Gob Bluth

Gob:Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money.

Gob:Or candy.

Gob:You know, I sort of thought my contribution could be a magic show.

Michael · Gob:Oh, that's perfect, Gob. — I just remembered something. Dad's retiring, not turning six.

Gob:It cost like 18 grand! I'm gonna do it on the boat.

Michael · Gob:Lindsay's been in town for a month? I don't think so.

Michael · Gob:Mom! — Mom, congratulations!

Gob:Illusions, Dad! You don't have time for my illusions!

Gob:I have to think the Alliance is gonna frown on this.

Lucille · Gob · Michael:I'm putting Buster in charge. — That's a good choice. — Buster? The guy who thought the blue on the map was land?

Gob:I'll be honest. I'm just more comfortable with an Alliance-approved magician.

Unknown character · Gob:Give 'em a hell of a show, champ. — Off, traitor.

Gob · Recruiter/unknown:It was really your brother we were interested in. I mean, you don't even have any references. Is that enough of a reference for you?

Gob:Gob calling from the ocean, apparently calling Michael while he's clearly dumping the letter: 'Then why don't you marry an ice cream sandwich?'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'Well, isn't that ironic? I'm making a fortune at my new job, and you don't even have the job you thought you did.'

Gob · Michael:Gob, instead of helping Michael, asks him to mail a letter — 'You can't just give that to a mailman? / I can't trust a mailman with this. This is important.'

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: Gob 'couldn't return a completely frozen dove to a pet store and get the full refund he felt he was entitled to'

Gob · Narrator:Gob 'dramatically hurled the letter into the sea' — which proved 'a more difficult dramatic gesture than he'd anticipated'

Gob:Gob: 'Michael, having a nice day at the beach while the rest of us are busting our asses to deliver your mail?'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'I should be in charge. I'm the older brother.' / 'Please, do you even wanna be in charge?' / 'No! But I'd like to be asked.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'Better than being treated like the goofball, the joker, the magician.' — then attempts a fireball that doesn't go off

Gob:'These things never go off when you want them to. My least consistent trick.'

Michael · George Michael · Gob:The three Bluth men — Michael, George Michael, and Gob — bonding over the burning banana stand

Michael · George Michael · Gob · Narrator:Michael, George Michael, and Gob bond while burning the banana stand together — narrator: 'Michael, his son and his brother together enjoyed the cathartic burning of the banana stand.'

Gob:Tag: Gob protests the pet store's frozen dove exchange policy. 'Return from whence you came!'

Gob · Michael:Tag: Michael tells others the banana stand is being rebuilt; Gob complains: 'You couldn't have called me? I can't swing a hammer?'

Gob:'I got a rabbit to buy.' — Gob's response/explanation

Gob · Narrator · George Sr.:Gob: 'Hey, the Cornballer. I thought these things were only legal in Mexico.' Narrator: 'In fact, the Cornballer wasn't legal anywhere. But George Sr. continued to market it there successfully. [cut to George Sr. in Mexico] Muy delicioso. Es verdad.'

Gob · Michael · Narrator:Gob: 'I had another big fight with Marta.' Narrator explains Marta is a Spanish-language soap opera star. Gob: 'It looks like I'm going to be staying here for a while.' Michael: 'No, it doesn't. It doesn't look like that.'

Gob · Michael:Gob is in a bathrobe at the office. Michael: 'Gob, what are you doing here, and why are you in a bathrobe?' Gob: 'I camped out in the boardroom last night.'

Buster · Gob · Michael:Buster is in his bathing suit at the office. Michael: 'why is he in his bathing suit?' Gob: 'Mom dropped me off to spend time with Michael.'

Gob · Buster · Michael:Gob on Lucille: 'Spend time with Michael, or to serve her own menopausal needs? She's always got to wedge herself in the middle of us, so she can control everything.' Buster: 'Yeah. Mom's awesome.'

Gob · Michael:Gob to Michael: 'Is this a business decision, or is it personal? 'Cause if it's business, I'll go away happily. But if it's personal, I'll go away. But I won't be happy.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'It's personal.' — then a long pause while Gob stares at him.

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'Are you crazy? I'm a magician. I make my living with my hands. And if I'm going to be staying here...' Michael: 'Staying here?'

Gob · Michael:Michael: 'What, did that Mexican throw you out?' Gob: 'She's not that Mexican, Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Colombian or something.'

Gob:Gob: 'If I can't find a horny immigrant by then, I don't deserve to stay here.'

Lindsay · Gob:I'm exhausted. / Neiman's again, huh?

Gob:It's bad enough that I gotta go to the awards show tomorrow night. Today I gotta stand next to her like I'm Rita Wilson.

Gob · Michael:Michael! — That's Mom. Hide.

Gob:I, too, have an announcement to make. To prove that no prison can hold me, I will incarcerate myself in the penitentiary that holds my own father, only to escape 24 hours later.

Gob:What? No, Dad's fine. Just saw him in there throwing the ball around with a couple guys. Which, of course, he never did with me.

Gob · Warden:Well, any press is good press, huh? / Right. [beat]

Gob · Narrator:So Gob went about swallowing the key to prepare for his escape. [followed by ~30 seconds of implied key-swallowing action before Gob speaks again]

Gob · Michael:Of course, that is gonna conflict with my going to the Desis with Marta. — Well, life's a compromise.

Gob:I probably would have taken her to the nice event, but prison'll be fun too.

Gob · Michael:Thank you. I knew you'd come through. / How'd I come through? / Gob, how'd I come through?

George Sr. · Gob:Keep your arm up. That's how you get accuracy. — Thought you said throwing the ball against the garage door by yourself was how you got accuracy.

Gob:I killed a guy. Nah, it's just a publicity stunt.

Gob:Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize there weren't any magic fans here.

Gob · George Sr.:Hey, White Power Bill, he's all right. — White Power Bill can't hear you... with such dirty ears. — Hey, White Power Bill has dirty ears. Hey, guys! Dirty Ears Bill! Dirty Ears Bill!

Gob:I can't pass this key without privacy!

Gob:I've made a huge mistake.

Gob:I unplugged the ice cream sandwich machine and the guards are all eating them before they get too melty, so I've got like a half an hour.

Gob · Michael:Where the hell are the stairs? — Oh! I thought you were kidding!

Gob · Michael:Let me ask you something. How would you feel if I came down on you hard? — You're saying I'm not reading this right. — No, I'm saying I need to jump on you to break my fall.

Gob · George Sr.:I'm a complete failure. — Where'd you get that kind of talk? — From you. You always say that about me.

Gob:You've done a pretty good job of being a father to everybody in here. What have they got that I don't? You've never even thrown a ball around with me.

George Sr. · Gob · White Power Bill / Dirty Ears Bill · Narrator:And for the first time, Gob had the game of catch with his father he'd been waiting for his whole life. [George Sr. and Gob throw a ball in prison] — White power! — I'm... white.

Narrator · Gob:Gob has been stabbed in the back. [narrator, then revealed literally: Gob is in the hospital with a stab wound]

Gob:? Ta-dah? [Gob, in a hospital bed, weakly attempting a magician's flourish]

Gob:You were right, Michael. Life is too short. Mine almost ended today. So I think I'm gonna work things out with Marta.

Gob · Michael:Hmm. You know what's funny? — Mmm. — I was gonna walk out of that prison last night and break up with her. Good thing you didn't bring the stairs, huh?

Gob:You two keep talking out there, I'm gonna start getting jealous.

Doctor · Narrator · Gob:Looks like the shiv would have done some real damage if it hadn't been for this. It was in your lower intestine. So close. [the key Gob swallowed is revealed to have deflected the shiv]

Doctor · Gob · Michael:Looks like the shiv would have done some real damage if it hadn't been for this. [holds up the swallowed key] / It was in your lower intestine. / So close.

Gob · Michael:Gob is setting up an 'office' in Michael's workspace to write a 'strongly worded letter' to the warden.

Narrator · Gob:Gob checks into prison as a publicity stunt — but gets shanked.

Gob:Gob reveals his 'strongly worded letter' weapon: '...art.' He's written it on paper and apparently illustrated it.

Michael · Gob:Gob enters Michael's office: 'I wish I would've known you were coming. I am a mess.' / Michael: 'Don't know if a call from me would've changed that.'

Gob · Michael:Gob asks for Michael's chair to write his letter: 'Do you like my outfit?' / Gob: 'Not as much as I like what's underneath it.' / Michael: 'Gob!' / Gob: 'No, I need your chair. Get up.'

Gob · Kitty:Gob flirting with Kitty in the filing room: 'Here's where we keep all of our... heavyweight paper.' / Kitty: 'Bet you can show me where a lot of things are.' / Gob: 'What kind of things are you... looking for?'

Gob · Kitty:Gob and Kitty flirtation: 'What are you hiding?' / Kitty: 'Nothing you can't find.' Then Gob asks Kitty to take off her glasses, lets down her hair — and each reveal makes her look worse, forcing Gob to backtrack: 'No. Glasses on. Hair back up.'

Gob · Kitty:Gob: 'Do you want me to turn all the lights off?' Gob agrees, then: 'There's still light coming in from under the door.'

Michael · Gob:Michael arrives home: 'Great news.' / Gob: 'Oh, good. I could use it.' / Michael: 'I just came from convincing Mom to have sex with Dad.' / Gob: 'God! What is wrong with you? That is disgusting!'

Gob:'I have a sense of propriety. All right?' — Gob's protestation of decency after being disgusted by Michael facilitating their parents' sex.

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'I Kitty.' / Michael: 'Gob, I just wanted you to get the information.' / Gob: 'Oh, I got the information.' / '...About the international accounts?' / 'I see what you're getting at. No, I didn't get any information.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'You just lost the touch lamp.' / Gob: 'What? No!' / Michael: 'The deal's off. I'm gonna use the touch lamp to set the mood in the conjugal trailer when Dad's nailing Mom!'

Michael · Gob:Michael offers Gob: touch lamp + office + 'what the hell... full use of the secretary.'

Gob · Kitty:Gob stalling Kitty with light adjustments: 'Glasses off. Glasses on. Hair up. Glasses off. Down, on. Have we done up, off?'

Gob:Wrong and bright. This... That's be... brighter! God! Damn.

Warden · Gob:The warden catches Gob outside: 'Well, if it isn't Sincerely Yours.'

Gob · Warden · George Sr. · Lucille:Gob is pinned against the window of his parents' conjugal trailer by the warden. Gob: 'Oh, God, Mommy! What did you do?'

Gob:Oh, God, Mommy! What did you do?

Gob:Well, they got the Asian right. 'Hotties' might be a stretch.

Gob:Well, let's start with the little one.

Gob · Michael:I wanna throw Mom a party. / Would you... I just told Mom no more parties. / I know, Michael. That's why this is the perfect opportunity to throw her a surprise party. She'd never suspect it.

Gob:She didn't. I dummied her up a new one. Not my best work though. She wanted to look 48. I nearly airbrushed her into oblivion. We ended up checking 'Albino' on the form.

Gob · Michael · George Michael:She was having trouble even lifting up this bag of groceries. / All right. We will do the surprise party. / For Gangy? / Yeah, how did you know? / She called and invited us.

Gob · Lindsay:It's the first I've heard about it. / What about you? Neiman's? / Prison. Then Neiman's. But only because I'm going back to prison, and they've seen me in this.

Gob:What frail act got you this time, Michael? She couldn't open a jar? What, did a clump of her hair come out in your hands?

Lucille · Michael · Gob:I've been a horrible mother. / No, Mom. You're great. You've been a great mother. / Well, you know she's been a horrible mother, right? / You don't have to tell me.

Gob · Michael:Um, is it okay if I do it for Mom and not you? / Yeah. / 'Cause I really like Mom. / We know.

Gob · George Michael:Michael? George Michael. / You've gotta go. / Wait. Uncle Gob, is this a bad time? / No. Are you kidding? So, what's up?

George Michael · Gob:I need you to make some fake I.D.'s for me and Maeby. / Like a passport? / Yeah, yeah. That'd be great. Oh, and, uh, preferably French. I like the way they think.

Gob · Dock Woman:Look, I don't want you thinking that your uncle is some sleazy character from the docks. / Good morning. / How are you?

Gob:She's an Olympian... hopeful.

Gob · George Michael:But we're gonna have to make this quick. Your dad wants me out of here by noon. / I wouldn't worry about him. He's staying at Gangy's. / Yeah, he got in a car accident on the way back from her birthday party. / Man, I told him not to let her drive. / No. It was him driving.

