The Little Things

Cindy:I wouldn't shop at that big mega-store if you paid me.

Harold:You know, everyone's a Democrat till they get a little money. Then they come to their senses.

Daniel:The porn star?

Lindsay:Don't worry about it, Amy. Bush probably doesn't know anything about the tuba.

Amy:Amy mimics 'Hail to the Chief' out of tune on tuba

Daniel:How we ever gonna plan our coup?

Daniel:COOOOOUP. COUP. COUP.

Bill:Once you start down that dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. At least that's what Yoda always says.

Todd:I mean, not all cheerleaders have to be pretty, but their cheerleaders aren't even remotely pretty. I mean, they're dirty.

Girl · Todd:Hey, not all our cheerleaders are pretty. / You can say that again.

Cindy:Sam, you're not gonna defend me?

Girl · Todd · Girl:I like Sam. / What, do you want to see us fight? / I'd like to see that.

Bill:MOUSETRAP! I WIN!

Neal · Bill:Maybe you can get the school to start a team. / Funny.

Bill:I mean, I'm good at Mousetrap, and you're really good at Kerplunk.

Sam · Neal:All she ever wants to do is make out and stuff. / I'd kill to be that bored.

Sam:We went to the mall twice, and we went to this football game once, and after that, we went to a different mall.

Bill:That sounds fantastic.

Neal:Because she's a goddess! Am I the last sane man on this godforsaken planet?

Bill:Hey, pass her over here. I'd move to the mall if she wanted me to.

Ken:Um, 'cause I hate it there?

Ken:How come everyone always thinks I'm joking all the time? Something to do with my voice, isn't it?

Ken:I guess raising me wasn't one of the things they learned to do in college.

Ken:She was the best mommy money could buy.

Amy:But when I was born... I was born with both male and female parts.

Ken:If I was dating you when you were just born, things might be a little different 'cause of all that stuff. But now you're all girl now, so it's...OK.

Ken:I had my appendix out, so, you know, I've been there.

Rosso:Maybe because he's the second most powerful man on Earth.

Rosso:Maybe because we live in a country where we can actually question our leaders without fear of being hacked to death by a machete.

Rosso:I guess me and my hippie friends were all just wasting our time at Berkeley demonstrating and stopping an unjust war.

Rosso:I've got the best job in the world! 12 grand a year, and I'm overpaid.

Rosso · Secret Service:But, uh, where am I supposed to work? / Sorry, sir, it's not my problem.

Secret Service:Uh, Crockpot, you're going to get a visual on that bogie. He's coming at you. He's about 6'3", a real Dr. Feelgood look. Check him out.

Sam · Cindy:I thought the cafeteria food looked a little gross, so I had an apple. / It was actually pretty good. If you like Salisbury steak.

Daniel:They say that Reagan had Iran delay the release of the hostages until after he was elected. You should ask him about that. I bet he flips.

Kim:Oh, Lindsay, that's boring. Nobody wants to hear about that.

Kim:I want to ask him about the aliens at Roswell.

Cindy:Hey, you know what we could do? All the football players are going to these batting cages, like this goofy golf type place, and then afterwards, they're gonna go swim in this lake.

Cindy:I get it. You want to take your girlfriend out like a real gentleman.

Amy · Ken:You can't even look at me! / I'm looking at you.

Ken:Live with what? It's over. I mean, you know, move on.

Neal · Sam · Neal:[Bad English accent] If it were me, I'd take her to a Broadway show. / Broadway? We're in Michigan. / [Normal voice] Dinner theater?

Neal:Laughter is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Get a woman laughing and you've got a woman loving.

Harris · Everyone:Judith has very particular tastes. About the only thing she ever wants is scented oils and plenty of time with her man. / ECCH!

Jean:After all, this is your first love.

Ken:Amy's not really a girl. But she's kinda-- I mean, you know, she is-- kinda part guy, too.

Ken:It means that she was packing both a gun and the holster.

Nick · Ken · Ken:You better get rid of her. / I don't want to break up with her. I really like her. / I might even...love her.

