Tracy challenges Liz by leading his own protest in defense of idiots everywhere. Jack faces off with Devin Banks yet again, and the Best Friends Gang is reunited when Kenneth and Jenna call for the help of Kelsey Grammer.
Four-minute escalation sequence launches 76 jokes at 3.2-per-minute pace, hitting 85.5.
Directed by Beth McCarthy-Miller · Written by Robert Carlock
WAR
141
Wins Above Replacement
“Idiots Are People Three! (2)” ranks #67 of 138 30 Rock episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 97.8 — Elite. The episode packs 91 scored jokes at 3.8 per minute, averaging 7.6 on craft and 7.5 on impact, with Jack landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Kelsey Grammer (as Lincoln): And some day, America will be a place where everybody knows your name.
Liz: You will make the same self-destructive decisions over and over and you will never really be happy. And your jaw will hurt all the time.
Liz Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Liz: Water parks... no, I will not endorse water parks. They are a cesspool of disease and people boo you when you walk back down the stairs.
Liz Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Jack · Devin Banks: And did I mention... she's using the potty. / Surely just for wee-wee. / No.
Devin Banks · Jack: She gets five and nine? / She can save five words. / So. / In Mandarin.
All Jokes — 91 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Jack: We sent Elton and David a honey-baked ham. What more do they want?
Jack Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Criss: How fresh is that dog? Yesterday, that was the face, feet and colon of a pig.
Criss Dark/Subversive Observational Criss: All right, kids. Who wants some? Get in my van.
Criss Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Criss: Is there a problem, officer?
Criss Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Callback Liz · Criss: He inserts himself into my business whether I want him to or not and now he's inserting himself into this. Well, that's what she said, but...
Liz: I didn't want him to lecture me about how you don't have a job and your name is spelled wrong and you went to Wesleyan.
Liz Character Comedy Escalation Criss · Liz: Wesleyan is the Harvard of central Connecticut. / Yale is the Harvard of central Connecticut.
Criss Liz Setup/Punchline Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Criss: Had that locked and loaded, didn't you?
Criss Reaction Beat Character Comedy Callback Liz: You don't say cholesterol correctly. 'Chloresterole.'
Liz Character Comedy Escalation Criss: You're a 41-year-old woman who cheats at board games.
Criss Character Comedy Escalation Criss: You don't use the tab closures on cereal boxes. If you think those are doing anything to seal in freshness, you are living in a fantasy world, pal.
Criss Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Criss: This was a good day, Liz. I'm gonna be in the park meditating. What would Jack say about that? He'd say, 'Good God, Lemon.' Locked and loaded.
Criss Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Jack · Liz: Jack simply says 'Good God, Lemon' upon seeing Liz — immediately after Criss predicted he would.
Jack Liz Callback Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Callback Jack: I'll have you know the last man who wore jeans in this office was named Theodore Wrangler. And you, Banks, could not even carry his trademark, floor-length, suede cape.
Jack Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Devin Banks · Jack: Do you know what comes up on my phone when you call? [implied: a humiliating/embarrassing photo of Jack]
Jack: The only copy of that photograph is in Stephanie Seymour's safety deposit box.
Jack Absurdist Character Comedy Devin Banks · Jack: We're new, we're called PEEN. / Acronym? / [Banks has no answer]
Jack: The highest grossing movie of all time! The boat, not the movie, the boat!
Jack Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Jack: Oh, is this one about how Asians act on the subway? I know, I almost threw up the first time I heard it.
Jack Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Devin Banks · Jack: Starts out as a joke about our first Mexican President. My Lord. And ends up as just a rant against women.
Tracy (audio recording): Then she had teeth down there!
Jack · Devin Banks: What do you want, money? A job? / All right, you can watch me shower, but no touching. / No touching just makes it hotter.
Jack · Devin Banks: Banks, that's impossible. Just last year, they rejected one of St. Matthew's actual descendants. I know. I heard that during her interview she turned the class hamster into a dove.
Tracy: Pick up the Mercury with the tape, bag it, then seal the bags. We'll drive everything out to the Meadowlands and roll the car into a swamp.
