Michael meets with all of his underlings to discuss their performance in the office so far. However, Michael focuses more on getting feedback about his relationship with Jan than whether or not the workers are doing their job. Later, a nervous Michael plans to shuffle through the employee suggestion box to steal exciting ideas for his imminent discussion with Jan about his own performance, but that falls apart when Jan asks to sit in on the discussion. Meanwhile, Jim and Pam try to keep Dwight under the wrong impression that the day is Friday instead of Thursday.
Performance anxiety drives 55 jokes in 23 minutes—cringe comedy outweighs punchline polish.
Directed by Paul Feig · Written by Larry Wilmore
WAR
43.2
Wins Above Replacement
“Performance Review” ranks #108 of 186 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 76.6 — Great. The episode packs 55 scored jokes at 2.3 per minute, averaging 6.9 on craft and 6.7 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
Get weekly comedy rankings
Join comedy fans getting new analyses, score drops, and the funniest moments each week. Free, no spam.
Top Jokes
Michael: Well, at least she didn't say anything about how I look.
Michael Reaction Beat Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jan: Michael, I've made a list. You're immature, you're self-centered, you have no filter, you say inappropriate things constantly, you make everything about yourself, you're not actually funny, you pretend to be cooler than you are, you buy things you can't afford, you drive like a maniac, you have no real friends outside of work, your condo is depressing, you eat like a child, you have no ambition beyond your current job, and apparently someone in this office thinks you smell like a tuna and onion sandwich, which, based on your lunches, I'm inclined to believe.
Jan Escalation Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Jim: So Jan and Michael are actually together now.
Pam: Yeah, it's... weird.
Jim: Weird? Pam, this is beyond weird. This is like, workplace nightmare fuel.
Pam: I mean, they're both consenting adults...
Jim: Consenting adults? Pam, one of them is Michael. The other is Jan. Do you understand the psychological damage that occurs when you sleep with Michael Scott?
Pam: That bad?
Jim: That bad? I've seen it. There's a thousand-yard stare. Involuntary twitching. Questions about life choices that can never be answered.
Jim Pam Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight: You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Jim: Did you just quote Smallville?
Dwight: It's a profound statement.
Jim: It's from a CW show about a teenager.
Jim: So Dwight's not here today? That's weird. Didn't he just tell us yesterday he hasn't missed a day of work in like eight years?
Jim: Oh wait, he probably thinks it's Saturday.
Jim Running Gag Callback ★ Rewatch Callback All Jokes — 55 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Dwight: This exercise ball has completely changed my life.
Dwight Absurdist Character Comedy Dwight: Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts.
Jim: Okay.
Jim Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Jim: Dwight, I don't think a fitness orb is going to be the thing that makes that happen.
Dwight: This ball improves reflexes.
Dwight: Watch.
Dwight Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Pam: Last year's performance review started with such hopes and dreams.
Michael: I can bench press 185 pounds.
Pam Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: You know, Pam, you're very trustworthy.
Michael: You're like a man.
Pam: Oh no.
Michael: And a woman.
Pam: She has a nice voice.
Pam Deadpan/Understatement Observational Michael: Jan Levinson-Gould... or as she's known now, Jan Levinson-Been.
Michael Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: She just came up to me and said 'Michael, you have such rugged good looks.' I mean, that's what she said. Rugged. Good. Looks.
Michael Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: We mutually agreed to end things. It was a mutual decision. Very mutual. We both... she wanted to end it, and I was like, 'Yeah, okay.' So that's mutual, right? That's what mutual means.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Michael: You know, when two people break up, it's never just one person's fault.
Michael: But with Holly and me, it was totally her fault.
Michael Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: She said she missed me! That's basically a love confession.
Pam: Michael, she meant she wasn't there to take your call.
Dwight: For your performance review, you need to highlight a major accomplishment. I suggest claiming you spearheaded the development of a new product.
Jim: Dwight, that product doesn't exist.
Dwight: Exactly. It's new. No one's ever seen it before.
Jim: I'm going to ask for a pay decrease instead of a raise.
Dwight: That's insane. Why would you do that?
Jim: Well, if I ask for less money, Michael will be so shocked that he'll give me a raise just to make it stop.
Dwight: That's not how negotiations work.
Jim: It's reverse psychology, Dwight. It's foolproof.
Dwight: Jim, this is completely unprofessional. I thought what we had was special. We built something together. And now you're just going to throw it away? I gave you everything. My trust, my respect, my beet farming secrets. And for what? So you could humiliate me in front of the entire office? I'm done. We're done. Don't ever speak to me again.
