Dinner Party

Andy:Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that...

Andy:...uh...

Andy:Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that... fancy feast?

Andy:Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that... football cream?

Pam:I could help with the commercial.

Michael:That's great, Pam. We'll need someone to, uh, you know, answer phones during filming. The receptionist.

Michael:This commercial is going to be cutting edge. We're talking MTV, we're talking 'Yo, this paper is tight, yo!' We're going to have people doing sick kickflips, and they're going to be like 'This paper just blew my mind, dude.' It's going to be a real trip.

Andy:That's what she said!

Andy:That's what she said.

Michael:Stanley, you're key to our urban vibe.

Stanley:I'm from Connecticut.

Michael:Oh Stanley, you are a riot! A racial comedian!

Michael:And this is our receptionist, Pam. She's like the... the Cheerios of our office. The first thing you see when you wake up, and then you realize... you're gonna need something else.

Michael:And Jim, he's like the... the milk. He's... he's got a good expiration date, and then he goes bad.

Michael:You know what? You three are like Goldilocks. Oscar, you're Papa Bear. Angela, you're Mama Bear. And Kevin, you're...

Kevin:Baby Bear?

Michael:No, you're Mama Bear.

Kevin:Oh.

Pam:People don't know what we do here. I mean, mufflers sound more interesting than paper.

Pam:Muffins sound more interesting than paper.

Pam:Mittens sound more interesting than paper.

Dwight:In Second Life, there are no winners or losers.

Jim:Dwight, you're playing it wrong.

Dwight:Despite having unlimited possibilities, he recreated his exact same life but with flying.

Michael:Okay, picture this. A man walks into an office. He's tired. He's got a cup of coffee. It's cold.

Michael:So he goes to the break room, he pours it out, makes a fresh cup. Problem solved.

Michael:But wait—zoom out—he's in a hot air balloon.

Michael:Zoom out again—the hot air balloon is inside a warehouse.

Michael:Zoom out one more time—the warehouse is on the moon.

Michael:And he's the only one there. He's completely alone. The coffee is frozen.

Michael Scott:I can tell your time is very valuable.

Ad Executive:Well, I'm salaried, so not really.

Andy:Jim, I need your advice. What's the best way to approach Angela?

Jim:Well, maybe start with just talking to her, getting to know her...

Andy:Right, right. And then what? Do you think she'd be into necking?

Jim:Uh, necking? Like... making out?

Andy:No, no. Literally neck-to-neck. You stand facing each other and press your necks together. It's very intimate.

Jim:That's... that's not what necking means.

Andy:Well, that's what I'm going to do.

Andy:We need code names for our conversations. I'll be Agent Dangerfern.

Jim:That's just your name with 'Danger' in front of it.

Andy:Exactly. No one will ever suspect it's me.

Michael:Ryan? Hey, it's Eddie Murphy.

Ryan:Who is this?

Michael:Eddie Murphy, baby! You know, from the movies. I'm like, 'Hey now, somebody stop me!' Shrek! I'm an ogre, layers like an onion. Hallelujah!

Ryan:That's... that's not Eddie Murphy.

Michael:What are you talking about? I'm Eddie! Shrek's swamp, baby. 'Get out of my swamp!' Classic Eddie Murphy!

Michael:I can't cook. But I am starting a restaurant. It's just gonna be cereal. All cereal.

Michael:I invented unicorns when I was five years old.

Ryan:Michael, you couldn't even talk at five.

Michael:Exactly. I was ahead of my time.

Ad Executive:When should we come back?

Michael:How about... never o'clock?

Michael:David, I'm telling you, Ryan has been a real problem. He's lazy, he doesn't follow through, and frankly, his ideas are terrible.

Ryan:Um, Michael? I'm on the call.

Michael:Ryan! Hey buddy, I didn't know you were... I was just... David, you were saying something about the quarterly reports?

Michael:I'm going to make this commercial myself. I'm going to pour my heart and soul into it. I'm going to create something that will change the way people think about Dunder Mifflin... in a good way.

Kevin:I have a lot of commercial experience. People call me 'Ashton,' like from the Nespresso commercials.

Michael:Phyllis, I need you to find some local celebrities for the party.

Phyllis:Local celebrities? Like who?

Michael:I don't know, anyone famous from around here.

Phyllis:Well, there's a mystery novelist who does book signings at the mall.

Michael:A mystery novelist? At the mall? That's the best you could find?

Phyllis:That's it. That's all we have.

Michael:Is Sue Grafton attractive?

Kevin:Oh dude, she's crazy hot.

Angela:I'm not interested in reading Sue Grafton. Her books are far too... titillating.

Dwight:Titillating? They're mystery novels.

Angela:Yes, with all that heaving bosom business on the covers. It's indecent.

Michael:You should do rap.

Darryl:What's rap?

Michael:Well, you know what? I know a lot about rap. I have a very diverse iPod. I have Ludacris on there. I have Fifty Cent. I have Jay-Z. So don't tell me I don't know about rap.

Jim:Dwight's Second Life character is so committed, he actually created his own Second Life account for his Second Life character.

Jim:So now there's a Third Life happening, and honestly, I'm not even sure Dwight knows about it anymore.

Pam:Wait, is this... is this you? In Second Life?

Jim:Yeah, that's my avatar.

Pam:Jim, this is... this is incredibly detailed. Like, really detailed. How long did this take you?

Jim:I don't know, a few hours here and there.

Pam:A few hours? Jim, your avatar has custom tattoos. And look at the detail on these clothes. These are handmade, aren't they?

Jim:Maybe I spent a little more time than I thought.

Pam:A little more? Your Second Life avatar has better abs than you do.

Michael:I don't hate it. I think it's... I think it's catchy. It gets stuck in your head.

Michael:But that doesn't mean it's good. A lot of things get stuck in your head that aren't good.

Michael:Like that time I saw Phyllis in the bathroom and couldn't unsee it for three weeks.

Andy:Give me a break, give me a break... break me off a piece of that... lumber tar?

Andy:No, wait. Fancy feast? Football cream?

Andy:It's definitely one of those.

Phyllis:Well, Sue Grafton said I wasn't supposed to take no for an answer.

Phyllis:So when she said no, I just kept asking. And asking. And asking.

Phyllis:Turns out that's not what she meant. She meant I should be persistent in a charming way, not literally ignore her refusals in the middle of a bookstore.

Creed:Stay. You're not gonna find another job like this. I've worked in eight different companies, and let me tell you, they're all the same. Except this one has the best dumpster access.

Pam:I had to choose between driving home tired or staying here with Michael and Dwight. So I fell asleep while thinking about it.

Andy:She was saying 'Oh, D' — I thought she meant me. D for Andy.

Jim:Wait, so D stands for Andy?

Andy:Yeah, D stands for Andy.

Jim:How does D stand for Andy?

Andy:Well, A is the first letter of the alphabet, D is the fourth letter of the alphabet. A, B, C, D. So D is really far away from A. And when you're far away, you're like... you're a 'D-away.' Andy, D-away... D-away...

Jim:Oh my God. She was talking about Dwight.

Michael:You know what? The American people are stupid. They're like big dumb babies who need to suck on a lollipop to stay quiet.

Michael:That's what they want. They don't want originality. They want something simple, something dumb, something they can understand in two seconds.

Michael Scott:Sometimes I think about the speed of time. You know, how fast it moves. And I think... what if time moved at a different speed? What if time was slow? Or what if time didn't exist at all? These are the kinds of things I think about.

Andy:Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that... Fancy Feast!