Initiation

Michael · Unknown:Michael immediately solves the two-coins brain teaser, cutting off the setup

Jan · Michael:Jan says 'I don't care how your day was, Michael.' Michael petulantly responds 'I don't care how your day was either, Jan.'

Michael:Michael confessional: 'Never, ever, ever sleep with your boss. I'm so lucky that Jan and I only got to second base.'

Pam:Pam confessional: 'Jan used to treat Michael like he was a ten-year-old. But lately it's like he's five.'

Dwight:Dwight's talking head about Ryan: escalating excitement test ('Very excited? Extremely excited? Just very?') followed by revealing his agenda — recruiting Ryan against Jim

Dwight:Dwight confessional: 'Is he gonna be a slacker, loser, wise-ass like Jim was, or is he gonna join the Dwight Army of Champions?'

Dwight · Ryan:Dwight: 'When you are ready to see the sales office, the sales office will present itself to you. Your journey begins now.'

Andy · Jim:The chair standoff — Andy accuses Jim of taking his chair; Jim explains he 'took back the chair that you took from me' but didn't take Andy's chair

Jim · Andy:Jim: 'When you get up, I'm just gonna take it back anyway, so...' Andy: 'So I guess I can't get up?'

Michael:Michael approaches a client named Coselli and calls him 'Coselli. The Cos, Cosby. Hey, hey, hey! I love Jell-O Pudding Pops.'

Dwight · Ryan:Dwight: 'Do you know where we are, temp?' Ryan: 'I know where we're not.'

Dwight · Ryan:Dwight hands Ryan a beet seed and begins a solemn speech; a goat or animal walks in and interrupts, causing Dwight to yell 'Damn it.'

Andy · Jim:Andy approaches Jim to ask him to 'stand up and talk to me over there' — an elaborate attempt to steal the chair

Jim · Andy:Jim: 'That's it? That's what you came up with?' Andy: 'I am acting my heart out here.'

Michael · Pam (or other office worker):Michael confessional about pretzel day: 'Once a year, they bring in a little cart, and they give away free pretzels. It's really not a big deal.'

Michael:Michael confessional: 'Productivity is important, but how can I be productive if I have this one little thing in my brain that I cannot get out? And that one little thing is a soft pretzel.'

Dwight:Dwight: 'And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I am going to plant my seed in you.'

Ryan · Dwight:Ryan: 'I don't think you know what you're saying.' Dwight pivots immediately to a demonstration about bull manure: 'It smells pretty bad, doesn't it?'

Dwight · Ryan:'It smells pretty bad, doesn't it?' 'Uh-huh.' 'It's called bull crap, and a client can smell it from a mile away.'

Michael:After the bull manure speech, Michael says 'Oh, hey, I forgot something in my car. I'll be right back.' — and leaves Ryan alone at the client meeting

Stanley:Stanley confessional: 'I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day... Well, I like pretzel day.'

Michael:Michael overhears teenagers rapping about cupcakes and The Chronicles of Narnia and says 'God, who invented cupcakes, right? I want to kill them.'

Michael · Phyllis:Michael confronts Phyllis for cutting in the pretzel line: 'No, I think you're cutting in line.' Phyllis: 'Well, settle down, Scott.' Michael: 'No, I'm not gonna settle down. No way. Uh-uh.'

Michael:'What a pair of marys.' (referring to Phyllis and Bob Vance after the line altercation) — followed by 'This is pretzel day.'

Dwight:Dwight confessional parody: 'Hey, Dwight, you're a great salesman. Can you teach me? Sure, Ryan. I'll make you kneel in cow manure and I'll abandon you in a beet field.'

Dwight:Dwight: 'Congratulations, resourceful salesman. You have passed the second challenge. Welcome to Schrute farm!'

Dwight · Mose · Ryan:Eerie music plays at Schrute Farms; Mose runs past in the background while Dwight and Ryan stand solemnly

Mose · Karen · Dwight:The Cardigans' 'Love Me' playing at Schrute Farm, apparently initiated by Mose; Karen asks it to stop; the song continues through her protests with everyone powerless to stop it

Dwight:Dwight: 'Whatever happened to those guys?' — referring to the love song artists, asked sincerely mid-ceremony

Michael · Pam:Michael attempts to skip the pretzel line using Pam's waiting and his own trip to the bathroom: 'I thought that maybe you could wait in line for me while I go to the bathroom?'

Michael:Michael: 'Pam, productivity starts with patience and determination.' — said while standing in a pretzel line

Dwight · Ryan:Dwight: 'You have walked the long, lonely walk of loneliness...' Ryan cuts him off to call out the hazing

Ryan · Dwight:Ryan: 'Look, man, I was in a frat in college, so I know what you're doing. I get it.' Dwight's response: 'You know what your problem is? You think you know everything.'

Michael:Michael orders a pretzel with all 18 toppings simultaneously — 'Is there any way that you could do all of them?'

Dwight · Ryan:Ryan hears a noise; Dwight: 'Pay no attention to the spirits that haunt this hallowed ground.' Ryan: 'Is that your cousin Mose?'

Dwight · Ryan:'What is the true cause of Robert Mifflin's suicide?' Ryan: 'Depression?' Dwight: 'Wrong. He hated himself.'

