Pda

Darryl · Michael:Darryl reads a sympathy card that says 'Congratulations, Darryl. Let's get wasted.'

Darryl:More card messages are read aloud: 'Have fun today, big guy,' 'Oh yeah, party time, whoop-whoop,' 'Hooray, live it up big D,' 'Time to celebrate. You deserve this.'

Michael · Darryl:Michael delivers 'birthday punches' to Darryl — 'One, two, three...' through '25' — while apologizing repeatedly

Darryl · Michael · Unknown Offscreen Voice:Birthday punches — someone off-screen begins counting birthday punches as a 'joke' while Michael apologizes

Andy:Andy advises Darryl to order a cheeseburger at Blu Wasabi: 'They say they won't do it, but they will if you make a scene.'

Michael · Holly:Michael and Holly's extended goodbye: 'Okay, bye. Okay, bye. (both moan) I'll miss you. Miss you. Okay. I'll be in my office if you need me. Bye-bye. (kissing) Bye. Okay, bye. Bye. Bye. Okay. One more big one. Don't go. I don't want you to go. Let go. Don't go.'

Michael:Michael's talking head: 'Everything you want in life, you get. And you can't work for it. It just comes to you.'

Michael · Holly:Michael corrects Holly on 'scavenger hunt' vs 'treasure hunt': 'A scavenger hunt is where you find items from a master list. This is where you follow clues that lead to a prize. Common misuse. Good luck.'

Michael · Holly:Holly: 'But there's no clue.' Michael: 'Well, get to work.' Holly: 'I can't 'cause there's no clue.' Michael: 'The puzzle is the clue.'

Oscar · Michael:Oscar clears his throat loudly twice to get Michael's attention; Michael asks if Oscar is sick and if he needs to go home because he's 'grossing him out.'

Jim · Pam:Jim and Pam laughing together at lunch, tip the waiter big, then Pam panics about losing her scarf — the camera cuts to them both laughing again at [03:22]

Jim · Pam:Jim and Pam's talking head about their Valentine's lunch: 'Never found that bottom, did we?' (re: bottomless champagne)

Erin · Andy:Erin explaining she did Andy's sudoku by accident and is avoiding Stanley: 'I accidentally did his sudoku.'

Jim:Jim, visibly drunk from the lunch, flubbing a phone call: 'My name is (stammering) Jim Halpert, and I will fax it in to you... Under you. I'll fax it under you... Oh, excuse me. I just pissed my pants. Not really. I didn't really.'

Jim:Jim, still drunk, discovers a Valentine's card on his desk — reads it, realizes it wasn't meant for him, then tells the person 'I will not be your valentine. Oh, nuts.'

Kevin · Oscar · Creed · Pam · Other Office Workers:The office group confessional about Michael and Holly's PDA culminates with Kevin saying 'I enjoy watching them because it makes me horny,' causing group disgust.

Andy:Andy describes his new girlfriend: 'She's neat. I met her at Darryl's cousin's party. We were the only two white people there.'

Oscar:Oscar's description of Michael's kissing: 'I hear them kissing all the time. It's this horrible plipping sound... it's like Chinese water torture. Just... (imitates kissing) Like it's coming from my own head.'

Holly:Holly's talking head: 'He can put both his legs behind his head.'

Michael:Michael calls a meeting, announces 'Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin' as if introducing himself to his own employees, says it's 'apropos' then corrects to 'apro-propriate'

Michael · Gabe · Office Workers:Michael, noting Erin's absence from the HR meeting: 'Speaking of, Gabe, I don't see Erin at this meeting. I also don't see Andy.' — followed by the office's 'Ooh' and 'Boom! Face!'

Gabe · Jim · Pam:Gabe uses Jim and Pam as the example of acceptable office romance: 'They don't touch. They don't kiss. You would hardly even know they were husband and wife.'

Dwight · Gabe:Dwight adds 'booby honking' and 'butt honking' to the list of prohibited PDA behaviors. Gabe confirms: 'All the honkings.'

Dwight:Dwight begins describing a PDA behavior: 'The one where you start in a crouched position, then you leap...' — cut off before completion.

Michael:Michael: 'Whispering and tickling have their place in business.'

Michael · Pam:Michael: 'That thing where you softly exhale on her neck.' Pam lists it as PDA. Michael: 'Okay, yeah, that's pretty hot. I will give you that.'

Dwight:Dwight's confession: 'I have had intercourse in the office.' Then lists others: 'As has Angela. As has Ryan. As has Kelly. As has Meredith. As has Phyllis. As has Darryl. As has Creed. As has Michael. As has Holly.'

Michael · Dwight:Michael proposes designating office closets as 'hook-up zones': 'One for each base, no homers.' Dwight immediately asks: 'What is the hook-up zone policy on masturbation?'

Oscar:Oscar: 'I love working at Dunder Mifflin, a division of Taliban enterprises. That's weird. I mean, that's weird to have sex in the office.'

Erin · Andy · Darryl:Erin and Andy's whispering scene in Darryl's office — whispering about whether Darryl can hear them, then testing by calling him a jerk, then immediately apologizing.

