Alexis Goodlooking And The Case Of The M

There she is! Whore of whores!

Dio mio,i'm an old fool. What is wrong with me? My boy's in love! Come over for dinner. Tonight. Do you like ox, Liz? I'll defrost an ox for you.

I have a boyfriend. In Canada.

And I can't be your girlfriend, 'cause I'm not an old pedophile. We prefer the term adultophobe.

I got really good at hiding in prison and making wine in my toilet.

In prison, I was part of a fake family with a bald woman, and our son was a basketball with a wig on it, but... okay. This is creepy.

Like that parasite I got from eating Sushi on AmTrak.

And I'm including making it through the '80s without having sex with Belinda Carlisle.

We have far too many sponsors that make housework easier for women.

Son, if you wanna get ahead in this world... Oh, God, this hurts... Tell your mother I'm gay.

Someone with a key to my office, a janitor or a security guard or some black... Hearted individual, probably white

My Uncle was a cop... In a porno.

Mine was called goodlooking. I played Alexis goodlooking who was also good-looking, and my special ability was being good at looking for clues.

But I do know America's kinda like this here crab apple tree... John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

We can't say 'dick wolf' on TV.

by the end of this quarter, we're all gonna be in the black... comma... guys. Not, we're all gonna be in the black guys.

Balloon!

Let's do some cocaine.

Like 'lazy Susan,' 'cause I'm lazy and effeminate.

Pizza demon! No, that can't be right.

except accused witches.

Eat an arancine.

I should tell my husband I'm gonna be late tonight. No, wait, I can't. He's dead.

We wanted booze, but we didn't wanna hang out with Pete. It's the worst! He always brings out his guitar and sings. He's got one story, and it's about him seeing Phil Donahue at a mall.

posing for 'Prayboy.'

Shut up! Just shut up, Roy! I am talking to Kenneth. I'm dealing with something! No one wants to hear from you.

Like Ikea good!

That's where the vampires used to live.

You're sitting at dinner next to a beautiful older woman. Eat something and kiss her!

Elizabeth, I'm gonna ask you to leave. But this is my...

Pray for a body switch mix-up so we can see the world from each other's perspectives?

Look, all I wanted to do was hang with my friends, rock some jams, and tell the story about my cousin seeing Phil Donahue. I mean me! I-I'm the one who saw him.

I mean me! I-I'm the one who saw him.

Don't fall in love with your car?

Oh, God. It was mice! The blanket was mice!

It's the only part where we weren't having break-up sex.

It's the only part where we weren't having break-up sex.

Henry Warren-Chang. I married a very bossy Chinese lady.

I lease a certified pre-owned lexus, both my sons are magicians, and for my birthday, wei-lin got me tickets to the Broadway show Memphis.

both my sons are magicians

Well... that sofa is made from sea biscuit.

Regular white-tan candle color, Jack!

You're gonna hang out with Pete every night this week. Why would we do that? 'Cause we have you dead to rights, you black bastard!

We know you ordered a porn version of Temple Grandin entitled ten poles rammed in.

Who attacked you and gave you that haircut?

No one should have to be married to Gerard Butler. Or hilary swank!

Forget it, Tracy. It's midtown.

I've met jaleel White. Incredibly charismatic. He makes Stefan urquelle look like Steve urkel.

like stone Mountain's mailman riding his trusty donkey erasmus.

Like Hitler... Or Willy wonka.

I get all my news from the radio in Grand Theft Auto.

Ma'am, I am in a Mexican prison gang. You kill me, Los Tiberones will green-light a 1-8-7 on you, and you don't want that kind of heat.

Your meatballs. Lynn and Frank... Are just as good as your meatballs.

That's it? We're meatballs? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Johnny Carson in his monologue said I was looking at 20 years, but I'd probably be more attracted to 12.

Okay, but if you look at my Internet history, I'm researching a movie about two male centaurs kissing.

This isn't creepy because you're dating your teacher. This is creepy because you're dating your mother. You found someone just like me because I'm the woman you really wanna be with!

And Phil Donahue's walking past cinnabon and he's making eye contact with me

My wife had two of the president's babies, and you're one of 'em.

Lord knows some of my friends are just shrubs I put hats on and get high with.

This movie was written by white nerds.