Rita Leeds

Michael · Rita:I will pay you. / You'll pay me? / Not for sex. You're gonna think I'm Jack the Ripper, right? / Didn't he kill prostitutes or... / I'm not a prostitute. / Then I shall let you live.

Rita:Well, lucky for you, my whole face is British.

Rita · Michael:I like to think they teach me. / Like what? How to eat crayons, throw tantrums... / Oh, no. Not when I'm there. I'm very good.

Michael · Rita:It's turning into one of my worst good-byes. / Farewell, and, uh... our paths shan't cross again. / As you like it.

Michael · Rita · Mary Poppins performer:A Mary Poppins performer hits a tourist; Michael and Rita laugh, then Michael says 'I'm sorry, it's wrong to laugh' — and immediately uses it as an excuse to stay and ask her out.

Rita:I suppose I could sneak out at nap time.

Michael · Rita · Narrator:Sorry, I just wanted to let you know that I'm not gonna be needing your passport after all... So it's bye-bye to Rita, then? / Yes, I'll shake your hand good-bye... I was wondering if you might want to... / I wouldn't. I'll make you blue.

Michael · Rita · Narrator:And then, just to prove to himself he wasn't a coward, he went one step further. [Michael kisses Rita]

Michael Bluth · Rita · Narrator:Michael describes Rita as 'exquisitely beautiful, fun, carefree, smart, full of surprises' — then the narrator reveals she's secretly working with a suspicious British man who's dropping her off

Narrator · Rita:Narrator: 'Michael hurried to the British section of Orange County for his date — only to find that Rita had chosen Wee Britain's one American-themed restaurant.' A British man shouts 'American! Get out of the road!'

Rita:Rita says 'I've been having such fun on this space shuttle' while sitting in a prop space shuttle at the restaurant

Michael Bluth · Rita:Michael says 'I guess this is what the British think of Americans — they like our food.' Rita responds 'Whatever do you mean?'

Michael Bluth · Rita:Michael says 'your average American male is in a perpetual state of adolescence, you know — arrested development.' Rita: 'Hey, that's the name of the show.'

Michael Bluth · Rita · Lucille Bluth · Narrator:Michael sees his mother appearing and immediately tells Rita he doesn't have a family: 'I don't have a family. I can't believe I've never told anybody that before.'

Lindsay Bluth · Lucille Bluth · Buster Bluth · Rita:The family picking up Rita in a stair car — the only vehicle 'big enough to hold them all' — and persuading her to come by saying 'We're nice'

Buster Bluth · Rita · Lucille Bluth:Rita tries to leave; Lucille commands Buster to stop her; Buster sees the seal on Rita's backpack and tackles her, knocking her out

Michael Bluth · Rita · Narrator:Michael brings Rita to the party. She sees the family. Everyone freezes. Narrator: 'Michael feared he'd been caught in a lie about his family. His family feared they'd been caught by a woman they clubbed, drugged and left on a bench. It was awkward.'

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth · Rita:Gob tries to give Rita a Forget-Me-Now: 'Take this and love us again. No, just take it!' while Michael fights him off. Rita: 'Um, I'm leaving, too.'

Michael Bluth · Rita:Michael tells Rita everything: 'I'll start with the misdemeanors and then we're going to push right on through to the lighter treasons.' — then begins: 'So, 1983...'

Michael · Rita:Michael's out-of-breath excuse: 'I wasn't hurrying to come stop you. I was out for my daily, uh...' — and then Rita reveals she won an Olympic silver medal in running

Michael · Rita:'But you take my breath away.' — delivered by a winded, clearly-out-of-shape Michael to an Olympic runner

Rita · Michael · Narrator:Rita: 'You're a complete and utter (bleep).' Narrator: 'I can't believe we had to bleep that. It would have been such a nice moment.'

Michael · Rita:if they find out about this... that we haven't started building... they might not come through with their investments. — I won't tattle.

Rita · Narrator:Whee! — And Rita was falling for Michael too.

Rita:'You do the math, Rita.' Well, no, you do the math.

Michael · Rita:Then he siphoned off the entire pension fund into a dummy corporation, filed for bankruptcy, and used... Do you know any other songs?

Tour guide · Rita · Michael:Look! It's Malcolm in the Middle! In the middle of shooting, I guess. Oh, that's okay. It's more important to show how we make the show than actually make it.

Michael · Rita:Marry me. — What? — Let me marry you. You can get a green card, you can stay and we can just see if this works, you know? It sounds crazy, but this will give us a chance to get away from both of our families and see if this works. Might be fun.

Rita:Yes, yes, yes! But let's go right now, okay? Before my uncle gets out of the shower for some more cigarettes.

Michael · Rita:What's that? — A prize. A lovely, lovely prize.

Rita:Rita's conversation about building houses: 'Instead of making houses, maybe you should make land. On the ocean.'

Rita:Rita: 'I like to keep the light on. That way I can see if you have a monster.'

