Michael was educating the entire staff about Diwali, the Hindu holiday that Kelly celebrated. Kelly had invited everybody from work to the celebration. Pam was unsure if she was going to make it, she later confided in Angela that she was saddened because she had nobody to attend the celebration with.
WAR
41.9
Wins Above Replacement
“Diwali” ranks #62 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 80.9 — Elite. The episode packs 62 scored jokes at 4.4 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.5 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Pam · Michael: Well, you were never really engaged. I was in that marriage arena, though.
Pam Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Creed · Michael: Don't go. They eat monkey brains. Hey, hey, hey, stop that. That is offensive. Indians do not eat monkey brains. And if they do... sign me up. Because I am sure that they are very tasty. And nutritional.
Creed Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Michael: Now, a lot of people say that Kelly is one in a million. And that's true, but it's also not true. Because, frankly, there are literally billions of people just like Kelly in the world.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael · Elderly Indian Man: So, tell me, is your marriage the kind of thing where when you die, she has to throw herself on fire? No? Okay. It's still very cool.
Michael · Pam: What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm rejecting your kiss. What?
Michael Pam Cringe/Discomfort Physical/Slapstick ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 62 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Michael · Ryan: Nice dress, Ryan. It's not a dress. It's a kurta. Okay.
Michael: Tonight, one of our most ethnic coworkers, Kelly
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael · Kelly: What is Diwali, you may ask? Well, to have Kelly explain it, 'It's...' 'It's so super, fun. And it's gonna be great.'
Michael: A lot of gods with unpronounceable names. 20 minutes later, you find out that it's essentially a Hindu Halloween.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Observational ★ Rewatch Jim · Pam · Dwight: You look so handsome. You really do. I love the material. I know. How come you didn't get me one? I...
Angela: Do you want to make Appletinis and watch Sex and the City at my place?
Angela Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Pam · Dwight: Well, go with Dwight. He's single too right? Yeah, totally single. 100% available.
Jim · Dwight: I don't know. Who's, uh, who's going? Ohh...you mean, like, is Pam going?
Jim Dwight Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Creed · Michael: Don't go. They eat monkey brains. Hey, hey, hey, stop that. That is offensive. Indians do not eat monkey brains. And if they do... sign me up. Because I am sure that they are very tasty. And nutritional.
Creed Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Michael · Stanley: And you know what, Stanley? Come Kwanzaa time, I have got you covered, baby. I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. Really? You should. It's fun.
Michael: I love the people here. And if there was one thing I don't really care for, is that they can be terribly, terribly ignorant about other cultures.
Michael Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Kelly: Um, Diwali is awesome. And there's food, and there's gonna be dancing. And, oh, I got the raddest outfit. It has sparkles...
Kelly Character Comedy Misdirection Callback Michael · Kelly: Um, why don't you tell us a little bit about the origins of the holiday? Oh, um, I don't know. It's really old, I think.
Kevin · Kelly: How many gods do you have? Like hundreds, I think. Maybe more than that.
Kevin · Kelly: And that blue, busty gal-- what's her story? She looks like Pam from the neck down. Pam wishes.
Kevin Kelly Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Michael: All right, all right. This isn't Lord of the Rings.
Michael Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential Ryan: Oops, sorry. I started biking to work. Josh does it. And he lives a lot farther away than I do.
Ryan Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Jim · Ryan: Nice basket. Thank you.
Jim Ryan Deadpan/Understatement Visual Gag Michael: Now, a lot of people say that Kelly is one in a million. And that's true, but it's also not true. Because, frankly, there are literally billions of people just like Kelly in the world.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar. He is a Nobel-Prize-winning physicist. Impressive. Apu, from The Simpsons. Hilarious Indian.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael · Jim: M. Night Shyamalan. The Village, Unbreakable, Sixth Sense. I see dead people. Okay! Spoiler alert. He was dead the whole time.
Jim · Karen: Karen, my chips got stuck in the vending machine again. I need your... skinny little arms.
Jim Karen Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Jim: We have such a roller coaster thing, Karen and I. Roller-coastery friendship. Hot and cold. On again, off again. Sexual-tension-filled type of deal. It's very Sam and Diane. From Cheers.
Jim Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Michael: And another thing about the Indian people, they love sex positions. I present to you 'The Kama Sutra'.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Michael · Kevin: I mean, look at that. Who has seen that before? I have, that's the union of the monkey. Oh, that's what they call it. This is the best meeting we have ever had.
Angela · Michael: I find this incredibly offensive. Well, I find it beautiful. Well, whatever Kelly wants to do in her own house is fine. But we shouldn't all be subjected to it.
Michael: My Indian cultural seminar was going great until Toby decided that he was too immature to deal with culturally explicit images. It's just sex, people. Everybody does it. I'm doing it with Carol. Probably tonight.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: I said, are you ready to part-ay!