Tracy Dark/Subversive Absurdist Tracy · Unknown: You didn't tell me he was alive! / Well, of course he is. Pete's our friend, Kelsey.
Tracy Character Comedy Escalation Callback Unknown (Pete's colleague): We don't want him to die. But more importantly, we don't want to be blamed for what's happened to him.
Kenneth · Unknown: How much time will Kenneth and I have? / How long is the show? / I don't know. I've never done it before, baby.
Tracy: I will make a brief statement on behalf of the idiot community, then I will open the floor for questions. Since its founding early this afternoon, the National Association for Zero Intolerance, or Nazi...
Tracy Absurdist Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Tracy's Associate · Tracy: We should change that. / It's fine.
Liz · Tracy: Tracy, are you kidding me? I have been calling your cell all day. / My ringtone is the chicken dance. If I answer it, I won't hear the whole song!
Liz Tracy Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Press person · Tracy's associate (or Tracy): Is there anything you would like to add? / These microphones look like black ice cream cones.
Jack: You can't tear up my checks, Criss. They're printed on Nixon's old bed sheets.
Jack Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jack: She's my subordifriend.
Jack Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jack · Liz: I said I wouldn't ask you any more questions. / Semantics!
Jack Liz Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jack · Liz: For the better. / Yes. The basket of shells was a nice touch.
Jack Liz Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Criss: I'm sorry, is this guy breaking up with me?
Criss Character Comedy Observational Criss: You can listen to Jack, we can call it quits and I go back to sleeping on the floor of my Uncle's mattress store.
Criss Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jack: Well, I have to go get a bunch of gaybies into preschool before we all get sued, so, uh...
Jack Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jack: Well done, Lemon. [Jack nods approvingly at Liz's romantic choice]
Jack Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jack: Friendship is the one kind of ship that never sinks.
Jack Wordplay/Pun Irony/Sarcasm Callback Douglas: A friend of Donaghy's, eh? I'll watch my wallet.
Douglas Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Douglas: During my financial report I may be President of the bored.
Douglas Wordplay/Pun Deadpan/Understatement Douglas: Did you know that I'm also on the board of the Manhattan Hospital for Rich Whites and Assimilated Jews?
Douglas Dark/Subversive Character Comedy NBC Announcer/Kenneth: And that's why I'm so thrilled to introduce NBC's new mascot, Magellica the Unicorn.
Tracy: And idiots can do anything we put our minds to. I played a 'nucular' psychiatrist in a James 'Bong' movie.
Tracy Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Tracy · Liz: I want the video for my new single to play on TGS this week. / [Tracy's pool song plays] / Can you make it 16 minutes long? / We're short this week. / I'll try to cut it down.
Tracy: Idiots aren't just strippers or stay-at-home moms.
Tracy Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Pete · Colleague: I couldn't find a Lincoln hat so I grabbed this chimney sweep hat instead. If anyone notices... / We're dead.
Devin Banks · Jack: Who designed your bathroom? It's exquisite. / I did, you son of a bitch.
Jack: I'm excellent at rearranging bathrooms.
Jack Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Callback Jack: Our new slogan, 'NBC, we have a magical horse?' Is testing, uh... Okay.
Jack Absurdist Character Comedy Callback Devin Banks: You just mortgaged your daughter's future to get out of a little jam at work. My mommy and me group would really judge your parenting.
Jack: Oh, God, Liddy might have to go to public school.
Jack Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Devin Banks · Jack: I wonder what Liddy will be doing with her degree from SUNY. / Don't even say it. / Oneonta.
Kelsey Grammer (as Lincoln): Well, hello there, welcome to the White House. [Kelsey Grammer as Lincoln welcoming Pete]
Audience Member · Pete · Audience Member: What's with that hat? / Oh, I think it looks very authentic. / Yeah, I guess you're right.
Pete · Colleague · Kelsey Grammer (as Lincoln): Wha... what's happening? / Shh, Pete, don't talk. / Wassup?! / Yeah, baby!
Liz: Water parks... no, I will not endorse water parks. They are a cesspool of disease and people boo you when you walk back down the stairs.
Liz Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Liz: You know what you people have given the world? Girls Gone Wild. The Golden Globes. Cans that tell you how cold beer is. Florida. Bratz dolls.
