Andy attempts to make everyone's Christmas wishes come true, including those of a drunken Erin. Meanwhile, Dwight and Jim are entangled in an escalating prank war wherein one attempts to frame the other.
WAR
74.7
Wins Above Replacement
“Christmas Wishes” ranks #155 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 84.1 — Elite. The episode packs 77 scored jokes at 3.5 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 7.0 on impact, with Andy landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Jim: Jim talking head: 'Dwight did take the bait. He used my credit card numbers to send a $200 bouquet of flowers... to my wife. From me.'
Jim Irony/Sarcasm Misdirection ★ Rewatch Callback Erin · Andy: Erin: 'I'd said I wish Jessica was dead.' / Andy: 'You — you mean you wish she wasn't here or something.' / Erin: 'I wish she was in a graveyard under the ground with worms coming out of her mouth.'
Erin Andy Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight · Andy: Animal control asks the porcupine's name; Dwight answers 'Henrietta,' then says 'Oops.' Andy: 'What?' Dwight: [silence]
Dwight Andy Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Callback Erin · Andy: Erin: 'You promised it would come true. You wrote it in an email! So which one are you, a murderer or a liar?'
Erin Andy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Toby: Toby adds: 'Oh, and he's also the world's leading egyptologist.'
Toby Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Standout Moments
Jim: Jim talking head: 'Dwight did take the bait. He used my credit card numbers to send a $200 bouquet of flowers... to my wife. From me.'
Jim Irony/Sarcasm Misdirection ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight · Andy: Animal control asks the porcupine's name; Dwight answers 'Henrietta,' then says 'Oops.' Andy: 'What?' Dwight: [silence]
Dwight Andy Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Callback Erin · Andy: Erin: 'I'd said I wish Jessica was dead.' / Andy: 'You — you mean you wish she wasn't here or something.' / Erin: 'I wish she was in a graveyard under the ground with worms coming out of her mouth.'
Erin Andy Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 77 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Andy: Andy introduces himself as 'the first office Santa ever to make holiday wishes come true' while clearly wearing a Santa suit and taking his role extremely seriously
Andy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Stanley: Stanley's talking head: 'I've been here 18 years and I've suffered through some weird, thematic Christmases. A Honolulu Christmas, a Pulp Fiction Christmas, a Muslim Christmas, Moroccan Christmas, Mo Rocca Christmas.'
Stanley Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Andy · Stanley: Stanley: 'I got Stanley tickets to see Lewis Black for his birthday. Might not have been the best idea.'
Stanley: Stanley: 'I don't want no Kwanzaa wreath. I don't need a dreidel in my face. And who's that black Santa for? I don't care. I know Santa ain't black. I could care less.'
Stanley Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Stanley: Stanley: 'I want Christmas. Just give me plain baby Jesus lying in a manger Christmas.'
Stanley Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Callback Andy · Erin: Andy reveals he brought his bicycle to be Erin's designated driver 'in the event that you drink too much, which is by no means required'
Andy: An unnamed character's Christmas wish is to not attend 'meetings that degrade our sense of adulthood' — Andy says he can't grant it but did get them an acre of property on the moon
Andy Absurdist Character Comedy Andy · Jim: Andy's biggest wish is that everyone get along with his girlfriend Jessica, then: 'She's not your grandmother, is she?' / 'Ugh, gam gam's name is Ruth, Jim. You should know. I introduced you on speaker phone that time.'
Andy Jim Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Andy: Andy: 'Jessica is my super serious girlfriend who is seriously awesome and seriously sexy. Only thing that's not serious, by the way, our repartee.'
Andy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jim: Jim: 'Hey, what's Ruth's deal, man? Totally out of your league.'
Jim Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement Callback Andy: Andy: 'mistletoe is not an excuse for sexual assault. And don't go near gam gam.'
Andy Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Callback Erin: Erin talking head: 'I love Jessica, and I haven't even met her yet. It's like, we don't even need to meet, you know? I already love you. Stay home.'
Erin Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Kelly · Andy: Kelly: 'Just want you to know that I will be mean to Jessica, if you want me to be. Oh, no, no, it's fine, Kelly. It's really no problem. I was already planning on being mean to her.'
Kelly · Erin: Kelly wishes Erin 'Happy Pancha Ganapati' — Erin asks 'Ew, what is that?' — Kelly explains it's a five-day Hindu celebration honoring Ganesh, patron of the arts — Erin: 'Cool.'
Robert California · Kevin: Robert California, consoled about his wife leaving: 'I actually appreciate the human intimacy. I feel like a kitten being cradled by a gorilla.'
Robert California: Robert California: 'It's been ten days since I had sexual intercourse.'
Robert California: Robert California on the corporate party: 'I am so tired of the Black-Eyed Peas. It's rock and roll for people who don't like rock and roll. It's rap for people who don't like rap. It's pop for people who don't like pop.'
