When Michael and Jan try to nail down a potential new client, Christian, by taking him out to Chili's, Michael surprises everyone with what - or who - he does. Meanwhile, back at the office, Jim finds a semi-autobiographical script that Michael has written called Threat Level: Midnight, and he, Pam, Kevin, and the rest of the Dunder-Mifflin workers have a great time acting it out. Later that night, Pam and Jim share their first unofficial date, complete with dinner (a sandwich), candlelight, and Dwight's pathetic fireworks display.
WAR
86.4
Wins Above Replacement
“The Client” ranks #50 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 90.2 — Elite. The episode packs 70 scored jokes at 3.7 per minute, averaging 7.2 on craft and 7.3 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Jim · Dwight: Samuel, you are such an idiot! You are the worst assistant ever. And you're disgusting, Dwigt. Wait, who's Dwigt?
Jim Dwight Character Comedy Running Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Jim: At least I didn't leave you at a high school hockey game.
Jim Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: This is just a fight. This is just a first fight of many fights we're gonna have.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Dwight · Jim: This is a movie. I mean, this is for all of America to enjoy. You took something that doesn't belong to you. / Do you want to play the lead role of Agent Michael Scarn?
Dwight Jim Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Michael · Jan: Oh, I changed it to Chili's. / Chili's is the new golf course. It's where business happens. Small Businessman Magazine said that. It will. I sent it in. Letter to the editor.
Standout Moments
Jim · Dwight: Samuel, you are such an idiot! You are the worst assistant ever. And you're disgusting, Dwigt. Wait, who's Dwigt?
Jim Dwight Character Comedy Running Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: This is just a fight. This is just a first fight of many fights we're gonna have.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Jim: At least I didn't leave you at a high school hockey game.
Jim Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback All Jokes — 70 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Pam · unnamed employee: Wait, are those Michael's Levis? Yeah. Who dry-cleans jeans?
Pam: He gets in them and... I'm not exactly sure what happens, but I can tell you, he loves the way he looks in those jeans.
Pam Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch unnamed employee: I know that's why he started casual Fridays.
Michael: Wow, graphs and charts. Somebody's really been doing their homework. Looks like USA Today.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Ryan: And I could work here for years. And years and... years.
Ryan Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Michael · Jan: Oh, I changed it to Chili's. / Chili's is the new golf course. It's where business happens. Small Businessman Magazine said that. It will. I sent it in. Letter to the editor.
Michael · Jan: Mm-hmm. Power trip. What?
unnamed employee (talking head): She had done a background check on me. She had it printed out. And she was asking me about stuff line by line while we were having dinner.
Pam: Okay, it was a minor league hockey game. He brought his brother. And when I went to the bathroom, the game ended, and they forgot about me.
Pam Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch unnamed coworker: Wait, not Roy. Say it's not your fiancé.
Jim: Jim's talking-head: 'I always knew Pam has refused to go to sports games with Roy. But I never knew why. Interesting.'
Jim Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · Dwight: Good luck, Michael. Good luck, Jan. Thank you. Kiss ass.
Michael: Burning the midnight tequila.
Michael Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Michael · Jan: Actually, they just don't get very much work done when I'm not here. That's not true. I know how to delegate. And they do more work when I'm not here. Not more... the same amount of work... is done whether I am here or not.
Michael: You sit tight until I return, sound good? Doesn't matter. It's an order. Follow it blindly. Mm-ha-ha!
Michael: Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train, and she wasn't moving, you might think she was dead.
Michael Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Michael · Jan: We should come up with a signal of some sort. Why would we need a signal? Well, in case one of us gets into trouble... What kind of trouble are you planning on getting in, Michael?
Michael Jan Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Michael · Jan · Christian: Just Jan Levinson. No Gould? No. / Is Gould dead? / We got divorced, okay? / Wow, you're kidding me. Do you wanna talk about it?
Jan · Michael: We got divorced, okay? / I'm so sorry, excuse me. Wow, you're kidding me. Do you wanna talk about it?
Michael · Jan · Christian · server: Awesome Blossom? I think we should share an Awesome Blossom. What do you say? They are awesome. Extra awesome?
Michael · Jan · Christian: Hey, I heard a very very funny joke the other day. You wanna hear it? / Just the one. / Well, if it's just gonna be one... I will think of a different joke.
Michael · Pam: Okay, um, a fisherman is walking down 5th Avenue leading an animal behind him. Nope! Nope, hold it. Not as good as you think.
Michael · Pam: There's a transcript between a Naval ship and a lighthouse. Yes, that is hysterical. Could you start that one from the beginning?
Michael: Nope! Nope, hold it. Not as good as you think. Pick another one.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Jim · Pam: It is a screenplay... starring himself. Agent Michael Scarn. Of the F.B.I.
Jim Pam Character Comedy Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Jim · Pam: Oh, wait, stop. Drawings. What is that? Oh, those are drawings in case the writing didn't really put a picture in your head.
Jim Pam Character Comedy Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · Pam · Christian: The proctologist brown Probe joke — 'First guy: I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn. Second guy: I'm a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort. Third guy: I got you both beat. I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe.'
Michael: Oh, my God, that's funny! I almost had Awesome Blossom coming out of my nose!
Michael Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Callback Jim · Phyllis: Do we all have our copy of Threat Level Midnight by Michael Scott? All right, let's get this started. I'm gonna be reading the action descriptions. And Phyllis, I would like you to play Catherine Zeta-Jones. That's the character's name?
Jim Phyllis Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight · Jim: This is a movie. I mean, this is for all of America to enjoy. You took something that doesn't belong to you. / Do you want to play the lead role of Agent Michael Scarn?
Dwight Jim Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Dwight: Arrgh! Num num num. That's delicious!
