Jan told Michael that the board had voted to close the Scranton branch. There would be a select group of employees that would get a severance package; the others would be going to work at the Stamford branch. She informed Michael that he would be one who would get a severance package.
WAR
69.1
Wins Above Replacement
“Branch Closing” ranks #29 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 84.9 — Elite. The episode packs 64 scored jokes at 2.5 per minute, averaging 7.1 on craft and 7.0 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Michael: This is exactly what Michael Moore does. Famous documentarian. He goes up to people with a camera, and he's like, 'Why did you do this? Why did you pollute? You are bad. You're a bad person.' It's very dramatic. Although I can't say I was a big fan of Bowling For Columbine. Because I thought it was gonna be a bowling movie. Like Kingpin. And it wasn't. It was something else.
Michael Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Michael: You think Stanleys grow on trees? Well, they don't. There is no Stanley tree.
Michael Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jan: Your branch is not closing. Stamford is closing. Um, for the time being, it seems that all of your jobs are safe.
Jan Irony/Sarcasm Misdirection ★ Rewatch Pam: Yeah, I'm... I'm happy he said that. I mean, I don't think he's into me or anything. But... I'm kind of into him. So... there you go.
Pam Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Jim: Say what you will about Michael Scott. But he would never do that.
Jim Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 64 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Jim · Dwight: Jim reveals he's been sending Dwight faxes from himself in the future about poisoned coffee
Jim Dwight Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight: Dwight knocking coffee out of someone's hand shouting 'Nooo!' then saying 'You'll thank me later'
Dwight Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: I love to start my day with a hearty bowl of Jan. Just call me Levinson in the morning, baby.
Michael Wordplay/Pun Cringe/Discomfort Michael · Jan: On whom's authority? The board's.
Michael · Jan: Am I a small number person or a severance package person? But you're a severance package person.
Kevin · Unnamed character: Call me. You got it, buddy.
Michael: King of the stupid universe?
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael: I know I hurt you. But please do not do this to me. Don't hurt me like I hurt you.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: You think Stanleys grow on trees? Well, they don't. There is no Stanley tree.
Michael Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: Show me that farm. With Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place, ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm.
Michael Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight: When you become close with someone, you develop a kind of sixth sense. You can read their moods like a book. Right now, the title of Michael's book is Something Weird Is Going On. Colon: What Did Jan Say?
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Dwight: The Michael Scott Story. By Michael Scott. With Dwight Schrute.
Dwight Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Jim · Karen: Rumor has it that the Scranton branch is 'gklch.' In your face. Sucka.
Jim Karen Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Michael · Pam: Are you okay? Yeah. Great, amazing. Best physical condition of my life.
Michael: Oh, my God, you walk so slowly.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Andy: It makes perfect sense that it would happen today because I just received this in the mail. 1,000 business cards with this address and phone number.
Andy Irony/Sarcasm Observational Kelly: If I get to stay and Ryan is laid off, I will kill myself. Like Romeo and Juliet. The Claire Danes one.
Kelly Character Comedy Escalation Josh: It'd be like going to your high school reunion, and saying 'Hey, I missed you guys.' And then they're all like, 'Oh, don't worry about it. We're all gonna move in with you... forever.'
Josh Observational Setup/Punchline Meredith · Unnamed male character: So listen, I know you're seeing someone, but I'm still willing if you are. What... willing? You remember. Like six years ago we said that on our last day of work that we would... sleep together. Oh... God, uh, um, I did not say that. Was that not you? No, not... not me.
Meredith: Day just gets worse and worse.
Meredith Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Callback Stanley: It's a blessing in disguise. Actually, not even in disguise.
Stanley Deadpan/Understatement Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Stanley: In my fantasy, I always thought I would slap someone, make a big speech and storm out forever. But this is good too.
Stanley Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Roy: I don't wanna work here without Pam. That'd just be like loading trucks without any meaning. You know?
Roy Character Comedy Observational Stanley: I couldn't be happier. I'm gonna take the severance and retire. My wife and I are gonna travel. I really couldn't be happier.
Stanley Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Callback Darryl · Michael: I wasn't. So you'll be okay too. You're a warrior. You're smart, capable.
Darryl: Actually, Bob Vance bought out the warehouse. So he's keeping on the whole crew. So we're good.
Darryl Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Michael: This is my house. The CFO's taking away my house and giving it to Josh. And Josh is giving the garage to Bob Vance.
Michael Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Unnamed employee: Um, like when you said the branch was closing?
Dwight: Shotgun! No, there's no one else. Still.
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael · Dwight: You send him cards? You've never met him. Well, when I do, we'll have something to talk about.
Ryan: I think it's for the best.
