The Seminar

Michael Scott · David Brent:Michael Scott approaching a stranger in public with 'I'm working on an English character... It's called Reginald Poofter.'

Michael Scott · David Brent:Michael does his 'Ping' Chinese character for David Brent: 'Herro! Herro! I'm Ping!' — both men defending it as not racist.

Michael Scott · David Brent:David Brent says 'comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself' — Michael immediately responds 'That's what she said.'

Michael Scott · David Brent:David Brent asks 'Any jobs going?' at Dunder Mifflin — Michael says 'No, not right now' — Brent: 'Just let me know.'

Andy Bernard · Erin Hannon:Receptionist announces 'Your first student is here, Mr. Bernard.' Andy corrects: 'That's actually Master of Ceremonies Bernard.'

Andy Bernard:Andy's talking-head: attended a '10 Secrets of Real Estate' seminar, got tricked into buying Idaho timeshares, spent 'a terrible time, super lonely' in Boise.

Michael Scott:Michael enters the seminar in Greek disguise: 'Michael? Nein, I'm Greek! My name is Mykonos.'

Michael Scott:Michael's confessional explaining Mykonos: 'Mykonos is loosely based on another character I do, Spiros, who is more about the ladies.'

Jim Halpert · Andy Bernard:Jim doing stretches backstage says 'I get super flexible when I'm nervous' — Andy tells him to stop.

Andy Bernard · Jim Halpert:Jim tells Andy he can't be part of the seminar. Andy: 'You are a critical part of this seminar. You're the charming warm-up guy... If the seminar was a meal, you'd be the amuse-bouche.'

Andy Bernard:Andy's talking-head: 'I'm a terrible salesman, and I haven't been making very many sales lately, or ever.'

Michael Scott · Seminar Attendee:Attendee's business idea: 'buy up a bunch of abandoned mineshafts' — Michael: 'That's great. There's a big, big future in that. A lot of mines in Scranton.'

Michael Scott · Seminar Attendee:Second attendee's business idea: variations of getting 0.2 cents per transaction — 'credit cards... cell phones... any online shopping' — all the same idea restated.

Dwight Schrute · Michael Scott:Dwight: 'You promised us whales. These are worms.' Michael: 'They're baby whales, which is even cuter.' Dwight: 'I'm out.'

Michael Scott · Holly Flax:Michael suggests to Holly they attend the seminar as 'a Greek couple — Mykonos and...' Holly declines and Michael reveals Holly just broke up with A.J.

Michael Scott:Michael's confessional: 'Holly broke up with A.J. last week, which is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. To Holly, it's been the worst week of her life, and I know for a fact there was a week for her in high school when she got mono and her first period ever.'

Michael Scott:Michael's camera look after the period confession: 'Too much information? That's what I thought. But you know what? Here I am using it.'

Michael Scott · Holly Flax:Holly criticizes Michael's Mykonos character: 'Is Mykonos Greek? He sounds Italian.' Michael: 'You're the fifth person to tell me that today.'

Michael Scott · Holly Flax:Michael suggests to Holly: 'Maybe Mykonos ran away to join the Italian circus.' Holly: 'Okay, yeah, like a character history. Good. Tom Hanks does that.'

Erin Hannon:Erin's Scrabble confessional: Playing against Gabe, 'I have never won a game... so far I've seen The Shining, Rosemary's Baby, The Ring.'

Erin Hannon:Erin's addendum: 'I do like the early parts of the movies where they have a perfect family and everything.'

Oscar Martinez · Erin Hannon:Oscar sits down to help Erin with Scrabble. She plays 'Ka.' Oscar: 'Ka? What does Ka mean?' Oscar: 'It means you're playing someone who's going to destroy you.'

Oscar Martinez · Gabe Lewis:Gabe asks why Erin played 'moo.' Oscar: 'Because I'm playing to win. I'm playing moo, I'm playing milk, whatever it takes.'

Oscar Martinez · Gabe Lewis:Gabe critiques Oscar's 'moo' play: 'You could have hit mood — triple word.' Oscar: 'Like the cow mood yesterday.' Gabe: 'God.' Oscar: 'Or moon. The cow jumped over the moon.' Gabe: 'You know it doesn't have to just be cow stuff, right?'

