Company Picnic

Erin:Erin catches herself saying 'when he gets up' and self-corrects to 'gets back'

Erin:Erin's escalating explanation: 'Michael had chicken pot pie for lunch... an entire chicken pot pie... an entire family-sized chicken pot pie... and then he fell asleep.'

Erin · Michael:Erin checks the clock while saying 'which actually should be in about...' then a long pause and the camera cuts to Michael waking up at [01:16] like clockwork

Jim · Dwight · Erin · office staff:The entire scheme of changing Michael's computer clock and watch so he wakes up thinking it's 5pm

Dwight:'I have an appointment with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don't know.'

Michael:Michael wakes up exactly when the manipulated clock hits 5pm — 'Like clockwork' — confirming the plan worked perfectly

Michael · office staff:'What's so funny?' / 'You had to be there!' / 'Geography joke.'

Michael:'Let's all go home. Come on. See you all tamale.'

Jim:'Should I have left the car running?'

Jim · Pam:Pam recalls the drunk guy who grabbed her 'for balance' at last year's picnic; Jim confirms: 'You don't grab these for balance.'

Dwight · Rolph:Dwight and his friend debating SPF levels; Dwight reveals his homemade SPF/insect repellant combination and asks 'You think the EPA would ever allow that much DEET?'

Dwight:Dwight's confessional about Rolph: 'We met in a shoe store. I heard him asking for a shoe that could increase his speed and not leave any tracks.'

Michael · Holly · AJ:Michael spots Holly with her boyfriend AJ and says 'We're just friends.' Then, upon seeing AJ: 'Wait a second. Who let you in here is what I wanna know.'

Michael · Holly:'I see they're letting just anybody in here.' (Michael to Holly, implying AJ specifically)

Michael · Holly · AJ:When Holly introduces AJ as her boyfriend, Michael says: 'A little bit. I meet a lot of people.'

Michael · Holly · AJ:Michael offering lemonade: 'Or one of you? Or both of you. Either or. The combinations are endless.'

Michael · AJ:AJ asks for iced tea; Michael says 'You can go to hell.' Then immediately: 'I'm kidding!'

Michael:Michael's confessional: 'I lied to Kevin. Holly and I can never be just friends.' Then reveals his list, starting with 'You and I are soup snakes.'

Jim:Jim's confessional: 'Must be nice to get a rest from all your rest.' (about Charles)

Jim · Pam:Pam offers to beat up Charles; Jim says: 'I shouldn't have to ask you to do that. You should just do it.'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight's lineup for the volleyball game and his invocation of 'the humiliation we suffered last year' at softball due to Jim's 'spider-in-the-mitt incident'

Dwight · Ryan · Erin:Ryan asks Dwight to put Erin on his row ('Bro-migo'); Dwight misreads it as Ryan wanting Erin to set him up for spikes, and offers Phyllis instead: 'She's the best setter on the team.'

Dwight · Ryan:Dwight misreads Ryan's request to be next to Erin as wanting her to set up his spike — 'Sly dog' — then puts him next to Phyllis instead

Michael · Holly · AJ:Holly reveals she and AJ are designing a house together; immediately cut to Michael: 'I'm designing a chair.'

Michael:Michael explains his chair design: 'It's part of your pants. You sit down, you're supported.'

Holly · Michael:Holly remembers Michael's chair pants idea from before, indicating he's been developing this for some time.

Michael · Holly:Michael puts Holly down for a pair of chair pants, says 'All right, fatty. I will do it.'

Michael · Holly:'You guys are really gonna do this?' / 'You bet your fat ass we are.'

Michael · Holly:Michael and Holly launch into their improv bit: 'Have ya hoyd the news? Extry, extry! Read all about it!'

Michael · Holly:Michael as a newsboy approaches a blind man (with sunglasses) and asks 'Are you blind?' then doubles down: 'Sir, with the glasses, are you literally blind? You might be in danger.'

Michael:Michael approaches someone wearing expensive sunglasses, asking if they're blind, then doubling down: 'with the glasses, are you literally blind? You might be in danger.'

Kevin · Michael · Holly:Kevin barges into the newsboy bit, joining in: 'Are... you... blind? Can you see things with your eyeballs?'

Michael:Michael addresses the volleyball team: 'You're better than this.' Long pause. 'I am better than this.'

Ryan:Ryan sitting on the ground during the game, saying 'We've been out here for a while. I don't need this.'

Charles · Dwight · Pam:Charles calls a rule violation on Pam's hand touching the net; Dwight objects; Charles insists on taking the point.

Pam:Pam's confessional revelation: 'Maybe I played a little in junior high. And in high school. Maybe a little in college. And went to volleyball camp most summers.'

Michael:Michael bringing 'snacky snacks' and distributing them during the volleyball timeout

Michael · Holly:Michael reveals he planned to 'wing' the entire Dunder Mifflin history sketch; Holly responds: 'Crystal cool.'

Andy · other players:Andy injures himself during volleyball: 'Ow, my ankle!' / 'What happened?' / 'I twisted it.' / 'You weren't even moving.'

