Kim's friend, Karen, bullies Sam and calls him a geek. Kim invites Lindsay to dinner at her house, exposing Lindsay to the abuse Kim takes at home.
WAR
72
Wins Above Replacement
“Smooching and Mooching” ranks #9 of 18 Freaks and Geeks episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 81.4 — Elite. The episode packs 77 scored jokes at 2.3 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 6.9 on impact, with Nick landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Bill · Vicki: Bill asks Vicki in the closet: 'Do you think I'm pretty?' — Vicki: 'I don't know. This is the only way I've ever looked.'
Bill: Bill's escalating vomit hypothetical: 'What if I throw up? What if I throw up all over her? What if I throw up IN her mouth?'
Bill Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bill · Vicki: Bill: 'They're never nice to me.' Vicki: 'Every time I look at you, you look like you're having a pretty good time. You're always laughing.' Bill: 'I watch movies in my head.'
Harold Weir · Lindsay Weir: Lindsay: 'Dad, I can't stay inside all the time.' Harold: 'I know.' [pause] 'Why not?'
Bill: Bill escalates: 'Do you make your tongue hard or soft?' / 'Are you supposed to lick her teeth?'
Bill Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 77 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Daniel · Nick: Daniel and Nick at a garage sale debating who has better 'crap'
Daniel: Daniel's theory that people who keep books are just bragging: 'OOH! Look at all these books I've read. I'm so clever!'
Daniel Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Nick · Daniel: Nick says finding bongos would bring the Andopolis drum kit to 'an even 30 pieces' — Daniel says '31 pieces'
Nick Daniel Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Nick · Daniel: Nick's dad is mad because Nick was playing 'American Band' while his dad was watching 60 Minutes
Lindsay · Nick: Lindsay asks 'Nick... where are your drums?' — the room is visibly empty where a massive kit once stood
Nick's Father: 'Fine. With a little more effort, you could end up living in a cardboard box.'
Nick · Nick's Dad: Nick demands money for the sold drums; his dad fires back: 'How much did you spend on drums and how much did you spend on drugs?'
Nick: Nick storms out: 'I'm outta here, and I hope that you enjoy your peace and quiet'
Nick Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Sam · Neal · Bill: Cut to the geeks watching The Jerk — 'There's something wrong with these cans! He hates these cans!'
Neal · Sam · Bill: The Caddyshack vs. The Jerk vs. Stripes debate — Neal recites the entire second half of Stripes on demand
Sam · Bill · Neal · Daniel: Cindy pulls Sam away from the group for a private chat — Bill, Neal, and Daniel's confused/excited silent reaction
Sam: Sam runs back to the group: 'My God! It's happening!'
Sam Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Nick: Nick asks if anyone wants to give him a neck rub in the cafeteria
Nick Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Kim · Daniel: Kim reveals Nick slept on Daniel's infested carpet, then Daniel says 'Better than sleeping in my Maverick'
Kim Daniel Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Ken: Ken refuses to let Nick stay over: 'My dad. He doesn't even let my grandma stay over. He's got issues.'
Ken Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Daniel · Nick: Daniel explains Nick didn't flush the toilet and his mom 'almost had a heart attack' — Nick protests 'He's just joking.' Daniel: 'I'm not joking!'
Harold Weir: Mr. Weir grousing about 'those religious people bothering me all day' right before Nick shows up at the door
Harold Weir: Lindsay's dad's debate position on women presidents: 'It's called 3 irrational days per month. Now I would have no issue with the other 27, but we're talking about the atomic bomb here!'
Lindsay Weir · Harold Weir: Lindsay responds: 'You know, men get periods too. It has to do with your body tides.' Harold: 'My body does not have a tide.'
Nick · Harold Weir: Nick sniffs the air from the doorway: 'Let me guess... Meat?' Harold: 'Congratulations.'
Nick · Harold Weir: Nick accepts the dinner invitation: 'YEAH! That would rock! I haven't eaten dinner yet!'
