
Wins Above Replacement
“Heavy Competition” ranks #7 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 94.4 — Elite. The episode packs 73 scored jokes at 3.6 per minute, averaging 7.5 on craft and 7.4 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Dwight: I hit a bear. What? He's technically fine. I imagine the true horror will be when he wakes up in a zoo.
Dwight Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: I wanted to start a company, not a war, because in a war you always fight those you are closest to... Apart from abolishing slavery? In that case, war was the right choice. This doesn't feel as important, though. That's just how the world works, I guess.
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael: I color-code all my info. I wrote 'gay son' in green. Green means go, so I know to go ahead and shut up about it. Orange means 'orange you glad you didn't bring it up?' Most colors mean 'don't say it.'
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Dwight: When Michael was in charge, this place was like the Roman Empire. And the Wild West. And war-torn Poland. And Poland. There was just a lot going on.
Dwight Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Michael · Dwight: What is that thing Dwight always says? Paper is the soil in which the seeds of business grow? IT'S NOT THE SOIL! It's the manure! Paper is the manure! On-time delivery is the soil!
Standout Moments
Dwight: I hit a bear. What? He's technically fine. I imagine the true horror will be when he wakes up in a zoo.
Dwight Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: I color-code all my info. I wrote 'gay son' in green. Green means go, so I know to go ahead and shut up about it. Orange means 'orange you glad you didn't bring it up?' Most colors mean 'don't say it.'
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Michael: I wanted to start a company, not a war, because in a war you always fight those you are closest to... Apart from abolishing slavery? In that case, war was the right choice. This doesn't feel as important, though. That's just how the world works, I guess.
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 73 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Michael: There's only so much cold calling you can do in a day — turns out there's no limit to the number of cheese puffs you can throw at someone's face.
Michael: We're getting pretty good at it.
Michael Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Callback Pam: Now we are going bargain hunting in the haunted graveyard of their love.
Pam Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Andy: Did you even hear the music I just played for you? What's wrong with you?
Andy Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Jim: Jim's understated reaction after hearing the a cappella group costs $9,000: 'I don't know. It seems like a lot for an a cappella group from a college we never went to.'
Jim Deadpan/Understatement Observational Dwight: Sleeves are cutting off my circulation. Not enough blood getting to my hands. Doesn't Charles know he's compromising my attack readiness? It's not a dress code. It's a death sentence.
Dwight Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Dwight: When Michael was in charge, this place was like the Roman Empire. And the Wild West. And war-torn Poland. And Poland. There was just a lot going on.
Dwight Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Dwight: And in that chaos, I soared.
Dwight Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · Jim: What's this? It's for your trouble. I don't need $6 to help a friend. As a friend, I want you to have it. Michael, you know I can't take this. Yes, I do. But don't forget you owe me $10. That was four years ago. Why don't you let it go?
Andy: When I see her bossing you around like that, it just makes me wonder if this thing really has the legs to go the distance.
Andy Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Jim: It's so scary how right the things you're saying are, and you're coming at it with almost no knowledge, so of course I trust your opinion on this.
Jim Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Andy: I know a few things about love — horrible, terrible, awful, awful things.
Andy Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Michael: Tell them that we have fewer clients, so we can spend more time with each of them. Also try to discuss it over Indian food, and try to mention how you distrust women.
Michael · Ryan: I'm not gonna do that. That is smart. That would not seem genuine. Ryan? I can get there.
Michael · Ryan · Pam: U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, you ugly, you ugly, you mama says you ugly — Go Michael Scott Paper Company!
Ryan: Ryan's reaction to the morning cheer: 'I'm here. I'm part of this now.' — delivered flatly to camera.
Ryan Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Dwight: I prefer to stand. Less blood clots.
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Charles Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Michael · Dwight: Is it Mose? Did you put the cover on that well? No, Mose is fine. I roped it off.
Dwight: Imagine someone has a personal hero they really want to help, but then there's this new guy, very cool, very Will Smith-esque, who would not like it if he helped his hero.
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist Michael · Dwight: Crystal clear. So is this for a movie that you're writing? No. Can I use it? No.
Dwight · Michael: So I would say that the old boss has always been good to Dwight, and he was there first, so he has dibs. You respect dibs, don't you? I'm not a barbarian.
Michael · Dwight: Is the cool new guy Charles? I've said too much. Is it Stanley?
Andy: "Noishe." ...I just don't know if I can do it.
Andy Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Andy: Believe me, I broke up with Angela, and I'm like the happiest guy ever. I mean, I'm so happy. I'm so happy. Like, total freedom, you know?
Andy Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Jim · Andy: I'm pretty emotionally needy. And you know what? I am here for you. Let me be your traveling pants.
Jim Andy Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Dwight · Michael: Ah, what'd you do that for? You know that I was doin' this.
Dwight · Michael: Run! Run! It's a setup. Setup!