Jim: Dwight, I just asked if you wanted to grab lunch.
Dwight Character Comedy Escalation Dwight: I don't want to see you tomorrow or Sunday.
Jim: Why not Sunday?
Dwight: Because tomorrow is Saturday.
Jim: Dwight, today is Thursday.
Dwight: No, it's not.
Jim Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim: So I switched the names on everyone's desks. This should be fun to watch. I've got nothing but time this afternoon.
Jim Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: The key to understanding women is to listen to what they say, but hear what they mean.
Pam: That's... that's not really how words work, Michael.
Michael: Stanley, how do you understand women so well?
Stanley: I don't know, Michael.
Michael: Well, you must have learned it somewhere. Did you learn it... on the streets?
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Michael: Stanley, are you on the ghetto?
Stanley: No, Michael. I'm on the clock.
Stanley Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Jim: So Dwight fell for it completely. He spent the whole afternoon looking for his stapler.
Pam: Yay!
Jim Pam Running Gag Character Comedy Callback Angela: I love performance reviews. It's the only time when it's socially acceptable to tell someone everything that's wrong with them.
Angela: The scrutiny, the judgment, the potential for public humiliation... it's exhilarating.
Angela Character Comedy Absurdist Michael: Your performance has been totally satisfactory.
Angela: Totally satisfactory? That's it?
Michael: Well, what did you expect?
Angela: I thought I'd get more than 'satisfactory.' I've worked here for years.
Michael: You know what? You're right. You've been totally satisfactory for years.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael: Jan and I are together. She's my girlfriend.
Michael: We're in love.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Toby: I'm going to have to ask everyone to please keep their personal comments about management to themselves. We have a very strict fraternization policy, and even discussing relationships between employees and their supervisors could constitute a hostile work environment. So let's all just focus on our jobs and maintain professional boundaries.
Toby Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Michael: Alright everyone, I've called this meeting because we have a suggestion box, and I want to go through some of these suggestions. Now, I know some of you might be worried about hurt feelings, but that's why we're going to practice constructive compliments instead of criticism.
Kelly: That's not what constructive criticism means.
Michael: Yes it is. Constructive compliments. You compliment them constructively.
Kelly: That's not what that means.
Michael: Well, I know what it means. I went to business school.
Kelly: No, you didn't.
Michael: Okay, well, I'm the boss, so technically I know more than you about words. That's just a fact.
Michael: And frankly, I find it really offensive that you would question my vocabulary in front of everyone. So I'm going to need an apology.
Jim: Hey, yeah, so I'll see you on Saturday.
Dwight: Saturday? I thought we were meeting on Friday.
Jim: No, no — SATURDAY. S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y.
Jim Running Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: So Jan wants me to call her, but then she doesn't answer. That means she wants me to call her more. Kissey, kissey.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Michael: I'm not too fast. I take my time. I'm very thorough.
Michael: I like to really get in there and explore all the nooks and crannies.
Michael: Sometimes I go deep. Really deep. You have to when you're doing a good job.
Michael: And I always make sure to finish what I start. Even if it takes all night.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Escalation ★ Rewatch Michael: Is that a new perfume? Because you smell... amazing.
Jan: Don't smell me.
Dwight: I didn't watch The Apprentice. I got drunk with my laser tag team and we went to Chili's. And then I realized I broke my Thursday routine.
Dwight Character Comedy Running Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: A suggestion about Y2K, which was 8+ years ago.
Jim: But didn't you just say that we should prepare for Y2K?
Michael: Yeah, well, sometimes suggestions get stuck in the suggestion box and I don't see them until later.
Michael: Depression? Come on. Nobody in this office is depressed. We're having too much fun.
Michael Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Michael: That guy was weird.
Michael Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Michael: A B.O. complaint? From the suggestion box? Well, that's... that's ridiculous. I take showers. I use deodorant. I'm a very clean person. Very clean.
Michael: This has to be about someone else. Maybe it's Dwight. Or Kevin. Yeah, it's probably Kevin.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Irony/Sarcasm Michael: I don't know who this is about. Could be anyone in the office.
Toby: It says 'B.O.' Michael. There's only one person in this office with a chronic body odor problem.
Michael: Well, that could be a lot of people.
Toby Observational Character Comedy Michael: I'm inferring that you don't like the way I talk.
Oscar: You're not inferring that. You're observing it. Inferring would be if I said nothing and you assumed you were annoying me.
Michael: Okay, well I'm inferring that you're being a smartass.
Oscar: No, you're still observing it.
Michael: Why are you like this?