Kevin Malone · Andy Bernard:Andy asks Kevin to be his 'charming warm-up guy.' Kevin: 'Andy, I'm no Jim... The only way that I'm Jim is in the movie version when Jim sees what his future would be like if he never met Pam.'

Kevin Malone · Andy Bernard:Kevin responds to Andy's encouragement with 'Then I won't let you down.' — immediately followed by color-naming: 'Pink. Indigo.'

Ryan Howard · Andy Bernard:Ryan on committing to the seminar: 'I don't like committing to things just like that.' Andy: 'So, no?' Ryan: 'No, I don't like committing to not doing things, either. That's just as big a commitment.'

Ryan Howard:Ryan: 'And if I flake, I flake.'

Andy Bernard · Kevin Malone · Ryan Howard · Creed Bratton:Team cheer: Andy calls 'One, two, three—' and everyone shouts 'Team!' — except Creed, who shouts 'Creed!'

Andy Bernard:Andy introduces himself to the seminar: 'My name's Andy Bernard, but you can call me The Nard Dog.'

Kevin Malone · Andy Bernard:Kevin's speech title announced: 'Don't Just Dream It, Do It' — followed by an extended pause with the audience watching Kevin silently.

Kevin Malone:Kevin's speech: 'There are some people who have charm and some people who don't. Guess which type I am. Charm type.'

Kevin Malone:Kevin's 'Dream Big' speech: 'So what I want you to do... is dream the biggest that you can... And then double it!'

Kevin Malone · Andy Bernard:Kevin appears to collapse or stumble mid-speech — Andy rushes over: 'Are you okay?' Kevin: 'No. Yes!'

Kevin Malone:Kevin: 'What are you picturing right now, right this second? 'Cause the universe is yours, people. Get out of the way.'

Kelly Kapoor · Ryan Howard · Andy Bernard:Kelly storms the seminar podium: 'Who am I? I'm Kelly Kapoor, the business bitch... the diet bitch, the shopping bitch, the etiquette bitch.'

Kelly Kapoor:Kelly lists her future brand extensions: 'the diet bitch, the shopping bitch, the etiquette bitch'

Kelly Kapoor:Kelly says she has Yale professor Scott Powell 'on her BlackBerry' and calls him live on speakerphone in the seminar.

Kelly Kapoor:Kelly: 'I could sit here and tell you the 10 secrets of business, and you would have a great time... but who better to tell you than the Yale adjunct professor on my BlackBerry?'

Professor Scott Powell · Kelly Kapoor:Kelly puts the Yale professor on speaker; his first reaction is 'Uh, why?'

Andy Bernard:Andy's reaction to Kelly's phone call: 'That brilliant little bitch.'

Oscar Martinez · Erin Hannon:Oscar to Erin in the Scrabble game: 'A little treat for our old friend Gabe. Put that Q right there.' Erin hesitates. Oscar: 'Put the Q there, sweetie.' — forcefully.

Oscar Martinez · Gabe Lewis:Oscar after yelling: 'Sorry I yelled.' Gabe: 'You could have just told us what you were thinking.' Oscar: 'There's no theater in that.' Gabe: 'There's no yelling in that, either.' Oscar: 'Well...'

Michael Scott · Holly Flax:Michael and Holly as Mykonos and unnamed Greek character approach a waitress: 'She will have a greekaccino... a very strong coffee with milk from a goat.'

Michael Scott · Holly Flax:Michael breaks character to 'heal' the waitress: 'I can't believe it. It's a miracle. She can talk. No more brain damage. No more brain damage!'

Gabe Lewis · Erin Hannon:Gabe tells Erin he picked their movie: Suspiria. 'It pushes all the boundaries. All your preconceived notions about what horror can be come crashing down.'

Erin Hannon:Erin counters: 'When I win, we're gonna watch Wall-E, where all the boundaries of color are pushed.'

Jim Halpert:Jim confessional: Erin's Scrabble success explained by her being like a 'Slumdog Millionaire scenario' where 'every word she's playing has a connection to her orphan past.'