Gob · Narrator:So you're telling me that he can't go anywhere and he's incommunicado? / That's when Gob decided to take the yacht to South America for the summer.

Gob:I gotta alert this boat's crew. They'll be devastated.

Michael · Gob:Gob, I want you to move back onto the yacht. / The yacht? What makes you think I'd want to now?

Gob · Michael:Wow. How hard did you hit that steering wheel? / I actually hit the back of my head.

Gob · Crew Member:Turn this skiff around. / We haven't even left the dock. / But 'skiff' is appropriate, right?

Gob:There's no way you were trying to hurt me. You don't hate me. Mom hates me. You kind of like me.

Michael · Gob:Yeah. I kind of like you. / Yeah.

Michael · Gob:Michael, I need your help. / Coming. / Ow! I got hit back there. / Right! On the back of the head, which means that you couldn't have hit the steering wheel.

Gob · Michael · Narrator:Mom must have clubbed you with a champagne bottle or something so she could drive. / Gob, how'd you figure it out? / It's funny you should ask that... / No. He didn't figure anything out.

Michael · Gob:Mom can't pick me up. She could barely pick up that bag of protein bars. / Guess what? They weren't protein bars. They were gold Krugerrands.

Gob:And Dad finally paid attention to my intellect.

Gob:I was halfway to South America, but I couldn't let you get away with it, because we're brothers, Mom, and we kind of like each other.

Lucille · Michael · Gob:I'm a horrible mother. / No, no, Mom. You're great. / That's crazy talk. / You're a fantastic mother. / I can't believe what I'm hearing, Mother. / Oh, we do. We really love you.

George Michael · Gob:George Michael walks into the yacht and finds Gob with two women in bikinis. 'Well, they got the Asian right. "Hotties" might be a stretch.'

Gob:'Well, let's start with the little one.'

Gob:'Michael, do you have any idea what would happen if I were to visit prison? It would be pandemonium.'

Gob · Michael:'It'd just give Dad one more reason to think that I've got nothing to offer but my looks.' / 'Yeah, I got some of that... except he also didn't like my looks.'

Gob:'She didn't. I dummied her up a new one. Not my best work though. She wanted to look 48. I nearly airbrushed her into oblivion. We ended up checking "Albino" on the form.'

George Michael · Gob:'For Gangy?' (George Michael asks how he knew about the surprise party) / 'She called and invited us.'

Gob:'What frail act got you this time, Michael? She couldn't open a jar? What, did a clump of her hair come out in your hands?'

Gob · Michael:'Well, you know she's been a horrible mother, right?' / 'You don't have to tell me. But what was I gonna say?'

Gob · Michael:'Um, is it okay if I do it for Mom and not you? 'Cause I really like Mom.' / 'We know.'

Gob · George Michael:Gob's yacht. George Michael visits to get fake IDs. A woman emerges: 'She's an Olympian... hopeful. Swimming and some coaching.'

Narrator · Gob · George Michael:George Michael tells Gob that Michael can't use the phone or go anywhere — he's trapped at Lucille's. 'That's when Gob decided to take the yacht to South America for the summer.'

Narrator · Gob:'I gotta alert this boat's crew.' [Cut to crew's devastated reaction.] 'They'll be devastated.'

Gob · Michael:Michael tells Gob to move back onto the yacht: 'What makes you think I'd want to now?' Gob reacts with suspicion to the offer.

Gob · Michael:'Wow. How hard did you hit that steering wheel?' / 'I actually hit the back of my head.' / 'The back of your head?'

Gob:'I was halfway to South America, but I couldn't let you get away with it, because we're brothers, Mom, and we kind of like each other.'

Gob:'But "skiff" is appropriate, right?'

Gob · Michael · Narrator:'Mom must have clubbed you with a champagne bottle or something so she could drive.' / 'Gob, how'd you figure it out?' / 'It's funny you should ask that...' / 'No. He didn't figure anything out.'

Narrator · Gob · Michael:'Hey, big shot!' [Flashback to Lucille yelling out the window.] Which was behind the passenger seat. Which means that she picked you up and dragged you over to the driver's seat.

Michael · Gob:'Mom can't pick me up. She could barely pick up that bag of protein bars.' / 'Guess what? They weren't protein bars. They were gold Krugerrands.'

Lucille · Michael · Gob · Lindsay:'I'm a horrible mother.' / 'No, no, Mom. You're great.' / 'That's crazy talk.' / 'You're a fantastic mother.' / 'I can't believe what I'm hearing, Mother.'

Gob:Even my own so-called girlfriend doesn't believe in me.

Gob · Michael:A magician. / I think you're confusing scary with silly. This guy was frightening. He was in a limo.

Gob · Michael:He wants to take my legs. / I-I don't... / The legs... The bottom half of my saw-the-lady-in-half trick.

Gob · Michael:No, not now. I'm showing him how to do the trick. / Two chicks curl up in a box. We call one the head and one the legs. / So that's how they do it. / God, I gotta stop giving these things away.

Gob · Michael:The old top half quit when she found out I was sleeping with the legs. / I guess word really gets around in there.

Gob:Would you give me a break, please? The legs are insanely jealous.

Michael · Gob:I get absolutely nothing out of it. / Well, you get a false feeling of superiority. / I know. That is nice, but this time, it's not enough.

Michael · George Michael · Gob:Why do I always have to be the one that has to set the good example for everyone? / Hey, guys. / Oh, that's why.

Gob:I appreciate your time.

Gob:Has she got big cans?

Gob · Michael:Where's the top half? / I have to teach her this trick. She's gotta fold her knees. / It's a fantastic trick. I don't want you to worry though. I've already told her.

Gob · Michael:Listen, I got you something... for being such a good guy... not that it's a surprise, you always are. / Oh, well, uh... / My watch. / I want you to have it. / Well, you've stolen so many things from me over the years. This is the first time you've ever given something back.

Narrator · Michael · Gob:So, the trick went forward as planned. / [Gob performs the trick; Michael is curled up in the box as 'the legs']

Gob:Wiggle those sexy gams, lady.

Gob:Mom, did you see it? I'm back in. I've got the career back.

Gob · Rollo:That was just my girlfriend and my nephew. / Well, you're out.

Gob:Flashback: 'Police! Open up!' [dramatic door-breaking] — implying Gob actually raided a home while working as a stripper

Michael · Gob:'I'm not an A.T.M.' 'I keep forgetting how hilarious you are.'

Real Drug Dealer · Gob:Actual drug dealers arrive: 'Hey, what are you guys doin'?' 'We got your signal. You flashed the lights. We got the drugs. You got the money?'

Gob:Gob at the nursing home: 'I'm gonna need a volunteer for my next illusion, the Aztec Tomb!' Old volunteer appears. Gob: 'Or box. Box is... fine.'

Gob · Elderly Volunteer:Gob instructs the elderly volunteer how to do the panel trick: 'There's a panel. Just flip it around, curl up behind it, don't make any noise.' — and the volunteer apparently follows through.

Gob · Assistant:During the illusion, after asking 'Ancient lore has it the Aztec gods put a curse on any man who dare—' the assistant reveals: 'He's gone.' The old man has actually vanished.

Gob · Michael:Gob calls Michael in crisis: 'I need her to spin something for me.' Michael: 'Well, that's too bad because I think she quit. What do you need her to spin?' Gob: 'Murder.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'Murder, huh? Who died?' Gob: 'My career.' Michael: 'I'm going to go home now.' Gob: 'I lost a guy.'

Gob · News Anchor:The press gets hold of Gob's story. Gob: 'I put him in a box. I didn't kill him, all right? And don't edit this for your broadcast so it looks like I'm screaming, "I killed Earl Milford."' News anchor: 'Startling confession, tonight at 11:00.'

Gob · Earl Milford:Gob tells Earl he needs to return him to clear his name. Earl: 'You'll have a new name: Hero.' Gob considers it: 'Hero.' Pause. 'That could work for me.'

Gob:Gob: 'Although he was spectacularly quiet in there.' — about Earl Milford hiding in the Aztec Tomb for an extended period.

Gob · Unknown:On the next Arrested Development: Gob holds a press conference: 'And, now, prepare to call me "hero."' The old man is apparently still asleep in the equipment box: 'He's resting, so... Oh.'

Michael · Gob · Marta:Three-way phone call confusion: Michael says 'nobody' is with him (Marta is there), Gob says 'well now I don't know what's going on.'

Gob:Gob says Marta 'wouldn't let me make love to her on Mom's bed' and 'I don't even want to tell you what she wouldn't let me do to her in the car.'

Gob · Marta · Narrator:Marta on the phone says 'Hermano' — Gob thinks it's the name of a man she's cheating with. Narrator reveals she was talking to her mother about Michael.

Gob · Michael:'If anyone's gonna go out with that girl, it's gonna be one of us. Right. Me. And I'm okay with that.'

Gob · Michael:She's at the house. She's at the house! I'm gonna speak very carefully in case she's with you. You're right. Right about what? She's there! What's going on?

Gob · Michael:Gob's phone call: 'Maybe because you've only had sex four times.' / 'Four women! Not four times! And they talk to me because I talk to them.'

Gob · Michael:Gob calls Michael offering 'a couple of fun girls' as an olive branch after the Marta situation.

Gob · Michael · Buster:Besides, when was the last time you slept with someone? / Buster. / What time and where?

Gob · Michael:This is Shannon, the girl I've been telling you all about. / Yes. Girl, indeed... young girl. That's a young, young, young, girl. / Yeah, well, she's 18.

Gob · Michael:Shannon wouldn't go out without a chaperone, and so she's your date. (Nazhgalia, an older woman with a mustache, is Michael's blind date)

Gob:Gob, jealous of Michael's basic human decency toward Nazhgalia, suddenly declares her 'exotic' and 'very attractive' to compete.

Michael · Ms. Baerly · Buster · Gob:Michael sneaks Ms. Baerly into the model home at night, and they are discovered by Buster and Gob — who independently are also sneaking in.

Gob · Michael:I'm sorry too, Michael, but it looks like we're even. You took something I liked. I took something you liked.

Michael · Gob:Listen, I know that you've been trying to get even with me about Marta. But got bad news for ya. I'm seeing somebody else. / Who? Who? / Just out of curiosity — I'm not gonna try to sleep with her.

Michael · Gob:Forget it. I thought this was behind us. / It is behind us. / Great. / When I sleep with her. 'Cause I'm gonna sleep with her.

Gob:Yeah, I was lying when I said I wasn't gonna sleep with her, so...

Michael · Gob:She'd have to agree to it. / I don't anticipate a problem with that. / No? / No. 'Cause I've seen some of the dogs you like. / Right. / I just slept with one.

Gob · Student/Bouncer · Steve Holt:So you're not letting him in because he doesn't share your perfectly shaped nose, your round eye-shaped eyes, your strong square jaw. / Thanks. You wanna dance? / Yeah! All right! Steve Holt!

Gob:Steve Holt! — spoken as Gob spots a male student and calls his name with inexplicable enthusiasm.

Gob:Excuse me. Look, I blew it, okay? But I bought a yearbook ad from you. Doesn't that mean anything anymore?

Gob:Oh, that's your definition of the right thing. I thought I was gonna make a dramatic entrance and tell you that I wanted to see you.

Gob · Michael · Narrator:I slept with the ethics teacher. I'm sorry. / What are you talking about? / Lindsay told me that you liked her and I'm not proud of this, but... Mrs. Whitehead. / In fact, Gob mistook the civics teacher for the ethics teacher Michael was dating.

Michael · Gob:Gob, Mrs. Whitehead was the civics teacher. / We both had her. / Yes, we have. And now we're even.

Shannon · Gob · Shannon:What a pig. / Tell me about it. / No, you! You're the pig!

Gob · Shannon:Listen. Shannon, please. It was a one-time thing. I'm not gonna hear from her again! / Ach! / Who is Edna W? Hello?

Gob · Michael:Gob arrives at the construction site claiming Kitty 'is starting to sound pretty damn sexy to me' over the phone — then Michael reveals it was Lindsay

Gob · Michael:Gob yells 'Pick up the pace, douche bag!' at workers; Michael echoes 'You too, candy ass!' then pauses and says 'Candy ass.'

Gob · Worker:Gob to construction workers: 'Screw this! I have my pride. I don't care how much they're paying me.' Worker: 'You got paid? I thought we were all making sacrifices.'