Dwight Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Michael: Blah! Blah blah blah. Blu bad be bah. That's why I wanted a signal between us. So I wouldn't have to just shout nonsense words. That's her fault.
Michael Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · Jan · Christian: Did somebody say baby back ribs? Hmm? Hmm? / I don't think Christian has time for that, Michael. / I have time.
Jim · Phyllis · Dwight: Inside the F.B.I., Agent Michael Scarn sits with his feet up on his desk. Catherine Zeta-Jones enters. Sir, you have some messages. Not now! They're important. Okay, what are they? The first message is... I love you. That's from me. Not in 1,000 years, Catherine. We work together. And get off my desk.
Phyllis: Yes, I have acted before. I was in a production of Oklahoma in the seventh grade. I played the part of Mutie the mailman. They had too many kids, so they make up roles like that. I was good.
Phyllis Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jim · Dwight: If it isn't my old partner, Samuel L. Chang. / Agent Michael Scarn, you lost some weight. / Thank you for noticing.
Jim (reading): Michael Scarn takes out a nine millimeter gun and shoots the cake to bits.
Oscar: Michael's movie? Two thumbs down.
Oscar Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Callback Jim · Oscar: A man sitting several seats down who has a gold face turns to Michael Scarn. / Oscar, you wanna play Goldenface?
Oscar · Dwight: Mr. Scarn, perhaps you would be comfortable in my private jet. Yes, perhaps I would, Goldenface. Sam, get my luggage. I forget it, brotha.
Dwight · Jim: Okay, you know what? I am done with this. That's it, the end. / Well, some of us wanna keep reading, so... / Uh, you don't speak for everyone, Jim.
Dwight Jim Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Callback Dwight: My uncle bought me some fireworks. And anyone who wants to see a real show, come with me outside now.
Dwight Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Michael: Well, this brings us to Jan. Truth or dare. Tell us about your divorce.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Callback Michael: Gould was stupid, right? That's right. / You were really brave. I mean, you put your arms out there. You slit your wrist. You said, 'World, this is my blood, it's red. Just like yours, so love me.'
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Ryan: I had plans to meet a friend tonight. Which I had to cancel. But this is cool too. I'm not a complainer.
Ryan Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm Jim · Pam: For the bugs. / Nice. / That's excellent because bugs love... my famous grilled cheese sandwich.
Jim Pam Awkward Silence Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight · office staff: Whoa! Yeah! Whoo! Whoo! Yeah! Ha! Whoo-hoo!
Christian · Michael: Kenneth Road, born and raised. Spent my whole life right here in Lackawanna County. And I do not intend on moving... Here's the thing about those discount suppliers, they don't care... Once we're all gone, they jack up the prices. / I don't know. I guess I could give you guys our business, but you have to meet me halfway.
Michael · Jan · Christian: Well, corporate's gonna go ballistic, but you think we could, Jan? [implied signal] / So, I guess I'll see you in...
Michael · Jan: Yes! We did it. We got it! Nailed it, nailed it! Come here. / Let's go. / What? Let's go. / Go and... okay. Where are we going? / Doesn't matter. Goin' to the go-go.
Michael Jan Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Dwight: His car's not in the parking lot. I should check the accident reports.
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Michael: No, nothing happened. I swear! Nothing happened. What... I'm totally being serious. A gentleman does not kiss and tell. And neither do I. I'm... No, seriously, guys, I'm not... I don't wanna go into it at all. It's off limits. Fine, I took her back to her hotel, and we made out for a little while.
Michael Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Dwight · Michael: Hello, Dwight. Did you do her? Who? Jan Levinson-Gould. Uh, no, no, no Gould.
Dwight · Michael: Did you do her? / This is none of your affair. / Because she is your boss. And she is your boss. And she is a woman. She is a strong, soft, thoughtful, sexy woman.
Michael · Jan (on phone): I don't think I can sit here and let you talk about her that way without me defending her honor. Jan, I defend your honor. / Is that all?
Jim · Pam: Jan didn't come back for her car last night. What? Could it be that Agent Michael Scarn has finally found his Catherine Zeta?
Jim Pam Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: I know we have to register as a consensual sexual relationship with HR. My question, do I do it as the man, does she do it as my superior? That leads to other issues that we may have in our relationship.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Michael: I know we have to register as a consensual sexual relationship with HR. My question, do I do it as the man, does she do it as my superior? I don't know. That leads to other issues that we may have in our relationship.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Michael: Just talking about you. The camera. No.
Michael Meta/Self-Referential Reaction Beat Michael · Jan (on phone): Well, if it was a mistake, it was a wonderful mistake. / No. / I did not intentionally get you drunk.
Michael · Jan (on phone): This is just a fight. This is just a first fight of many fights we're gonna have. / You wanna see other people. Only other people.
Jim · Pam: I'm not a complainer. / Wow. For the bugs. / Pretty good date. / We didn't dance. / You're right, we didn't dance. It was more like... swaying. / Swaying isn't dancing. / But still romantic.
Jim Pam Character Comedy Awkward Silence ★ Rewatch Pam · Jim: Why might some say that? / 'Cause there was dinner. By candlelight. / Dinner and a show if you include Michael's movie. / And there was dancing and fireworks.
Pam Jim Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Jim: At least I didn't leave you at a high school hockey game.
Jim Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Jim: At least I didn't leave you at a high school hockey game.
Jim Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Pam: Pam goes silent / I have some faxes to get out.
Pam Reaction Beat Awkward Silence ★ Rewatch Callback Jim: Oh, come on. Pam, I'm... Okay, we didn't dance. And I was totally joking, anyway. I mean, it's not really a date if the girl goes home to her fiancé. Right?
Jim Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Top Episodes — The Office
