Jack's biological father's health hangs in the balance as the pair start to build a relationship. Liz draws some attention as a relationship expert, despite her own many failed relationships, after an appearance on a talk show. Tracy is invited to speak at his old high school and Kenneth helps him overcome some embarrassing memories from those years.
Kidney telethon format lets 66 jokes rip at 2.55-per-minute clip—Season 3's densest finale.
Directed by Don Scardino · Written by Jack Burditt, Robert Carlock
WAR
75.9
Wins Above Replacement
“Kidney Now!” ranks #77 of 138 30 Rock episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 84.5 — Elite. The episode packs 66 scored jokes at 2.5 per minute, averaging 7.4 on craft and 6.9 on impact, with Liz landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Jack: We let things fester until they erupt in inappropriate anger preferably during a wedding or elementary school graduation.
Jack Character Comedy Observational Jack: And since Giuliani left, it's gotten tougher to harvest hobo organs.
Jack Dark/Subversive Observational Grizz: Mr. Campbell wanted him to dissect a frog. Tracy couldn't do it. He cried in front of the whole class.
Grizz Misdirection Callback Callback Liz: You have sexually-transmitted crazy mouth. Dealbreaker.
Liz Setup/Punchline Wordplay/Pun Milton: No, that's a ball he fouled off in the third inning.
Milton Misdirection Deadpan/Understatement All Jokes — 66 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Liz: Of course, I was a kidney in my fifth grade school play.
Liz Character Comedy Callback Liz: # Oh, I'm the kidney... # The other kidney is singing now.
Liz Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jack · Liz: Milton needs a kidney. Milton, as in your dad? My dad? I don't know this guy.
Jack Liz Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jack: And since Giuliani left, it's gotten tougher to harvest hobo organs.
Jack Dark/Subversive Observational Liz: # The brain helps you make decisions... #
Liz Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Jenna · Courtney: Give me my money, you bitch! Never! [screaming]
Liz · Jenna: And I was all like, 'talk to the hand.' You give me back my man, bitch! Never!
Liz Jenna Callback Physical/Slapstick Callback Leo: [Laughs] 'Kidney' is just such a funny word.
Leo Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential Milton · Leo: This is incorrect, doctor. I'm not giving him a kidney. It's the other way around.
Leo: No, I'll remember. Opposite, opposite, opposite.
Leo Character Comedy Escalation Leo: I think it's the hard 'K' sound that's making me giggle. Kidney.
Leo Callback Character Comedy Callback Kenneth: And they said you can drop up to five 'f-bombs.'
Kenneth Character Comedy Observational Tracy: Because Frank Lucas High School was a hellhole. A drug dealer named Campbell, he ruled that school.
Tracy Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Kenneth · Liz: Campbell was actually Mr. Campbell, his science teacher. His science teacher was a drug dealer?
Tracy: Science was my most favorite subject especially the Old Testament.
Tracy Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Grizz: Mr. Campbell wanted him to dissect a frog. Tracy couldn't do it. He cried in front of the whole class.
Grizz Misdirection Callback Callback Grizz: Just like Peter did to Jesus in Science.
Grizz Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Jenna · Vontella: That actually happened to Liz. Vontella don't care who Liz is.
Liz: You have sexually-transmitted crazy mouth. Dealbreaker.
Liz Setup/Punchline Wordplay/Pun Liz: Nope, your fiancé's gay. Look at him. Look at you. Classic case of 'fruit blindness.'
Liz Setup/Punchline Observational Liz · Man: Sir, have you ever kissed a gentleman? Uh... one time in college. And a lot since then.
Liz: Yeah, he thinks he deserves a 'va-jay-jay upgrade.' He doesn't, he's not Tom Brady.
Liz Observational Character Comedy Liz: Yeah, there's no such thing as bisexual. That's just something they invented in the '90s to sell hair products.
Liz Absurdist Observational Liz: Only one snake in the bed. Dealbreaker.
Liz Absurdist Setup/Punchline Tracy: It's true! There is no Baby! I was chicken! I was chicken!
Tracy Callback Cringe/Discomfort Callback Audience member: A guy crying about a chicken and a baby? I thought this was a comedy show.
Tracy: [Crying]: Don't die! I love you, Jack! [various crying clips]
Tracy Callback Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Tracy: I have a wolf dog, I have two bad knees and a gun... that I lost.
