A mystery woman at the office blood drive catches Michael's eye. Dwight and Kevin both find women at the "Lonely Hearts Party," while Jim and Pam are forced to leave because of PDAs—so they have lunch with Phyllis and Bob.
WAR
33.6
Wins Above Replacement
“Blood Drive” ranks #102 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 77.1 — Great. The episode packs 49 scored jokes at 2.5 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.6 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Dwight: i've trained my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. also,i can retract my penis up into itself.
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Creed: he made non-refundable deposits on his honeymoons, so he's just knockin' 'em off one at a time.
Creed Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael: i think our blood bags touched.
Oscar: a week later,a friend of mine calls me up and he says,i just saw him in a gay bar in kansas city.
Oscar Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Michael: it's so sexy it becomes hostile.
Michael Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 49 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Pam: basically,95% of my job. but i'd like to see a machine that puts out candy for everyone.
Pam Setup/Punchline Observational Jim Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Michael · Pam: Michael suddenly appearing and contradicting Pam's claim he's not in
Salesman: okay. i'm,uh,i'm gonna bgoing.
Salesman Cringe/Discomfort Awkward Silence Michael · Jim: that was funny. thatwasfunny. let's go do it to somebody else.
Michael: and she was way hotter than stacy. so if you think you're hurting- i can't even imagine.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Michael · Jim: you're only engednce. well,present company excluded,but- really,jim. on cupid's birthday.
Dwight: roses are red,violets are blue, it's time for your dental cleaning and maybe a check-up,too.
Dwight Setup/Punchline Absurdist Michael: especially me,because of my great capacity for emotion.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael: and the sexy looks between you and pam- the general sexiness,the flowers- it's creating a bit of a hostile work environment.
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael: it's so sexy it becomes hostile.
Michael Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael: hey,everybody. i just invited jim to suck it,and i am cordially inviting all of you to a special convention- a- a lonely hearts convention this afternoon.
Dwight: i've trained my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. also,i can retract my penis up into itself.
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael fainting at the sight of the needle/blood
Michael Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Kevin · Unnamed woman: can i point something out to you? sure. you're actually talking a lot.
Kevin: i feel like a human juice box. hawaiian blood punch. type o-cean spray.
Kevin Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Phyllis: those mines aren't gonna sweep themselves.
Phyllis Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Kevin: Kevin fainting after looking at the blood bag
Kevin Physical/Slapstick Callback Callback Kevin: i was so nervous about this i don't think i ate for three days.
Kevin Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael: she ft her glove. i need her name if i'm gonna return her glove.
Angela: now it's just a stupid baby.
Angela Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Pam: he's talking about michael,dwight,and andy.
Pam Reaction Beat Observational Michael · Oscar: okay. sorry. let's- who else? oscar? i don't think so.
Bob · Others: everyone here who's bowled a 280 please raise your hand. no way. 280? that's impressive.
Bob: okay. noeveryone here who's bowled under 70 raise their hand.
Bob Escalation Character Comedy Bob · Pam: jim uses a six-pound ball. yes,he bowled five frames with this pink,sparkly thing until a little girhad to ask for her ball back.
Bob: you could always model ladies' jewelry.
Oscar: a week later,a friend of mine calls me up and he says,i just saw him in a gay bar in kansas city.
Oscar Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Angela · Jim: when things went bad,they had a duel over me. yeah,dwight and andy. we were here.
Creed: he made non-refundable deposits on his honeymoons, so he's just knockin' 'em off one at a time.
Creed Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Creed: i think today he's hot air ballooning,and later he's got a couples' massage.
Creed Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Toby: oh,my god. i think the eagles could clench the n. f. c. east. and she said that we're done.
Toby Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Michael: a net?a giant net?
Michael Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: i am going to shoot my sparrow at unsuspecting victims, and they are going to get hit,and say,i'm in love! i was hit by cupid's sparrow.
Michael Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Michael: funny little bird,but he gets the job done.
Jim: i'm okay. feel a little lopsided 'cause of all the blood they took out of my right side.
Kevin: i can untie any knot. i'm serious. name a knot,any knot. go ahead. you shouldn't believe everything you hear. in fact,there are many knots that i cannot untie.
Kevin Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim · Pam: they've been in there for like ten minutes. bob ordered hot food. and i think they gave him too many fries.
Kevin: no,i- i mean,before i left her. she left me.
Michael: meredith recently had a total hysterectomy. so that's sort of a repair.
Michael: i think our blood bags touched.
Creed · Michael: is this the party? nah.
Kevin · Lynn: seriously. feel how sweaty my hand is. that's really sweaty.
Erik · Michael: look,we already have a paper supplier. okay. well,thanks for wasting my time tonight. idiot.
Michael: sometimes it's not about whether cinderella gets her slipper back, but it's about the fact that the prince even picked up the slipper at all.
Michael Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: pardon me. may i have a chocolate chip cookie? i gave blood earlier and i'm still feeling woozy.
Michael Character Comedy Callback Callback Hotel worker: that's weird. you got a cotton ball and tape and we've been using band-aids.
⏩ The part you fast-forward
Our scorer flagged 16:00-18:00 range with restaurant/mixer failure as the stretch with the fewest or weakest comedic moments. Everything else lands harder.
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