The Convention

Michael · Pam:Michael tells Pam he's going to be a father — inspired by an Oprah episode about Angelina Jolie adopting a baby — and asks her to look into pricing for 'a little Chinese baby'

Michael:'Find out if there's a cheaper... less expensive baby out there.'

Michael:'I don't even know if I want a baby in eight months. Probably won't.'

Michael · Pam:Michael propositions Pam: if in 10 years neither has had a baby, they'll be together. Pam refuses. 20 years. No. 30. 'Sure.'

Michael · Dwight:Michael packing: 'Three pairs of pants. Three pairs of socks. Three packs of condoms.' Dwight reacts: 'Yeeeash.'

Michael:Michael describes the Office Supply Convention as 'a booze-fueled sex romp where anything goes' and answers his own leading question: 'You are correct, sir!'

Michael:Michael referring to Josh as 'the poor man's Michael Scott, as he is known around my condo'

Jan:Jan's exasperated reaction to Michael on the phone: 'You can't wait to get out of here, ARM.'

Creed:'In the Martin family, we like to say... looks like someone took the slow train from Philly. That's code for check out the slut.'

Kelly · Pam:Kelly is ecstatic about Pam's date ('Are you so excited for tonight?') while we can infer flies are in the office — Pam's 'This' response to 'What are you wearing?' showing her plainness

Pam:Pam's confessional: 'Yes, I have a date. He's a cartoonist for the local paper. Which is really neat, because I like to draw too.'

Pam:'I'm kind of nervous. I haven't been on a first date in nine years.' — followed by: 'Probably shouldn't broadcast that.'

Kelly · Angela · Pam:Kelly advises Pam not to sleep with Allen on the first date. Angela overhears and asks 'Sleep with who?' Kelly says it's her neighbor Allen going on a date. Angela: 'Oh wow. Oh my God, I have a great idea. You know what you should do? Wear your wedding dress.'

Kelly · Pam:Kelly advises Pam not to sleep with Allen on the first date — 'it gives him all the power' — but another coworker interrupts asking 'Sleep with who?' Kelly corrects: 'Whom. Whom?'

Kelly:'Well, a word of advice — unbutton that top button. Let those things breathe.'

Pam · Michael:Pam's message to Jim through Michael is just 'Um... Um... Okay, um...' Michael writes it down.

Michael · Creed:Michael: 'That town is full of history.' (defending Philadelphia against 'Ugh, that town smells like cheese steaks.')

Dwight · Michael:Dwight repeatedly asking Michael for his neck pillow back on the bus/car, Michael ignoring him.

Michael · Jim:Michael greets Jim at the convention: 'There's the traitor. Traitor! Traitor! Come here, you. Come here!' then stumbles over 'the prodical... progidal... my son returns.'

Michael:Michael's confessional comparing Jim's transfer to firefighter loyalty: 'It's like with firemen. You don't leave your brothers behind. Even if you find out that there is a better fire in Connecticut.'

Josh:Ryan/Andy type character telling Jim: 'Oh, if I weren't engaged, I would so hit that' about Pam being single.

Jim · Dwight:Dwight to Jim about his commission question: 'Oh, Dwight, I missed you so much.' Jim: 'You're so immature.'

Josh · Michael:Josh to Michael: 'If our branch absorbs your branch, I'm gonna look for a place for you in Stamford.' Michael's cheerful 'Oh, hey!' before registering the insult.

Michael · Jan:Jan meeting Michael's eyes and attempting to set ground rules — Michael tells her nothing can happen between them at the convention because he's still dating Carol: 'Step away from me, Michael.'

Michael:Michael's response to Jan's dismissal: 'Thank you for being so brave with all of this.'

Kelly:Kelly about Allen the cartoonist: 'And they're like so smart. I don't even know what they mean half the time.'

Michael:Michael's confessional explaining why he chose a room near the elevator: 'That is specifically why I chose a room close to the elevator. More foot traffic.'

Dwight · Jim:Jim and Dwight arrive in their hotel room with multiple liquor bottles and a dart board. Dwight: 'Well, that's how we do it in Scranton. Or did you forget?'

Michael:Michael declining to go down to meet Jan with 'One for the road, gentlemen? A shot of Midori, perhaps.'

Jim · Michael:Jim starts to tell an inside joke about a Stamford bartender, then says 'You know what? You just have to be there.' Michael: 'Wish I was. I love inside jokes. Love to be a part of one someday.'

Michael · Dwight:Michael offering to do a shot with Dwight: Dwight: 'I'll do a shot with you, Michael.' Michael: 'Yechh, don't be gross. It's not even lunch yet.'

Michael:Michael confessional about SWAG: 'Stuff We All Get. I basically decorated my condo for free with all of my SWAG!'