Gob · Buster · Worker:Gob tries to incite a work stoppage: 'I say we shut down construction!' Buster: 'This is fun! We should do this just for the fun.' Worker: 'Easy for him to say. He got his paycheck too.'

Gob · Buster · Workers:Gob: 'He'll never stand up to the man. He's a chicken. A chicken.' — workers call Buster a chicken, Buster responds: 'My whole life you've called me a chicken, but that's over now. I have nothing to prove.'

Worker · Buster · Gob:A construction worker announces they'll settle the dispute with a game called 'chicken' — Buster and Gob race forklifts

Worker · Gob · Narrator:After the forklift chicken race: 'Wow. Who won?' — and 'for the first time, Gob saw his brother as a man'

Narrator · Gob:After the forklift chicken showdown, narrative beat: 'For the first time, Gob saw his brother as a man.'

Gob · Lindsay · Michael:Gob: 'You'd bring in scabs, just like that?' Lindsay: 'Watch me.' — then Michael arrives and overrides everything

Gob:Gob: 'How about just liquor?'

Narrator · George Michael · Gob:Narrator sets up spring break in Newport Beach as George Michael spends time with his uncle — cut to Gob doing a bad card trick shirtless

Gob · George Michael:Gob misidentifies the card ('eight of diamonds') and then when corrected ('queen of diamonds') says 'No, no, no. I had... But if that had been the actual card...'

Gob · George Michael · Michael:'I'm still kind of tweaking my nipples... The presentation was great.' / 'Hey. Whoa!'

Gob · Michael:Spring break! It's my favorite holiday. Nothing gets me more excited. / 'I can see that. You might wanna button that shirt up.' / 'No, I'm good.'

Gob · Narrator:Flashback: Gob on a youth-oriented music network announcing he will make a yacht disappear in one year — crowd goes wild

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'It is a path to a lonely life where people mock you. And you don't even realize it.' / 'Michael, I'm a magi...' / 'I see what you did.'

Gob · George Michael · Unknown Woman:Gob instructing a woman: 'If you'll be so kind as to expose your breast, please.' — George Michael walks in

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'What the hell are you doing?' / Gob: 'Dad, it's misdirection. You're supposed to keep your eye on the shirt in the hat.'

Gob · Michael:'Don't worry. He's gonna be covered with a blue dot. He approached me.' — Gob about George Michael being in a Girls With Low Self-Esteem video

Gob · Michael:Gob post-intimacy becomes 'really girlie' — 'He's my brother, and he's never even said 'Good job.' I just want him to love me, you know?' Michael: 'Wow, you get really girlie after, huh?'

Gob · Michael:Gob after sex: 'Wow, you get really girlie after, huh?' — Michael ignores this

Gob · George Michael:Gob suddenly remembers his promise to Michael and sends George Michael away: 'None of your damn business. Get the hell out of here!' / 'You don't have the magic in you! You never did!'

Gob · George Michael:'So take a look. It's the last time you're gonna see these.' / George Michael: 'Sorry, kid, more than you'll ever...' / 'What?' / 'Beat it!'

Gob:Gob at the magic show: 'Where once there was a yacht, now there is naught!'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'Michael, a magician never reveals his...' / '...I sunk it! I sunk the yacht!'

Michael · Gob:'You sank a $700,000 yacht?' / 'It's $900,000 worth of insurance on it. And got rid of the evidence. How about a "good job"?'

Gob · Michael:Gob claims Michael has slept with fewer than five women; Michael neither confirms nor denies, and Gob says "Let's say 'five'."

Gob:"These are lawyers... that's Latin for 'liar.'"

Gob:Gob's brag: "You could have seen me get some major action from a major blonde who just majored in marine biology, if you know what I mean."

Gob:Gob: "You've just won the gold medal at the sexual Special Olympics! She can't ever find you again. Don't you see that you're so lucky?"

Michael · Gob:Michael cuts off Gob's advice with "God! How do you not s—" then catches himself

Gob:Gob reveals he got married on a dare the previous night — to a woman who dared him to do things

Gob · Michael:Gob reveals he accidentally got married: 'She knows that I'm Gob Bluth, and we got married, and I just...' Michael: 'What?' Gob: 'Well, she was a darer.'

Gob · Gob's Wife:"Do you ever listen to what I say?" / "I'm sorry I don't memorize every word that comes out of your mouth. Sometimes I just like to think... think my thoughts."

Gob · Narrator:Gob: "Believe me, we didn't do any sleeping. I had sex last night." Narrator: "But he really didn't."

Gob · Barry:Gob can't get an annulment because he didn't consummate the marriage — but insists he did, for his own dignity

Gob · Lindsay · Michael:Gob: "That's the blind chick you slept with?" Lindsay: "Michael, you're in bed with the prosecution?" Gob: "It's genius. You can get all the information we need."

Gob:"The solution to all our problems is staring you right in the face and it can't even see you."

Gob · Narrator:"On the next Arrested Development" tag: Gob's seal business update — "The seal deal fell through. Three of the seals died on their way to Chad."

Gob · Michael:"On the next" stinger: Gob encounters a maritime lawyer — "How am I ever gonna find a maritime lawyer?" / Michael's fake identity appears / "I trade trained seals for a living."

Gob · Michael · Narrator:Gob shows up in a garish bright sweater because 'the wife likes me in bright sweaters' — but he only got married days ago on an escalating dare

Gob · Wife:Gob's wife uses 'My parents are getting a divorce' to deflect his attempt to break up with her

Gob:Gob repeats 'Consummated.' with a puzzled/offended tone — reaction beat

Gob:What is with that 'prosecutie'?

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'Okay, Michael. This makes matters better. Let's just destroy it and move on with our lives.'

Gob · Lindsay:What is with the insane moral code in this family? Yes, we did it. We're getting rid of the Ten Commandments.

Gob:Gob's invented Commandment: 'Thou shalt protect thy father and honor no one above him unless it beith me... thy sweet Lord.'

Gob · Narrator:Flashback: Gob switching the evidence folder while his siblings argued about the Ten Commandments

Gob:Gob reveals he secretly switched the evidence file: 'They don't call me a sleight-of-hand artist for nothing.'

Gob · George Sr.:Well, gee, Dad, I've got a wife now. I don't think that I can afford to get caught either. / Good point. You might want to change out of that sweater.

Gob:Hey, there's the cat. Sorry you couldn't have been down at the prison with us.

Gob:He feels you've been sucking off this family far too long. If you don't start pulling your weight around here, it's gonna be shape up or ship up.

Gob · Lucille · Tobias:They don't have a case against us. I took care of everything. / Something smells wonderful. / Well, thank you. Would that I could say that I wore it to impress you, but no, I'm afraid it's merely a cloaking agent from a sadly blunderous afternoon.

Gob:Gob re: Buster as the family's potential informant: 'Worst-case scenario he gets caught, no more Buster.'

Gob · Ira Gilligan:Gob: 'You're asking Gilligan not to lie?' / Ira: 'Please call me Ira. I don't like Gilligan.' / Gob: 'Who doesn't like Gilligan?'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'I've gotta get rid of her.' / Michael: 'You know, I said two weeks ago that I thought it was a stupid idea. Suddenly Dad says it and it's good advice?'

Gob · Michael:Gob tells Michael to tell his wife he's 'insensitive and unreliable... something about how you can never confront people. You need someone to clean up your messes.' Michael: 'See, that's great. And that's just off the top of your head.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'Hey, Gob. It's a good thing you're not staying married to this girl. You've got her hating me... at least your version of me, which is actually you.'

Gob:Gob: 'I've got the marriage and none of the good parts. It's like, so far it's been all chain and no ball.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'Don't worry. You're still...' / Michael: 'What? Invited?' / Gob: 'No, I was gonna say you're still the guy I want solving my problems, but, yeah... Let me talk to Dad about that invite situation.'

George Sr. · Gob:George Sr.: 'No, no. Your bachelor party's about convincing Gilligan that he's killed a stripper, getting him out of town so he can't testify, and making sure that people think that he took the money.'

Michael · George Michael · Gob · Buster:Michael: 'Not everything is strippers and booze and buckets of blood.' / George Michael: 'Why do you guys have buckets of blood?' / Gob: 'It's not real blood. It's corn syrup and red dye.' / Buster: 'Juice.' / Gob: 'We have unlimited juice? This party is gonna be off the hook.'

Narrator · Gob:'Who called the cops?' / Narrator: 'And with the aid of some helpful gays.'

Gob · George Sr.:Gob: 'You told me to hire people to look like my friends. They're Hot Cops. They're entertainers. Although I specifically asked them not to come dressed as cops.' / George Sr.: 'You better change now... Butch, guys. I want it butch.'

Buster · Gob:Buster has found and apparently drunk the fake blood (corn syrup and red dye) — 'Hey, Brother. Somebody put on his lipstick in the car.' / Buster: 'I love juice!'

Gob · George Sr. · Ira Gilligan:Gob: 'She died. She's dead.' / George Sr.: 'It was Gilligan!' / Ira: 'What?' / Gob: 'Gilligan killed the skipper... stripper.'

Gob · Ira Gilligan:Gob: 'Ira, take my honeymoon tickets. Get out of the country. Save yourself.' / Ira: 'I'm not drunk. Bix made me the designated driver.'

Michael · Gob · George Sr.:Michael gestures for Gob to punch George Sr. / George Sr.: 'Oh, no. No, no. Don't you dare, mister.' / Gob punches him.

Gob:Gob: 'I might be a father.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'You're the best man. You're my best man.' / Michael: 'Not if I have an actual ceremony, 'cause Dad would kill me, but...'

Gob · Michael:You're the best man. You're my best man. / Not if I have an actual ceremony, 'cause Dad would kill me, but...

Gob's Wife · Gob · Michael:Gob's wife bursts in: 'Gob, I want out. I'm in love with your brother.' — then corrects: 'In-law. Tobias. Sorry. I should have finished that thought.'

Gob's Wife · Gob · Michael · Tobias:Gob's wife: 'Gob, I want out. I'm in love with your brother.' / Gob to Michael: 'You did it again, you son of a bitch!' / Michael: 'No, no! She's...' / Gob: 'In-law. Tobias. Sorry. I should have finished that thought.'

Lucille · Gob · George Sr.:'On the next Arrested Development...' / Lucille: 'Oh my god. I killed Michael.' / Gob: 'Yeah, but on the plus side, you got punched in the face.'

Gob · Tobias:Gob: 'What is it that people need?' Tobias: 'People love to carbo-load.' Gob: 'The bagel place.'

Narrator · Gob · Tobias:Narrator: 'Gob and Tobias accidentally had Michael on the hook and they didn't want to blow the deal.' [cut to Gob and Tobias staring at each other in silence]

Gob:Gob reveals 'Gobias Industries' business name: 'As in, Go buy us some coffee.'

Gob:Gob: 'He steamrolled Gobias.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob's magic show was filmed for 'Girls with Low Self-Esteem'

Gob · Narrator · Maeby:The tape shows Gob's magic act failing — 'The only thing this guy could make fly away was the crowd.' DOUCHE CHILL.

Gob · Narrator:Gob: 'It's not like they used the part where I made the yacht disappear.' / Narrator: 'Sunk the yacht. Blew it up, sunk it.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'If you give someone permission to use a tissue, you can't be upset if they blow their nose. Right? I mean, right?'

Gob · Lindsay:Gob: 'What'd you use for misdirection?' / Lindsay: 'My ass.' / Gob: 'My ass. You're lying.' / Lindsay: 'No, I'm not.'

Gob · George Michael:Gob to George Michael re: awkward around girls: 'What do you mean? Like if there were three of us and I didn't know where to start?'

Gob:Gob: 'Not a lot of complaints, if you know what I mean. At least not from the girl.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob: 'You're saying I should just be myself?' — mishearing George Michael's attempts to change subject / 'And he had to drive her home. So I think I did pretty good.'

Gob · Pet Store Employee:Gob asking the pet store: 'How many mice will $13 buy?'

Gob:Gob: 'Say what you will about America... 13 bucks still gets you a hell of a lot of mice.'

Gob:'We'll see who the sleight-of-hand artist is in this family.' — Gob, preparing to shoplift

George Michael · Gob:George Michael: 'Gob, are we shoplifting?' / Gob: 'MICE!'

Gob:'Wow. I guess we didn't need the mice.'

Gob:Gob: 'I knew it! I knew you couldn't pull it off. There's only one magician in this family and that is me. And you got caught by a 13-year-old girl.'