Dwight: I was upset about the shirt sleeves at first, but now I'm okay with it.
Dwight Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: I understand... nothing.
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Michael: It's like a girl says she'll make out with you, but then her boyfriend is waiting around the corner with a pee-filled balloon.
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael: I got hit in the face with a pee-filled water balloon, Pam, okay? I don't know how they did it. They filled the balloon with pee. A funnel? I don't know.
Michael Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: Bro, I do that all the time.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Andy · Michael: When I look in the mirror, I don't like the face that looks back. Well, so what? Your body's a ten.
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dwight: I think you have the wrong number, Michael.
Dwight Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Michael: I am going to come at you, and I'm going to come at you hard. I'm going to steal all of your clients, and then I am going to kill them in front of you. ... Bill Cosby.
Michael Character Comedy Misdirection Michael · Pam: I'm just getting hardcore with him. Finally.
Dwight · Charles's assistant: And you have bad skin. Oh, look, everyone, we're all making observations!
Ryan: Ryan trying to reach the Schofield account: 'Mr. Schofield, please.' / 'He's in a meeting.' / 'Damn it!'
Ryan Character Comedy Reaction Beat Dwight: I spent a month putting that rolodex on his BlackBerry, which he now uses as a nightlight.
Dwight Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Ryan: Ryan on Michael's Rolodex: 'Look at that old dude and his Rolodex go. I spent a month putting that Rolodex on his BlackBerry, which he now uses as a nightlight.'
Ryan Observational Character Comedy Ryan Reaction Beat Irony/Sarcasm Callback Dwight: Oh, you're considering him. [Beat — Dwight realizes Michael has been talking to Schofield]
Dwight Reaction Beat Cringe/Discomfort Charles: I thought Michael Scott left the paper business after his nervous breakdown.
Charles Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Dwight: Master and apprentice pitted against one another for the fate of the greater Scranton area paper market. So it's not exactly like Highlander, but still.
Dwight Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Michael · Dwight: Meet me in our spot in four minutes. No. No. You think I'm going to fall for that? There's no — Michael. Meet — Okay, go to the spot, and then walk 100 feet. In which direction? Toward the sun. At what time? Noon. That — You have two seconds.
Michael · Dwight: Michael and Dwight meet secretly: 'I hope you're not recording this conversation.' / Long pause. / 'Good.'
Michael: I hope you're not recording this conversation.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael: Dwight hit a bear. He'll be here in a sec.
Michael Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: Michael casually informs the table: 'Dwight hit a bear. He'll be here in a sec.'
Michael Deadpan/Understatement Callback Callback Michael: Oh my god, I think we've been robbed.
Michael Setup/Punchline Cringe/Discomfort Michael: You have no idea what kind of enemy you've created. You have unleashed the wolf!
Dwight: Be that as it may, I have your meatball parm sandwich here, and I am going to eat it.
Dwight Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: And I knew that you would do that. Their meatball parm is their worst sandwich.
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight: And on the back he wrote, 'Great salesman, better friend.' 'Tall' and 'beets.' And say hello to Cheri, who is your black wife.
Dwight Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Dwight: Dwight reads another card note: '"Tall" and "beets."'
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight: Dwight reads: 'And say hello to Cheri, who is your black wife.'
Dwight Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Callback Michael · Dwight: You can hear me, but I can't hear you. Mr. Schofield's ready to see you now, Mr. Scott. Oh, great. Mr. Schofield's ready to see me. Thank you so much. Don't let him in! He's a traitor! Michael! Walking in the door... Michael. Good to see you. And I'm closing the door.
Michael · Schofield: It is like you are buying software from Bill Gates. Are you saying you invented paper? Okay, okay.
Andy: Excuse me, can I have your attention, everyone? Here's the deal, everybody. Jim Halpert is very upset and disturbed.
Andy Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Kevin: Kevin's response to Andy's intervention: 'I guess I could be nicer.'
Kevin Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Kevin · Andy: Andy, I think Jim is messing with you. Oh, really? Okay.
Andy: Oh man. He got me so good.
Andy Character Comedy Reaction Beat Andy: Andy's talking head after: 'Oh, man. He got me so good.' / [cut] 'I learned something about myself today.'
Andy Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Andy: I wish this was a sofa, 'cause I feel like I could sit here and talk for hours.
Andy Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Michael · Dwight: What is that thing Dwight always says? Paper is the soil in which the seeds of business grow? IT'S NOT THE SOIL! It's the manure! Paper is the manure! On-time delivery is the soil!
Dwight: April 13th, 2002. That is the date when you tried to switch paper providers from an obscure sociology textbook, but were hung out to dry when the price of glossy stock increased.
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael follows up: 'How is Tom, the homosexual sophomore?'
Michael Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: How is Tom, the homosexual sophomore?
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Top Episodes — The Office