Rita · Michael:Rita offers: 'Maybe you should see a bubuman.' Michael: 'A... bubuman?' Rita: 'Oh, uh, a doctor. It's a British expression. Like they say go-up box instead of elevator.'

Maeby · Rita:Maeby's screenplay dilemma: 'He's in L.A., she's in Japan. How do I get these two characters together?' Rita: 'Maybe they could walk.' Maeby: 'Across the ocean?' Rita: 'If it's not too deep.'

Maeby · Rita:Maeby: 'No, deep is good. People are going to say, What the hell just happened? I better say I like it. Cause nobody wants to seem stupid.' Rita: 'I like it.' The Ocean Walker.

Lindsay · Rita:Lindsay and Rita are wearing their designer jackets inside out. 'Yeah, that way you see the label. Yeah, I mean, that's what you're paying for, right? It's a great statement on fashion.'

Rita:Rita: 'Plus, it doesn't tickle your neck.'

Rita:Rita: 'Oh, lighter fluid — like Uncle Trevor uses! But wherever did it come from?'

Michael · Rita:Michael suggests to Rita that they go to a hotel for 'some alone time.' Rita: 'Maybe our rooms could touch.'

Michael · Rita:Rita and Michael negotiating 'sleepover': 'I was thinking maybe we could be in the same room.' / 'Be in the same bed.' / 'Oh I see what you mean, a real sleepover.'

Rita · Michael:Rita: 'Well, maybe I should go home and get my things. I do kind of miss my jammies.' Michael: 'I think they're going to have a lot of that stuff there.' Rita: 'And my tiny teddy.' Michael: 'Good. Yes, get that.'

George Michael · Rita:George Michael driving Rita, who asks to listen to 'young people's music': they end up on 'Hot Potato' (a Wiggles-style children's song). George Michael's growing concern.

Trevor · Rita:Trevor to Rita: 'Do you have any idea what a sleepover is? Cause it's not just sleep.' Rita: 'I know what it is, Trevor, I've seen your secret magazine.'

Rita · Trevor:Rita: 'I want to have grown-up fun. Spoon and figgy pudding. Rabbit downdum druggary's hollow. And I want to have pop-pop.' Trevor: 'Well, the very fact that you call it that, tells me you're not ready.'

Rita · Trevor:Rita: 'Well, Michael will be my cousin soon enough, cause we're getting married.' Trevor and others: 'Married?! Married!' with escalating chaos.

Trevor · Rita:Trevor miming 'invisible locks' on the door: 'Lock. Lock. Lock.' while Rita protests 'That's not fair!'

Rita · Michael:Rita: 'Trevor locked the door. He doesn't want me to be with you.' Michael: 'What, he locked the door? You can't unlock this door?' Rita: 'I can't even see half the locks! They're invisible. Trevor's the only one who can see them.'

Michael · Rita · Narrator:Michael and Rita escape on... something. Rita cheering 'Yay! Michael! Yay!' as they flee. Then they hit something: 'I hate that (bleep) doll.'

Rita · Michael:Rita: 'I want to have sexual relations.' Michael: 'Mere fact that you call it that tells me that you are ready.'

George Michael · Michael · Rita:George Michael's videotape of Rita playing with the plastic fruit bowl — eating a plastic banana, going back for the grapes. Michael and George Michael watching in silent mortification.

Rita · Michael:Rita appears with a small stuffed bear: 'Say hello to my tiny teddy.' Michael (horrified): 'Oh! Tiny Teddy!'

Narrator · Michael · Rita:Narrator: 'And that's when it dawned on Michael.' — then plays back: 'Oh, you teach kids, huh?' / 'Oh, I like to think they teach me.' / 'That way I can see if you have a monster.' / 'Be careful.'

Michael · Rita · Narrator:Michael 'tests' Rita: 'How many houses are there in the British Parliament?' Rita: 'Seven.' Michael: 'Are there?' Narrator: 'The answer is three.' Michael: 'Does sound about right.' Rita: 'Three is the correct answer.'

Michael · Rita:Michael uses celibacy as an excuse: 'I think that we should wait until after we're married.' Rita: 'Married! Married, married, married!'

Rita:Rita: 'I want to get married and have sexual relations like you promised.'

Rita · Michael:Rita to Michael: 'I didn't know until they told me.' Michael: 'No, I'm just a narcissist who was too self-involved to see the truth.' Rita: 'That makes no sense to me.' Michael: 'Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself.'

Michael · Rita:Rita: 'And you deserve to find somebody a lot more like you.' Michael: 'I don't think that either of us would be happy.'

Michael · Rita:Michael: 'You're gonna be across an ocean.' Rita: 'Well, you can always walk.' Michael: 'Not on the water.' Rita: 'Oh, Michael, you're such a grown-up.'

Rita · Michael · Gob:Rita appears to walk on water — or at least, it looks like she does. Michael and Gob watch.