Oscar: Why is Creed like this?
Michael: Who's Creed?
Michael: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You know what? I don't appreciate the insinuation. I shower every day. Sometimes twice.
Michael: And another thing — Creed, when was the last time you showered? Because I'm pretty sure I can see the Dust Bowl from here.
Michael: You smell like a combination of wet dog and a neglected aquarium. It's like nature's air freshener, except the opposite.
Michael: I'm not the problem here. You are. You're like a human kombucha — nobody asked for this, and it's making everyone uncomfortable.
Michael: Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
Michael: I have to read all these suggestions tomorrow.
Dwight: Tomorrow? Michael, tomorrow is Saturday.
Michael: I know.
Dwight: You're going to read on Saturday?
Michael: Don't sleep with your boss.
Kevin: Are you boning Jan?
Dwight: Michael, I deserve a raise. I have been a model employee. I arrive early, I stay late. Some nights I sleep here on my desk. I have not taken a vacation in seven years. My back is starting to hurt, but I do not complain because I am a Schrute. And Schrutes are strong. We are descended from Alexander the Great. Not just Alexander the Great himself, but from all of his bloodline, which is extensive. The point is, I am invaluable to this company.
Dwight Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Michael: Okay Dwight, let's do this. You're a hard worker. You're dedicated. But you're also weird and kind of scare people. That's it. Meeting adjourned.
Michael Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Dwight: I deserve a raise. I've shown unwavering dedication to this company. I come in early, I stay late. I've worked through blizzards, blackouts, and once, a minor carbon monoxide leak.
Dwight: I've sacrificed personal relationships for this job. I once turned down a weekend trip to Sandals Jamaica because we were short-staffed.
Dwight: And just last week, I came to work with pneumonia. Pneumonia! Most people would stay home. Not Dwight Schrute. I was here, coughing on the phone, spreading my germs to ensure our clients felt heard.
Dwight Character Comedy Escalation Dwight: I work on all the holidays. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Arbor Day.
Jan: Dwight, that's... that's not really a holiday.
Dwight: Oh, I have a copy of Michael's key.
Dwight: I brought deer jerky for everyone.
Jan: This is delicious. What is it?
Dwight: Deer jerky. I made it myself.
Jan: You made me eat deer?
Michael: Wait, that was deer?
Dwight: You know, deer jerky is actually a delicacy. It's lean, it's nutritious, and it pairs well with a nice red wine.
Dwight: In fact, Michael, you should take Jan out for a deer-eating date. You could discuss your raise over some venison. It's very romantic.
Dwight Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Dwight: You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Jim: Did you just quote Smallville?
Dwight: It's a profound statement.
Jim: It's from a CW show about a teenager.
Jim: So Jan and Michael are actually together now.
Pam: Yeah, it's... weird.
Jim: Weird? Pam, this is beyond weird. This is like, workplace nightmare fuel.
Pam: I mean, they're both consenting adults...
Jim: Consenting adults? Pam, one of them is Michael. The other is Jan. Do you understand the psychological damage that occurs when you sleep with Michael Scott?
Pam: That bad?
Jim: That bad? I've seen it. There's a thousand-yard stare. Involuntary twitching. Questions about life choices that can never be answered.
Jim Pam Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jan: Michael, I've made a list. You're immature, you're self-centered, you have no filter, you say inappropriate things constantly, you make everything about yourself, you're not actually funny, you pretend to be cooler than you are, you buy things you can't afford, you drive like a maniac, you have no real friends outside of work, your condo is depressing, you eat like a child, you have no ambition beyond your current job, and apparently someone in this office thinks you smell like a tuna and onion sandwich, which, based on your lunches, I'm inclined to believe.
Jan Escalation Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: Well, at least she didn't say anything about how I look.
Michael Reaction Beat Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim: So Dwight's not here today? That's weird. Didn't he just tell us yesterday he hasn't missed a day of work in like eight years?
Jim: Oh wait, he probably thinks it's Saturday.
Jim Running Gag Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight: It's okay, everyone! I'm here now! I know I'm late, but I'm here!
Jim: Dwight, it's Saturday.
Dwight: What? No. No, it's not.
Pam: Yeah, it's definitely Saturday.
Dwight: But I got the emergency call. I came in as fast as I could.
Dwight Physical/Slapstick Running Gag ★ Rewatch Callback ⏩ The part you fast-forward
Our scorer flagged 08:03-09:00 range with standard office gossip and malapropisms as the stretch with the fewest or weakest comedic moments. Everything else lands harder.
Top Episodes — The Office
