Christmas Wishes

Andy:Andy claiming to be 'the first office Santa ever to make holiday wishes come true'

Stanley:Stanley's list of weird Christmas themes: 'A Honolulu Christmas, a Pulp Fiction Christmas, a Muslim Christmas, Moroccan Christmas, Mo Rocca Christmas'

Stanley:'Christmas is Christmas is Christmas is Christmas'

Andy:'I got Stanley tickets to see Lewis Black for his birthday. Might not have been the best idea'

Stanley:'I want Christmas. Just give me plain baby-Jesus-lying-in-a-manger Christmas'

Andy · Jim:Andy giving Jim property on the moon 'Directly adjacent to the Sea of Tranquility. Beachfront.'

Jim · Andy:'She's not your grandmother is she?' 'Gam-Gam's name is Ruth, Jim'

Andy:'Only thing that's not serious by the way, our repartee'

Erin:'I love Jessica, and I haven't even met her yet. It's like, we don't even need to meet, you know? I already love you. Stay home'

Kelly:Kelly offering to be mean to Jessica: 'It's really no problem. I was already planning on being mean to her'

Toby:'I feel like a kitten being cradled by a gorilla'

Robert:Robert's analysis of Black Eyed Peas: 'It's rock and roll for people who don't like rock and roll. It's rap for people who don't like rap. It's pop for people who don't like pop'

Dwight:'Okay, the weak always bully the strong, contrary to what you see in the media'

Andy:Andy saying 'Moe-nay' instead of 'Money'

Andy:'My ex is meeting my sex. Which is always scary. You know? And not just because you think they might talk about your penis. That's just part of it'

Erin:Erin's scoliosis explanation and spontaneous demonstration

Darryl:Darryl's popsicle explanation: 'Yeah, like, upstairs people 'Cause you got a stick up your butt'

Unknown warehouse worker:'I will look so handsome for you, Darryl'

Jim:'I get really pranky when I drink'

Meredith:Meredith's elaborate shot peer pressure speech to Erin

Jim:Jim giving fake credit card numbers over the phone as bait for Dwight

Jim:'So Dwight did take the bait. He used my credit card numbers to send a $200 bouquet of flowers to my wife. From me. Boom'

Robert:'You usually dress like a Ghostbuster'

Dwight:Dwight's porcupine attack story with 'toothbrush and tooth powder'

Toby:Toby's Chad Flenderman description: 'Just an easy-going black guy who knows the streets, yet he also went to Oxford. So just as comfortable on a motorcycle as he is on Air Force One. And he's also the world's leading Egyptologist'

Michael/Ryan · Toby:'Toby, nobody cares about your sex-crazed black detective' 'No, no, no, no, no women chase him. He misses his wife'

Angela:'Porcupines don't have souls. They're like dogs'

Jessica:'That's how the cool kids say "get a drink." - reverse spit'

Erin:Erin's death wish for Jessica: 'I wish she was in a graveyard under the ground with worms coming out of her mouth'

Erin:'So which one are you, a murderer or a liar?'

Jim:Jim's fake concern over the defaced photo of Cece, then revealing it was probably an accident by him

Andy:Andy's philosophical question about friends who aren't sleeping together staying friends

Kelly · Jessica:'Jessica, did you just fart?' 'And that is how it's done'

Robert:Robert's description of Chad Flenderman: 'Chad Flenderman's kryptonite... We got a real Clarence Thomas here'

Meredith · Andy:Meredith's treasures vs junk argument: 'It's my valuables' 'It's junk' 'No, they're my treasures' 'You're a hoarder'

Dwight:Dwight talking to the porcupine Henrietta about bonus money

Andy:'Meredith, shut your drunk hole right now'

Robert:Robert's predatory 'You thinking what I'm thinking?' to drunk Erin

Andy:'Oh, man I was supposed to tell Dwight something. Come on, Jim'