Dwight:Dwight: 'What is the Dharma Initiative?' — a reference to Lost, included as a real Dunder Mifflin quiz question

Kevin · Kelly · Angela:Kevin: 'I'm sure Dwight will protect him.' Office worker: 'I don't know, Dwight's so weird.' Kevin: 'He's not weird, he's just individualistic.' Other: 'No, he's a freak.' Kevin: 'You're a freak!'

Dwight · Ryan:Dwight asks the final question: 'What is Michael Scott's greatest fear?' Ryan answers: 'Loneliness.' Then adds: 'Maybe women.'

Ryan:Ryan answers Michael's greatest fear: 'Loneliness.' pause. 'Maybe women.'

Dwight · Ryan:Dwight: 'You will now wrestle my cousin Mose!' — followed by Ryan's absolute refusal and Dwight's 'Just get in the coffin.'

Mose · Dwight:After Ryan storms off, Mose says: 'He seemed nice.' Dwight: 'Where are all the animals?'

Dwight · Mose:Dwight runs after Ryan, apologizing: 'I am sorry. Mose is sorry, too. Look, he sent over a basket with eggs and some fat-back bacon, and look, something he whittled.'

Dwight:Dwight's confessional about wanting to be Ryan's ally: 'I wanted us to be a team. An unstoppable team that competed against other teams.'

Ryan · Michael (referenced):Michael always says 'K-I-S-S. Keep It Simple, Stupid.' Ryan: 'Great advice, hurts my feelings every time.'

Michael · Toby:Michael bursts into the office after his pretzel: 'I am officially streamlining the efficiency of this corporation.' Toby: 'Second?' Michael: 'Yes, second, Toby.'

Toby · Michael:Toby: 'Did you have a lot of sugar today, Michael?' Then: 'What's on your suit?' Michael: 'Caramel dip.'

Ryan · Michael:Ryan confessional: 'They really didn't like me.' Michael: 'They did not. But they didn't have to say it to your face.'

Michael:Michael: 'Not everything's a lesson, Ryan. Sometimes you just fail.'

Michael:Michael on the internet: 'You know what? They're gonna be screwed once this whole Internet fad is over.'

Dwight · Ryan:Dwight and Ryan running and yelling 'Temp! Temp! Temp!' and 'Ryan! Ryan! Ryan!' as they apparently speed through the parking lot — a celebratory release after the sales win

Pam · Jim:Pam's brief, loaded phone call: 'Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Oh, hi, Jim. He's on a sales call. No message? Bye, Jim.'

Dwight:Dwight's victory chant: 'Temp! Temp! Temp!' becomes 'Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Yes!'

Dwight · Ryan:Dwight to Ryan: 'Just think, that temp agency could have sent you anywhere.' Ryan: 'I think about that all the time.'

Dwight · Ryan:'Just think, that temp agency could have sent you anywhere.' / 'I think about that all the time.'

Stanley:Stanley asking 'What time is it?' / 'A.M. or P.M.?' / 'Oh, good.' — implying he would happily stay the night for pretzel-related reasons, or simply that he's disoriented enough to genuinely not know

Michael:Michael learns the Coselli contracts arrived. His response: 'Oh, Coselli, with the Jell-O.' A pause. 'This is a huge sale.' Another pause. 'Yes, right, good.'

Jim · Pam:Jim calls and immediately says 'I forgot Kevin's extension. It's a fantasy football thing.' — a transparent excuse

Jim · Pam:Jim and Pam talk past each other both trying to speak, creating a cascade of 'Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead.' 'No, I...' — and then Pam fills the void with 'Everything's pretty much the same here. Oh, good. A little different.'

Jim · Pam:Jim: 'What time is it there?' Pam: 'What time is it here?' Jim: 'We're in the same time zone.' Pam: 'Yeah, right.'

Jim · Pam:Jim: 'I type 90.' Pam: 'Shut up.' Jim: 'Mavis Beacon doesn't even type 90.'

Jim · Pam:Jim's typing reveal: Pam guesses 70, Jim says 'Forget it' and then 'Sixty-five' — Pam laughs, Jim: 'Okay, no need to laugh. Respectable? Respectable?'

Jim:Jim watches a horror movie alone, waiting for Sandra Bullock to show up. He has confused '28 Days' with '28 Days Later.'

Jim · Pam:Pam: 'Would I make that up?' Jim: 'Yes.' Pam: 'Fancy new Beesly would make that up. New apartment, new stories...'

Jim · Pam:Jim: 'You got totally taken for a ride, Beesly.' Then: 'Most apartments these days have like three kitchens.' Pam: 'Three kitchens?' Jim: 'Yes.' Pam: 'How are you gonna cook every meal of the day in one kitchen?'

Jim · Pam · Ryan:Ryan walks in and interrupts Jim and Pam's call; they scramble to end the conversation with multiple awkward false starts: 'Okay, bye!' 'Oh, yeah, I should probably go, too...' 'Oh, no, I was...' 'I don't know what...' 'Do you have to go?' 'Yeah... No, I should probably go, too.'

Jim · Pam · Ryan:Ryan walks in on Pam's phone call; Pam hastily ends the conversation: 'Hey, Ryan, are you okay? Pam? Yeah. Yeah. Pam? Okay, bye!' followed by mutual confused trying to hang up

Jim · Pam:The goodbye sequence: 'Okay.' / 'I mean...' / 'Yeah.' — neither Jim nor Pam can actually end the call

Jim · Pam:'Bye, Pam.' 'Bye, Jim.' — the final exchange, delivered after the extended false-start sequence