Andys Play

Andy · cast members:Cast of Sweeney Todd bursts into the Dunder Mifflin office performing the show's opening number with full theatrical gusto

Andy:[cockney accent] 'a wee bit of viral marketing, gov'nor!'

Coworker · Andy:Phyllis (or a coworker): 'I auditioned for this! When did the cast list go up?' / 'Like a month ago.' / 'They didn't call me!'

Andy:Talking head: Andy asks 'Who am I playing?' followed by cheerful music sting and title card

Andy:Andy presents two comp tickets: 'Two comps for m'lady and her Gabe.' He immediately reveals his plan to use the show to make Erin fall back in love with him.

Andy:'It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes.'

Andy · Gabe:Gabe seemed to think no one was going — Andy reacts with 'What kind of terrible rumor monger is Gabe?' and then immediately begins polling the office

Dwight:'Last time I went to the theater, a man dressed as a cat sat on my lap.'

Kevin:Kevin's talking head: 'They say that no one can take your pride, but the people who cast Andy's play, they took mine.'

Michael · Andy:Michael: 'I'm asking you thespian to thespian. Will you please be the bigger man and come to my show?' / 'I have plans that night. I'm going to see a friend in a play called Sweeney Todd.' / 'You're that friend.' / 'I'm going to see your play.'

Michael:Michael's triumphant 'Noishe! And scene.' after Andy reveals Michael was going to his show all along

Dwight:Angela's talking head about the contractual baby-making arrangement with Dwight: 'Angela? Don't like her anymore. Not attracted to her anymore. Just contractually obligated to make a baby with her.'

Angela · Dwight:Angela uses a punch card system for sexual encounters with Dwight as leverage to get him to attend the play

Dwight · Angela:'That is not in the contract.' / 'Well, there's a lot of gray area in that clause. Do you want to re-mediate?'

Dwight:'All right, fine! I'll go to your little show, but I'm not wearing a cape.'

Angela:Angela's talking head: 'And should he develop feelings for me? Well, that would be permissible under item 7c, clause 2, so I would not object.'

Jim · Pam · Michael:Jim and Pam at the restaurant: their babysitter 'fell through' and Michael riffs on finding a 'niece my family never told me about'

Michael:Michael arrives at the theater with balloons: 'I did, because I am being the bigger man, and balloons are bigger than flowers.'

Oscar:'It's nice, like Up.' (another character comparing the balloon bouquet to the Pixar film)

Unknown · Michael:Someone asks Michael: 'Are you the guy that did an entire Law & Order episode for his audition?' / Michael: 'Nope.'

Erin:Erin's talking head: 'I've been trying to get in the babysitting game forever. The 13-year-olds in this town have a complete monopoly. It's almost like a babysitters' club.'

Michael:The balloons squeaking and creaking throughout the theater as the overture plays, visibly annoying everyone around Michael

Darryl · Jim · Michael:Darryl insists the world-class Sweeney Todd actor is his plumber; others dismiss him, then his bio confirms he is, in fact, a plumber discovered at karaoke who never even auditioned

Jim:Jim: 'If we don't listen to the overture, we won't recognize the musical themes when they come back later.' — delivered to the balloon-wielding Michael

Michael · theater patron:Theater patron tells Michael and group: 'Excuse me, I think you may be in the wrong seats.' — and the group scrambles, disrupting the entire row

Unknown coworker:Whispering coworker during Andy's romantic number: 'I work with that guy.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight: 'Ugh! There's gum on the seat, and now it's on my work skirt. I have to go change.' / 'Too bad I'm not gonna explain anything that you miss.'

Andy:Andy's talking-head mid-show: 'His name's Andy. He's a terrible salesman.' — Andy narrating his own performance from the perspective of the audience

Michael · Director:Michael's encounter with the director Shelby Thomas Weems in the lobby at intermission — the director promises to 'find a production with a role for Michael Scott'

Angela · Dwight:'Why are you dressed like a seed catalog model?' / 'These are just my dirty old gardening clothes. They were all that I had in my car.'

