Investigating his father's claim that a British group set him up, Michael goes to "Wee Britain" and is smitten with a beautiful woman named Rita. Lindsay attempts to seduce the new family attorney, and Gob goes to extremes to avoid his newly discovered son.
British spy parody sustains 2.27 jokes per minute across 61 gags with minimal setup lag.
Directed by John Fortenberry · Written by Richard Day, Mitchell Hurwitz
WAR
144
Wins Above Replacement
“For British Eyes Only” ranks #54 of 84 Arrested Development episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 94.1 — Elite. The episode packs 104 scored jokes at 3.9 per minute, averaging 7.5 on craft and 7.3 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Tobias: I suppose I'm, uh, buy-curious.
Tobias Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback Gob: I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No. It's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard.
Gob Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Wordplay/Pun Buster · Lucille: I've always loved those leathery little snappy faces. / You certainly have a type.
Buster Lucille Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback George Sr.: For 10 grand, he'll sit behind us and read the paper. For 15, he'll sit at the defense table. For $20,000, he'll twice lean forward and whisper something in your ear. White suit — that's extra.
George Sr. Escalation Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Tobias: I so very much would like to be in your 'prostate-icular' as your look-alike.
Tobias Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback All Jokes — 104 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ George Michael: I don't even have a girl, much less a stupid one.
Narrator · George Michael: Narrator reveals the girl is his cousin Maeby, immediately after George Michael insists the girl isn't stupid.
Narrator: Michael awoke to find his camping trip going south.
Narrator Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm George Sr.: Oh, dear God. Send me back to prison.
George Sr. · Narrator: You gotta send me back to prison. / More touching.
Buster: Buster describes feeling like the Invisible Man: 'Hello! Can anyone see me?' — while physically missing his hand.
Buster Irony/Sarcasm Visual Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: Michael suggests Buster get a girlfriend, then immediately pivots: '...A pet. How about a turtle?'
Michael Misdirection Character Comedy Buster · Lucille: I've always loved those leathery little snappy faces. / You certainly have a type.
Buster Lucille Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback Buster · Michael: Can't you keep my hand to yourself? / 'Used it for something'?
Lucille · Michael: My breakfast? / My friskiness. / Mama horny, Michael.
Michael · Lucille: I'm amazed Dad hasn't strangled himself with his belt yet. / Oh, we're into all kinds of freaky stuff.
Michael: Why do I eat breakfast before I come here?
Michael Reaction Beat Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Gob: Gob's 'Free Bird' illusion description: a magical bird — 'me in a beak' — stands on a platform, puff of smoke, then high above in an empty cage...
Gob Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael · Gob: A guy that kind of looks like you? / No. Not how I do the trick. / Even if it was, how'd the look-alike get up there? He was hiding behind this mirror here?
Michael Gob Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Gob Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Tobias: Excuse me. I was just looking for a marker... A Magic Marker.
Tobias Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Lucille: I want it out of my living room. Put it in Buster's room. That's where she keeps things she has no need for.
Lucille Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Gob: Gob ignoring his son Steve Holt: 'Well, then just tell him that Steve Holt stopped by, okay?'
Gob Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Gob · Michael · Narrator: He'd been ducking him ever since. / Tom? Come on over here. I've got a vitamin for you. / He's the one who can't see me. / Because you were hiding in the trick? / Illusion, Michael.
Tobias: I so very much would like to be in your 'prostate-icular' as your look-alike.
Tobias Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback Gob · Tobias: They're gonna see the ink. It's more of a leading man role. But it's not really done that way. Guess I shouldn't have used a permanent marker.
Gob Tobias Visual Gag Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: Starting to see why you want that divorce.
Michael Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Lindsay: Instead of spending money on a divorce — maybe I should get something faster. / Not the car. I said no to the Volvo. / The Lexus. The Volvo didn't have satellite radio, which is crazy. I mean, what are we, Amish?
Lindsay Character Comedy Misdirection Tobias · Michael: Lot of that was the coma. / Yeah. I've heard your side of it.
Lucille: Look who finally got his pants on. / You've got 10 minutes.
Lucille Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Michael · George Sr.: You're the one that said no to prison. / I was wrong. There you just had to shut your eyes and take it. Here you have to shut your eyes and give it.
George Sr. · Michael: We need someone big behind us. Our own private Matlock. / I got him. / Got who? / Andy Griffith.
George Sr.: For 10 grand, he'll sit behind us and read the paper. For 15, he'll sit at the defense table. For $20,000, he'll twice lean forward and whisper something in your ear. White suit — that's extra.
