Womens Appreciation

Dwight · Jim:The demerit escalation ladder: demerit → citation → violation → verbal warning → written warning → disciplinary review, written up by Michael and placed on the desk of his immediate superior

Michael · Dwight:Michael: 'Which would be me.' / Dwight: 'That is correct.' / Michael: 'Okay. I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full desaggelation.'

Jim · Michael:Jim: 'What's a... What's that?' Michael: 'Oh, you don't want to know.'

Phyllis:Phyllis explains the flasher had 'it' out 'on the map' — describing the exposure through the euphemism of the map he was holding

Kevin:Kevin: 'Phyllis. You're a married woman. The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss? If that's flashing, then lock me up.'

Dwight:Dwight's talking head: 'Phyllis, you say?' — reacting to news that the victim was Phyllis rather than a more conventionally attractive woman

Michael:Michael's talking head: 'What is so funny? I mean, did he even see Pam? Or Karen from behind? I'm guessing not.'

Michael:Michael defends laughing at Phyllis's assault: 'Masters of comedy, a guy dropped his pants. Have you ever been to the circus?'

Ryan:Ryan: 'We're laughing at Phyllis but she's not even here. So, no harm, no foul.'

Michael:Michael: 'Maybe you're the flasher. Prove it. Let's see your penis.'

Michael:Michael's talking head: 'As that was coming out of my mouth, I knew that it was wrong.'

Michael:Michael's talking head about the 'safe word' with Jan: 'Foliage. And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time, she pretended she didn't hear me.'

Michael:Michael's confessional: 'Although last time, she pretended she didn't hear me.'

Jan · Michael:Jan on the phone: 'Michael, come over after work tonight, okay? I miss your body... I'll give you $200. And if I get up before you, I'll leave it on the dresser.'

Michael:Michael's talking head: 'Better a thousand innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free.'

Dwight · Michael:Dwight's penis photo lineup — Dwight has compiled a photo board of penises for Phyllis to identify the flasher, including what appears to be his own (in Polaroid form)

Jim · Dwight:Jim: 'Question. Won't that interfere with your other task forces?' Dwight: 'Answer. No, because this is being given priority one.'

Dwight:Dwight: 'I know what you're thinking. Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take.'

Dwight:Dwight accidentally calls Phyllis 'Phallus' while asking Pam to work with her on the sketch, then recovers: 'Phyllis. Sorry. I've got penises on the brain.'

Pam:Pam's talking head: 'I don't often miss Roy, but I can tell you one thing. I wish someone had flashed me when I was with Roy. Because that would have been the ass-kicking of the year. Especially if it had been Jim.'

Dwight:Dwight removing bananas from the kitchen as a safety measure against flashing

Dwight:Dwight's memo requiring women to wear 'sleeves down to the wrists,' 'button-up collars and muted colors,' no heels over a quarter inch, and no makeup

Oscar · Michael:Oscar suggests Dwight is putting women in a burlap sack and hitting them with a stick — Michael agrees he's 'celebrating' women and encourages Pam to 'show more cleavage'

Michael:Michael: 'R-E-S-P-C-T. Find out what it means to me.'

Michael:Michael: 'Oh, I don't know, James. Did I come from a woman? Have I slept with a woman? More than one? Less than three.' — defending his qualifications to lead Women's Appreciation

Dwight:Dwight's talking head: 'Those are collectible action figures. And they're worth more than your car.'

Michael · Meredith:Meredith: 'Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, I nearly vomited.' Meredith: 'I don't remember doing that.' Michael: 'What a surprise.'

Michael:Michael: 'A penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie. Alien.'

Michael:Michael's women's meeting speech: 'Look around. Are women like that? No. No, they are not. Even the hot ones aren't really that skinny.'

Andy · Michael:Andy: 'Then the fashion models could come here and work with me.' Michael: 'What you're saying is extremely misogynistic.' Andy: 'Yes.' Michael: 'Thank you.'

Michael · Angela:Michael/Angela argument: 'I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist.' 'That's the same thing.' 'No.'

Angela · Michael:Angela: 'When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.' Michael: 'Because... That was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut.'

Ryan:Ryan's talking head: 'Malls are just awful and humiliating. They're just store after store of these horrible salespeople making a big fuss out of an adult shopping in a junior section. There are petite adults who are sort of smaller, who need to wear maybe a kids' size 10.'

Michael · Meredith:Michael yelling 'Meredith, slow down! We're not gonna get there any faster if we're dead.' Meredith: 'Thanks. I know how to drive.'

Michael · Meredith:Michael: 'Oh. Yeah. You really shouldn't litter.' Meredith: 'My car. My rules.'

Andy · Jim:Andy in the women's bathroom: 'Hey, Jim. You want to go in the women's bathroom? No? Yeah, but it's every guy's fantasy.' Jim: 'I think you mean a girl's locker room. And in the fantasy, there's usually girls in it.'

Dwight:Dwight to Andy: 'That's because you're a preppy freak, you're the office pariah, and nobody likes you.'

