Devon Banks

Devin · Kenneth:So what team do you play for? / Oh, it's not really a team. It's just a bunch of guys who like doing gymnastics.

Devin:I call that one 'Art School.' And one about a Jewish guy who opens an ice cream parlor. That one's called 'Ice Cream Cohen.'

Devin · Kenneth:I'll go slip into something a little more comfortable. Like in the movies!

Kenneth · Devin:Oh my. That's an awful short robe. / I know. I had to cut it down myself.

Devin · Kenneth:Can you give me a hand, Kenneth? / For a fellow page, anything!

Devin:You warlock! You came to entrance me. Donaghy sent you.

Devin:MC Lyte just murdered Danny Bonaduce? Oh, thanks, phone!

Jack · Devin:You can't, you're gay. No, not anymore, friend.

Jack · Devin:You mean the cult that was invented by Stan Lee? The religion founded by the alien king living inside Stan Lee.

Devin:I can totally feel the gay draining right out of me. By the eye of Zolnak, right, guys?

Devin:Get the old heart rate up. Maybe pound a cheeseburger in the sun, throw some butter on it. You're gonna love it! I'm gonna make your heart explode.

Devin:Your back is like a barrel of snakes! Oh, god! I'm just your doll! I think I love you. We're joking! It's all jokes!

Devin:Just so you know, if you hear this sound at your funeral, it's just me laughing!

Devin:You see, only thing Kathy and I need assistance with is deciding which John Mayer song to do it to.

Devin:Well, you know what they say about rumors, Jack. They make a 'rue' out of 'more' and 'S.'

Devin:Don't even think about talking to her when her soaps are on. Seriously, she will bite you.

Devin:If there's one thing I learned from you, Jack, it's keep your friends close and your enemies so close that you're almost kissing.

Jack · Devin:Banks, you've got to get a hold of yourself. You've got a company to run. Oh, I'm running it. I have a plan to quadruple profits by the year 2015. How are you possibly going to do that? The old-fashioned way, Jack. I'm gonna shut it down.

Devin:I'm gonna shut the whole thing down for two years. I mean, imagine how badly people will want light bulbs then.

Devin:It's just 'G' now, Jack. I sold the 'E' to Samsung. They're 'Samesung' now.

Devin · Various:Check this out. I'm gonna sue you! I'm going to sue the entire city of New York! I'm gonna sue you! You can't sue me, I'm already being sued. Double indemnity!

Devin · TV Host:I have seen you since Michael Kors' new year's Eve masquerade. Uh, I don't know what you're talking about.

Devin:Do you know what comes up on my phone when you call? [Shows photo of Jack in compromising position]

Devin · Jack:We're new, we're called PEEN. And what is that an acronym for? Acronym?

Jack · Devin:The highest grossing movie of all time! The boat, not the movie, the boat!

Jack · Devin:All right, you can watch me shower, but no touching. No touching just makes it hotter.

Devin:I want you to get my triplets into preschool... At St. Matthew's.

Devin:I head that during her interview she turned the class hamster into a dove.

Devin · Jack:All the favors that you called in, you would have used next year for little lippy. Liddy. Is that even a name?

Devin · Jack:I wonder what Liddy will be doing with her degree from suny. Don't even say it. Oneonta.

Devin:I had the best education in the world. Private kindergarten where I got straight check marks.

Devin:Experimental boarding school in carmel where the students teach the teachers, and the teachers teach animals.

Devin:Then on to Northwestern where I majored in confidence.

Jack · Devin:She's already sorting objects by shape and color. At 11 months, I don't think so. She can count to ten if you say seven for her.

Devin · Jack:She gets five and nine? She can save five words. So. In mandarin.

Jack · Devin:She scored a 62 on the object permanence matrix. But that's an adult score.

Jack · Devin:And did I mention... She's using the potty. Surely just for wee-wee. No.