Michael's idea to use "Golden Tickets" for prizes for clients causes a problem in the office. Kevin seeks advice from Andy, Jim, and Pam about dating.
WAR
64.8
Wins Above Replacement
“Golden Ticket” ranks #170 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 82.2 — Elite. The episode packs 70 scored jokes at 2.9 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 6.9 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Michael · Dwight: The KGB ding-dong coda: Michael rings Dwight's doorbell. Dwight: 'Who is it?' Michael: 'KGB.' Dwight: 'All right. I just got out of the shower. I'll be one second.' They negotiate a return time of 5:15.
Michael · Dwight: Why do you have a diary? — Michael / To keep secrets from my computer.
Michael · Lynn: Hi. Lynn, I'm just going to say to you everything that I'm thinking. / I think you have the best smile. / I'd like to take you out to dinner and a movie. / Okay. / Nice... boobs.
Michael Lynn Cringe/Discomfort Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight: I did fall on my sword once. I was running with it in my belt. Won't happen again.
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Pam: Pam's talking-head listing Michael's excuse list: 'Stopping a fight in the parking lot. An Obama fashion show. Whatever that is. Or trapped in an oil painting. I'm going to save that one.'
Pam Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Standout Moments
Michael · Dwight: Why do you have a diary? — Michael / To keep secrets from my computer.
Michael · Lynn: Hi. Lynn, I'm just going to say to you everything that I'm thinking. / I think you have the best smile. / I'd like to take you out to dinner and a movie. / Okay. / Nice... boobs.
Michael Lynn Cringe/Discomfort Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · Dwight: The KGB ding-dong coda: Michael rings Dwight's doorbell. Dwight: 'Who is it?' Michael: 'KGB.' Dwight: 'All right. I just got out of the shower. I'll be one second.' They negotiate a return time of 5:15.
All Jokes — 70 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Michael · Pam: Michael insists on telling a knock knock joke while Pam is visibly on the phone with a client
Michael: Buddha who? Buddha this bread for me, won't you?
Michael: There's butter on my desk. That was melting.
Michael Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · Dwight: KGB knock knock joke escalation — Dwight slaps Michael after Michael delivers the punchline 'We will ask the questions'
Michael · Dwight: Ding dong escalation — Michael converts the knock knock format to a doorbell after Dwight refuses to play along
Michael: 'The KGB will wait for no one!'
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist Callback Michael: Michael dressed as Willy Wonka refuses to be called Michael — 'I am not Michael. I am Willy Wonka!'
Pam: Good morning, Mr. Wonka. — Pam plays along perfectly straight
Pam Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Michael: These are not just ordinary jellybeans, little girl. These are extraordinary jellybeans.
Michael: The Willy Wonka golden-ticket promotional idea is probably the best idea I have ever had. It's probably the best idea anybody's ever had.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jim · Michael: We own our own delivery trucks. We could lease them out on the weekends. — Too many words.
Michael: NASA took five or six golden-ticket ideas to get men on the moon.
Michael: Golden Girls. That's a golden-ticket idea. Right? I mean, how great was that show? Golden Grahams. Another.
Andy: Andy: You can't let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. 'I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair.'
Andy Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Pam · Jim: That's psychotic. — Pam / Do guys actually do that? — Jim / Guys with girlfriends don't. — Pam
Pam Jim Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Michael: Was it a spoiled little girl with big lips? Or an odd little boy with a cowboy obsession?
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist Callback Oscar · Jim: It's actually Blue Cross from Pennsylvania. — Oscar reveals the client / That's kind of a big client.
Oscar · Michael · Jim: The reveal that all five golden tickets went to the same client — Blue Cross, their largest account
Michael · David Wallace: I put three pallets on the truck to Blue Cross once a week. They use a lot of paper. — Michael / Okay, I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest. What is a pallet?
Michael: My golden-ticket idea, okay. Why would anyone think that this is my golden-ticket idea? There's a one in 13 chance that this could be anybody's golden-ticket idea.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Pam: Pam on the phone: 'No, I'm sorry. He's not back from the civil rights rally. I'll have him call you the minute he gets back from the Lincoln Memorial.'
Pam Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Pam · Michael: Pam's excuse list for Michael: 'He's not back from the civil rights rally.' / 'Stopping a fight in the parking lot.' / 'An Obama fashion show — whatever that is.' / 'Trapped in an oil painting.'
Pam: Pam's talking-head listing Michael's excuse list: 'Stopping a fight in the parking lot. An Obama fashion show. Whatever that is. Or trapped in an oil painting. I'm going to save that one.'
Pam Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael · Oscar: Nobody panic. The good news is they can't fire all of us, right? — Michael / They can. — Oscar / No, they can't. — Michael / Yes, they can. — Oscar / Well, Oscar, you don't know what the hell you're talking about. — Michael / Michael, what do you think shutting down a branch is? — Oscar / All right, then we're screwed.
Michael: I am just a net that traps all of your crappy subconscious ideas and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories and whimsy.
Michael: Jim, it is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam. That is why carnations exist.
Dwight: I've got a golden-ticket idea. Why don't you skip on up to the roof and jump off?
Dwight Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Callback Michael · David Wallace: Michael picks up the phone: 'Hello, David. I just got back from my procedure...' / David: 'What is going on here?' / Michael: 'How are you doing?' / David: 'Fine. What is going on?' / Michael: 'My colonoscopy was an examination of my large colon and the distal part of my small bowel with a camera.'