Dwight · Andy:Dwight: 'Aye, aye, Captain.' Andy: 'More like, aye, aye, General.'

Dwight:Dwight's talking head: 'Many women are competent drivers.'

Jim · Dwight:Jim: 'Anna Maria's.' Dwight: 'What's the occasion?' Jim: 'Six-month anniversary.' (pause) 'Nothing. I think we all kind of thought you guys were just, like, hooking up.'

Pam:Pam's talking head: 'She might mention an e-mail that I wrote a while back...' — Pam has read Jim's email to Karen confessing feelings; Pam says 'I wouldn't want to be in an office relationship, anyway.'

Michael:Michael: 'What is a Pap smear? Or is it shmear like cream cheese?'

Kelly:Kelly: 'How are things with Ryan?' Kelly: 'Awesome. Awful, I mean. But sometimes awesome.'

Michael:Michael revealing Jan's schoolgirl fantasy — 'I just feel uncomfortable wearing the dress.'

Ryan:Ryan's talking head: 'Sometimes the clothes at GapKids are just too flashy. So I am forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.'

Michael:Michael: 'Jan says anything that doesn't scare us is not worth doing.' — Michael offering this as relationship wisdom

Michael · Pam · Karen:The pros and cons list for Jan: Pros include 'Nice butt' and 'Perfect skin.' Cons include 'Breasts not anything to write home about,' 'Flat-chested,' and 'I'm unhappy when I'm with her.'

Michael:Michael: 'I'm happy sometimes. When we scrapbook. Or right towards the end of having sex.'

Pam · Michael:Pam: 'Don't think. Just answer. What do you want to do about Jan?' Michael: 'I want to break up with Jan!' — Michael shouts it with shocking conviction

Michael · Karen:Michael: 'I cannot believe this yogurt has no calories.' Karen: 'No one said it has no calories.'

Michael:Michael takes the women to a lingerie store as a thank-you, trying to buy them items: 'Some panties, or like a thong or G-string, T-back? Get a nice bra. Padded bra. See-through? Push-up? Lace? Thigh-high? Bustier?'

Michael:Michael's talking head: 'Let's face it. Most guys are from the Dark Ages. They're cavemen. And they like a woman to be showing her cleavage and to be wearing eight-inch heels. And to be wearing see-through underpants. But for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked.'

Michael:Michael in the women's room: 'What are you doing in here? This is the women's room.' Michael: 'You're in here.' [other woman]: 'I pay for that privilege.'

Michael:Michael's talking head: 'I'm a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women's room for number two. I've been caught several times, and I have paid dearly.'

Kevin:Kevin's confessional: 'I'm a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women's room for number two. I've been caught several times, and I have paid dearly.'

Michael · Phyllis:Michael holds up lingerie to Phyllis: 'What do you think? Too much?' Phyllis: 'Jim's gonna love it.'

Karen:Karen's talking head: 'I'm kind of in between boyfriends right now, so I don't need anything sexy. But I do need some new hand towels. I figure I can cut up this robe.'

Michael · Jan · Women:Jan's call goes to voicemail while Michael panics. Everyone tells him simultaneously to answer and not answer. The call stops.

Michael:Michael attempting to change the tire — 'Can somebody grab me the lever?' — then immediately deferring to Meredith to put on hazards so he can do 'traffic detail' instead

Karen:Karen's talking head: 'You know? I changed a tire today. All by myself. This bathrobe's already coming in handy.'

Dwight · Andy:Dwight: 'Think we'll find him?' Andy: 'Yeah, I do. Because justice never rests.' Dwight: 'Halvsies?' Andy: 'No. Wholesies.'

Andy · Dwight:Andy: 'You're not a total ass.' — Dwight's talking head reaction after Andy compliments him

Michael:Michael's voicemail to Jan: 'I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break. Permanently. And I know everybody says this, but I want to remain friends. Or, at least, business associates who get along. Oh. Just so you know, it's not me. It's you.'

Michael:Michael: 'Okay, buddy. Somebody just walked in. I have to go. So, I'll talk to you later.'

Jan · Michael:Jan appears in person at the mall, having driven there to apologize to Michael — immediately after he left the breakup voicemail

Michael · Jan:Michael: 'So, we're good?' Jan: 'Abso-fruitly.'

Jan · Michael:Jan's phone rings while she and Michael are reconciling; she hands it to him — it's his own voicemail playing back

Michael:Michael's talking head: 'Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.' — followed by the wishing fountain story

Pam · Michael:Pam to camera: 'Michael, how can you appreciate women so much but also dump one of them?' Michael: 'You mean, how can I be so illogical and flighty and unpredictable and emotional? Well, maybe I learned something from women after all.'

Dwight:Dwight answering phone: 'Dunder Mifflin Paper / Sex Predator Hotline. This is Dwight Schrute.'

Jim · Dwight:Jim prank: calls Dwight claiming to have seen the sex predator — reveals the location is 'the women's bathroom, above the sink' — i.e., a mirror

Dwight · Pam:Dwight sprints to the women's bathroom shouting 'Anti-flashing task force! Above the sink!' — closing shot of Pam looking at the camera