Dwight Schrute · Phyllis Vance · Seminar Attendee:One of the seminar attendees turns out to be a legitimate businessperson — his golf supply company 'has taken off faster than I expected.' Dwight: 'Some of these people are for real.'

Phyllis Vance · Andy Bernard · Seminar Attendee:Real seminar attendee reveals he has a legitimate golf supply company that's taken off: 'I came here to learn about creating manageable growth.' Phyllis to Andy: 'Some of these people are for real.'

Dwight Schrute · Andy Bernard:Dwight offers Andy a lozenge, then tells him the salespeople are re-joining the seminar: 'They're a bunch of jackals. They left you in the lurch, and if they want to jump in, it means you're almost there. You did this. Bring it home.'

Andy Bernard:Andy telling off the returning salespeople: 'Let me tell you what you can do with your offer to help. You can table it and offer it up another time. Just know that I really appreciate the gesture.'

Oscar Martinez:Oscar about the Scrabble game, mid-competition: 'I will have apoplexy if you lose. Do you understand? Apoplexy is what I will have. Apoplexy.'

Oscar Martinez · Erin Hannon:Erin plays 'ape' instead of the winning word. Oscar: 'Oh, Oscar. Oscar?... I played ape.'

Jim Halpert:Radio voice break: Jim is apparently listening to sports radio during his 'meeting' — he's been hiding all day listening to talk radio: 'I just want to make a point to that last caller. I disagree. I don't think it is the running game at all.'

Jim Halpert · Pam Halpert · Andy Bernard:Jim explains why he missed Andy's seminar: in third grade, Jim was in the top reading group and Tom was in the 'green group.' Jim's mom suggested he spend time with top-group kids — Jim told Tom: 'My mom thinks you're too dumb to hang out with.'

Andy Bernard:After getting sales, Andy tells the non-buyers: 'The rest of you are dead to me. You made the stupidest decisions of your life.' Then immediately: 'But it was a pleasure meeting you, and you've got my information, so feel free to call anytime.'

Andy Bernard:After closing two sales, Andy: 'The rest of you are dead to me. You made the stupidest decisions of your life.' Then immediately: 'But it was a pleasure meeting you, and you've got my information, so feel free to call anytime.'

Tom Witashkin · Jim Halpert:Tom (Jim's childhood friend) at the soda machine: 'Must be a front for some kind of famous laboratory. 'Cause you're so smart.'

Tom Witashkin:Tom's exit: 'Where's your jetpack, Zuckerberg?'

Jim Halpert · Andy Bernard:Andy to Jim after he's closed the seminar sales: 'I didn't think you had it in you.' Jim: 'Well, I guess when you looked in me, you forgot about my balls. They're on the outside. Don't know how you missed 'em.'

Michael Scott · Holly Flax:Michael approaches Holly at the seminar: 'Wonderful seminar! Almost as good as the day when we first met. You are the love of my life. Come to me, Necropolis. Put your lips on my lips.'

Michael Scott · Holly Flax:Holly trying to leave: 'Michael, I should get back to work.' Michael: 'What? Come on. It's time for grapes.'

Erin Hannon · Gabe Lewis:Scrabble resolution: Erin wins. Gabe: 'I know. You get to pick.' Erin: 'I know how much you want to watch Wall-E... So I got us a compromise. This movie is called Hardware, it tells the story of a killer combat robot, just like Wall-E, that the government invented to destroy humans.'

Gabe Lewis:Gabe explains 'compromise' movie: Hardware — 'tells the story of a killer combat robot, just like Wall-E, that the government invented to destroy humans.'

Oscar Martinez · Erin Hannon · Gabe Lewis:Oscar appears with a DVD: 'Anyway, I just watched this over the weekend. I thought you'd really like it.' Erin: 'There's a Shrek 2?' Oscar: 'Oh, yeah.' Erin: 'See you tomorrow. Nice guy.'

Jim Halpert · Erin Hannon:Jim shows up and gives Erin Shrek 2 on DVD. Erin: 'There's a Shrek 2?'