Michael · David Wallace: I think it might have been an inside consultant. — Michael / Was it the sales department? — David / Yes. / Was it Jim? — David / No. / Was it Dwight? — David (pause) / Yes. — Michael
Michael · Dwight: Michael tries to convince Dwight it was his idea: 'That was your idea. You were dressed as Willy Wonka.' / Dwight: 'I'm not taking credit for that.' / Michael: 'Would love to, but I can't.'
Michael · Dwight: Michael claims to have a diary entry: 'March 4th, Dwight came up with the best idea today about golden tickets.' — Dwight opens his actual diary and reads: 'March 4th: Michael Scott came up with golden-ticket idea...'
Michael · Dwight: I loved the Willy Wonka movie when you were growing up. — Michael / Impossible. I wasn't given candy as a child, so a movie that fetishized it that much would've made no sense to me. Plus, we weren't allowed to see movies, so do the math.
Dwight: Dwight writing in his diary during the meeting: 'Had conversation with Michael about taking credit for an idea that wasn't mine. Discussed movies.'
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight: Dwight reads aloud what he's writing in his diary during their conversation: 'Had conversation with Michael about taking credit for an idea that wasn't mine. Discussed movies.'
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · Dwight: Would you like to go to lunch with me? Just the two of us? — Michael to Dwight / With all my heart.
Kevin · Michael: Kevin demonstrates a 'playful touch' on Michael's arm — Michael recoils
Jim: Don't touch her, don't talk to her, don't look at her. — Jim's dating advice
Jim Character Comedy Absurdist Andy: He wants to be more than just friends. Put your heart out there, it's liable to just turn into this blackened, carbon brick, where it has barbeque sauce of shame and rage.
Andy Character Comedy Absurdist Andy: And two hot people with a perfect relationship would not understand that. — Andy (looking at Jim and Pam)
Andy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Dwight · Michael: We think a lot alike. Sometimes you will think something, and I will say what you're thinking. — Dwight to Michael / Okay, what am I thinking right now? — Michael / Nacho chips. — Dwight / No. I was thinking about how the skin is the largest organ of the body.
Dwight: I did fall on my sword once. I was running with it in my belt. Won't happen again.
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Michael: What about Shoe La La? It's not ready yet. — Michael / I have an idea for a fancy men's shoe store called Shoe La La. And it's just men's shoes for the special occasions in a man's life.
Michael: Shoe La La talking head: 'And it's just men's shoes for the special occasions in a man's life. Like the day that you get married, or the day your wife has a baby, or for just lounging around the house.'
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist Callback Michael: May I have your attention, please? Mr. Dwight Schrute and I just returned from a wonderful stroll together. And although I probably will never do it again, I had fun. I really had fun with my best friend, Dwight.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Jim · Michael: These aren't announcements. — Jim / Yes, they are. You just don't care about the information.
Dwight: Going around shirtless all day. You know, experiencing freedom.
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist Michael · Dwight: You can't put a price on freedom. — Michael / Try me. — Dwight
Jim · Dwight: You cannot take the fall for him. — Jim to Dwight / He said he would do the same for me. — Dwight / He can do the same for you right now by getting fired instead of you.
Jim · Dwight: So what are you going to do? — Jim / I'm going to go back to work, after I write you up for insubordination.
Jim Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Michael · Dwight: Michael frantically chasing Dwight through the parking lot: 'Dwight, get in. What's it going to be? Are you going to do this thing for me?'
Dwight · David Wallace: David Wallace congratulates Dwight; Dwight accepts the credit with: 'David, you're welcome.'
Michael · David Wallace: This is huge. — David Wallace / That's what she said. — Michael
Michael · Dwight: You know what, I even made fun of you when you dressed up as Willy Wonka to pitch this idea, and, for that, I apologize. — Michael / Apology rejected.
Michael · Pam: Yeah, let's face it, this meeting sounds like it's Wonka fans only. — Michael, after being excluded / He's never seen the movie. — Pam (to David, about Dwight)
Dwight: Dwight on the marketing call: 'I love candy, sweet, sugary candy, from the second it touches my tongue to the moment it's metabolized by my stomach acid, so naturally I liked Willy Wonka.'
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist Dwight: Wait, do you guys hear that? There's not a dog listening in, is there? I hear panting.
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist Michael: There is no movie called Willy Wonka! It's called Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. It's actually based on a book called Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Dwight: I can't vouch for that. — Dwight (about Charlie and the Chocolate Factory being the source novel)
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Michael: He is a liar. He has taken my idea. That is my idea. — Michael, over the phone, blowing up the conference call
Michael: Toilet Buddy — a net inside the toilet to catch your change and wallet. Formerly known as Toilet Guard. / Horse Boat — a canoe built around a horse so you can go from riding to water travel without slowing down. / Toilet Sponge — a hollowed-out sponge more absorbent than toilet paper.
Michael Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael · Dwight: I have a lot of toilet ideas. — Michael / That's 'cause they're easy. — Dwight / They're not easy. — Michael
Michael: Everybody has to go to the bathroom! — Michael (as his final defense of toilet ideas)
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dwight: Yes, it's Michael's idea that he forced on me on threat of death. — Dwight (confessing to David Wallace)
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Michael: I do want the credit without any of the blame. — Michael, to David Wallace
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Michael: When they look back on this day in the history books, all that will be remembered is that I had a good idea. And that's what I'm going to write down in my diary. And that is what I want you to write down in yours.
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · Dwight: I want to see it. — Michael (about Dwight's diary entry) / No. — Dwight / No! Give me the diary. / No! No, Michael. — physical struggle over the diary
Jim: Well, it's his funeral, so... — talking head reaction to Michael's 'nice boobs' comment
Jim Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Callback Top Episodes — The Office