Liz Escalation Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Tracy · Liz: Oh, I get it. She's naming awesome things. / No, listen to me.
Liz · Tracy · Tracy's people: Because of you, there may be an Entourage movie. / Hug it off, ma'am! / Turtle, turtle, turtle!
Liz: You know what, I give up. You should know better, but no. You're just gonna keep on riding motorcycles, having unprotected sex and voting against free health care.
Liz Character Comedy Escalation Liz: You will make the same self-destructive decisions over and over and you will never really be happy. And your jaw will hurt all the time.
Liz Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Liz: Oh, look at you. Perfect little wiener dog, you just need a little mustard on you like that. And a little bun, just boop, like that.
Liz Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Liz: No one will make you deutschepancakes, or welcome you home smelling of hot dog water and onion, or let you break out of jail when you play Monopoly.
Liz Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Liz: Oh, my God, I'm such an idiot.
Liz Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Tracy · Liz: Wanna make out? / No, thank you.
Tracy Liz Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Kelsey Grammer: Hot crowd, hot crowd. We've only got a minute before I have to get back out there. Act two is a play within a play. It's funny, in school all you learn about Abraham Lincoln is that he was a gay alcoholic.
Kelsey Grammer: Grab his feet.
Kelsey Grammer: I've gotta get back into character. Hit me in the face!
Pete: What... I forgot to press a floor again.
Pete Character Comedy Running Gag ★ Rewatch Jack: In a lot of ways, you and I had similar upbringings. Terrible schools, broken homes... Thinking basketball was the ticket out. Being wrong.
Jack Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jack: I spent all day creating a movement just to get back at Liz Lemon. / I said creating a movement.
Jack Wordplay/Pun Meta/Self-Referential Jack: In this country, anyone could be the next Jack Donaghy or the next Denise Richards.
Jack Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jack · Devin Banks: Where did you go to school, Devin? I had the best education in the world. Private kindergarten... Experimental boarding school in Carmel where the students teach the teachers, and the teachers teach animals.
Devin Banks: Year abroad on an all-male catamaran. Then on to Northwestern where I majored in confidence.
Jack · Devin Banks: Just like Liddy's gonna crush your sons. She's already sorting objects by shape and color. / At 11 months, I don't think so. / She can count to ten if you say seven for her.
Devin Banks · Jack: She gets five and nine? / She can save five words. / So. / In Mandarin.
Jack · Devin Banks: They've put her with the toddlers at her singing and clapping class at Fun Factory. / She's in Orange group?
Jack · Devin Banks: And did I mention... she's using the potty. / Surely just for wee-wee. / No.
Criss: It's already, like, turning itself. But I feel like I still have to turn it. Oh, oh, my God, mustard just came out my nose. It's burning the backs of my eyes.
Criss Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Jack · Criss: All right, I'm putting you on probationary approval. / Okay, I don't really care. / I'll tell you what changed my mind, Criss: a conversation I had with Tracy Jordan.
Jack: Maybe you could become a suitable sex partner for Liz Lemon. You've got three months.
Jack Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Colleague · Liz · Pete: Liz, there's something wrong with Pete. / [scene] Oh, my God! I don't know what happened. Pete, I have been out there putting out fires all day while you've been hiding in here doing this? You're disgusting.
Pete · Liz: Kelsey Grammer did this to me. / Really, Pete? Kelsey Grammer made you do this while he was performing his one-man show about Abraham Lincoln?
Pete Liz Absurdist Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Colleague: Here's to another successful operation by... The Best Friends Gang.
Colleague · Pete · Colleague: I didn't notice before with all the excitement, but... I look incredibly beautiful. / The lighting is back to normal. / Both switches need to be on, woman. / The bulb wasn't even broken? / None of this was necessary.
Kelsey Grammer (as Lincoln): I know... I've been successfully assassinated. But I have one last thing to tell my country. Blackbeard's gold is buried in...
Kelsey Grammer (as Lincoln): I am a ghost now, leaving behind my earthly possessions. And although I left my country divided by war, a civil war... So that's where that name came from.
Kelsey Grammer (as Lincoln): And some day, America will be a place where everybody knows your name.