Tracy Escalation Character Comedy Jack: We let things fester until they erupt in inappropriate anger preferably during a wedding or elementary school graduation.
Jack Character Comedy Observational Jack: I have great seats in the section between the players' wives and players' mistresses. But I don't go on Bat Day.
Jack Character Comedy Observational Milton · Jack: No, that's a ball he fouled off in the third inning. Huh.
Milton: No, that's a ball he fouled off in the third inning.
Milton Misdirection Deadpan/Understatement Tracy: We called him Mean Steve, but his real name was Steven Killer.
Tracy Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Kenneth: Because you're not a bad-bleep O.G. You're a sensitive artist.
Kenneth Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Leo · Jack: I was really looking forward to putting your father's kidney in you. The other way around, Leo.
Leo Jack Callback Character Comedy Callback Jack: The same manipulation machine that got people to vote for Barack Obama and donate all that money after Rainstorm Katrina.
Jack Character Comedy Observational Liz: Like 'We Are the World' or Weird Al Yankovic's less successful parody benefit, 'We Are the Pizza.'
Liz Absurdist Setup/Punchline Jack: I haven't seen that many riled-up dirt bags since CVS put the cold medicine behind the counter.
Jack Observational Character Comedy Jack: Suburban seventh graders have more sexual experience than you do but that doesn't matter.
Jack Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Jack: [Laughs] What do you think this is, Wings?
Jack Meta/Self-Referential Observational Mary J. Blige: My Mary J. Blige Foundation is celebrating its 10th year of searching for the Loch Ness Monster.
Clay Aiken · Jack: Well, musicians have banded together before to solve all kinds of problems: world hunger, the collapse of the American farm, global warming... and, uh... you're 0 for 3, guys.
Jack · Elvis Costello: Elvis, haven't you said that if a song reaches just one person, you've done your job? No, I've never said that.
Jack: Who got you out of a 20-year exclusive performance contract at SeaWorld?
Jack Absurdist Character Comedy Jack: And Elvis, or should I say, Declan McManus... international art thief...
Jack Character Comedy Absurdist Paula · Liz: And I'm here in New York while he's back in Hooglanderveen. Long distance is the wrong distance, Sue.
Liz: Not on my watch, biotch. / 'S' that 'D.' Shut it down. Dealbreaker.
Liz Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Liz: No to the way to the Jose. / Long distance is the wrong distance, Sue. Dealbreaker.
Liz Wordplay/Pun Escalation Liz: Cerie, I have two words for you: robot warning. Okay, that catch-phrase needs a little work. Dealbreaker!
Liz Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential Tracy: And I guarantee you, every single person in this room will one day be President of the United States.
Tracy Absurdist Character Comedy Tracy: Okay, but I'm allergic to horses.
Tracy: Okay, but I'm allergic to horses.
Tracy Absurdist Character Comedy Liz: I actually played a kidney in my fifth grade school play... with this loser.
Liz Callback Character Comedy Callback Liz: Do you know if there's a sit-down Quizno's in Midtown? Never mind.
Liz Character Comedy Observational Pete: It's a working farm and I'm the only one whose hands are big enough to guide the bull during mating.
Pete Cringe/Discomfort Setup/Punchline Tracy: You know why I get a hotel room? To poop in peace. No kids banging on the door. No phones ringing. It's my time... every Tuesday and Thursday at 3:00 P.M.!
Tracy Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Tracy: I don't know why I only go twice a week. That's what Angie should be worried about!
Tracy Callback Character Comedy Callback Liz: I only have $300 million.
Liz Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Tracy · Kenneth: [Thinking]: And so began the craziest summer of my life. How'd you say that without moving your mouth?
Liz: I have this weird loose feeling in my shoulders. What is that? It's either happiness or osteoporosis.
Liz Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Liz: We were best friends in elementary school.
Liz Character Comedy Misdirection Elvis Costello: Milton Greene needs a kidney, just like I need this beard. You don't want to know what's under here.
Clay Aiken: Think of it this way: if I had $2, I'd give you one. Wouldn't I? I'm one of the drunk ones.
Elvis Costello: If you had two heads, you'd wish you had one / If you had two dogs attacking you, you'd want just one / There, we proved a point
Singer: A hand would be an even harder thing to give. If you can give a kidney...
Singer · Singer: What are you talking about? It's May. Shh.