Nick · Jean Weir: Nick compliments Mrs. Weir's pot roast: 'You're even a better cook than my mom'
Jean Weir: Jean's response: 'You don't get to be as tall as you are without somebody doing something right nutritionally'
Nick · Harold Weir: Nick reveals at dinner that he needs a sleeping bag because he's been 'spending a lot of time sleeping on people's floors lately'
Nick: 'He said my drums were interfering with my schoolwork.' [beat] 'I think my schoolwork was interfering with my drums.'
Nick Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Harold Weir: Harold's response to Nick's drum philosophy: 'Terrible.'
Harold Weir Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Harold Weir · Nick: Harold immediately offers Nick the couch after calling his worldview 'Terrible'
Nick: Nick: 'It's like you cooked this in heaven... then brought it back down here to your table.'
Nick Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Bill: Bill's pre-emptive alibi to Cindy: 'That wasn't me. That was Neal. He just said it was me.'
Bill Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Bill · Cindy: Cindy tells Bill she 'like-likes' Sam — Bill's stunned 'Oh. OH!'
Bill: Bill: 'Me, too.' / Girl: 'No, I LIKE-like Sam.' / Bill: 'Oh.' ... 'Oh!'
Bill Reaction Beat Character Comedy Kim · Lindsay: Kim to Lindsay: 'Did he try to give you a back rub?' / 'No.' / 'Well, he will.' / 'If he tries to give you a foot massage...run.'
Neal · Bill: Neal and Bill watching Sam and Cindy smile at each other: 'They're smiling.' Neal immediately pivots: Cindy's friends include Vicky, 'Oh man, I love her.'
Neal Bill Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Neal: 'They are. But that's one cult I wouldn't mind joining. Bring on the pods.'
Neal Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Nick · Harold Weir: Nick is playing air drums in the Weir living room at night — Harold appears and tells him it's 'quiet hour'
Nick · Harold Weir: Nick says Harold is 'starting to sound like my dad' — Harold: 'Well, then, your dad is a smart man.'
Nick · Harold Weir: Nick: 'You're starting to sound like my dad, Mr. Weir.' Harold: 'Oh, yeah? Well, then, your dad is a smart man.'
Harold Weir: Harold on Neil Peart: 'Neil Peart couldn't drum his way out of a paper bag.'
Nick · Harold Weir: Nick: 'That's Neil Peart. He's the greatest drummer alive.' Harold: 'Neil Peart couldn't drum his way out of a paper bag.'
Nick · Harold Weir: Nick and Harold bonding over old jazz drumming records, Nick: 'That guy is amazing. How did you hear about him?' Harold: 'Are you kidding? I grew up with Gene Krupa and Buddy Rich.'
Lindsay Weir: Lindsay advising Sam on girls: 'Nick was so into me, he made me want to move to a different country.'
Lindsay: Lindsay advising Sam: 'Just be yourself... Be a gentleman and don't be weird and don't smother her.' Then adds: 'Nick was so into me, he made me want to move to a different country.'
Lindsay Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Lindsay Weir: Lindsay: 'I don't think Nick's in love with you. I think he's in love with Mom and Dad.'
Nick · Harold Weir: Nick wakes Harold up at 2am whispering thanks through his bedroom door
Nick · Sam: Nick catches Sam in pajamas in the hallway: 'Those are, uh, nice pajamas.'
Nick Sam Cringe/Discomfort Awkward Silence Sam: Sam's confessional: 'This is a whole new world. I see double-dating and triple-dating and cheerleaders at your house and me at your house.'
Sam Character Comedy Escalation Neal: Neal: 'She's the one that should be thankful. You're a catch.'
Neal Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Neal · Sam: Make-out party panic — Neal explains it's a make-out party, Sam didn't know, Neal: 'Well, you better get ready to make out.'
Neal Sam Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Bill: The French kissing debate — Bill's clinical disgust: 'Germs. Spit. Mucus. Old bits of food. That's just to name a couple.'
Bill Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Bill: Bill escalates: 'Do you make your tongue hard or soft?' / 'Are you supposed to lick her teeth?'
Bill Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bill: Bill's escalating vomit hypothetical: 'What if I throw up? What if I throw up all over her? What if I throw up IN her mouth?'
