Did I Stutter?

Michael:Michael bursts in demanding ideas for wet cement outside, treating a trivial municipal accident as a once-in-a-lifetime crisis

Michael:Michael rejects 'M.G.S.' as initials because 'some idiot named Mark Greg Sputnik will claim credit for it'

Michael · Phyllis:Michael keeps interrupting Phyllis mid-story with 'It's drying, it's drying... hablbelah, come on, Phyl!'

Michael · Pam:Pam's idea is about Will Smith's handprints at the Chinese Theater, and Michael misses the celebrity-imprint concept entirely until it's spelled out — then demands to put his FACE in the cement

Michael:Michael's grandiose speech: 'We are here today, not to immortalize a man, but an idea. Maybe the idea of a man.'

Michael:'Force it in as deep as you can.' / 'That's what she said.'

Michael:Michael's face-in-cement speech: 'I can come back here when I'm 100, and I can find that piece of cement and say, That's me. Look kids, your daddy left that face hole.'

Andy · Dwight · Office workers:Mad Libs scene: 'The tall man entered the nice building to visit a very nice man. Sit down, Mister Smith, can I interest you in any good... cat food?'

Office worker:'What about a cat eating man food?' as a comedy subversion of the Mad Libs story

Jim:Jim confessional: 'Andy and Angela seem very happy. I hope nothing horrible ever happens to them.'

Pam:Pam forgot her contact solution and must wear 'backup glasses' — the camera sees them for the first time

Michael · Pam:Michael: 'Oh my God, Pam, those make you look so ugly... You're moving in the wrong direction... It's just noise coming out of an ugly scientist.'

Jim · Pam:Jim fake-proposes to Pam: 'I propose that you get me a cup of coffee, which would energize me greatly, and make me the happiest man in the world.'

Michael:Michael in the meeting: 'I mean, I haven't done anything since Christmas. Pam, clearly, has just given up trying.'

Andy · Jim:Andy suggests changing the voicemail message to have 'more zing and pep'; Jim immediately one-ups with 'even newer voicemail message with even more zing and pep'

Michael · Stanley:Michael asks Stanley to help with 'a rap, an urban thing' — looking to Stanley specifically because he's Black

Stanley · Michael:Stanley: 'DID I STUTTER?' — the title line, delivered as a full confrontation

Michael:Michael's reaction confessional: 'Good, this is good. I'm going to grab a glass of water.'

Michael · Toby:Michael tells Toby they were 'joshin around' and Stanley said 'did I stutter' and he responded 'wha-wha-wha-wha-what, dog?'

Michael · Toby:Michael on Stanley: 'Because Stanley is a beautiful, sassy, powerful black man, and you're... you.'

Michael:Michael's friendship explanation: 'Hey um, you're poor.' / 'Well hey, you're mama's dead.' / 'That's what friends do.'

Michael · Toby:Toby's reaction beat: Michael says 'You're so white.' and Toby has no response — just absorbs it

Michael:Michael: 'I'm not feeling very well right now, though. My stomach hurts, so I may be going home early today.'

Michael · Toby:Toby: 'Sometimes my daughter's stomach hurts when there's a mean girl at school.' Michael: 'Well sometimes my stomach hurts when you come into my office, so it's probably psychological.'

Andy:Andy confessional about the Xterra: 'You meet a lot of ladies driving an Xterra, because you pull up to a stoplight, and look over and there's an Xterra next to you. They're always driven by chicks, so there's your icebreaker.'

Dwight · Andy:Dwight's brutal car evaluation: 'Scratch.' / 'That's a racing stripe.' / 'Bumper's sagging.' / 'I doubt that very much.' / 'This car is crap. I will buy it for next to nothing.'

Dwight:Dwight's car purchase options: 'You can sell it for parts, drive it off a cliff; you can donate it to a person that you'd like to see die in a car crash, or, you can sell it to me, and I'll use it as I would a wagon on my farm. It will be towed by a donkey.'

Dwight · Andy:Dwight's countdown pressure close: 'Three, two, one... / Five, four, three, two... / Say it. Do it. Now. Now. Now.'

Michael · Stanley:Michael confronts Stanley with revisionist framing: 'I guess we are back to normal' / 'the thing that you said earlier, that you didn't mean, and that I forgive you for'

Stanley:Stanley: 'It's like I used to tell my wife, I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong, and if you don't like it you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I'll say it to my next one too.'

Dwight:Dwight's org chart presentation: the yellow zigzag 'zigs past your name, hence zagging you and making you appear weak. Thus the yellow color. Yellow for cowardly.'

Michael · Dwight:Michael: 'What's the pink?' / Dwight: 'Menstrual cycles.'

Michael · Dwight:Michael: 'Is there anybody up here, at all, that can deal with this?' / Dwight: 'You.' / Michael: 'Other than me.'

Dwight:Dwight's 'emergency disaster mode' org chart: gives himself 'full authority over every single person in the office'

Dwight · Michael:Dwight pressures Michael to grant him authority using the same countdown tactic from the car sale

Kevin · Pam:Kevin hits on Pam using her glasses as a 'turn-on': 'All the girlfriends that I've ever had have worn glasses... Like librarians. Entering the... Could you just say, 'these are due back Thursday'?'

