Noshing and Moshing

Bill:WOMEN LOVE THIS. THEY DON'T CARE THAT RERUN'S FAT 'CAUSE HE'S GOT THE MOVES.

Bill:YOU CUT ME OFF MID-FUNK.

Bill:IF I HAD, I'D BE FIGHTING 'EM OFF WITH A STICK.

Neal:IT'LL BRING US POWER, RESPECT, AND MONEY, AND IT'S RIGHT HERE IN THE SUITCASE.

Morty:HI, DUMMIES.

Ken:YEAH, IF YOU LIKE CLOWNS. CLOWNS.

Harold:WHAT, DID YOU EVEN GET YOUR NAME RIGHT AT LEAST?

Neal:WILLIE TYLER AND LESTER ARE ON THE HOLLYWOOD SQUARES THIS WEEK. I GOTTA WATCH.

Harold:WHAT KIND OF DOCTOR INVITES HIS PATIENTS OVER TO LISTEN TO HIS DENTAL JOKES? IT'S SICK.

Neal:HEY, IT'S CALLED A FIGURE, NOT A DUMMY. A DUMMY IS SOMEONE WHO CALLS IT ONE.

Morty · Neal:BET YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME, HUH, STRETCH?

Neal:PERHAPS YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A LITTLE SHOW CALLED SOAP. I MEAN, THAT GUY'S HILARIOUS. NOW HE'S RICH, THANKS TO VENTRILOQUISM.

Mrs. Desario:YOU'RE 18. YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE OLDEST JUNIOR IN MICHIGAN.

Daniel:I CAN BRING HOME A BIG WHOPPING 2.50 AN HOUR. YOU KNOW I WOULDN'T TURN THAT DOWN.

Daniel:WELL, YOU'RE CERTAINLY RELIABLE. YOU'RE ALWAYS A BITCH.

Daniel:IT'S CALLED WEDNESDAY.

Neal:I DIDN'T WANT TO WRITE IT DOWN BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO KILL A TREE. DID YOU KNOW THAT OUR RAINFORESTS ARE DISAPPEARING?

Neal:YOU MEAN TO SEE JERRY? I LOVE THAT GUY. HE OWES ME MONEY!

Daniel:[WHISPERING] He's always trying to sleep.

Lindsay:YOU'RE MANUFACTURING IDIOTS. WHAT KIND OF SYSTEM IS THIS?

Morty · Neal:THIS FOOD IS FIT FOR A KING. HERE, KING. HERE, KING.

Morty · Neal:HEY, SEIDELMAN, NICE HEAD. DID IT COME WITH A NECK?

Morty · Neal:WHY DON'T YOU GO PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE? THERE'S A BUS IN THE PARKING LOT.

Neal:IT'S SCHWEIBER. YOU TELL 'EM, MORTY.

Sam · Bill:HEY, SCHMUCKO, WHY DON'T YOU GO KILL BILL?

Jenna:WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'? AREN'T YOU THE GUY THAT HAD THAT PSYCHO GIRLFRIEND?

Jenna:YOU KNOW WHAT PUNKERS DON'T DO? CALL THEMSELVES PUNKERS.

Bill · Sam:OR WOULD THEY JUST RUN OUT NAKED? I DON'T KNOW.

Student:WOULD ALL THE GIRLS GET DRESSED BEFORE THEY RAN OUT OF THE LOCKER ROOM? OR WOULD THEY JUST RUN OUT NAKED?

Morty · Neal:HELP ME! [GURGLES]

Barry:DAMN. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE WEIRS LATELY? YOU ALL LOOK SO HOT.

Barry:HEY, FAT ASS, WHY DON'T YOU SHOVE IT? [LAUGHING]

Barry:THEY MAKE YOU PICK UP A MEATBALL WITH YOUR REAR END WALK IT TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM. AND IF YOU DROP IT ON THE WAY, THEY MAKE YOU PICK IT UP AND EAT IT.