Andy: Andy: 'I hate to have to take my Santa hat off and put on my hard ass hat' — then physically switches to a different hat labeled accordingly
Andy Visual Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight: Dwight dismisses Andy's mediation: 'The weak always bully the strong, contrary to what you see in the media. I am always acting in self-defense. Occasionally preemptive self-defense.'
Dwight Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Dwight · Jim: Dwight slaps Jim's hand reaching for something — 'Ow, what are you doing?' / 'Hey! Hey! Respect the hat.'
Andy: Andy: 'I'm gonna speak in a language you both understand. Monet.' [beat] 'Money.'
Andy Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Erin · Jessica: Jessica arrives; Erin rushes to hug her aggressively: 'We don't say hi. We hug.' and squeezes her — 'I-- Oof. Sorry.'
Andy: Andy talking head: 'My ex is meeting my sex. Which is always scary. You know? And not just because you think they might talk about your penis. That's just part of it.'
Andy Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Erin · Jessica: Erin claims spontaneous scoliosis and starts dramatically convulsing — 'Spontaneous... Scoliosis.' / 'This thing could take your arm off, your head off.'
Darryl · Erin: Darryl explains the upstairs corporate party: 'There's a Christmas party upstairs tonight.' — Erin asks 'Isn't that just for popsicles?' / 'Popsicles?' / 'Yeah, like, upstairs people. 'Cause you got a stick up your butt.'
Erin: Erin's alternative theory: 'See, I thought it was because they're all so rich they could eat popsicles all the time. What?'
Erin Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Erin: Erin: 'You had me at clookies. I can't wait to find out what they are.'
Erin Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Gabe · Darryl: Gabe, overhearing the conversation: 'I will look so handsome for you, Darryl.' — then a pause as everyone registers this
Jim: Jim talking head: 'Dwight really wants my bonus. He's trying to entrap me. Oh God, now I can't drink at this thing.' [pause] 'I get really pranky when I drink.'
Jim Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Meredith · Erin: Meredith trying to get Erin to take a shot: 'The fifth one is for you, Erin. You can take it or leave it. To take it would be to accept that you're at a party and you're an adult woman with an adventurous spirit. To leave it would be fine, too.'
Erin · Meredith: Erin takes the shot and yells 'Jiminy Christmas!' — Meredith echoes 'Jiminy Christmas, indeed' with satisfaction
Dwight · Jim: Dwight loudly recites Jim's replacement credit card number (and security code) into the phone while Jim is nearby
Dwight Jim Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Darryl: Darryl arrives at the upstairs party in a full tuxedo — visible reaction from the upstairs crowd
Darryl Visual Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Robert California · Darryl: Robert California to Darryl: 'I meant dressed up compared to normal. You usually dress like a Ghostbuster.'
Robert California · Darryl: Robert California: 'I thought you'd wear a sweater.' / Darryl: 'Since when does a sweater mean dressed up?' / Robert: 'Am I your grandson?'
Robert California: Robert California: 'Come on, stay, all right? It's good for people to get to know you. As a contestant on Dancing with the Stars, maybe.'
Oscar's grandmother: Oscar's grandmother at the upstairs party: 'I want my sugar-free cookie, and then I want a sugar cookie. And then I want my nap. That's right.'
Robert California: Robert California: 'She is remarkable.' — referring to Oscar's grandmother after her cookie speech
Erin · Darryl: Erin to Darryl: 'How many drinks have you had tonight? I can't be driving everybody home.' — Darryl: 'A thousand.' / 'Whoa! Maybe you should take a break.' / 'Maybe you should mind your own business.' [pause] 'Just kidding.'
Dwight: Dwight dramatically announces he's been attacked — 'someone put a porcupine in my drawer!' — then tells the full story of reaching for his 'toothbrush and some tooth powder'
Dwight Character Comedy Escalation Dwight: Dwight: 'I wonder, in this office, who has access to a porcupine? Or who in this office knows that I have access and is trying to set me up?'
Dwight Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Toby: Toby: 'You know, this sounds a lot like the premise of my latest Chad Flenderman novel, A Murder for Framing. Chad Flenderman. Just an easy-going black guy who knows the streets, yet he also went to Oxford. So just as comfortable on a motorcycle as he is on Air Force One.'
Toby Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Toby: Toby adds: 'Oh, and he's also the world's leading egyptologist.'
Toby Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight · Toby: Dwight to Toby: 'Nobody cares about your sex-crazed black detective.' / Toby: 'No, no, no, no, no, women chase him. He misses his wife.'
Dwight · Andy: Dwight: 'I wonder, in this office, who has access to a porcupine?' — then later is asked if the porcupine has been quilled — 'Yes, I was quilled.' / 'And what's its name?' / 'Henrietta.' / 'Oops.'
Dwight Andy Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight · Andy: Dwight: 'Fingerprints can be planted. You know, with a severed hand—' [everyone stares] 'Do you think that's what happened? Do you think he used a severed hand?'
Angela · Andy: Angela about the porcupine: 'You might want to run that by Angela. 'Cause it's so cute.' [Angela] 'No. Porcupines don't have souls. They're like dogs.'
