Dr. Drew Baird

Liz · Drew:You're a lawyer? / I prefer 'law stylist.'

Drew · Liz:She pouted all night because she thought I forgot to send her something. You know, I told her I did, but she didn't believe me. / She sounds great.

Drew:But I could possibly get a photo of you with the flowers, like, with your I.D.

Drew:Sorry, I smell like frosting. I just love to bake.

Drew · Liz:My dog ran away! / Let me get my coat.

Drew:I'm actually on the board of the Pediatric Restless Leg Syndrome Association. I forgot I even had this on. I have so many charity t-shirts.

Drew:I guess one glass couldn't hurt.

Drew:Man, that dog is giving me a headache. I have some aspirin in my white bag there if you need any.

Liz · Drew:You've been roofied! / You did what? / Not me. The pills!

Drew · Liz:Is this my mail? / You're not thinking clearly. / Why is it all open?

Drew · Liz:That's not your dog. / I can explain. Just relax.

Liz · Drew:I am the Generalissimo! / I don't know what that means.

Liz · Drew:Monty Python, Live at the Hollywood Bowl. Classic. / Membership in the Cheese of the Month Club, and the Steak of the Month Club, and a copy of Vegetarian Times. / I'm a flip-flopper.

Drew:I'm just saying that based on your mail, I actually would have wanted to meet this Elizabeth Lemon in 3-B.

Drew · Tracy · news anchor · reporter:Isn't that Tracy Jordan? / The Lehman Brothers investment bank will reopen under the direction of comedian Tracy Jordan. / I'm doing this so no one will know I'm getting old. / But you just told us you're old. / This interview is over.

Drew:I guess weirder things have happened.

Drew · Officer · Liz:Oh, wait! No, no! Uh, that's my car! Meter's expired. I forgot to get quarters. You know what? I got quarters. Thanks, Officer. You're welcome.

Calvin Klein · Drew · Liz:Excuse me. I'm Calvin Klein and I think you should be my next underwear model. Whoa, thanks! You don't wanna get a card or... a phone number? He'll figure it out.

Drew · Liz:It's nice of those guys to give up their court for us. Yes... for us.

Drew:So I should probably warn you, I was pro in college.

Liz · Drew · Stranger:It's been a long time since college, huh? [Drew plays poorly; a stranger approaches to ask for lessons]

Liz · Drew:Now what is this? Dr. Drew's salmon bourguignon. What is this orange-y taste? Gatorade.

Drew · Liz:Are you choking? Are you choking? I'm a doctor. Stay calm, stay calm. I just need... I just need to shake it loose. Wait, don't panic. I just need to find something to push it down with. Do you have a chopstick or a fireplace match or something?

Liz · Drew:Well, I put our name in, but it's gonna be a 45-minute wait. What? I'll go talk to the hostess. No. I want to show you something. We're going to wait for the table.

Drew · Liz:I hate this. Yeah, this is gonna be unpleasant.

Drew:What was that? Why didn't she call you 'sweetheart'? And where's the complimentary apps sampler? What's going on?

Drew:Actually, they used footage of me from my high school swim team to draw Prince Eric.

Drew · Liz:Oh, yes, you can. The hot Italian lady from the Food Network told me so. Did she say it on TV? No, she said it to me when she jumped escalators to try to talk...

Drew · Liz:That's game. Your serve. That's it! I quit! This racket is a fart and you cheat! You're a cheating bitch!

Drew · Liz:I wanted to apologize for my behavior the other day on the tennis court. That is not who I am. But you made me feel like a loser. 'Cause you lost.

Liz · Drew:No, it wasn't. That's not how you use that word... No, stop it. I want to use 'ironic' however I want.

Drew · Liz:Or as the French say... [long beat, Drew says nothing/speaks poorly] Yeah. I'll see you around.

Drew:I saw this gorgeous woman putting glasses on her daughter's Mrs. Potato Head. The why is not important.

Drew:What goes good with second chances? Oh, water. I'd like water.

Drew:Oh, my hooks. I'm just so comfortable with them that I... [destroys painting]

Drew:I was helicoptering into Zimbabwe, when I thought I saw somebody that I knew. So I waved from the helicopter, which, it turns out, is a big no-no. And the rotor took my right hand clean off.

Drew · Liz:And it turns out the person I was waving to was not my old football coach. Of course not. You were in Zimbabwe.

Drew:To celebrate my return from Africa, my cousin and I bought a bunch of fireworks. [loses other hand]

Drew:There's this strangler who's about to be executed, and I've got my hooks crossed.

Drew · Liz:Ow, it's hot. Yeah, of course it's hot. It's been in the oven. Now, who's the dumb one?