Rolph · Dwight:Rolph refuses to sub in for Pam: 'I don't hear cheaters, tramps, or women who break my friend's heart.'

Michael · Holly:Michael and Holly brainstorming ideas for the sketch: 'Back to the Future' where they convince 'Dunder and Mifflin to go back in time to fix their parents.' Then 'Jaws': 'Dun-der, Dun-der, Dunder Dunder Dunder...'

Michael · Holly:'We haven't found our great idea yet.' / 'We're circling it.'

Dwight:After the volleyball victory, Dwight trash-talks: 'They're gonna wipe their asses with your serves! Piss all over your faces!'

Michael · Holly:Michael and Holly's sketch title: 'Slumdunder Mifflinaire!'

Michael · Holly:The game-show format of Slumdunder Mifflinaire: asking trivia about Dunder Mifflin's founding as if it's Who Wants to Be a Millionaire

Michael · Holly:Holly plays both Robert Dunder and Robert Mifflin with a brief moment of announcing herself, then: 'I'm Robert Dunder.' 'I'm Robert Mifflin.' Then Michael as narrator: 'Robert Mifflin had a great life. But unfortunately, had undiagnosed depression, which 9 million Americans suffer from, and is very treatable.'

Michael · Holly:The sketch reveals Robert Mifflin had 'undiagnosed depression, which 9 million Americans suffer from, and is very treatable.' — mid-comedy sketch PSA

Michael · Holly:The suicide question: 'For $250, how did he kill himself? A) A rope. B) A knife. C) A gun. D) Brushing his teeth!'

unnamed Dunder Mifflin employee:A Dunder Mifflin employee confessional: 'I usually don't enjoy the theater. But this is delightful.'

Michael · Holly:The Buffalo closing question: '$500,000 — is it A) Scranton, B) Buffalo, C) Utica, or D) Toothbrush?'

Holly · Michael · David Wallace:Holly answers the Buffalo question correctly because 'David Wallace told me!' — revealing she got the information in confidence and accidentally disclosed a branch closing to the employees at a picnic

David Wallace:David Wallace is confronted publicly: 'David, is this true?' and he hedges: 'OK, we're at a picnic today.'

David Wallace · Buffalo employees:Buffalo employees protesting: 'We're the best branch in the company!' while David Wallace is forced to make an announcement at a picnic

David Wallace · Michael:David Wallace confronts Michael: 'How could you think that the right way to announce a branch closing was in a comedy sketch at the company picnic?'

David Wallace · Michael:David confronts Michael: 'How could you think that the right way to announce a branch closing was in a comedy sketch at the company picnic?'

Michael:After being told a small boy said 'Is my daddy gonna have a job by Christmas?', Michael responds: 'He's just thinking about his own gifts.'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight's reasoning for still playing volleyball: 'Because if we don't play, then the other team wins.' / 'Dwight's right. Corporate deserves to get its ass kicked.'

Dwight:'Corporate deserves to get its ass kicked.' — Dwight's justification for continuing the game

Charles:Charles trash-talks from the other side of the net: 'Now it's seven-six. Or is that too much accounting for you?'

unnamed character:'Now it's seven-six. Or is that too much accounting for you?'

Rolph:Rolph trash-talks Pam: 'Here's an accounting question. What does one fiancee plus one lover equal? Answer: one whore.'

Jim · opposing player:Jim argues Pam needs to get her ankle examined — 'You're putting a volleyball game in front of your fiancee's health.'

Dwight:Dwight offers to scout a hospital: 'I spotted a small hospital a few kilometers south of here.'

Michael · Holly:Michael and Holly's post-mortem on the sketch: 'There weren't any laughs.' / 'No, it was a tough audience.' / 'We wrote it specifically for this audience.'

Michael · Holly:'There weren't any laughs.' / 'No, it was a tough audience.' / 'But we wrote it specifically for this audience.'

Michael:'We have a lot of... good material for next year's sketch.' (long pause)

Jim · Dwight:Jim on the phone from the hospital, telling Dwight to stall the volleyball game; Dwight is asked to 'think of something'

Pam · Jim · Doctor:Doctor doing Pam's X-ray asks: 'No metal plates? No chances you're pregnant?' Then: 'Could we hurry this up? I've got a game to get back to.' / Doctor: 'Good, because my next question was: do you have a game to get back to?'

Michael · Holly:Michael tells Holly: 'You guys should hit the road before... I close down another branch.'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight's escalating argument for not forfeiting the game by listing injured people: 'How many people need to get hurt before we learn a valuable lesson? One? Two? Three? Four?' (Jim cuts in repeatedly, Dwight ignores him): 'Five? Six? Seven? Can I finish, please? Eight?'

Dwight:Dwight's stalling tactic: 'How many people need to get hurt before we learn a valuable lesson? One? Two? Three? Four? No, hear me out. Five? Six? Seven? Can I finish, please? Eight?'

Jim:Final scene: 'Send in the subs.' — Jim concedes the volleyball game, implying the news from the hospital is significant (Pam is pregnant)

Dwight:'Send in the subs.' — After a long wait, Dwight quietly gives up the stall