Michael:Michael schmoozing at the convention, inviting 'The Bus' (someone famous apparently) to his room party. The Bus gives a noncommittal 'Maybe.' Michael: 'So can I tell people you're gonna be there?' The Bus: 'No, you cannot.'

Dwight:The explanation for why they call someone 'The Bus': 'Because he's afraid to fly.'

Michael · Dwight:Michael asks Dwight to dig up dirt on Josh: 'Find out if there are any skeletons in his attic.' Dwight: 'I'll talk to my buddy down at the station stat.'

Ryan · Pam:Ryan approaches Pam's desk to ask her something, she answers the phone mid-sentence and takes a message, leaving him hanging. He forgets what he was going to say.

Dwight:Dwight's background check on Josh: 'He wasn't volunteering today.'

Jim · Pam:Jim on the phone confirms Ryan is at his old desk. 'Oh. Tell him I say hi.' Jim: 'I will call him later with that message.'

Michael:Michael to Jim: 'Opportunity, promotion. Blah blah. You know, Jim, those are just words.' then pivots to 'Is Josh funnier than I am? Does he even have a girlfriend? Because I have two, basically.'

Jan · Michael:Jan to Michael: 'I can't stay on top of you 24/7.' Michael's silent reaction to camera.

Angela · Kelly:Angela date advice: 'You should order the most expensive thing on the menu. So he knows you're worth it.' Kelly: 'If you do that, you're gonna have to put out.'

Angela:Angela confirms: 'Oh yeah. You'll have to put out.'

Michael:Michael at hotel reception asking for a key for 'Jane Doe', then asking for messages for room 308.

Michael · Josh · Jim:Michael challenges Josh to a game of trashcan basketball — 'A little friendly competition. Stamford versus Scranton.' Josh declines; Jim is peer-pressured in

Michael:Michael confessional: 'Jim and I have different definitions of friendship. I think it's talking and being friends. And Jim thinks it's moving to Connecticut and being best friends with Josh.' Beat: 'Phooey on that.'

Michael:'Long distance relationships never work.' — Michael, about friendship with Jim, not a romantic relationship.

Jim · Jan:Jan arrives late to lunch ('Sorry, my meeting ran late') with a new client lead from Hammermill — supposedly exclusive with Staples. Jim: 'Used to be.' They've landed the account.

Jim · Dwight:Jim uses Dwight's room key to enter Dwight's room. Confessional: 'What can I say? Old habits die hard.' Then inside Dwight's room, discovers: 'Oh my God. Dwight got a hooker.'

Jim:Jim: 'Oh, my God, I gotta call... I gotta call somebody. I don't even know who to call. Dwight got a hooker!'

Allen · Kelly:Allen talking about his cartoons: 'I don't like ketchup.' Kelly: 'You love ketchup. He loves ketchup.'

Allen:Allen's cartoon origin explanation: 'I just... I kinda think about stuff that I see. Or dream them.'

Michael:Michael arrives at his party to find it's just him and one confused stranger.

Michael · Convention Stranger:Michael opens the door to his party: 'Hey hey! First guest!' — it's one person who thought there was a party

Allen · Pam:Allen showing Pam a cartoon at dinner: 'See this one is great. Because it could work on a couple different levels.' Extended silence/consideration from Pam. 'Huh.'

Allen:'Freedom fries. Yeah.' then Allen: 'People always say, like, don't be edgy. But I don't know. I don't know any other way.'

Pam:Pam's confessional after the date: 'I went on a date. It wasn't a love connection. Um, I think when I like someone again, I'll just kind of know.'

Michael:Michael alone at his party confessional — a single sad moment at his otherwise empty party.

Jan · Michael:'Am I the first to arrive?' Michael: 'People have been filtering in and out.'

Jim · Michael:Jim's confession to Michael: 'I transferred because of Pam.' Michael: 'Oh, my God. You don't even know. She's single now.'

Jim:Jim: 'I kind of put it all on the line. Twice, actually. And she said no. Twice.' Long pause.

Michael · Jim:Michael to Jim: 'Hey, you know what? I will talk to her.' Jim: 'No, that's okay.' Michael: 'I'll talk to her.' Jim: 'You should at least talk to... Roy. I mean, he knows exactly how you're feeling.'

Michael:Michael confessional: 'Some people need dozens of friends to say, hey, look at me, I'm popular. But not me. I'm very picky. I need three. Maybe two?'

Michael:Michael: '...a real relationship can't be forced. It should just come about effortledlessly.'

Michael:Michael hits the lights in his hotel room for a slideshow or presentation. He laughs: 'Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!' then: 'Whoa. What are all those stains?'

Jim · Jan:'Blood, urine, or semen.' Jan: 'Oh God, I hope it's urine.'