Conflict Resolution

Kevin:No. 'Cause I'm in a band. We really rock. Yeah. I mean, it's inevitable.

Jim:She hears me arranging my social life. And we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the Internet.

Pam:There are a few people I decided not to invite, and that might make things kind of awkward, but it's my wedding. And I don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy.

Creed:Fantastic Sams, Adult Cut Plus. Comes with a shampoo and blow-dry.

Photographer · Dwight:On or off? Off. Okay. Oh, what is on your face? Is that a disguise?

Dwight:Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

Oscar:It's like child abuse! I say, if Jesus saw that, he'd freak out! He'd freak out, Toby!

Michael · Oscar · Angela:I forget, are you guys dating? No.

Michael:My Shaolin temple style defeats your monkey style.

Michael:Win-win is number four. And number five is win-win-win. The important difference here is with win-win-win, we all win. Me, too. I win for having successfully mediated a conflict at work.

Angela:It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor.

Oscar:This is so much more offensive to me than hard-core porn.

Pam:How about Angela makes the poster into a t-shirt, which Oscar wears. That way he can never see it and whenever she looks at Oscar, she can see it.

Michael:How about Angela can keep it up on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Okay. That is called a compromise. And it is style three, and it is not ideal.

Michael:That's what she said.

Toby:That box is the special file in New York.

Michael:Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day, and wants a seat facing the receptionist. Nice.

Toby:Actually, I have a separate folder for complaints against Michael. This is January through March of this year.

Michael:You already did me. That's what she said.

Dwight:Wait. If someone has a problem with me, why would they withdraw it six months ago?

Michael:What the hell! Here is a Kelly complaint. 'Ryan never returns my calls.' Join the club.

Pam:Dwight tried to kiss me. What? And I didn't tell anyone 'cause I'm not really sure how I feel about it.

Michael:Someone complained that the men's room is whites only.

Stanley:Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door.

Jim:I don't like you.

Creed:I sprout mung beans on damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious, but they smell like death.

Michael · Kevin:Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that will make him uncomfortable. I accept your decision.

Dwight:I never smile, if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

Jim:This is humongous. I am not a security threat. And my middle name is Kurt, not fart.

Dwight:Four years of malfeasance unreported. This cannot stand. Either he goes or I go.

Michael:Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage.

Jim:Yes. 5 bucks each and it was totally worth it.

Michael · reading Dwight's complaint:This morning I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer, and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer.

Michael · reading Dwight's complaint:When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can.

Jim:That actually took a while. I had to put more and more nickels into his handset, till he got used to the weight. And then I just took them all out.

Jim:Yeah. I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day, that day.

Michael:But the next day they feel great. I've never had one. They sound awful.

Jim · Dwight:I have a girlfriend. Sure you do, Dwight. Sure.

Michael:One, two, three, smile. Try to smile. We resolved a lot today, everybody. Think happy thoughts.

Phyllis:I'm the one who complained about you. I didn't know that Toby was going to write it down.

Michael:It was really hard getting a good picture of 15 people. He would not give me a discount, and eight tries added up.

Michael:But here's the thing about cage matches, sometimes you have to open the cage. And that is something that Toby will never understand.