Branch Closing

Jim:Jim explains that he stole Dwight's stationery before leaving Scranton so he could send Dwight faxes from himself from the future.

Michael:Michael greets Jan with 'Love to start my day with a hearty bowl of Jan!' then immediately sings 'Just call me Levinson in the morning, baby.'

Michael:Michael asks 'On whom's authority?' when told the Board voted to close the branch.

Michael · Jan:Michael immediately asks 'Am I a small number person or a severance package person?' — then Jan's pause followed by 'But you're a severance package person.'

Michael:Michael's reaction to learning he's a 'severance package person' — 'Oh my God! Oh my God!' followed by visible breakdown

Kevin:Kevin and an officemate watching through the glass, Kevin asks 'Is it serious?' — the anxious bystanders watching Michael's meltdown in Jan's car.

Michael:Michael asks what Josh's role will be and Jan says he'll play an important role in the company's future; Michael responds 'What role is that? King of the stupid universe?'

Michael · Jan:Michael begs Jan: 'Don't hurt me like I hurt you.' — while she's trying to leave.

Michael:Michael's talking-head: 'Let's see Josh find another Stanley. Do you think Stanleys grow on trees? Well, they don't. There is no Stanley tree.'

Michael:Michael continues: 'Do you think the world is crawling with Phyllises? Show me that farm. With Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm.'

Michael:Michael looks at photos and says 'Look at that. They grow up so fast.' — gazing at pictures of his employees.

Dwight · Michael:Dwight approaches Michael saying 'Hey, stranger' — Michael replies 'Don't say that. That just sounds weird.'

Michael:Michael tells Dwight 'Just do your work. While you still can.' — accidentally revealing the branch is closing.

Dwight:Dwight's talking-head: 'The title of Michael's book is Something Weird is Going On: What Did Jan Say? The Michael Scott Story. By Michael Scott with Dwight Schrute.'

Andy:Andy tells someone at Stamford about the Scranton rumors and says 'In your face. Well, I work here now. Sucker.'

Jim:Jim is asked if he's okay and responds: 'Yeah, great, amazing. Best physical condition of my life.'

Michael · Pam:Michael says to Pam 'What difference does it make? We'll all be gone in a few weeks anyway' — then immediately realizes he's revealed the secret.

Michael:Michael's talking-head confessional: 'All I can do right now is put on a brave face and go out there and be their leader.' — immediately cut to Michael announcing 'It's over. We are screwed.'

Michael:Michael immediately follows the chaos with 'So this has been great! So let's get back to work and do the best job that we can.'

Michael · Toby:Michael tells Toby 'Oh, my God. You walk so slowly.'

Unknown:Talking-head: character has just received 1,000 business cards with the Scranton address and phone number — 'I don't want to blame anyone in particular. I think everyone's to blame.'

Kelly:'If I get to stay and Ryan is laid off, I will kill myself. Like Romeo + Juliet. The Claire Danes one.'

Andy:Andy introduces Josh to a crowd: 'Ladies and gentlemen, our fearless leader, Josh Porter! Josh, take a bow. Take a bow!'

Jim:Jim's talking-head comparing the Scranton staff coming to Stamford to a high school reunion where they all decide to move in with you forever.

Kevin · Meredith:Kevin approaches Meredith on her 'last day': 'I know you're seeing someone, but I'm still willing if you are.' Meredith: 'What willing?'

Kevin · Meredith:Meredith says 'I did not say that. Was that not you?' and Kevin retreats with 'Never mind.'

Pam:Pam's talking-head: 'It's a blessing in disguise. Actually, not even in disguise.'

Pam:Pam describes her fantasy of slapping someone, making a big speech, and storming out forever — then says 'But this is good, too.'

Roy:Roy: 'I don't want to work here without Pam. It'll just be like loading trucks without any meaning, you know.'

Stanley:Stanley's talking-head: 'I couldn't be happier. I'm gonna take the severance and retire. My wife and I are gonna travel. I really couldn't be happier.' — delivered with complete flatness.

Darryl:Darryl introduces himself: 'Hey, Mike. Darryl. Noble Darryl.'

Michael · Darryl:Michael tells Darryl 'Don't worry about me. I'll land on my feet' — Darryl replies 'I wasn't.'

Michael:Michael's realization monologue: 'This is my house. The CFO's taking away my house and giving it to Josh. And Josh is giving the garage to Bob Vance.'

Unknown office worker:When Michael announces he won't take the closing lying down and has a plan to save their jobs, someone calls out: 'Like when you said the branch was closing?'

Michael · Dwight:Michael's plan to 'save the branch': drive to New York and confront the CFO at his home. When Dwight asks for the address, Michael says it's from his Christmas card list — then admits he's never actually met the CFO but 'when I do, we'll have something to talk about.'

Michael · Dwight:Michael reveals he has the CFO's home address. Dwight: 'Why?' Michael: 'Christmas card list.' Dwight: 'You send him cards? You've never met him.' Michael: 'But when I do, we'll have something to talk about.'

Ryan:Ryan's confession: 'As far as me and Kelly goes, I think it's for the best.'

Michael:Michael's talking-head about his Michael Moore plan: 'I can't say I was a big fan of Bowling for Columbine. Because I thought it was gonna be a bowling movie, like Kingpin. And it wasn't. It was something else.'

Josh · Jan:Josh announces he's leaving for a senior management position at Staples — he leveraged Dunder Mifflin's restructuring into another offer. Jan explodes: 'Damn it, Josh, this whole restructuring thing was based around keeping you.'