Lindsay · Gob · Michael:Lindsay announces her new business: 'Beads.' / 'Bees?' / 'Beads.' / 'Beads?' — the three-way phonetic confusion between Gob, Lindsay, and Michael

Narrator · Gob:Stage direction: 'Gob's not on board' appears on screen as a chyron/narrator note while Gob is physically present and very much expressing opinions

Gob:'Beads aren't cheap. Are beads cheap?'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'But... I'm the oldest.' Michael: 'The matriarch, if you will.' Gob: 'Sure. I will.'

Gob:Gob: 'Well, I'll start my own business. How hard can it be?' — followed immediately by bee sound effects (Bz-z-z-z) and 'We'll see who brings in more honey.'

Gob · Buster:Gob enthusiastically declares he's 'in' on beads because 'I don't know. Honey?' — then pivots to thinking it's about giving bees as gifts

Gob · Michael · George Sr. · Barry:Gob: 'I won't do it. I'm afraid of what I might know.' Michael: 'You? No one wants you. Does anyone want him?' / 'Who would want him?' / 'They don't want you.' Gob: 'Good.'

Gob:Gob: 'And now I'm expected to climb back on top of Kitty and do my thing again. I mean, this family runs into problems, it's — Oh, let's have Gob our way out of it.'

Gob:Oh. Good.

George Sr. · Gob:George Sr.: 'Find out what Kitty wants and just give it to her, but don't find out what she knows.' / Gob: 'Yeah, besides me, right? But I kind of got my hands full with these babies.' — pulls out bees

Gob · Prison Guards:Guards chase Gob around the prison meeting room: 'They don't allow you to have bees in here.'

Gob:Gob: 'Wonder how this is gonna affect my honey business?' — after learning Atkins diet is crushing carb-related businesses

Kitty · Gob:Kitty: 'What about macaroni... let me finish... salad?' — interrupting herself to tell Gob not to interrupt before he has

Gob:Gob, being seduced by Kitty into a power play: 'This is a side of you I'd never noticed before. Have they always been that big?'

Gob:Gob's speech to Michael: 'I'm the first born. Sick of playing second fiddle. Always third in line for everything. Tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. There are six things I'm mad about, and I'm taking over.'

Michael · Gob:Michael's list of what being 'in charge' actually means: 'a sister who takes your money and throws it away; a mother who you can't trust; a company whose founder may be on trial for treason. Is that what you want?' Gob: 'What kind of vacation time does it offer?'

Gob · Narrator:Narrator: 'Gob realized that the power play he promised to make with Kitty had perhaps come at a bad time.' Gob: 'I've made a huge mistake.'

Gob:Gob: 'Look, I guess we should decide who's gonna speak for the family. I would, but I have Laker tickets.'

Nurse · Michael · Gob:He keeps trying to get this I.V. out of his arm. I don't understand why. / It's just glucose. / We're all trying to stay away from sugar.

Michael · Gob:Michael: '[George Sr.] keeps trying to get this IV out of his arm. I don't understand why. It's just glucose.' Gob: 'We're all trying to stay away from sugar.'

Gob:Gob: 'He likes the honey!' — while being comforted about George Sr.

Gob:"It'll take a lot more than a heart attack to kill that old bear. — Old bear! He likes the honey!"

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'He never got a chance to see my bee business take off.' Michael: 'Hey, come on, now. Dad's gonna be around another 30 years, Gob.' [pause] 'Your business, uh, might not.'

Gob · Annyong:Gob: 'You're a good brother, Michael.' / Annyong: 'Heart attack never stop old Big Bear.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'I didn't even know we were calling him Big Bear.' Gob: 'We never had a chance to!'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'Gob, instead of always coming to me asking for money saying I've made a huge mistake—' Gob: 'I've never admitted to a mistake. What would I have made a mistake about?'

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'In three hours, Gob had done $45,000 in damage.' — cut to Gob in Michael's office with a massage table and various impractical additions

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'Hey, where's my desk?' Gob: 'Oh, I think it's the massage table in the break room now.'

Gob:Gob's motivational speech to the board: 'For the same reason you should believe that a hundred dollar bill is no more than a hundred pennies.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'I need you? Oh boy, that's good. Can't wait to call the guys in to hear this one.' Then can't figure out the intercom for 30 seconds.

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'It was at that moment that Gob found something the jury might not like.' — followed by a long pause before whatever document he discovers

Gob:Meanwhile, Gob finds an incriminating document [the Saddam contract] in the office — visual comedy of his reaction before anyone knows what it is

Michael · Lucille · Buster · George Michael · Gob:Michael: 'None.' Family members simultaneously shouting needs: 'Oh God, okay fine I need you.' / 'Mom volunteered me for the Army just because the fat man dared her.' / 'I lost my wig. My Uncle Sam wig.' / 'Michael, I am sitting on some very hot information here. I know too much. I've got the thingy. Half in English, half in scribbly.'

Gob:Hey, Dad may have illegally built some homes in Iraq, which is kinda not cool.

Gob · Michael:Rock, paper, scissors for it. / No, no, I'm not interested in doing— / One, two, three. / Paper covers rock. / It is a rock though. It should beat everything.

Gob · Saleswoman:Hello. / Hi. / What a beauty. / Thank you. / I meant you. / Well.

Gob · Saleswoman · Narrator:Let's get some digits. / I'm sorry. I don't give it out without a firm offer. / Oh, I'll make you a firm offer. / Unfortunately, she wasn't flirting.

Gob · Michael:The Seaward. / You're not getting a boat. / One, two, three— / No, not gonna do it. / Paper covers rock. / Fine. But rock sinks boat.

Lucille · Gob:Get rid of the Seaward. / I'll leave when I'm good and ready.

Narrator · Gob · Michael:Gob was hurt. / Bye, Pop. / Hey, whoa, whoa — was that Dad? / Yeah, I had to, uh, jump off.

Gob:No way to tell, really. Portugal. Down South America way.

Michael · Gob:Did he wanna talk to me? / No, he wanted to talk to the president. / I have no problem with that.

Gob:I said, 'That's why you're no longer president.' [Board immediately promotes timeline to two weeks.]

Gob:Two weeks. Let's do it in two weeks. Hey! [Music cue, dancing]

Gob:Meet Starla, the new Bluth Company business model for our phase two campaign. / Solid as a rock.

Gob:Sorry about that 'build it yourself' crap. I might take her to the ribbon-cutting.

Gob:Guess who was just over her? Don't, I'll tell you — me. / L— the business model. / Actually they just made out. / Yeah, she had all kinds of orgasms.

Gob:Imagine that. I finally nailed somebody that you weren't after.

Gob:I just wanted you to be impressed with me. / Dad never was. Never said a nice thing about me.

Gob:My brother wasn't optimistic it could be done. But I didn't take 'wasn't optimistic it could be done' for an answer.

Gob:Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you phase two of the Bluth Company. A house truly solid as a rock. [House immediately collapses]

Gob · Michael · Narrator:Gob charged at Michael with the scissors — but Michael, as he always did, picked rock — which beat scissors.

Gob · Michael:Nobody looks good in this. / Especially that little dude. / That's Ann.

Gob · Michael:Who's— / It doesn't matter.

Gob:Dad always said that was your fault.

Gob · Michael:Hello? They hung up. / They hung up on me. / Did I hang up? / I meant to hit speaker. / Oh. / You gotta hit the line first.

Gob · Michael:Hello? They hung up. / They hung up on me. / Hiya, guys. / I couldn't get the money. I don't know what happened.

Gob:Hello? They hung up. / They hung up on me.

Michael · Gob:I couldn't get the money. I don't know what happened. / I'm impressed you hung up. / Did I hang up? I meant to hit speaker.

Gob · Michael:We almost did it though, didn't we? / We almost pulled it off. / No, it wasn't even close. / Yeah, a lot of people got hurt. / This was very, very bad. / Not great. Not great.

Gob:Gob's motivational poster reads 'Don't be afraid to make a mi-' — cut off mid-word

Gob:Gob: 'My legs are so powerful.'

Gob · Michael:Gob reads 'circumvrent' then 'circumverate' — Michael corrects: 'Circumvent.' Gob: 'The old reach around.'

Gob · Michael · Lindsay:Gob: 'No problem. I'll just call up some of my friends.' Michael and Lindsay beat: 'What?' / 'What friends?'

Gob:Gob: 'I've got friends, Michael. I just don't talk to them because... I work all the time.' [long pause]

Gob:Gob, in Michael's old office, staring into the distance: 'I think the plant lady's wearing a thong.'

Gob · Gene Parmesan · Michael:Michael: 'If I could find Dad, I'd be off the hook. I could be president again.' ... Gene: 'Mexico.' Gob: 'You get the country for free. The city — that's gonna cost ya.'

Gob · Gene Parmesan:Gob: 'It's a $200 fine. Oh! I feel like such an-' [Gene cuts him off] 'The car is in a town called Encanta.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob, inspired by his mother's private detective, decides to hire someone to follow Michael. Narrator: 'He decided to hire someone to keep an eye on his brother.' Gob: 'I think I might have someone who's going to cirsumvrent the law.'

Michael · Gob · Narrator:Narrator: 'Michael and Gob had been to Mexico once before. Chiclet? Chiclet?' / 'You're the Chiclet! Not me!' — Narrator: 'Unfortunately, in Mexican culture, this was a much more inflammatory gesture.'

Michael · Starla · Gob:Blueprint of George Sr.'s face printed on the big printer — 'She used the big printer. I'll give her that.'

Gob · Ice · Narrator:Ice introduced as Gob's 'friend' on the couch. 'Ice may be my best friend.' Narrator: 'In fact, the man was Ice, a bounty hunter that Gob hired to follow Michael.'

Gob · Ice:Ice reports to Gob: 'Still on his tail, about 20 miles from LEGOLAND.' Gob: 'Go get him, friend.' Ice: 'You're not my friend. You're a client.'

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'Gob realized that perhaps he really didn't have any friends.'

Lucille · Gob · Gene Parmesan · Narrator:Lucille: 'Gene?' / Narrator: 'It's just some idiot with balloons.' / Lucille: 'Oh, is it?' / Gob appears with balloons. Lucille: 'I knew it!'

Gob:Gob: 'I figured if I blued myself early, I'd be nice and relaxed for a 9:00 dinner reservation.'

Gob · Ice:Ice is lurking outside, startles Gob. 'What are you doing? You're gonna scare away the Ice.' Gob: 'Ice? Ice is out there?'

Gob:Gob: 'He set me up. Michael set me up.'

Gob · Michael:Gob runs up: 'Michael, Michael, Michael! / Fleeing the country. You bastard.' — Michael: 'No. I'm still not fleeing.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'That's his girlfriend? Is she funny or something?' Michael: 'Don't worry about it.'

Michael · Gob:Gob: 'The only reason I didn't ask you to come is because of your chicken impression. We sure did get in a lot of trouble for that last time.' / Gob starts doing the chicken impression. Michael: 'Hey, no. You're doing it again.'

Gob · Gene Parmesan · Mexican man:Mexican locals attack Gob because of the chicken impression. Gene Parmesan appears: 'Get off him. He doesn't know what he's doing. He's American.' Mexican man: 'Americano, eh? Just like me.'

Gob · Michael:Gob does his chicken impression — Michael says 'We sure did get in a lot of trouble for that last time.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'I went to our mother because I don't have any friends.' Michael: 'Oh, that's funny.' Gob: 'Thank you.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'Not crazy about? Or not crazy about your son growing up?' / Gob: 'Maybe — Maybe you're right about that.' / 'See? You are a friend.' Michael: 'You know, I'm — I'm always gonna look out for you.'

Gob · Michael · Ice:Gob: 'See? You are a friend.' — Michael nearly has a genuine moment — then Ice tackles Gob from behind

Gob · Ice · Michael:Ice tackles Michael. Gob: 'Sorry. I did see him coming. It's just... I kind of wanted to see where you were going with that.'

Michael · Gob · Gene Parmesan · Ice:Michael arranges for Gene and Ice to be Gob's paid friends for the weekend while they look for George Sr.

Narrator · Michael · Gob:Michael was adjusting to his new position as vice president, which meant doing the work of the president, his brother Gob.

Gob · Michael:So, did you see the new Poof? / His name's Gary, and we don't need any more lawsuits.

Gob:Gob says 'You've got a nice mouth. I'd kill for that ass.' then clarifies he was talking about his office chair.

Gob:Gob claims he had Tony Wonder's idea 10 months ago — but his version was boiling himself alive into a chowder to entertain and feed firemen.