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Michael · Angela · Kevin: Isn't this fun, not wearing shoes? I wish some of us still had our shoes on. Stop it. It's a disease. I've...told you.
Michael · Carol: I thought you said this was a costume party. What does that look like to you? An Indian woman in a sari.
Michael: Hey, Kevin, it's a costume. You just cool it, okay?
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Carol · Kelly: I'm a vegetarian. What can I eat? It's all vegetarian. I'll just have some bread.
Carol · Michael: You used your hands. Oh, yuck. What, a little too spicy? These s'mores are disgusting. They're not s'mores. They're samosas. Do you think they have any s'mores?
Carol: All they are is chocolate, graham cracker, and marshmallow. How difficult would that have been?
Carol Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Callback Ryan · Kelly: So...you're Kelly's sisters, huh? What? Rupa, Neepa, Tiffani. Stop acting like such little losers, and just be cool.
Ryan: They said something about Zach Braff.
Ryan Character Comedy Absurdist Pam: I decided to come. I feel a little underdressed. But at least I'm not dressed like a slutty cheerleader, right? Is that mean?
Pam Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Kelly's family: Temp! Temp!
Kelly: Stop it, stop it right now. Ryan is a temporary worker makes no money. Wali is a whole doctor, so handsome, makes good money. You think I wanna date a doctor?
Kelly Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Andy · Jim: Hey, big tuna, you ready? Yep. One, two, three. Shot! Ohh! Holy mother of God. Ooh, that burns. Golly!
Andy Jim Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Michael · Elderly Indian Man: Wow, thirty years. And you two only met once before the wedding night. Yes. Wow. How long have you been married to the cheerleader?
Michael · Carol: Oh... She's not a cheerleader. She thought this was a costume party. Um, no, we're not married. Yet!
Michael · Elderly Indian Man: So, tell me, is your marriage the kind of thing where when you die, she has to throw herself on fire? No? Okay. It's still very cool.
Michael: Okay, I have learned a lot about Indian culture tonight. But I have learned even more about love. And I know you're all thinking, 'Who is this crazy gringo, and what is he talkin' about?' Well, I'm not crazy. Maybe I'm crazy in love.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: Carol...Carol Stills.. I would like you... to do me the honor of making me your husband.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Carol · Michael: Oh, Michael What do you say? Can we talk about this in private? I didn't hear you. Can we talk about this in private? Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
Michael · Carol: I get it You're not ready. We'll wait. This is our ninth date, Michael. Well, yeah, but I-- I feel like I've known you many lifetimes. Maybe I'm Hindu after all.
Michael · Carol: Hey, you know what? Why don't come with you? 'Cause I've got this book called The Kama Sutra. Okay, good night, Michael.
Michael Carol Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Ryan · Kelly's Parents: Well, I was a temp, but I got promoted. So, the compensation is a lot more competitive. So you're saving money now to start a family and home? Oh, or travel. And, and buy an Xbox.
Jim · Karen: Can you believe my boss proposed to his girlfriend in public? That is so Michael. Is it? He's really outgoing, huh?
Jim · Pam: It's hot in there. How's the naan? Dry. You looked like you were having fun. I am. You should come dance with us. I have to watch our shoes, so they don't get stolen.
Jim Pam Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Andy: Tuna! Are you kidding me?!
Andy Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Michael · Pam: Pam... When Carol said no tonight, I think I finally realized how you must be feeling. We are both the victims of broken engagements.
Michael Pam Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Pam · Michael: Well, you were never really engaged. I was in that marriage arena, though.
Pam Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Pam · Michael: I kind of thought something would happen tonight too. We're so alike. So alike.
Pam Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael · Pam: What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm rejecting your kiss. What?
Michael Pam Cringe/Discomfort Physical/Slapstick ★ Rewatch Michael · Pam: Can I have a ride home? If you sit in the back.
Ryan · Michael: Hey, can I have a ride, man? I, uh, I have my bike. No way, dude. I am not driving home. I brought an inflatable bed for just such occasions. You're welcome to share it, though. It's a roomy twin.
Karen · Jim: Hey, dummy, get the car. I'm a drunk driver. Yes, you are. Here, let me take that. Just, get in the car. You can really hold your liquor, though. Yeah, you can't.
Kevin: These are not my shoes.
Kevin Visual Gag Character Comedy Callback Michael · Pam: This is just like that show Taxi Cab Confessions. If you say one more word, I'm stopping the car.
Michael: Why not to Indians everywhere? It's a tribute to one of the greats. Mr. Adam Sandler.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch ⏩ The part you fast-forward
Our scorer flagged 15:00-16:00 range with fewer strong jokes during party dancing as the stretch with the fewest or weakest comedic moments. Everything else lands harder.
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