Dwight:Dwight scouts Wallace's house: 'All visible points of access are covered.'

Michael:Michael tells Dwight 'Just be more scared of me, okay? Don't touch me this time.'

Pam · Kelly:Pam signs Kelly's company directory and writes: 'Kelly. Best wishes. Love, Pam. P.S. What a long, strange trip it's been.'

Jim · Jan:Jan calls Jim to offer him the number two position at Scranton — Jim hesitates, citing 'some personal stuff' and being 'not ready to revisit that.' Jan says simply: 'Michael.'

Kevin:Kevin returns to Meredith: 'Hey, did we ever have a conversation about doing something on the last day of work? Does that ring a bell? Do you remember hearing a rumor about me and anybody, last day of work... Something sexual?'

Pam · Jim:Pam reveals to the camera that she's already been attending art school — 'I started a while ago' — after Jim expresses excitement as if it's a new idea.

Dwight:Dwight analyzing Wallace's garbage: 'Satellite TV bill. Lesson learned? He's rich.' Then: 'Coffee grounds. Was he enjoying a delicious hot beverage? Or disguising the scent of cocaine from drug-sniffing dogs?'

Phyllis · Kevin · Oscar · Others:Phyllis tries to organize a group lunch. Kevin suggests Dee Jay's. Phyllis suggests Cugino's in Dunmore. Someone says no seafood. It collapses with 'Okay. Forget it.' Then someone suggests Hooters. 'No.' Immediately: '$400 for the CPU. Done.'

Multiple Scranton employees:The group lunch negotiation: 'I thought maybe Dee Jay's?' 'How about Cugino's?' 'I don't want to go all the way to Dunmore.' 'How about Cooper's then?' 'No seafood.' 'Oh, now all of a sudden you get picky?' 'Forget it.' 'Hooters.' 'No.'

Jan · Stanley:Jan announces to the Scranton office: 'Your branch is not closing. Stamford is closing. For the time being, it seems that all of your jobs are safe.' — collective eruption, then Stanley asks: 'Is it because of Michael? Did he actually do something?'

Jan:Jan: 'Well, reasons are not important.' — declining to explain why Scranton was saved.

Michael:Michael refuses to answer his phone while staking out Wallace's house: 'Not until I have some good news for them. Not until I have some good news.'

Andy:Andy's talking-head about Jim returning: 'Jim Halpert, will Big Tuna be transferring to Scranton?' Then proceeds to describe the Cornell alumni network with increasing self-congratulation, ending in '...I'll probably go back and teach or something.'

Stamford employee · Jim:Stamford employee: 'Cornell has an extensive alumni network. We look out for each other. I'll probably go back and teach or something.' Jim: 'Where'd you go to college?' Employee: 'Cornell.' Jim: 'That's good.'

Dwight:Dwight's talking-head: 'I just don't want it to be weird, you know. I mean, I took his old job and his old desk. Yeah, you know, that might be weird.' — about Jim possibly returning.

Kelly:Kelly runs through the office screaming: 'I am so happy we don't have to break up now, Ryan! It is the best day of my whole life!'

Jim:Jim tells a coworker he might move to Scranton because 'New York City is 45 minutes down the road from here,' and the coworker says 'And you wanna move to Scranton' — then tells Jim he'd move to New York.

Stanley:Stanley's talking-head: 'Oh, well. What can you do? It was nice to have those few hours when I thought it was over. Now I have something to look forward to.'

Creed:Creed's talking-head: 'Congratulations.' 'Thank you. I made like 1,200 bucks.' — cut from Stanley's somber reflection.

Meredith:Meredith gets a call from Gary Trundell about their 'deal' — immediately agrees to be at his place in 20 minutes even after starting to correct him about the branch status.

Dwight · Michael:Michael and Dwight's 'favorite moments' talking head: Dwight lists 'My first day when you hazed me by spraying me with the fire extinguisher. That was hilarious. The foam.'

Dwight · Michael:Dwight lists 'And when you took me to the hospital and told me that you cared about me' as a favorite moment — Michael immediately shuts it down: 'All right, okay, that's enough, that's good.'

Michael · Dwight:Michael asks 'What were your favorite moments?' then Dwight asks 'What about when Jan said the branch was closing?' — Michael: 'God, Dwight.'

Jim · Pam:Jim tells Pam he's glad she's 'still gonna be working here' because 'it'd be a pain to have to find another job.' Pam agrees 'yeah, totally.'

Pam:Pam's confessional: 'Finding another job is a pain. There's another annoying boss, another desk. I'd have to learn everything all over again. So, there are reasons to stay.'

Jim:Jim tells the camera 'I think I am gonna take that job. And Scranton, it's not that bad.' Then tells his Stamford coworker they should take a job there too — 'I think you should take it.'

Karen:Jim's Stamford coworker confesses to camera: 'I mean, I don't think he's into me or anything, but I'm kind of into him, so there you go.'

Michael:Michael's breakdown outside Wallace's house: 'This was so stupid. I am such a stupid idiot. I let everybody down. Everybody hates me. I lost everybody's jobs! Nobody likes me anymore!'

Michael · Dwight:Dwight yelling: 'Stamford is closed! Stamford is closed! We did it! We did it! We did it! You did it! We did it!' — followed by both jumping and hugging while Dwight keeps chanting.

Michael · Dwight:Michael and Dwight's post-celebration: 'How did we do it? I don't know. I have no idea. I don't understand.'

Toby:Toby's closing confessional: 'For a minute there, I saw myself selling my house, moving to Costa Rica, learning how to surf. But Costa Rica will still be there when I'm 65.'