Jim · Pam:Jim: 'Let's get our Sweeney on.' — said with complete sincerity returning to the theater

Andy:Andy checks his phone mid-show in a confessional: 'Just checking my emails. See if I got any last-minute break a legs or I still love you type texts.' — then finds nothing from Erin

Oscar:The critic's confessional: 'Unfortunately, in this ham-fisted production of Sweeney Todd, the real terror comes from the vocal performances.'

Michael · Actor:Michael's cell phone going off repeatedly during the performance — multiple chimes interrupting the show while actors try to continue

Michael · Actor:Actor: 'Do hope it ceases chirping.' / [laughter from audience] / Michael: 'How is that funny?'

Michael:Michael: 'It appears the bird was in mine own pocket this whole time. He's gone to sleep now. I closed his beak.'

Michael:A wine bottle tips over and rolls across the floor during a tense dramatic moment, finally coming to a stop — the entire theater waiting for it to stop rolling

Dwight:Dwight's reaction to the baby crisis: 'That's really irresponsible of Erin. S a ible bysitter.' (garbled, rushed delivery from Dwight)

Jim · Pam · Erin:Jim and Pam confronting Erin outside: 'All you had to do was play with her for, like, 30 minutes and then put her to bed. Then we were kind of hoping you wouldn't touch her again.'

Erin · Jim · Pam:Erin: 'But why would I take her to the hospital?' — responding to Jim saying the car seat was 'to take her to the hospital or...'

Jim · Pam:Jim: 'Well, we're never leaving the house again.' Pam: 'Not together.'

Meredith:Meredith (or another character): 'That was more horrifying than Nunsense. All that singing got in the way of some perfectly good murders.'

Darryl:Darryl at the cast party: 'Mmm! Fruit is so much better when it's dried. I've already eaten, like, 30 apricots.'

Darryl:'This plumber has pipes.' — Darryl's compliment to the Sweeney Todd actor

Actor · Michael:The plumber/Sweeney Todd actor confronts Michael: 'You're the guy who booed me.' Michael denies it.

Michael · Jim · Pam · Oscar:Colleagues start booing Michael after he dismisses the idea of people booing him: 'Boo! Boo!' / Michael: 'I appreciate the feedback.' / More boos / 'I don't like that at all.'

Andy · Angela:Andy's fake 'kill me' theatrical warm-up with Angela backstage: 'Okay, kill me! Just kill me! Kill me!' — Angela appears to actually stab him with a prop

Dwight · Angela:Dwight and Angela's post-murder-exercise negotiation about whether their 'encounter' counts contractually; Angela says 'I won't tell if you don't' / Dwight: 'I will tell. I will tell the mediator.'

Andy · Jim · Pam:Andy shows Jim and Pam the 'best seats in the house' — the seats they would have had — explaining where the speakers converge and 'the sound just, like, nails you right here'

Erin:Erin on the phone to Gabe at the cast party: 'I'll see you soup.' [giggles] — accidentally saying 'see you soup' instead of 'see you soon'

Jim:Jim: 'It's like the Hurt Locker.' — describing the experience of their night with the baby

Jim · Pam:Jim and Pam decide to make Irish cream and orange juice — 'Let's get our juice on.' — said with the same cadence as 'Let's get our Sweeney on'

Jim:Jim, to the rhythm of Who Let the Dogs Out: 'Ruh ruh ruh ruh-ruh.' — announcing he found the Irish cream

Michael · Andy:Andy at the cast party, feeling post-show blues: Michael finds him and says: 'I get those every day after work.'

Oscar · Andy · Michael:Oscar's sass at the cast party: 'It was like amateur hour.' / Andy: 'It was an amateur production, technically.' / Oscar: 'Oscar, enough with the sass, please! God! What is wrong with you?'

Michael:Michael defending his honesty to Andy: 'I booed someone tonight. I have no filter. And if I thought you were terrible, I would have booed.'

Michael · Andy:Michael: 'I thought that you were exactly awesome. No better, no worse.' / 'Thank you. That feels good.' / 'I did not say that to make you feel good. I just said it. Total integrity.'

Andy · Michael · coworkers:Andy sings 'Try Again' (Macy Gray) spontaneously at the cast party; it becomes an emotional, beautiful moment as his coworkers join in