Bill Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Gordon · Harris: Gordon: 'I'm saving my virginity for the future Mrs. Crisp.' Harris: 'I have a date with Judith. Every night's a make-out party with us. Whoopie.'
Neal: Neal reveals he has been 'practicing' spinning a bottle all week and demonstrates controlled torque technique
Neal Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Bill · Neal: Bill: 'What if they don't wanna kiss us?' Neal: 'That's the genius part of the game. They have to!'
Bill Neal Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Bill · Neal: Bill: 'I just don't wanna see the expression on their face when the bottle lands on me.' Neal: 'Who cares if they look disappointed? All I care about is if they look disappointed after the kiss.'
Bill Neal Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Nick · Daniel: Nick and Daniel argue about turtlenecks: 'We'll look like the Smothers Brothers.'
Daniel · Nick: Daniel removes his turtleneck to reveal a dickey underneath — 'Nice dickey!' 'Shut up.'
Bill: Bill comparing entering the party to the Animal House scene where Flounder gets put in a room with 'the blind guy and the Indian guy'
Bill Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Bill · Sam: Bill's philosophical reframe: 'Blind guys are cool. They have supersonic hearing.' / 'You're right. Let's mingle.'
Bill Sam Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Nick: Nick at the Weir dinner table demonstrates his drum lesson: 'Paradiddle, paradiddle, paradiddle.'
Nick Character Comedy Visual Gag Harold Weir · Nick: Harold reveals he hired Nick as a stock boy to pay for drum lessons — without telling Lindsay
Unknown party girls · Neal: Spin the bottle — 'Why does the bottle keep landing on me?' vs. 'How come the bottle never lands on me?'
Unknown party boy: A guy watching the bottle land on Bill three times: 'Hey, I'll give you 8 and a half minutes.'
Nick's Dad · Harold Weir: Nick's dad: 'You call me when he turns 16.' — after Harold's optimistic 'sometimes you just gotta let 'em be kids'
Party Kid: 'There is obviously something wrong with that bottle.' — someone suggests switching seats to change Bill's luck
Bill · Party Kids: After seat switch, the bottle still lands on Bill — 'NO!' [laughter] 'Just kiss him and get it over with.'
Bill · Vicki · Party Kids: Vicki and Bill sent into 7 minutes in heaven — Bill's terrified face vs. the crowd's 'VICKI AND BILL' chant
Nick: Nick at the door: 'You sure you don't wanna adopt me?'
Nick Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Sam · Cindy: Sam and Cindy in a back room at the party — Sam defensively insisting he wasn't planning to kiss her; then Cindy pointing out he was trying to
Sam Cindy Cringe/Discomfort Awkward Silence Sam · Cindy: Sam: 'Well, here we are.' Cindy: 'Yeah. Here we are.' [long pause] Sam turns on the radio.
Sam Cindy Awkward Silence Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Bill · Vicki: Bill asks Vicki in the closet: 'Do you think I'm pretty?' — Vicki: 'I don't know. This is the only way I've ever looked.'
Bill · Vicki: Bill: 'They're never nice to me.' Vicki: 'Every time I look at you, you look like you're having a pretty good time. You're always laughing.' Bill: 'I watch movies in my head.'
Harold Weir · Lindsay Weir: Harold: 'I'm sorry you think I don't treat you right sometimes.' Lindsay: 'I didn't say that, Dad.'
Harold Weir · Lindsay Weir: Lindsay: 'Dad, I can't stay inside all the time.' Harold: 'I know.' [pause] 'Why not?'
Sam · Unknown geek: The geeks' closing scene: someone re-narrates The Jerk cans scene for Sam and they both laugh
Sam · Cindy · Bill · Vicki: Sam and Cindy's first kiss is interrupted: 'Hold on one second.' — Bill and Vicki's 7 minutes are long over: 'Bill, your 7 minutes were up 5 minutes ago. Vicki, your nightmare's over.'
Bill: Bill emerging from the closet: 'God, this really sucks.' — then door knocking, 'Bill. Bill. Hello, Bill.'
Bill Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Top Episodes — Freaks and Geeks