George Sr. Escalation Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch George Sr.: Oh. White suit... That's extra.
George Sr. Escalation Deadpan/Understatement Callback Michael: Andy Griffith wasn't the bombshell?
Michael Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Callback George Sr. · Michael: I'm a patsy. I was set up — by the Brits. / Don't call it that.
Michael · George Sr.: We've got a picture of you with Saddam Hussein. / I thought that was the guy who played the Soup Nazi.
Michael: Not in every case. [re: a photo with Saddam ending your career]
Michael Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm George Sr.: Oh, they're polite and the men all sound gay, but they will rip out your heart and — their breath —
Michael · George Sr.: Why does everybody think that I'm scared of girls? / Because you're a chicken. You're a chicken.
Michael: Has anyone in this family ever even seen a chicken?
Michael Running Gag Reaction Beat Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · Lindsay: Lindsay, I did get you a car. / Is it the Lexus? / It's more like a Lincoln. / Oh, come on! There's no satellite radio, but there's a banjo in the closet. And watch out for live-ins.
British Driver · Narrator (implied): Lanes reverse! / You're driving on the wrong side, you bloomin' idiot!
British Clerk: They're for British eyes only.
Michael · British Clerk: Don't I look kind of British? / Perhaps if you're willing to lose 20 pounds.
Narrator · Michael: The clerk was asking for a bribe — but this was lost on Michael. / You guys do go for the jugular.
Lionel · Lionel's Mum: What's the soup of the day, Mum? / Bread. / And the soup of the day is bread.
Narrator: Not her. / Wait for it. [Visual: Michael spots Rita]
Narrator Meta/Self-Referential Reaction Beat Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Michael · Rita: I will pay you. / You'll pay me? / Not for sex. You're gonna think I'm Jack the Ripper, right? / Didn't he kill prostitutes or... / I'm not a prostitute. / Then I shall let you live.
Michael Rita Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: This is my worst hello. Let me try again.
Michael Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Rita: Well, lucky for you, my whole face is British.
Rita Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · British Clerk: I thought you said you were open till 8:00. / Oh, yes — GMT. Everything here is on Greenwich mean time.
Rita · Michael: I like to think they teach me. / Like what? How to eat crayons, throw tantrums... / Oh, no. Not when I'm there. I'm very good.
Michael · Rita: It's turning into one of my worst good-byes. / Farewell, and, uh... our paths shan't cross again. / As you like it.
Michael Rita Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Michael · Rita · Mary Poppins performer: A Mary Poppins performer hits a tourist; Michael and Rita laugh, then Michael says 'I'm sorry, it's wrong to laugh' — and immediately uses it as an excuse to stay and ask her out.
Rita: I suppose I could sneak out at nap time.
Rita Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Michael: And I shall drop you off alive, hooker or no.
Michael Callback Cringe/Discomfort Callback Michael: And I shall drop you off alive, hooker or no.
Michael Callback Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Callback Costume Shop Owner · Tobias: Oh, look who's back. / Are you gonna buy this time, or you just curious?
Tobias: I suppose I'm, uh, buy-curious.
Tobias Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback Tobias · Costume Shop Owner: I have a big TV opportunity. / This is where all the big TVs come.
Tobias: Let's start with the Eve Arden.
Tobias Character Comedy Absurdist Michael · Lindsay: I wanted to tell you that I got myself a date with a beautiful woman named Rita, and you're the chicken, not me. / Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck...
Michael: Okay. That's a pretty good chicken.
Michael Running Gag Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: Wow. Dad was not kidding about their breath.
Michael Callback Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Callback Gob: I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No. It's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard.
Gob Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Wordplay/Pun Michael: You know, the feeling that you're feeling, it's just what many of us call a feeling.
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Absurdist Steve Holt · Gob · Michael: Hey, Dad? / Whoa! / It's my son, Gob.
Michael · Narrator: You know, and what is it with the fathers in this family always trying to deceive their... [Michael realizes George hired the British threatening man]
Narrator: And that's when Michael realized that the man who threatened him must have been hired by George Sr.
Narrator Irony/Sarcasm Meta/Self-Referential George Michael · Michael: That's a woman's wig. / I was told it was a bob.
Michael: It's a wonderful performance. You're a regular Brad Garrett.
Michael Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Michael: But I don't watch TV at 3:00 in the afternoon...
Michael Irony/Sarcasm Meta/Self-Referential Callback Michael: But I don't watch TV at 3:00 in the afternoon.