Gob:Gob says 'I'm halfway to getting out of this office and into a steaming bowl of soup. Everybody wins.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'This about getting into Poof? / I mean, how does that not get me a cover?'

Gob · Buster:Gob explains the coffin trick to Buster: 'I'm gonna escape out the trap door... You close the trap door, bring in the pallbearers and bury an empty box. So it's a hoax.' — Buster: 'But why are you doing a coffin trick on Dad's birthday?'

Gob · Buster:Gob explains the coffin trick as 'black humor' — saying it's like telling your dad 'Look at you, you're a year older, a year closer to death.' Buster: 'Oh yeah, I guess that's kinda funny.'

Buster · Gob:Buster reveals he's not really in the army and needs a military uniform from Gob's stripper connections — leading to a debate about whether strippers wear clothes.

Narrator · Gob · George Sr.:Narrator reveals the laborer digging Gob's burial hole had been 'hired by George Sr. three days earlier for the same hole.'

Michael · Gob · Ann:Michael shows Gob Ann, the girl who 'ripped his heart out, whose face will always be etched in my mind' — cut to Ann's unremarkable face.

Gob · Michael:Gob asks Michael to move the eulogy outside 'so I can time being lowered into Dad's grave with your big finish.'

Gob:Gob's outdoor eulogy speech: 'The speeches we heard today are nothing more than words. But I will prove that I love my father more than anybody.' — then gets into the coffin.

Gob:Hey! Before we lose the sun! Come on. / The speeches we heard today are nothing more than words.

Gob · Buster:I will become my dead father's body... as I am lowered into his grave. / All right. Spin it back around. / Dead father? / Is he de — Dad's dead?

Buster · Gob:Oh, my God! The card! The card! [Spectators Gasping] / Something's gone wrong.

Narrator · Gob:'On the next': Gob finally makes the cover of Poof magazine.

Narrator · Interrogator · Gob:Interrogators: 'He knows less than anyone we have ever questioned.' Narrator: 'Gob knew too little to know that, however, and his confidence had never been more shaken.'

Gob · Buster:Gob motivating Buster to jump: 'Do it!' / Buster jumps onto Gob and punches him in the chest. Gob: 'Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you'll have more fun.'

Gob · Tobias · Narrator:Gob convinces Buster they should go to the 'old playground.' Tobias then appears asking to borrow Gob's phone. Gob: 'I'm not fit to run a company, and I don't deserve a fancy phone.' Tobias: 'Well, the Blue Man Group might need me, and I do deserve a fancy phone.' Narrator: 'They didn't, and he doesn't.'

Gob · Buster:Gob helping Buster at the playground: 'I totally freaked out in front of that prosecutor today. Like a little girl. In a little dress. Little saddle shoes. Little pigtails.' Buster: 'Wow, that does sound like a little girl.'

Gob · Buster · Narrator:Gob and Buster at the playground: Gob is clearly enjoying pushing Buster on the swings more than intended. Narrator: 'It was fun, but it wasn't making him a better soldier.' Buster: 'Push me higher!'

Gob:Oh, this is turning out to be much more fun than I'd hoped. [Gob, swinging on playground equipment while Buster tries to get motivated]

Gob:Climb that wall, homo! Climb it. [Gob, motivated by the WMD news to use the banned motivational slur]

Gob · Buster · George-Michael:Gob and Buster at playground, Gob repeats: 'Now, when you do this without getting punched, you'll have more fun.' George-Michael arrives: 'They found WMDs in Iraq, so we got a half day.'

Gob:Gob to George-Michael after math test result: 'Well, the "B" got you glasses. Maybe this time you'll get a neck brace.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'Another one of Dad's suits?' Michael: 'Hey, I'm the President now. Filling Dad's shoes. Literally. Except his shoes don't fit. But I did finally got into Dad's pants. Although I had to have the crotch taken out a little bit.'

Gob:Gob reacts to Michael's concern about alienating employees: 'What? Oh! That's great... The President has to worry about alienating the employees now.'

Gob:Escalating suit price gag: '$3,000 suit... $4,000 suit... $5,000 suit... Come on!' shown in flashback as Gob alienates employees

Gob:Gob upon hearing 'George has been into the kitty': 'Into the kitty! He is awesome. Meow.'

Gob:After Lucille's tense phone call about a break-in, Gob says: 'She sounds tense. That means she's not getting any from my brother Oscar.'

Gob:Gob: 'I just don't want people's kids getting their sticky little fingers all over these 26,000 dollar pants.'

Gob:Gob's sexual harassment speech with heavy bleeping: 'Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any sort of interoffice [bleep]ing or [bleep]ing of finger [bleep] or [bleep]sting or [bleep]ing or even [bleep].'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'And if anybody does anything with my sister Lindsay, I'll take off my pants, I'll shave my [bleep], and I'll personally [bleep]...' Michael: 'Let's get this going.'

Gob:Gob announces the party has started, plays 'Everybody Dance Now' — and the party is clearly dead: minimal response, no one engages.

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'In fact, Gob had stolen it [the liquor] earlier that day to cut down on the cost of the party.'

Gob · Bluth Employees:Employees are sneaking stickers onto Gob's suit behind his back while he circulates proudly.

Gob:Gob: 'Let's toast me. Who's first? Tom, why don't you come up here and talk about me for a few minutes.'

Gob · Tom:Tom: 'Uh, you certainly do love those suits.' Gob: 'Seven grand — you better believe I love them.'

Gob:Gob discovers the stickers on his suit mid-toast: 'What...? Who did this?' — His authority and dignity collapse simultaneously in front of everyone.

Gob:Gob fires Tom, then fires everyone: 'You're all fired. Each and every one of you. Merry Christmas.'

Gob · Michael:Gob to Michael after firing everyone: 'I did the right thing, Michael. If I don't fire them, how do I teach a lesson to the others?' Michael: 'There are no others. You fired everyone.'

Gob:Gob to Michael: 'The guy who's dirty dancing with his niece is going to tell the guy in the 36-hundred dollar suit how to run the business. Come on.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'Maybe we're better off with me being business-like and you being the good-time, useless party guy.' Gob: 'It got us this far.' Michael: 'Mm-hmm.'

Gob · Michael:Gob on the roast tradition: 'Oh, God, how they used to laugh with me.' Michael: 'At you.'

Gob:Gob at the second Christmas party: 'Sure-sure, the guy in the $600 banana suit. Come on!'

Gob:Gob in the banana suit: 'What's funnier than a guy in an-- Oh! Hey, wait. Hey! Hey! You're pulling my leg off!'

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'Later, Gob was inside the banana stand and it was getting pretty hot in there, so he decided to lose a layer.'

Gob · Michael:Gob watching Michael and Maeby together: 'Look at that. They're all over each other. With their little secrets.' Michael: 'Well, what can you do, right?' Gob: 'Yeah.'

Lucille · Gob:Lucille, stoned from Afternoon Deelite brownies, driving erratically and hitting a banana peel from Gob's banana suit, causing the car to skid.

Gob:Gob: 'I can't get out of here. I'm stuck!' — trapped inside the banana stand after the crash.

Buster · Gob · Narrator:Buster arrives with the Army crane and 'rescues' Gob — but the narrator warns: 'Unfortunately, Buster's newfound skills did not involve lowering gently.' Gob is hoisted and then slammed down.

Gob · Michael:Gob, after being hoisted and slammed by Buster, hears the crowd laughing: 'They're laughing with me, Michael. They're laughing with me.'

Gob · Michael:Ann? Hmm. That'll play well with Sitwell. 'Where's your son?' 'He's out with Ann.' 'Who's Ann?' 'Don't ask me, I'm just the boy's father.'

Gob:George Michael's got these powerful little fingers. He should be here.

Michael · Gob:The only help we need is from each other. — And apparently whatever's in that bottle.

Lucille · Gob:That hairless freak is coming here? None of his hair is real, you know. — You mean the guy we're meeting with can't even grow his own hair? Come on!

Sitwell · Gob:The only thing I ask is out of the 450 homes we build, one be given to a disadvantaged family from the inner city. — That's great. So the other 449 families live in fear? Is that what we're saying? I mean, come on! Where's your decen—

Gob · Narrator · Sitwell:What the hell just fell off your face? — One of this guy's eyebrows fell in the candy beans. — I always carry a spare.

Gob:Well, I hope you also carry a spare bowl of candy beans.

Sitwell · Gob:But you were right. It was a bad offer and you were smart enough not to take it. You got gumption. You speak your mind. That means you're good enough to work for me. — [bleep] you. — And I accepted.

Gob:We're gonna swing by his wigmaker. His 'just woke up' hair is finally ready.

Gob:Yeah, I don't think things are gonna work out with Sitwell. I mean, we picked up his sleepy-head wig, everything was cool. Next thing I know, he's asking me for a bunch of work ideas. So, I thought I'd just quit and go back to being president here.

Gob:Michael, I'm your big brother. I'll never be impressed with you.

Gob:I just want the office and my stuffs and title.

Michael · Gob:What about if I help you with your work over at Sitwell? — You'd do that? — Sure. You really want me to succeed at Sitwell. — Well, I just — Hey. Come on. I really want you to be over at Sitwell.

Gob · Michael:So get this. Sitwell loved my ideas. — Well, my ideas and I knew it. That's great. — You know, Dad never complimented any of those. — Here's the thing. I need more. — There were 34 proposals in there.

Gob:You'd be amazed how fast they come out when you read them all in a row. 'Thirty-one, bamboo floor upgrades. Cheaper, stronger.' I can't read this word. 'Thirty-two, wireless crapability.' That one explains itself.

Narrator · Gob · George Sr.:[Narrator] Gob's own father had only once played catch with him. And it ended as badly as any game of catch could end.

Narrator · Gob:[Narrator] Gob was both angry... and overwhelmed... by the approval from this new father figure. It was confusing.

Gob · George Sr. · Narrator:[Softball flashback] Gob especially gifted at sacrificing his body — Play's at second! Play's at second! — Yeah! Suck on that, Sitwell! — Your Tweety Bird dance just cost us a run, you moron.

Gob:Nobody makes a fool of our family without my help.

Sitwell · Gob:Time out. — Gob, are you okay? — Yeah, just can't hit today. Guess you're really disappointed in me. — Hey. Everybody has days like this. It's only a game. — After that list of ideas you gave me, I don't care if you blow the whole season. — Come here, you.

Michael · George Michael · Narrator · Gob:You better pull an ankle or something. — Come on, George Michael! Get that ball in there! — [Narrator] Then he went headfirst into The Wall. — I'm safe. — You're out! — Out? I was safe! I'm safe!

Gob · Umpire:I'm safe. / You're out! / Out? I was safe! I'm safe!

George Sr. · Michael · Gob:Stop with the Tweety Bird dance, you moron. — Dad? — He made the call. You're out. What are you doing? — Shush, shush, shush. — Dad? — He's safe. — What the hell are you doing here? — I'm taking care of what you screwed up. You blew it again, Michael.

Gob · Michael:Yeah, and Stan Sitwell liked my ideas. He really believed in me. — My ideas. — Well.

Gob · Michael · Narrator:Michael, I could've sworn I just saw Dad. — Or not. I think hallucination is one of the side-effects of Teamocil. — [Narrator] It isn't.

Gob · Michael:Sorry I didn't blow the game. — No. You did the right thing... and you finally got Dad to one of your ball games. — Screw him. — Yeah. [whistling through teeth] I miss him so much.

Gob:Gob's housing pitch: 'Fifty-two percent of the country is single. That's a market dominated by apartment rentals. Let's take some of that market. I call it Single City.'

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'His ideas failed to evolve.' — Cut to Gob pitching 'Swing City'

Gob:Gob's final pitch: 'because sometimes the guys are tapped out. But check your lease, man, because you're livin' in- City.'

Gob · Michael:Gob stole Sitwell's dress eyebrows. 'He's not gonna be happy about that.' / 'No, especially when he goes to the opera with two mustaches on his forehead.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'Are you serious? Dad gave you the Camaro? I thought you won that on Card Sharks.' Gob: 'Michael, I was never on Card Sharks. Dad told us not to tell you.'

Gob:Gob: 'I'm an ideas man, Michael. I think I proved that with- Mountain.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'I'm gonna prove to you that I'm worthy of rehiring if it takes every ounce of determination that I've got.' Then immediately leaves.

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'Where are you going?' Gob exits. 'Did you want me to stay and do that?'