Ryan Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Michael: This is exactly what Michael Moore does. Famous documentarian. He goes up to people with a camera, and he's like, 'Why did you do this? Why did you pollute? You are bad. You're a bad person.' It's very dramatic. Although I can't say I was a big fan of Bowling For Columbine. Because I thought it was gonna be a bowling movie. Like Kingpin. And it wasn't. It was something else.
Michael Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Josh · Jan: I, um... will not be taking the job. W... Excu... why not? As of today, I have accepted a senior management position at Staples. Today.
Josh Jan Irony/Sarcasm Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Jan: This whole restructuring thing was based around keeping you. Damn it, Josh.
Jan Cringe/Discomfort Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Jim: Say what you will about Michael Scott. But he would never do that.
Jim Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Dwight · Michael: Listen, Scott. It's no longer financially viable. We're losing money, okay? It's not a charity. It's a business. And it's a dying business. Look, the whole business model of the small regional paper company simply doesn't make sense anymore. Stop... stop it. Just... Okay, he's not gonna say any of that.
Michael: Don't touch me this time.
Michael Physical/Slapstick Callback Callback Pam · Kelly: Kelly, best wishes. Love, Pam. P.S. What a long, strange trip it's been.
Jim: No, no, no. Just, um, some personal stuff. And I'm not really ready to revisit that, I don't think.
Jim Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Michael · Meredith: Hey, did we ever have a conversation about doing something on the last day of work? Does that ring a bell? Do you remember hearing a rumor about me and anybody, last day of work? Something sexual? No.
Pam · Jim: Well, you know, I've got art school. Oh, that's... Yeah, of course, you should totally do that. That's a great idea. Yeah, um... I am already. I started a while ago.
Pam Jim Character Comedy Awkward Silence ★ Rewatch Dwight: You can learn a great deal about a man from his trash. Case in point: Satellite TV bill. Hm, lesson learned: He's rich.
Dwight Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Dwight: Coffee grounds. Was he enjoying a delicious hot beverage? Or disguising the scent of cocaine from drug-sniffing dogs?
Dwight Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Multiple employees: How 'bout Cooper's, then? No seafood. Well, I don't want to go to DJ's. Oh, now, all of a sudden, you get picky? Okay. Forget it.
Creed · Female employee: Hooters. No.
Jan: Your branch is not closing. Stamford is closing. Um, for the time being, it seems that all of your jobs are safe.
Jan Irony/Sarcasm Misdirection ★ Rewatch Pam: Is it because of Michael? Did he actually do something?
Pam Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Andy · Jim: Cornell has an extensive alumni network so... We look out for each other. Probably go back and teach or something. Where'd you go to college? Hm, Cornell.
Andy Jim Character Comedy Running Gag ★ Rewatch Ryan · Pam: I just don't want it to be weird. You know? I mean, I took his old job and his old desk. Yeah, yeah, that might be weird.
Ryan Pam Awkward Silence Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Kelly: We don't have to break up now, Ryan! Mm, mm, mm! It is the best day of my whole life.
Kelly Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Callback Karen · Jim: New York City is 45 minutes down the road from here. And you wanna move to Scranton.
Creed: Made like 1,200 bucks.
Creed Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Meredith · Gary: Can you be at my place in 20 minutes? Yes, I can.
Dwight: Then it was an honor to have worked with you.
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Dwight: My first day, when you hazed me by spraying me with a fire extinguisher. That was hilarious. The foam.
Dwight Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Dwight · Michael: What about when Jan said the branch was closing? God, Dwight.
Kevin · Pam: Hey, I hear Jim's coming back. Really? Where did you hear that?
Kevin Pam Character Comedy Awkward Silence ★ Rewatch Jim · Pam: I'm, uh... I'm really glad you're still gonna be working here. Yeah, me, too. I mean, it'd... It's be a pain to have to find another job so...
Jim Pam Awkward Silence Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim · Pam: I think you should take it. Okay, yeah. Maybe I will.
Jim Pam Character Comedy Awkward Silence ★ Rewatch Pam: Yeah, I'm... I'm happy he said that. I mean, I don't think he's into me or anything. But... I'm kind of into him. So... there you go.
Pam Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Michael: I'm such a stupid idiot. I let everybody down. Everybody hates me. I lost everybody's jobs. Nobody likes me anymore!
Michael · Dwight: Stamford is closed! Michael, we're not closed. Stamford is closed! Stamford is closed! We did it? We did it! We did it!
Michael: How did we do it? I don't know. I have no idea. I don't understand.
Michael Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: Well, for a minute there, I saw myself selling my house, moving to Costa Rica, learning how to surf. But Costa Rica will still be there... when I'm 65.
Michael Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch ⏩ The part you fast-forward
Our scorer flagged 19:30-20:15 as the stretch with the fewest or weakest comedic moments. Everything else lands harder.
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