Kevin:Kevin confessional: 'A lot of jazz cats are blind, but they can play the piano like nobody's business. I'd like to put the piano in front of Pam without her glasses and see what happens. I'd also like to see her topless.'

Michael · Darryl:Michael asks Darryl for gang advice: 'Have you ever been in a gang? It's an advice question, and if you don't want to talk about it, I completely understand. It's very, very personal.'

Michael · Darryl:Darryl confirms he was in a gang. Michael: 'Who we talking about here? Crips? Bloods?' Darryl: 'Both.' Michael: 'God!'

Michael · Darryl:Michael: 'I would've never thought that... gangs would be tickling each other.' Darryl: 'Well, it's effective.'

Jim · Dwight:Jim talks to Dwight about the Eagles: 'How do you live with a franchise this bad?' / Dwight: 'On a wing and a prayer, mostly.'

Ryan · Jim · Toby:Ryan gives Jim a formal performance warning — but it's transparently retaliatory because Jim talked to Wallace about Ryan's website

Ryan:Ryan: 'I always appreciate constructive criticism about my job performance. I thrive on it.'

Ryan:Ryan's confessional: 'I'd say all the goofing around at Pam's desk... has finally caught up to him... with Pam.' (extended pause before 'with Pam')

Jim · Pam:Pam asks Jim what Ryan wanted; Jim deflects with 'bureaucratic stuff.' Pam: 'Because you're very important?'

Jim · Dwight:Jim confessional: 'What's Dwight up to?' / Cut to Dwight in the parking lot reselling the car / Jim: 'Oh, probably nothing.'

Andy · Dwight:Andy realizes Dwight is reselling his car for profit: 'You're flipping my car for profit.' / Dwight: 'Seller beware. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to monitor a three-way bidding war for my car on eBay.'

Dwight:Dwight's confessional Mad Libs about Andy: 'A stupid, idiotic, numbskull named Andy Bernard sold his Xterra to a smart and capable man named Dwight. This is shaping up to be an awesome day for Dwight.'

Michael:Michael announces he's going to 'fake fire' Stanley as a teaching moment — and explains it to the whole office first

Michael · Oscar:Michael: 'It's like a mock execution.' / Oscar: 'That's not a good idea.' / Michael: 'Yes, it is a good idea. It's the only possible solution I have left.'

Oscar · Michael:Oscar: 'Michael, if you hadn't told us this, then we would've thought that you were actually firing him.' Michael: 'I'm not firing him. I'm not.'

Michael · Stanley:'Stanley Hudson, you are fired.' / Beat. / 'Are you serious?' / Michael: 'I am serious, we are all serious. You are fired like a heart attack.'

Stanley:Stanley's response to the fake firing: threatens a lawsuit, promises to tell 'every stupid thing you've ever done up in this office' — a full counter-escalation

Michael:Michael: 'Alright, okay, you know what? Now you know how I feel. This was a fake firing. Lesson learned. Good work, everybody.'

Stanley:Stanley's full rant: 'Every day you do something stupider than you did the day before. And I think, there's no possible way that he can top that. But what do you do? You find a way, dammit, to top it! You are a professional idiot!'

Jim · Pam:As the office clears out, Pam can't find her glasses and Jim offers his hand: 'Okay, you know what? Why don't you take my hand, and leave them? And let's get out of here.'

Kevin:Kevin's confessional on the Stanley/Michael confrontation: 'It's Michael versus Stanley, and it is the clash of the titans. In one corner, you have Michael, and he is mad. And then, in the other corner, you have Stanley, and he's mad. So that's about it!'

Stanley:Stanley to Michael: 'You are a person I do not respect. The things you say, your actions, your methods, and style. Everything you would do, I would do it the opposite way.'

Michael · Stanley:Michael: 'Maybe you are feeling that you don't respect me because you don't know me very well.' / Stanley: 'Michael, I have known you a very long time, and the more I've gotten to know you, the less I've come to respect you.' / Michael: 'Any other theories?'

Michael:Michael's confessional doing Rodney Dangerfield impressions: 'I am a good person, and sometimes, good people don't get no respect. Rodney Dangerfield. Hey, I don't get no respect. No respect at all.'

Michael:Michael's mangled Dangerfield: 'When I was in the sandbox as a kid, I got no respect.' / 'My wife likes to talk after sex, so she called me from a hotel room, and said, I don't respect you!'

Michael:Michael's Dangerfield: 'My wife likes to talk after sex, so she called me from a hotel room, and said, I don't respect you!'

Michael:Michael: 'You know what don't get no respect? Airplane food. Why don't they just make the plane out of the airline food?'

Michael:Michael: 'My wife don't get no respect, some -- take her, please, for example.'

Michael:Michael: 'If you don't get no respect, you might be a redneck.'

Michael:Michael: 'Respect is nice. Borat.'

Michael:Michael: 'What's the deal with Grape-Nuts? No grapes, no nuts. I don't get no respect!'

Michael:Michael's 'Summer Sales-a-lot' pitch: caroling at client homes in summer, called 'a summer Christmas sale-abration' and then 'a summer sales-a-lot'

Phyllis · Michael:Phyllis: 'That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.' Michael: 'Dammit, Phyllis. Alright, everybody out except Phyllis.'