Threat Level Midnight

Unknown office worker · Darryl:Congratulations, Darryl. Let's get wasted.

Unknown office workers · Darryl:Have fun today, big guy. Oh, yeah. Party time. Whoop-whoop.

Unknown coworker · Darryl:Birthday punches! One, two, three...

Unknown character:They say they won't do it, but they will if you make a scene.

Michael · Holly:Okay, bye. Okay, bye. I'll miss you. Miss you. Okay, bye. Bye. Bye. Okay. One more big one. Don't go.

Michael:It goes to show that everything you want in life, you get. And you can't work for it. It just comes to you.

Michael · Holly:Close. It's a romantic treasure hunt. A scavenger hunt is where you find items from a master list. This is where you follow clues that lead to a prize. Common misuse.

Holly · Michael:But there's no clue. Well, get to work. I can't 'cause there's no clue. The puzzle is the clue.

Oscar · Michael:Oscar clearing throat loudly repeatedly, Michael asking if he's sick

Jim · Pam:We decided to have a Valentine's Day lunch, and then that way we can spend the entire night with Cece, and avoid the Valentine's Day dinner thing.

Jim · Pam:Never found that bottom, did we? No. Pssst! Pssst!

Erin · Andy:I accidentally did his sudoku.

Andy:Okay, my name is Jim Halpert, and I will fax it in to you.

Andy:Under you. I'll fax it under you. Oh, excuse me. I just pissed my pants. Not really. I didn't really.

Andy · Unknown recipient:I will not be your valentine. Oh, nuts.

Kevin:I enjoy watching them because it makes me horny.

Andy · Erin:We were the only two white people there. Oh, cute.

Jim:It's this horrible plipping sound. Just... (imitating kissing)

Holly:He can put both his legs behind his head.

Michael:Perfect. Yes. It is quite apro-propriate. Carry on.

Gabe:Boom! Face! I get it. Andy's slamming my girlfriend.

Gabe · Jim · Pam:You would hardly even know that they were husband and wife. Did it. Yeah!

Gabe · Unknown:Booby honking. Butt honking. All the honkings.

Unknown:The one where you start in a crouched position, then you leap...

Michael · Holly:Michael and Holly making playful noises during the PDA meeting

Dwight:As has Angela. As has Ryan. As has Kelly. As has Meredith...

Kevin · Unknown:With who? She goes to another school.

Michael · Holly:We are going to designate one of our closets as a hook-up zone. No. Anything goes!

Dwight:What if two couples want to go at the same time?

Unknown · Michael:And what is the hook-up zone policy on masturbation? Pro. Yes.

Unknown:I love working at Dunder Mifflin, a division of Taliban enterprises.

Erin · Andy:Not if we're talking like this. I think it's okay. He doesn't seem to hear us.

Erin · Andy · Darryl:Darryl is a jerk. No, he's not. No, I'm just testing if he can hear. I can hear you.

Gabe:The temp at night, the temp at night

Michael:Ah, the old leave behind. Oldest trick in the book. Good thing it's working.

Holly:I sit on your lap because I like the way your thighs feel on my butt.

Michael:Holly and I are like Romeo and Juliet, and this office is like the dragon that kept them apart.

Holly:Do you mean you love me like, 'Hey, there's Holly. I love that girl,' or do you mean you love me like you 'love me' love me?

Michael:Yeah, whatever. No big deal. Just the hottest girl in the world loves me.

Andy:Like benign tumor. Maybe it's just more like 'Be mine.'

Ryan · Andy · Erin:You wanted to have sex in my office. No. Definitely not. That's disgusting.

Ryan:Text me when you're finished. I'll be out here.

Jim · Pam:Jim and I have never and will never have sex in the office. No, because the office isn't what I'd consider a romantic place.

Pam:Besides, we have something those other people don't have, which is a home and a bed. And a shower.

Michael · Holly:No touching. No touching. I'm trying not to touch you. Oh. Almost got you. We can't do this.

Jim · Pam:Okay, this is much worse than before. Yeah, I agree. This is nasty.

Michael:You don't know what it is like to love a woman and have her love you back. It is a feeling that cannot, and will not, and frankly cannot be contained.

Dwight:One, you're taking MDMA, street name, Ecstasy. I've done it, and I know the feeling.

Dwight · Michael:Or three, you're at an age where your sexual climaxes aren't as powerful, so you need to overcompensate with foreplay, taboo behavior. Yes, it was that. It's that one.

Michael:That's what she said. (chuckles softly)

Vending machine person:enjoy a mid-hunt break, and look for a heart or some (BLEEP) in the break room

Holly · Kevin:Make that face he likes. Which one? I have a lot of stupid faces.

Michael:'Boner Bomb' starring Jason Statham, or we go against type with an Eisenberg or a Michael Cera.

Holly · Kevin:Do a monkey face. Do a monkey face. (Kevin making monkey sounds) Throw your poop. Hurl your feces.

Michael · Oscar:Oscar, this must be tough for you, watching this go down. You could not stand in the way of true love, my friend.

Michael:we are going to make love to and with one another

Michael · Oscar:Suck it, Oscar. This must kill you. I just told them to do it.

Andy · Erin:What? No. No. We took a walk. We took a walk.

Dwight:fielding desperate calls from people who want to buy one of the 50 restaurant reservations I made over six months ago

Dwight:Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year with the dinner and the flowers and all that. But you know what impresses me? When a guy can do that no days a year.

Unknown:Pizza, soda, the moon, someone to share it with.

Unknown · Unknown:What are our plans for tonight? Um... (imitating bed creaking)