Barry · Harold:WELL, I'M LEANING TOWARDS UNDECLARED. WITH A MINOR IN SITTING ON YOUR ASS.

Barry:NOT REALLY, BUT LOOK HOW EXCITED THEY GET WHEN I SAY IT. UNBELIEVABLE.

Harold:BESIDES, YOU'RE A SCHWEIBER MAN! IRRESISTIBLE TO THE LADIES.

Neal:KISS FOR YOU? NO, NOT FOR ME. CLOSE THE DOOR. OK? IT'S ALL RIGHT.

Barry:THAT YEAR, HE BOUGHT ME A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY.

Ken:YOU KNOW, ALL THESE PUNK GIRLS HATE THEMSELVES. IT'S GOT TO IMPROVE YOUR CHANCES.

Ken:HEY, UH, EDGAR WINTER CALLED. HE SAYS HE NEEDS HIS HAIR BACK FOR A GIG TONIGHT.

Harold:OH, HERE IT COMES, 'DAD, CAN I BORROW SOME MONEY?'

Harold:MAYBE WE SHOULD TAKE A PICTURE OF THIS MOMENT, HUH?

Harold:NOBODY CALLS ME HARRY. SHH.

Barry:IF ONE MORE PERSON ASKS ME WHAT MY MAJOR IS GOING TO BE, I'M GONNA SNAP. I'M GONNA LOSE IT.

Nick:BARTENDER'S A BASTARD! SHE KEEPS IGNORING ME. SHE'S ONLY SERVED PEOPLE WITH STUPID HAIRCUTS!

Lindsay · Barry:FAKAKTE! THAT'S VERY GOOD. THANKS.

Lindsay:YEAH, THAT STUFF, IT'S FAKAKTE. THAT'S THE PERFECT USE OF THAT WORD.

Barry:NO, I SAID, 'LOOK AT ME, I'M THE HANDSOME, DASHING JEW.' AND PEOPLE BOUGHT IT!

Harold:YOU KNOW, FANTASY ISLAND IS ON. WE COULD WATCH THAT.

Neal · Dr. Schweiber:IT'S CALLED A FIGURE! OH, GOSH. THESE ARTISTIC TYPES, VERY SENSITIVE, YOU KNOW.

Dr. Schweiber:OH, GOSH. THESE ARTISTIC TYPES, VERY SENSITIVE, YOU KNOW.

Morty · Neal:LOOK AT THAT LADY OVER THERE. HER TEETH ARE SO BAD, SHE SHOULD BE A PROFESSIONAL HOCKEY PLAYER.

Morty · Neal:ONE'S A DOCTOR OF THE ASS AND THE OTHER'S AN ASS WHO'S A DOCTOR.

Morty · Neal:A BRAND-NEW PAIR OF LEATHER SHOES WILL NEVER GIVE YOU AN UNNECESSARY ROOT CANAL SO HE CAN BUILD AN ADDITION ON HIS HOUSE.

Morty · Neal:HA, NEXT THING I KNOW I'LL WAKE UP AND MY WISDOM TEETH'LL BE GONE ALONG WITH MY VIRGINITY!

Morty · Neal:NEXT THING I KNOW I'LL WAKE UP AND MY WISDOM TEETH'LL BE GONE ALONG WITH MY VIRGINITY!

Morty · Neal:BECAUSE HE'S SO STUPID HE FLUNKED OUT OF MEDICAL SCHOOL! HEY, GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME. YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER! THIS WHOLE DENTAL PRACTICE IS OUT OF ORDER!

Bill:SEE? TOLD YOU THAT THING WOULD TAKE HIM OVER.

Neal:BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA RUIN YOUR LIFE. DAD'S CHEATING ON YOU.

Mrs. Schweiber:AND YOU AND MORTY ARE VERY FUNNY.

Barry:MY DORM IS RIGHT NEXT TO A FIELD OF COWS. MAKE A RIGHT AT THE COW, AND THERE I'LL BE.