Angela Andy Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Erin · Jim · Pam: Drunk Erin to Jim and Pam: 'I am so happy you guys are together. And you both have such beautiful hair. I hope you guys get married. And who knows? Maybe at the wedding I meet someone.'
Erin: Erin: 'Okay, well, I'm gonna go do another reverse spit. That's how the cool kids say get a drink.'
Erin Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Andy · Jim: Andy watching Erin be drunk: 'That's, uh, that's the girl you dated.' / Jim: 'Um, yeah, she's not really like that.' / Andy: 'She seems fun.' / Jim: '...Yeah, uh, excuse me.'
Andy Jim Character Comedy Awkward Silence Erin · Andy: Drunk Erin to Andy: 'I don't want to put you out, but if someone's making oatmeal, I'll take an apple cinnamon and a maple brown sugar in one bowl with whole milk.'
Erin Andy Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Erin: Erin drunk at the bar: 'Every Martini has an olive.' [in response to 'have you had anything besides candy canes?']
Erin Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Erin · Andy: Erin: 'You promised it would come true. You wrote it in an email! So which one are you, a murderer or a liar?'
Erin Andy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Darryl: Darryl to female partygoer: 'You know? Don't listen to what anyone is saying. You look like a... A princess.' [clearly reaching for the compliment, landing on 'princess' awkwardly]
Darryl Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Jim: Jim shows the defaced picture of Cece (his daughter) to a group, performing outrage — then gradually admits maybe he defaced it himself, 'by accident'
Jim Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Andy · Robert California: Andy Santa hat-check: 'You all right, Santa?' — Andy asks himself/Robert two-friends-sleeping-together rhetorical question
Kelly · Jessica · Andy: Kelly leans into Jessica and whispers something — then Andy looks over and: 'Jessica, did you just fart?'
Kelly: Kelly: 'And that is how it's done.'
Kelly Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Callback Kelly: Kelly after the fart accusation, in confessional: 'And that is how it's done.'
Kelly Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Callback Robert California · Oscar: Robert's bartending: 'Oh, never considered myself a mixologist. Oh, this is daunting. I need a mortar, pestle, muddler. Does anyone have any chocolate shavings?'
Robert California · Darryl: Robert to Darryl about love advice: 'I've been married thrice, and each has ended in an acrimonious divorce. I'm not sure I'm the best person to give love advice.'
Robert California · Darryl: Robert to Darryl: 'When you do your make-up... how long does it take usually? 'Cause...' [implying Darryl takes too long on his makeup as relationship advice]
Toby · Robert California: Toby, still talking about Chad Flenderman: 'Chad Flenderman's kryptonite—' / Robert California: 'Whoa, we got a real Clarence Thomas here.'
Andy: Andy: 'Thank God Erin's getting a ride home with Robert, 'cause she is trashed. And who better to drive her home than Robert? I mean, what a standup guy... Separating from his wife, showing up at the Christmas party in a track suit and a blazer.'
Andy Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Meredith · Andy: Meredith loading her junk/treasures into Andy's car as designated driver: 'It's my valuables! It's my treasures!' — Andy: 'You're a hoarder, my God!' — Meredith: 'No, I'm not! I'm gonna sell it on eBay!'
Dwight: Dwight to his porcupine in the parking lot: 'What are we gonna do with all that bonus money, Henrietta, huh?'
Dwight Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Meredith · Andy: Meredith, in the car: 'Where are we? This ain't my street.' / Andy: 'Shh, shh, shh, shh.' / Meredith: 'Mmm, this is the posh part of town, huh?'
Andy: Andy pulls up outside Robert California's house and sees Erin and Robert on the porch — 'Oh, my God.' [camera reaction implied]
Andy Reaction Beat Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Meredith · Andy: Andy driving away: 'Wonder what a studio condo would cost in this neighborhood.' / Meredith: 'Meredith, shut your drunk hole right now.'
Robert California · Erin: Robert dropping off Erin: giving her very specific instructions — 'Take a few aspirin, drink a whole lot of water, sleep in in the morning' — then when she thanks him and says good night, he stays in the car smiling suggestively
Robert California · Erin: Robert on Erin's porch: 'What are you smiling for? You thinking what I'm thinking?' / Erin (slightly fearful/excited): 'I'm sure I am not.' / Robert: 'Let's get you home.' / Erin: 'Ow! Take it easy!'
Dwight: Dwight wakes up from a nap at his desk: 'Oh, man! Ah, fell asleep. Took a nap. Hey, guys. I feel refreshed now.' [to the empty office]
Dwight Character Comedy Reaction Beat Dwight: Dwight helps himself to the leftover party cookies: 'Mmm, cookies. What's everyone staring at?'
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jim: Jim talking head: 'Oh, man! I was supposed to tell Dwight something.' [long pause] 'Come on, Jim...' [another pause] 'I got nothing.'
Jim Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Callback Top Episodes — The Office