Ken:Well, there's a small little chance that... I might be gay.

Ken · Rosso:I thought you'd be a good person to talk to about it, since you're gay. / I'm not gay.

Ken:You just-- you kinda have this way about you, and I've never seen you with a woman.

Rosso:I don't bring dates to school.

Rosso:Rosso singing 'If They Could See Me Now' while trying to break into his car

Lindsay reading:What is your favorite place to eat in the state of Michigan?

Rosso:That's code for 'nice try, but this is a glorified photo opportunity.'

Lindsay:Maybe if I'm lucky, he'll tell me which steakhouse has the best prime rib.

Rosso:16 scars on my head from a tear-gas canister.

Rosso:And now all my compatriots are gettin' rich working Wall Street, and I can't get my keys out of my mother's car.

Cindy:Republicans aren't selfish. It's just that they don't believe poor people should get handouts. I mean, they should get jobs. Handouts just make them lazy, don't you think?

Sam:And speaking of handouts, ha ha, uh, I got you something.

Cindy · Sam:How much did it cost? / Um, I don't know. It's an heirloom.

Cindy:You know, it's metal, so it'd be cold on my neck and everything.

Lindsay:Mom, busy doing what? Waiting for the president to die so he can take over?

Harold:Your only affiliation right now to any party is to the Weir party.

Movie dialogue:He hates these cans! Stay away from the cans!

Sam · Cindy:Do you want some popcorn or something? / Will popcorn make this funny?

Cindy:How old is this guy? He's got gray hair, and he's running around like a 5-year-old.

Cindy:I'm giving you a hickey, you goof.

Daniel · Kim:Yeah, if you're attracted to guys that look like Jesus. / Shut up!

Daniel Desario:YEAH, IF YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO GUYS THAT LOOK LIKE JESUS.

Ken · Daniel:Ken punches Daniel in the face

Sam · Lindsay:How come I don't like her? / Sam, just 'cause a girl's pretty doesn't mean you have to like her.

Sam:Well, because they can't believe that... she's going out with me in the first place.

Lindsay:You better wear a turtleneck before Mom and Dad see that.

Neal · Neal:I'm glad your stomach hurts. / You know what that is? It's your body telling you you're making a big mistake.

Neal:Years from now you're gonna be sitting in your house, looking at your unattractive kids with your unattractive wife, saying to yourself, 'Man, why did I ever dump that goddess Cindy Sanders?'

Bill · Neal:Have I ever told you about the time that I made out with Vicki Appleby? / Oh, shut up. You're such a liar.

Ken · Sam:Did you just puke? / No. I'm nervous.

Sam · Ken:I'm gonna break up with Cindy Sanders. / Wow. Why, man? She's hot.

Ken · Ken:You serious? / Man, my girlfriend loved The Jerk.

Cindy · Cindy:Sam, you're wearing a turtleneck. / Are you covering up my hickey?

Cindy:So I guess if you got me a diamond ring and I didn't wear it because I was too embarrassed, you wouldn't get all mad, either?

Sam · Cindy:Hey, come on! I got you a necklace, and you've never worn it. / It was ugly!

Cindy:You're supposed to be nice. That's the only reason why I'm going out with you in the first place.

Cindy:Have your stupid heirloom back.

Secret Service:Sir, are you now or have you ever been a member of an organization called the Taft Students Alliance for a New America?

Rosso:I guess I rocked the boat a little bit in my youth.

Secret Service Agent:You ever heard of the vice president getting assassinated? No. You know why? It's never happened. Will it ever happen? No way. Because who cares?

Secret Service Agent:Sometimes I think I just want to rip off my vest and jacket and just put on a T-shirt and go and, like, make pancakes somewhere or something.

Lindsay:My question is... Why did your staff reject my question? Are you afraid of an open discourse with the students?

Mr. Rosso · Secret Service Agent:"DO YOU LIKE WORKING WITH MAJOR APPLIANCES?" THAT'D BE A YES.

Rosso · Rosso:Do you like working with major appliances? / That'd be a yes.