Michael Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Callback Michael · George Sr.: He said he was gonna come after somebody stupid in our family. / That could be Buster. / Could be Gob.
Michael · George Sr.: He said he was gonna come after somebody stupid in our family. / That could be Buster. / Could be Gob.
Michael · Rita · Narrator: Sorry, I just wanted to let you know that I'm not gonna be needing your passport after all... So it's bye-bye to Rita, then? / Yes, I'll shake your hand good-bye... I was wondering if you might want to... / I wouldn't. I'll make you blue.
Narrator: Rita was just talking about the finger paint, but Michael didn't know that.
Narrator Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Narrator: Had he been Jack the Ripper, he would have soothed himself in a most unsavory way. But instead he just sat in his car and ate a whole thing of candy beans.
Narrator Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Callback Tobias · Tobias (correcting himself): Gob, I know you're looking for a twin for your illusion, and there's somebody I'd like to put in a plug for. / Correction: make that 4,000 plugs.
George Sr.: Where every day it rains... pennies from heaven!
Narrator: It was a... bird day...
Narrator Wordplay/Pun Deadpan/Understatement Gob · Tobias: Oh, God! / Oh, come on. / Mr. Gay, he's bleeding. Mr. Gay... / No, no, no — I was scared too, but I realized it was of being a leading man.
Gob Tobias Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Visual Gag Tobias: Oh, I can just taste those meaty leading-man parts in my mouth.
Tobias Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive Gob · Tobias: All right, the trick has changed. We want you to play me now. / Oh, but that would mean I'd have to sh— / Shave my very tender head. I see.
Gob Tobias Misdirection Character Comedy Visual Gag Callback Tobias: Okay. Well, perhaps I jumped the gun on those new head shots.
Tobias Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Visual Gag Callback News Anchor (implied) · George Michael: An unlicensed Mary Poppins takes down another tourist. Is this the work of the Itsy Bitsy IRA?
News Anchor/Narrator: An unlicensed Mary Poppins takes down another tourist. Is this the work of the Itsy Bitsy IRA?
George Sr. · Michael: We lost Andy. / What are you talking about? / He didn't like his trailer. / He thought we were making fun of him. / No one was making fun of Andy Griffith. I can't emphasize that enough.
George Sr. · Michael: We lost Andy. / What are you talking about? / He didn't like his trailer. / He thought we were making fun of him. / No one was making fun of Andy Griffith. I can't emphasize that enough.
George Sr.: A lot of people are probably here for the free chicken.
George Sr. Callback Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Callback Gob: Gather round, humans...
Gob Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Gob: I've gotta start labeling these suits.
Gob Visual Gag Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Gob · Steve Holt: Steve Holt, what are you doing here? / I just came to see the magic show. I didn't know it was you. / Do you like magic? / No. / I love it.
Gob Steve Holt Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Callback Narrator · Gob · Tobias: And at that moment, Gob chose to show his own son what he was capable of. / I've decided I will be performing the feat... myself. / Wait. We're back to hair?
Gob · Tobias: I've decided I will be performing the feat myself. / Wait, we're back to hair?
Gob Tobias Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Callback Tobias · Narrator: Boy. Did I catch a break. [Tobias having found it too painful to part with his new hair, so he opted for a bald cap]
Tobias Narrator Visual Gag Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Gob: This chicken... shall be wrongly cooped.
Gob Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Tobias: I fooled his own son. I am a leading man.
Tobias Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Dark/Subversive Callback Gob · Narrator: I'm sorry, Steve. I need to be a father. [Gob running through storm drains]
Gob Narrator Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Callback Unnamed character/Lucille: [George Sr.'s escape attempt is foiled; someone holds up a chicken to keep him out of the kitchen] Keeps him out of the kitchen.
Michael · George Sr. · Judge: We plead... not guilty. / Order in the court! Who let a flashbulb camera in?
Judge · Michael: how do you plead? / We plead... not guilty.
George Sr. · Harry Hamlin: It's Harry Hamlin. / I love my trailer.
Harry Hamlin: They don't have a prayer. / Send the check to my accountant.
Harry Hamlin: They don't have a [bleep] prayer. Send the check to my accountant.
George Sr. · Michael · George Sr.: That's Rita? / Yeah. / Wow. She is way out of his league.
Michael · Rita · Narrator: And then, just to prove to himself he wasn't a coward, he went one step further. [Michael kisses Rita]
Narrator: For you see, Rita had a secret of her own.
Narrator Misdirection Dark/Subversive Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Top Episodes — Arrested Development