Gob:Gob: 'What? No. I'm trying to get a job from you, Mikey. Come on.' (re: selling stock)

Tobias · Gob:Tobias: 'No, no, no. The club. I was dancing with what turned out to be the club's owner, and he was looking to sell.' Gob: 'Oh, he really, really did look like a woman.'

Barry · Michael · Gob:The hostile company is called 'Standpoor' — 'as in the opposite of Sitwell... which is run by a hairless man who could be very upset with you right now.' Michael: 'What would he have to be upset with me about?' [beat] 'You're wearing his eyebrows?'

Gob:Gob is still wearing Sitwell's stolen eyebrows: 'They make me feel dressier.'

Gob:Gob: 'My mom really took up a bunch of your space, huh? What a bitch.' Lucille 2 is confused. 'When she expanded her bathroom and moved your wall over. That's why all your stuff's sticking out.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'Oh, and she's not gonna give the shares back now.' Michael: 'You just said that you fixed everything.' Gob: 'Oh, I meant my problems. Yeah, she's gonna make me the new president.'

GOB · George Michael:GOB to George Michael: 'Hey George Michael, Jesus called. He wants your Thriller album.'

George Michael · GOB:George Michael asks GOB to cover his shift at the banana stand; GOB eagerly agrees; George Michael's parting shot: 'It's the only way we're ever gonna get it air-conditioned.'

GOB · Michael:GOB screams 'JESUS! IT'S THE WOLF! THAT IS THE WOLF! THE WOLF IS UPSTAIRS!' — it's just the Peter and the Wolf record.

GOB · Michael · Sally:GOB to Sally: 'Because the guys wanted to stick it to me.' Michael: 'What? No. I never—' GOB: 'Michael used to say that.' Michael: 'No, I didn't.' GOB: 'You said other stuff.' Michael: 'I absolutely did not say that.'

GOB · Sally:GOB: 'Are you still doing your little tricks?' — then squirts Sally with lighter fluid and explains there's no flint. 'But still, where did the lighter fluid come from?'

GOB · Michael:GOB: 'Smooth, Michael, like her father's head, chest, arms, legs and ass.' Michael: 'What are you talking about?' GOB: 'He's hairless, Michael. It's a condition.'

GOB · Michael:GOB: 'I hate the guy, but at least he's got...' Michael: 'Satiny and smooth probably.' GOB: 'I'm just different than you, GOB.'

Michael · GOB:Michael reveals GOB's high school scheme: siphoning gas from a girl's car, then showing up to say 'Car troubles?' and driving her in his car.

Michael · GOB:GOB: 'It's called taking advantage. It's what gets you ahead in life.' Michael: 'Like you did with our biggest shareholder, Lucille Austero.'

GOB · Michael · Buster:GOB: 'You just let Sally Sitwell slip away right when she was ready to go.' — then: 'You were scared.' Michael: 'What are you talking about?' Buster falls off his Segway or stumbles. 'I hurt my ankle yesterday shooting hoops or something.'

GOB · Lucille 2:GOB orders from the club menu: 'Fried cheese with club sauce.' / 'Popcorn shrimp with club sauce.' / 'Chicken fingers... with spicy club sauce.' / 'Stop it. You're making me dizzy.'

GOB · Lucille 2:GOB: 'Oh, stop it. You're making me dizzy.' / (Lucille 2 reads 'Chicken fingers with spicy club sauce') / GOB: 'No! I mean stop it.'

GOB:GOB: 'I didn't even wanna have lunch with her in the first place. I just... or... I ju...' — trails off into silence.

Sally · GOB · Lucille 2:Sally at lunch: 'Did you have too much club sauce on your calamari?' / GOB: 'Read me the desserts.'

GOB:Lucille 2 can't read the dessert menu. GOB: 'She P... probably forgot her old lady glasses.'

Stan Sitwell · Michael · GOB:Stan Sitwell reading the dessert menu to Lucille 2: 'An assortment of ice creams and sorbets.' / 'You all right with him reading to your girl?' / 'Not my girl.'

GOB · Michael:GOB's 'Car troubles?' scheme re-enacted — 'Probably shouldn't do the fireball when you siphon the gas.' / 'I guess this flint's still got a little life left in it, huh?'

GOB · Lucille 2:GOB to Lucille 2: 'No! I was ashamed to be seen with you. I like being with you.' — then hears a noise and says: 'Sshh. I thought I heard my mom.'

GOB · Lucille:GOB says 'I have no courage'; then immediately whispers 'I thought I heard my mom' when he hears a sound. On the other side of the wall, Lucille is indeed there, finalizing plans.

Narrator · GOB · Lucille:Narrator: 'And GOB was just depressed enough to do so.' — after Lucille asks him to bid on her.

GOB:GOB, bidding on Lucille at the auction, sees Sitwell bidding on Lucille 2: 'First he fires me, then he steals my...' — pause — 'mother's best friend.'

Lindsay · Gob · Michael:Lindsay imitates a chicken at Michael for being too scared to ask Sally Sitwell on a date. Then Gob joins in. Then they're both doing chicken impressions at Michael.

Gob:Gob: 'I'm playing the part of the gigolo so that she'll keep the company afloat.'

Gob · Lindsay:Hey, I'm— [Bleeps] Lucille 2. / Oh. I could do something like that.

Buster · Gob:I'm keeping an eye on the woman who controls our company. / In her robe and slippies?

Gob · Buster:Buster: 'But I've lost her trail, and I don't think I have the skills to pick it up.' / Gob: 'Skills?' [grunts; demonstrates army moves]

Gob · Buster:Buster and Gob, following Lucille 2, lost track of her because 'everyone put on white robes and outsmarted us.'

Michael · Gob · Buster:Gob's defense of Lucille 2 leads to a confrontation. Michael: 'She's my girlfriend, pal. Take him down, Buster.' Gob: 'Your girlfriend? That's why you were in her robe and slippies. You weren't trying to get into her head. You were trying to get into her... robe and slippies.'

Gob · Lucille 2 · Jack Dorso:Full spa brawl erupts. Lucille 2 reveals she's with Bullet (Jack Dorso), not Sitwell. Gob: 'She's not with him. She's with the Bullet.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'I'm gonna try and lowball her.' Gob: 'Not while we're around.' — suggesting they'll somehow prevent a lowball offer.

Gob · Narrator:Gob: 'Yeah, I keep forgetting that I got married.' / Narrator: 'Gob met a woman one night. And after a series of escalating dares, married her.'

Narrator · Gob:Gob's wife is revealed to be 'a seal dealer' — she 'raised and sold seals to aquariums.'

Gob:Gob tried to include a seal in his magic act: 'There's a reason you don't typically see live seals in a magic show.'

Gob:A seal interrupts Gob's magic trick attempt, causing a cat to screech. Gob's casual redirect: 'Oh, look-it over... there.'

Gob · Michael:Gob can't remember his wife's name. 'Krindy.' 'Name's not Krindy, Gob.' 'Ah, Saul Zentsman. No, that's her lawyer.'

Gob:Gob: 'Well, she's got a name. And I'm gonna find out what it is, and then I'm gonna make a pun on it, and that's what I'll call her. Bad example — if her name's Amy, I'll call her Blamy.'

Gob · Barry:Gob: 'I just want my wife back.' Barry: 'Save it for the stand, okay, Tom Jane?'

Gob · Lindsay:Gob's solution to the pregnancy mystery: 'Make 'em pee in a cup, and pee in a cup right in front of me.' / Lindsay: '...A pregnancy test.' Gob: 'Oh! [laughs] There's something we never had, huh, Lindsay?'

Gob:Gob arrives and doesn't notice Buster's missing hand at first. 'Oh, my God! What—What happened to your— He's got no hand!'

Gob:Gob's defense of seals: 'A seal would never prey on a human unless, of course, it had acquired a taste for mammal blood.'

Gob · Buster:Gob: 'How the hell would a seal know how to tie a bow tie anyway? I can barely tie the yellow one that I wear in my act.' Buster: 'This one had a yellow bow tie!'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'I did this. I think that the seal with the yellow bow tie might be the one that I released into the sea after giving it the taste for mammal blood.' Michael: 'Okay. You've got a better case than Mom does.'

Gob:Gob: 'At the very least, I can remove that incriminating bow tie.'

Gob:Gob at the dock: 'I'm lookin' for the seal that's got the taste for kitty blood.' He's surrounded by cats meowing.

Gob:Gob: 'I'll pay you handsomely.' — to the meowing cats.

Gob:Gob: 'God! It's like herding cats!' — while literally herding cats on a boat.

Film Crew · Maeby · Gob:Film crew on the camera boat: 'Why are there cats in the shot? This is the camera boat. Can you lose the [bleep] cats please?' [Maeby appears]

Gob · Maeby:Gob tells Maeby: 'I think I'm responsible for Buster's hand.' Maeby: 'Yeah, and I'm responsible for an $80-million movie without an ending.' Gob: 'I know those problems seem big when you're a kid, Maeby.'

Gob:Gob tells Maeby to 'just tell him the truth' and 'he'll respect you for it.' Then: 'Okay, now I'm just lying for no reason.'

Gob · Buster · Narrator:Gob confesses to Buster that the seal was his, gives a tearful truth-telling moment. Buster: 'You did this to me?' Gob: 'Yeah.' Narrator: 'And Gob was about to experience something that didn't feel that good.'

Narrator · Buster · Gob · Doctor:On the next AD: Buster and Gob 'find themselves closer than ever' after Gob's hook is lodged in Buster's ass. Doctor: 'You've still got a hook in your ass.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob had once gotten married on a dare — a fact he'd only remembered when he was served with divorce papers.

Gob · Michael:'What about her cans? She have big cans?' / 'You don't remember her at all?' / 'It was one night of wild passion.' / 'And yet you didn't notice her body.' / 'I like to look in the mirror.'

Michael · Gob · Narrator:'That would be disgusting if you'd actually slept with her, but I don't think you did.' / 'I did! And it was disgusting.' / Narrator: 'They didn't, but it would have been.'

Gob:'And that's not even including Buster's Swatch.'

Gob:'At the very least, we can get Buster's Swatch back, right? Up top. No?'

Gob · Michael · Buster:Buster arrives at the dock by crashing through the car window — Gob: 'Or we could make sure it's the right seal first? I mean, why get his hopes up?'

Buster · Michael · Gob:Buster enters with his hook: 'I really hate this stupid hook. But I certainly can't walk around like this.' / Michael/Gob: 'Why not? / Very handsome.'

Gob:Gob says there's no room for Buster in the car: 'There's not enough room for you and me and the stump and the thing- stuff. Barry!'

Barry · Gob:Barry reveals the tracking device led to a shark, not the seal — 'the shark must've bitten off the part of the seal with the tracking device on it' — and Gob observes: 'So the seal lost his hand too.'

Barry · Gob · Michael:'That tracking device tells me he was raised in captivity. There's no way he stood a chance out in the real world.' / 'See that? He was a victim too.' / 'You both were too sheltered to learn how to protect yourselves.'

Gob:Gob: 'And I've got to staple this to a seal. And I've skipped breakfast, so I'm off to Burger King.'

Gob:Gob: 'She has a name, Barry. You don't happen to know what it is by the way, do you?'

Gob · Narrator:Gob: 'Well, we did have sex. And I'm not a great liar.' / Narrator: 'Both things he just said were lies.'

Barry · Gob:Barry: 'And you don't want to go in front of that judge. I caught him in a drag club.' / Gob: 'What were you doin' there?' / Barry: 'Wow. You should be the lawyer.'

Gob · Gob's Wife:'Hi. Um, I'm waiting for "Gawb" Bluth.' / 'I'm Gob Bluth. My wife send you?' / 'I'm your wife.' / 'I knew that.' / 'Nice to see you again, Usarmy.'

Gob:'You lost a lot of weight in Iraq, especially up in the northern region.'

Gob:Gob: 'You lost a lot of weight in Iraq, especially up in the northern region.'

Gob · Gob's Wife:Gob: 'As far as I'm concerned, we were never even married.' / Wife: 'Maybe I'll just say that we never sealed the deal.' / Gob: 'You're willing to admit that?' / Wife: 'Lie about it? Yes.'

Gob's Wife · Gob:'Wow. I mis-underestimated you. You've got some courage. Makes me wonder what I'm missing.' / Gob: 'You mean, other than your cans?' / Wife: 'No. They're still here.'

Gob · Wife:Gob: 'You mean, other than your cans?' / Wife: 'No. They're still here.'