Gabe · Erin · Andy:Gabe's treasure hunt song plays on a boom box: '(Singing) The temp at night / The temp at night'

Andy · Erin:Andy and Erin struggle to decode the treasure hunt instruction 'pick it up, take it out' — repeating it back and forth in confusion.

Michael · Holly:Michael returns to the meeting room, claims he 'forgot to collect his things,' and Holly narrates: 'Ah, the old leave behind. Oldest trick in the book. Good thing it's working.'

Michael · Holly:Michael explains why he sits on Holly's lap: 'I don't sit on your lap because it's comfortable. I sit on your lap because I like the way your thighs feel on my butt.'

Michael:Michael's talking head: 'Holly and I are like Romeo and Juliet, and this office is like the dragon that kept them apart.'

Michael · Holly:Michael tells Holly he loves her. They negotiate what kind of love: 'Do you mean you love me like, Hey, there's Holly, I love that girl, or do you mean you love me like you love me love me?' — 'I love you love you.' — 'You love me love me.' — 'I love you love you.'

Michael:Michael's talking head after the love declaration: 'I am really disappointed in the office's policy on PDA at this moment.'

Michael:Michael's talking head: 'Yeah, whatever. No big deal. Just the hottest girl in the world loves me.'

Andy · Erin · Ryan:Andy and Erin finding Ryan in the break room/office — it's implied he's with a woman. 'Oh. Cool.' followed by Andy and Erin gasping and looking away.

Ryan · Andy · Erin:Ryan accuses them of wanting to have sex in his office. 'You wanted to have sex in my office.' Andy: 'No. Definitely not. That's disgusting.' Ryan: 'It's cool. Just um, try to put everything back where you found it. Text me when you're finished. I'll be out here.'

Jim · Pam:Jim and Pam talking head — Jim: 'No, because the office isn't what I'd consider a romantic place.' Pam: 'Besides, we have something those other people don't have, which is a home and a bed. And a shower.'

Michael · Holly:Michael and Holly try not to touch each other in the hallway — almost touching, pulling away, groaning, 'Almost got you. No, so close.' — worse than the PDA.

Oscar · Michael:Oscar's analysis of Michael and Holly's PDA, listing three possible causes including: '...you're at an age where your sexual climaxes aren't as powerful, so you need to overcompensate with foreplay, taboo behavior.' Michael: 'Yes, it was that. It's that one. Number three.'

Oscar:Oscar admits: 'No one is a bigger fan of sexual touching than me. But with you two, it's reaching the level of a complex.'

Michael · Holly:Michael approaches Holly: 'Give me all your money and take off your clothes.' Holly: 'We're not supposed to PDA.' Michael: 'Come on. Nobody's looking.'

Erin:Erin, acting as hunt guide, tells Andy to 'enjoy a mid-hunt break' and to look for 'a heart or some (bleep) in the break room when you're through.'

Kevin · Michael:Kevin looking through the window making faces to cheer Michael up — Michael coaches him: 'Do a monkey face. Do a monkey face.' Kevin obliges with monkey sounds. 'Jump. Jump up and down.' 'Throw your poop. Hurl your feces.'

Michael · Dwight:Michael and Dwight conceptualize 'Boner Bomb' as a movie: 'starring Jason Statham, or we go against type with an Eisenberg or a Michael Cera. Saving the world has never been this hard.'

Andy · Erin:Andy asks Erin: 'B-9. Like benign tumor.' Erin corrects: 'Maybe it's just more like Be mine.'

Kevin:'Have you talked to her about our feelings? Women really go for that crap.'

Michael · Holly:Michael tries to break up with Holly on Valentine's Day mid-emotion: 'Holly, I love you so, so, so much. And I think that we need to break up. What? Actually, it's Valentine's Day. Shouldn't be doing this today. I'll talk to you tomorrow.'

Andy · Erin:Andy and Erin stare at each other after reading 'the real treasure is your Valentine's kiss' — both realize they're supposed to kiss, neither moves

Michael · Oscar:Michael announces Holly and he are moving in together, then immediately tells Oscar: 'Oscar, this must be tough for you watching this go down. You could not stand in the way of true love, my friend.' Oscar: 'Are you kidding? I wasn't trying to break you guys up.' Michael: 'Better luck next time, pal.'

Michael · Oscar:As Michael and Holly leave making out, Michael calls back: 'Suck it, Oscar. This must kill you.' Oscar: 'I just told them to do it.'

Jim · Pam:Jim and Pam's talking head — after saying they 'took a walk' (implying office sex). Jim: 'We took a walk.' Pam: 'We took a walk.' Both clearly lying.

Dwight:Dwight's second Valentine's Day beat: 'Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year with the dinner and the flowers and all that. But you know what impresses me? When a guy can do that no days a year.'

Angela · Pam:Contrast between Angela's Valentine's Day ('Flowers, diamonds, three-course meal, violinist comes to my table to serenade me') and Pam's ('Pizza, soda, the moon, someone to share it with').

Jim · Pam:Jim's answer to Pam's 'What are our plans for tonight?' is the sound of a bed creaking — he makes the noise himself.

Jim · Pam:Jim asks Pam 'What are our plans for tonight?' Pam: 'Um...' then imitates a creaking bed.