Leap Day

I've had my skin tags removed since then so you can see my eyes now.

Thank you, no everyone thinks of the young Nazi boy as the star of that show.

A lot of people didn't realize that was the free, unlicensed version.

I don't see people that look like that.

And this is coming from someone who wrote lyrics to the song the cantina band plays in Star Wars.

No, that was sad Thad the skintag lad. I coined that.

I don't know a lot about business, but he did an Internet and now the computers like him and Wall Street is Google.

Liz, I'm on a sexual walkabout right now.

Poke your eye, pull your hair, you forgot what clothes to wear.

He lives in the Mariana trench. He emerges every four years to trade children's tears for candy?

After high school, I went on rumspringa. It was crazy. I totally snuck into The Witches of Eastwick.

Certainly not at a Michael's crafts crafting cruise.

I listened to rap music for the first time. Not a fan.

Okay, fine, I'll go, but if he has a giant chandelier in his house, I'm out. Those things fall.

We just, uh, stomp on your foot. Kick you in the knee, Yankees suck, go pats.

I can't believe the woman who watches all six pawn shop reality shows has never seen the movie, Leap Dave Williams.

Dave, is everything all right? I definitely don't have gills. I mean, nothing. I mean, yes.

Oh, my God, that's what Chris kept quoting this morning during our love... making.

He's a mormon. You know how they are about Leap Day.

Of course, take off my bald cap. Not put on my wig.

You know, the one that crosses so slowly across the road and then you swerve to make sure you hit it and then a car coming the other way swerves to avoid you and goes off a cliff. And then that night you and your companion have the greatest sex of your lives because you're both sharing a secret.

My aquarium guy's coming to see about turning this whole room into an aquarium. Who's really in the aquarium? The fish or us?

Mean laughter, sound of a drink being poured. What are you writing now, you slack-jawed donkey?

Right, I did an ad and insisted on being paid in beni bucks.

It's like I said in my cameo appearance in Leap Dave Williams, 'gimme your wallet, old man!'

Help us to 'Whip' the competition.

You know the saying, 'rhubarb red, eat away, rhubarb green, don't eat them.'

I've watched newt gingrich eat a plate of ribs. I think my stomach can handle some rhubarb leaves.

One of my birds is sick and I want to get home in time to baptize her.

Just dab some scotch on your neck and make your eyes the color of a winter crystal so she'll think you're me.

Frak, I'm supposed to say 'floor' first.

Watching you every night on that stage and realizing my dad was wrong. I do like girls.

In Game of Thrones, Xaro is a rich merchant prince who wishes to acquaint himself with the mother of dragons.

Great, well... Scooby Doo!

Well the joke's on you because that commercial never aired for unexplained reasons.

I just touched the table again. God, you call for help! I'll just put my head on the table for a second.

Nothing that happens on Leap Day counts.

It looks like we've got a slut-off on our hands.

One Leap Day when I was a kid, the Harlem River froze, and I decided to cross it carrying my brick collection.

I have screen grabs of all your nip s.

Click click. That's their stilettos. Click click.

I've dug too many graves.

I do have a long, elegant face, thank you, but I can't enjoy your compliment, because I'm sad.

I am always coughing up blood. Could that be Leap Day William trying to get out?

I am always coughing up blood. Could that be Leap Day William trying to get out?

What are you? An intercourse monster?

Is sex like when the Na'vi intertwine their hair braids?

Aw, damn it. Hot bitches.

Jackie, we can't go to the parade today. I got called into work... at the hospital... where I'm a nurse.

Okay, I'll change me eye color, but it seem like a waste of voodoo.

Looks like this time the male will be in the Czech.

Hey, Liz, a gym teacher on a sex tour of Indonesia called. He wants his shirt back.

Looks like this time the male will be in the Czech.

Remember where I came from. But we all came from the sea. Sea? Like the letter 'C', which is part of the alphabet. Alphabet soup. Soup kitchen.

I saved Leap Day! And connected with my son! And I solved the big case from earlier!

But, these lessons aren't good just for every four years. No. They're good every year. Because we should live every day as if it's Leap Day, and every Leap Day as if it's your last.

No. They're good every year. Because we should live every day as if it's Leap Day, and every Leap Day as if it's your last.