Gob · Barry · Judge:Gob's 'lucky break' in the 'on the next': Judge looks at compromising photo and says 'There's no way to tell who this man is.' / Then Gob: 'That's me, Your Honor. I — [bleep] my wife.' / Barry: 'We really lost this case.'

Gob:Gob's magic video: 'I'm making a magic video. I'm going to tape myself doing tricks around the office. I'm calling it Tricks... let me finish — Around the Office.'

Gob:Gob films office magic: transforming '10:45 in the morning' into lunch time — then producing a live chicken in a meeting

Michael · Gob:Michael tries to fire Gob but doesn't know how to call security: 'How do you call security on this thing?' / 'You hit pound-0-0.' / 'Pound is tic-tac-toe, right?'

Gob:Gob filming his own removal: 'Get this. Are you getting this? Cheat out. You have to cheat out a little.'

Gob · Lucille:Gob to Lucille: 'Guess who's been fired.' / Lucille: 'Michael fired you?' / Gob: 'No, I fired him. But as a result, I'm no longer welcome in the office.'

Gob:Gob to Lucille about Lupe: 'I want you to be strong, and you don't need the comfort of an immigrant in Mother's old stirrup pants to make you feel that way.'

Gob:Gob feeds/interacts with the Roomba as if it's a pet: 'Oh, you're hungry. There you go.'

Michael · Gob:Michael apologizes to Gob and manipulates him into helping: 'The guy that he's running against is basically a young you.' / Gob: 'Wow. Won't be easy to win a race against myself. Of course, if anyone can do it, I can.'

Gob:Campaign strategy meeting — Gob suggests handing out condoms labeled 'We salute George Michael': 'We hand out rubbers that say, We salute George Michael.'

Gob · Michael:'Uh, good point, Two Percent.' / '2%, huh? Is that how little I lost by?' / 'Lost by?' / 'It was close.' / 'That's all you got.'

Ann · Gob · Michael:Ann storms out of the campaign meeting: 'I can't support this.' / Gob: 'And neither can the Christian kids that were going to make you president.' / Michael: 'She's wh... Ann?' / 'I think she's really upset about this.' / 'She'll forgive you. You're George Michael!'

Gob:Gob: 'How stupid do you have to be to say something like that?' — immediately after yelling offensive comments at the screen himself

Gob:Gob to Michael: 'Sure you didn't make that video in a cave?!'

Steve Holt · Gob · Audience:Steve Holt's campaign video begins — 'Hi, I'm Steve Holt' — and everyone's reaction: 'This kid's popular? / Looks like a chick I did once in high school. / Get a haircut!'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'Yeah, okay. We need to pull the videotape.' / Gob: 'My tape? Why?' / Michael: 'I made a huge mistake.' — George Michael's tape has already gone out; Steve Holt's video has revealed he doesn't know his father

Gob:Gob: 'That's why you had me do that?' — Gob apparently didn't realize the intended purpose of the scenes he shot

Steve Holt · Gob · Narrator:Steve Holt tracks down his real father — the scene cuts to Gob. Steve: 'I've been wondering my whole life who he is. A scientist, a doctor, a senator...' / Narrator: 'Well, we got some bad news.'

Gob:Gob at Ancient Chinese Secret: 'Yeah, I need a tea to give my dingle less tingle'

Gob:'Me quick, want slow. Wait, that's Indian.'

Gob · Store Owner · Narrator:Gob spots the Sword of Destiny and the store owner's explanation that it contains ancient magic — followed by the narrator's non-sequitur: 'Still, where'd the lighter fluid come from?'

Gob:Gob dismisses the ancient story of warning: 'Yeah, I make up my own patter. Just ring it up with the dong tea.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'Looks like you're looking for dragons, in the future.' — on seeing Gob with a sword

Gob · Michael:Gob cuts himself on the Sword of Destiny immediately after being told to be careful; insists it's not blood; Michael confirms 'Yeah, that's blood.'

Gob:'I'll buy you 100 George Michaels you can teach to drive!' — Gob's offer as he loses blood

Michael · Gob:'You're losing blood, aren't you?' 'Probably. My socks are wet.' — Gob's casual acknowledgment of potentially fatal blood loss

Michael · Gob:'Sorry.' / 'You'll be sorry!' / [Beat] 'Wait, that doesn't work after his line.'

Buster · Gob:Buster finally feels like 'a real person, not some deformed—' then screams when Gob notices his hook and calls him 'Elephant Man'

Gob · Buster:Gob says 'And now our magic trick.' Buster replies 'Illusion.' Gob: 'Silence, slave!'

Buster · Gob:Buster hands Gob the sword 'It's a real sword, master.' The crowd applauds when they realize — Gob: 'We've got 'em. I'm gonna milk this for a minute.'

Gob · Buster:Gob: 'May I have the trick sword, please?' Buster: 'It's a real sword, master.' [Light applause from audience]

Gob:Gob, preparing to milk the real-sword tension: 'We've got 'em. I'm gonna milk this for a minute.' [Panting]

Gob · Buster:Buster's mechanical hand grabs Gob's sword arm and won't let go; Gob screams 'My hand! My hand!' and the crowd applauds thinking it's the trick

Tony Wonder · Gob:Tony Wonder tells Gob about his planned DVD 'Use Your Illusion' — reveals 'some band has got the rights to that title. So I'm thinking, like, Use Your Illusion II.'

Tony Wonder · Gob:Tony Wonder's DVD plan includes literary allusions: 'like you know Poe or something. Don't do Poe, 'cause I'm doin' Poe.' / 'What about Chaucer?' / 'Just not Poe, okay?'

Tony Wonder · Gob:Tony Wonder's parting gift to Gob is a Subway Sub Club card — 'It still needs three stamps.'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob: 'This DVD is the destiny the sword has chosen for me. I wonder where he is.' Tony Wonder: 'Did somebody say Wonder?'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob: 'I grant him magic sanctuary.' Tony: 'That's fine. I second the sanctuary. But with a clause of silence.'

Gob · Tony Wonder · Buster:Gob dramatically declares he and Buster are inseparable: 'My assistant is my partner. I need him.' — immediately followed by Tony asking 'For what, Buster?'

Gob:Gob on stage: 'What are you doin'? I'm Gob Bluth. I'm the real magician. This man is only the assistant.'

Gob · Buster:Buster hands Gob the sword — blade first. 'Handle first. Handle first.' [Screams] — Gob's fingers are cut off

Buster · Gob:Buster hands Gob the real Sword of Destiny blade-first. 'Handle first. Handle first.' [Screams] 'Oh, my fingers! He cut off my fingers!'

Gob:'I'm not kidding! He cut off my [bleeps] fingers!' — audience continues applauding

Gob · Frank (doctor):[On the next Arrested Development] Gob's middle finger and index finger are revealed to have been switched in reattachment

Gob:I did that once, Mom. And a lot of people thought it was pretty cool.

Gob · Franklin:Can I tell you somethin', my man? Sure, Franklin. You are one cool- [Bleeps] / Speakin' of mothers, let me give that oatmeal some brown sugar.

Gob:Get off my wife, you bastard!

Narrator · Gob:Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear. / He also said some things that African-Americany wasn't ready to hear either.

George Michael · Gob · Michael:Gangy's having an anniversary party? / Seems that way. / Is Franklin gonna be there? / See that, Mike? Kids love Franklin.

Gob:I just don't want him to point out my cracker ass in front of Ann.

George Sr. · Gob · Michael:[George] Get your loser hand out of my ass. / Hello, Son. / Oh, Dad. I thought- Dad? / This is where you've been hi- Michael.

Michael · Gob · Franklin:Hey, Gob. Mom wants Franklin at the party. / Yeah. What? / No, no, no. I don't want to talk — Hey, Franklin.

George Sr. · Gob:No. Cover her eyes and take her to the limo. / No. Bring her in here, knock her out with this ether, and you stuff her into this garment bag. / Anyone sees, you do the same. Oh, hi, Tobias.

George Sr. · Gob:You put a handkerchief over her mouth for a couple of seconds. No more than two though. 'Cause you could kill her. / I don't have a handkerchief. / Fine. Put the ether on the puppet's lips. Have the puppet kiss her.

Franklin · George Sr. · Gob:I ain't kissin' that old bitch. / That's my wife, you bastard! / Dad, that's my wrist! / [Groaning] Hey, man! That's his neck!

Mrs. Veal · Gob:Where's your pal Franklin? / Throat's a little sore. And wrist.

Gob:God, Franklin. Your breath — Oh, God.

Gob:Gob's magic video project: 'I'm calling it Tricks- Let me finish- around the Office.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'I figured out a way to make money while I'm working.' 'That is what we call working.'

Narrator · George Michael · Gob · George Sr.:Narrator reveals George Michael re-enacted Star Wars scenes — including 'You cut off my hand!' / Gob: 'Worth every penny.'

Gob:Gob arrives at the board meeting in a tuxedo: 'Well, maybe it's time for a little... Office Magic.'

Gob:Gob's magic trick: 'Sometimes it's as simple as turning 10:45 in the morning into lunchtime!'

Gob:Gob pulls a chicken out of his magic act at the board meeting — 'Maybe you'd prefer some chicken instead!'

Michael · Gob:The board member Gob thought was an investor voted against Michael because he thought Gob was an actor/entertainment

Michael · Gob:Gob fires Michael; Michael fires Gob back; they argue over who fired whom while Gob can't figure out how to call Security

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'No. I'm the president.' Michael: 'No. You lost the presidency, just like you did in high school when you refused to play dirty.' Gob: 'Worked when I ran.'

Gob · Camera Operator:Camera operator to Gob: 'Cheat out. You have to cheat out a little bit.'

Gob · Lucille:Gob: 'Well, guess who's been fired.' Lucille: 'Michael fired you?' Gob: 'No. I fired him. As a result, I'm no longer welcome in the office.'

Lucille · Gob:Lucille introduces a Roomba as her new housekeeper replacement: 'It's a robot. I hate it. I miss Lupe.'

Gob:Gob: 'I won't let you go down that road. I want you to be strong, and you don't need the comfort of an immigrant in Mother's old stirrup pants to make you feel that way.'

Gob · Lucille:Roomba beeps — Gob: 'Oh. You're hungry.' / [Roomba powers down]

Michael · Gob:Michael tells Gob: 'The guy he's running against is basically a young you.' Gob: 'Wow. It won't be easy to win a race against myself. Of course, if anyone can do it, I can.'

Gob:Gob's campaign strategy: 'Oh, we should definitely sacrifice the whole virgin thing. And I got the perfect way. We hand out rubbers that say, 'We salute George Michael.''

Gob · Michael:Gob to Michael: 'Good point, two percent.' Michael: 'Two percent, huh? Is that how little I lost by?'

Gob:'She'll forgive ya. You're George Michael.' — Gob dismissing Ann's moral objection

Gob:Gob shouts 'Go home, you terrorist!' at the Indian student candidate's speech

Michael · Gob:'How stupid do you have to be to say something like that? You're not wanted here!' — Michael to Gob, then Gob heckles Steve Holt: 'Sure you didn't make that video in a cave?'

Gob · Michael:Steve Holt's video is produced by Ann Veal. Gob shouts 'Evil!' at Ann on screen. Michael: 'This kid's popular?' Gob: 'Looks like a chick I did once in high school.' / 'Get a haircut!'

Gob:George Michael's campaign video plays: Gob on PA saying 'Steve Holt is a bastard. He doesn't even know who his real father is.'

Gob · Narrator:George Michael's campaign video continues: 'George Michael Bluth is a cool guy. His dad is a powerful executive working for this man.' [photo of George Sr. — fugitive criminal] / 'The girls like him just fine. Young and old. It doesn't matter. In the dark.'

Gob:'The girls like him just fine. Young and old. It doesn't matter.'

Gob · George Michael:George Michael's Star Wars video plays at school assembly — his light saber re-enactment on the big screen in front of the whole school

Gob:Gob: 'Shall I knock Dad out and chain him to a pipe somewhere? Or should I risk another herpes outbreak with Kitty? Which is it this time?'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'You asked me for $5,000 so that you could invest in a Franklin CD. Now, I assumed that you were talking about the mutual fund and not a compact disc of you singing to your hand.'

Narrator · Gob · Franklin:Narrator reveals Gob made a recording called 'Franklin Comes Alive' — a racial harmony ventriloquism album — and plays a clip: 'It ain't easy bein' white / It ain't easy bein' brown / All this pressure to be bright / I got childrens all over town'

Gob · Franklin:It ain't easy bein' white / It ain't easy bein' brown / All this pressure to be bright / I got childrens all over town

Gob:'Sometimes- Hey, where'd the guy go?' — Gob's ventriloquism failing mid-song

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'Maybe the reason I didn't say anything is 'cause I didn't want to embarrass you. It's my favorite, favorite record.' Gob: 'Well, then you [bleep] up.' [Sobbing]

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'Crying like a couple of girls.' Michael: 'Aw, you're the only one crying. But I love the music.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'And the card with your face on it?' Gob: 'And the healing.' Michael: 'Home run!'

George Sr. · Gob · Franklin:George Sr. meets Franklin the puppet: 'Hey, Franklin.' Franklin: 'My man! How 'bout some tongue?'

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'But Franklin didn't want to kiss at all. Gob had soaked the puppet's mouth in ether.'

Gob · George Sr.:Gob using ventriloquism to make George Sr. 'forgive' him during the drive: [imitating George Sr.] 'I cherish you, Gob. Come here and give me a kiss.' / 'I'm driving, Dad.' / [As George Sr.] 'Now!'

Gob:Gob discovers Michael's unopened CD in the car: 'It's not even open. Michael!'

Narrator · Gob · Michael:The incriminating photo is actually the card from Gob's unopened CD — the card with Gob's face on it, found by a traffic camera

Gob:Gob in jail with Michael: 'Right between the gearbox and the 'pull back from aircraft' lever.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'I've got him stashed away somewhere safe now.' / Michael: 'Get him, quickly, otherwise I'm gonna be stuck in here.' / Gob: 'Good! I hope you rot in here!'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'And guess what else? Dad kissed me.' Michael: 'How? He looked pretty unconscious in that picture.' Gob: 'I didn't say he was totally into it.'

Lucille · Gob:Lucille: 'I've got a nice, hard cot with his name on it.' Gob: 'You'd do that to your own brother?' Lucille: 'I said 'cot.''

Narrator · Gob · Michael:Guards play Gob's confiscated CD — the racial harmony ventriloquism album — in the prison. Michael hears it and realizes he can't turn Gob in.

Gob · Franklin:Gob to Franklin after the moment of brotherly epiphany: 'Franklin.' Franklin (British accent): 'You've ruined the act, Gob.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob hid George Sr. under the model home — the home that has just collapsed. 'Dad's gonna be crushed.' / 'You don't have to tell him!' / Narrator: 'But Gob was referring to his own father, who he had hidden under the house.'

Gob:Gob asks children to crawl under the collapsed house. 'Children, you're small. Crawl under there.' / 'We don't want to go under there.' / 'He's not under there. He got away. Thank God.'

Gob:Children, you're small. Crawl under there.

Gob · Narrator:Then Gob remembered that this meant Michael would have to go to prison — a moment of dawning horror at his own competence

Gob:Gob: 'Well, I handcuffed him under the house. But he got free — the pipes I chained him to weren't connected to anything.'

Gob:Gob's threat: 'First, I'm gonna beat the crap out of you, then I'm gonna call an ambulance. Then knowing you, I'm gonna have to wait for some kind of an apology.'

Gob · Michael:[Grunts] — Gob actually attacks Michael in front of the courthouse

Lucille · Gob · Lindsay:Lucille: 'Oh, George, I've lost you again.' Oscar: 'Take back Oscar, Mother.' Lindsay: 'I think I lost him too.'

Gob:Gob: 'Well, I didn't lose him. But he's all puckered and white. On the plus side, you can take him to lunch at the club now.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'That's the kind of joke he would have loved.' Gob: 'Oh, man!' [Sighs]

Gob:'Please don't do this.' [All right.] [Grunting] — Gob making Franklin do ventriloquist recovery exercises to restore the ether-damaged puppet's face

Gob:Gob: 'I didn't even know that we had a cabin.'

Michael · Gob:'Mine's sadder.' / 'I don't see you crying, robot.' / 'You taste these tears. Taste my sadness.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob's speech about what he'll do if he has a son: will take him to the cabin / will promise to take him but not / but will never NOT tell him he's taking him and then NOT take him

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'Taste the happy, Michael. Taste it.' Michael: 'Tastes kind of like sad.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob says 'Yeah, like I'd ever hear from that son of a bitch' — cut to narrator revealing Gob received a letter from S.A.D. (a father-son reunion group) earlier that day

Steve Holt · Gob:Steve Holt: 'Kind of feel like that kid who found the severed hand.' Gob: 'Hey, Dad, look what I found.'

Gob · Steve Holt · Narrator:Narrator reveals Steve Holt IS Gob's son through a montage of 'these girls got pregnant, this one had a baby, and that baby would grow up to be... Steve Holt!'

Narrator · Gob · Steve Holt:Heartbreaking. / You look familiar. / I think that's because we actually kind of look alike.

Gob · Steve Holt · Michael:Gob and Steve Holt are both at the hotel getting cabin keys, calling each other 'son' — 'I'll go buy some fishing stuff, son.' 'Where did you get this kid?'

Gob:Gob describes meeting Steve Holt 'at the garden where the little boy found the arm'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'I wish he could be my dad.' Michael: 'Okay, your dad's not trying to find you, your son is. That kid's your son. You're the dad.'

Gob:'I've made a huge tiny mistake.'

Gob:Gob's 'Free Bird' illusion description: a magical bird — 'me in a beak' — stands on a platform, puff of smoke, then high above in an empty cage...

Michael · Gob:A guy that kind of looks like you? / No. Not how I do the trick. / Even if it was, how'd the look-alike get up there? He was hiding behind this mirror here?

Gob:A 'protest-acular.'

Gob:Gob ignoring his son Steve Holt: 'Well, then just tell him that Steve Holt stopped by, okay?'

Gob · Michael · Narrator:He'd been ducking him ever since. / Tom? Come on over here. I've got a vitamin for you. / He's the one who can't see me. / Because you were hiding in the trick? / Illusion, Michael.

Gob · Tobias:They're gonna see the ink. It's more of a leading man role. But it's not really done that way. Guess I shouldn't have used a permanent marker.

Gob:I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No. It's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard.

Steve Holt · Gob · Michael:Hey, Dad? / Whoa! / It's my son, Gob.

Gob · Tobias:Oh, God! / Oh, come on. / Mr. Gay, he's bleeding. Mr. Gay... / No, no, no — I was scared too, but I realized it was of being a leading man.

Gob · Tobias:All right, the trick has changed. We want you to play me now. / Oh, but that would mean I'd have to sh— / Shave my very tender head. I see.

Gob:Gather round, humans...

Gob:I've gotta start labeling these suits.

Gob · Steve Holt:Steve Holt, what are you doing here? / I just came to see the magic show. I didn't know it was you. / Do you like magic? / No. / I love it.

Narrator · Gob · Tobias:And at that moment, Gob chose to show his own son what he was capable of. / I've decided I will be performing the feat... myself. / Wait. We're back to hair?

Gob · Tobias:I've decided I will be performing the feat myself. / Wait, we're back to hair?

Gob:This chicken... shall be wrongly cooped.

Gob · Narrator:I'm sorry, Steve. I need to be a father. [Gob running through storm drains]

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'Come on, I lie to yours all the time.' — responding to Michael refusing to lie to Steve Holt

Gob:Gob: 'Third place, although a little bit plain, has super low self-esteem. So I step in and, uh, lay her crown upon my sweet head.'

Gob:Gob: 'I'll just have to steal something of his. Like, say, his bicycle. As a... placeholder.'

Gob:Gob yelling 'Does anyone know why my handlebars are in my bed?!'

Gob · Judge:Gob: 'Definitely not my shallow, materialistic mother, who only cares about looks.' Judge: 'I think we all feel that way about our mothers, and we all have legs.'

Gob:Gob: 'That's too bad. I was this close to getting out.'

Buster · Gob · Steve Holt:'On the next Arrested Development': Buster signs Steve Holt up for the Army — 'I'm finally ready to be a father to you. I know that now.' Steve: 'I don't go in for another two years.' Gob: 'Well, as your father, can't I sign something?'

Michael · Gob:They, uh, come from a culture that values honor and respect. And Godzilla!

Gob:Maybe we should do to the Japanese what they do in their movies. Build a miniature city. Put it outside their window. Tell them it's far away. It'll look real if you squint. God knows they're squinters.

George Sr. · Gob:Another brilliant idea, Einstein. — Really?

Gob · Lucille:Ah, Mister F. Rita's not a man. — As far as you know.

Gob:Alias is a show about a spy!

George Sr. · Gob:Gob, I'm sending you a package. You'll know what to do with it.

George Sr. · Gob:What is the matter with this guy? — saying all that too.

Buster · Gob · Narrator:I'm really glad that we're doing this together. I've never felt so close to you. — Oh! I feel the same way. — He's crying now. — Oh, God, look at us. We're like a couple of girls on the last day of camp.

Gob:but if you stand absolutely still right there and just squint in-into the light, and behold, Sudden Hill!

Tobias · Gob · others:I'm a mole! — Not the village! — Families can come... Ow! Ow! — I'm very particular about building codes. — The water tower.

Tobias · Gob:Families can come... Ow! Ow! — I'm very particular about building codes. — The water tower. — And this water tower does not pass muster.

Narrator · Gob · Lucille:Lucille! — Who can save our village? — Michael! — As it turned out, it was George Michael who had finally gotten his grandfather's jet pack to work.

Gob · Buster:They destroyed our town. — But they can't take away our memories.

Buster · Lucille · Gob:Oh! I've had... the time of my life. — I think he's being sarcastic, Gob. — No, I'm not, Mother. I mean lover.

Gob:It took some idiot parrot man with a camera in his hat to bring us together.

Gob · Michael:Gob immediately assumes Michael wants a magic show at the wedding, talks over Michael's attempt to clarify, and declares 'You want me to do a magic show at the wedding. I'm on it.'

Gob · Michael:Gob's magic show flashback: fire at previous wedding. 'Put her out! Put her out! Tracy! Thank God we already did the pictures.'

Gob:Gob: 'Which reminds me that Rita shouldn't wear any hair spray at this thing.'

Gob:Gob interprets 'Best Man' duty as: 'I am going to get you the single healthiest call girl that this town has ever seen.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'This is why I'm calling it a Witness, and not a Best Man.' / 'All you have to do is watch.' Gob: 'Oh, I'm not going to spend this kind of money and not watch.'

Gob:Gob: 'King... takes his queen... and showers her with diamonds!' — then corrects to 'clubs' and 'club sauce.'

Gob:Gob: 'I'd hate to be blamed for setting another one of Michael's brides... on fire!'

Gob:Gob: 'I just need to find a trick that puts you out of oxygen for 20 minutes.'

Michael · Gob:Michael negotiating with Gob: 'Love for her to walk. And not to drown. Or fly through the air. Or catch on fire. Is she allergic to cat fur?' Gob: 'Oop — no tigers.'

Rita · Michael · Gob:Rita appears to walk on water — or at least, it looks like she does. Michael and Gob watch.

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'Hang on a sec. That's part of your trick, right?' Michael: 'No.' Gob: 'That's not my trick, Michael.'

Gob:On the Next Arrested Development: Gob's illusion at the wedding — 'Why am I not going under water? Dear God, why am I not going under water?'

Tobias · Gob:Oh, she's right. This is going to be great for me, because I'm going to star in the video Gob's making for the gala. / Oh, yeah, it'll be very uplifting.

Tobias · Gob:Oh! Oh! This is going to hurt! / You know what? We're going to need this from another angle. / And you sure you're okay? / Oh, probably. I can't feel anything. / How's my hair?

Gob:It's fine. It's sucking the life out of you, Tobias.

Lindsay · Michael · Gob:Warden Gentiles likes her? / Likes her what? / No, I mean, likes her. Like, is attracted to her. / Who's the 'her' in that sentence? / Mom. Warden Gentles likes Mom. / 'Her?'

Gob:I'm afraid I'm with Michael on this. The guy runs a prison, he can have any piece of ass he wants.

Michael · Gob:I can't stand by and watch Mom get hurt. I have to get down there. / This is heartbreaking. / Got to get this for the video.

Gob:Hey, George Michael, you want to put your head down there by his drainage shunt.

Michael · Gob · Lindsay:Mom wants to sleep with the warden. / What? Oh, God! / Great. / Great? / The man is old enough to be her contemporary, Lindsay.

Gob · Michael:No, I don't have a sense of propriety, my God. / Gob, we've had this conversation. / When? / The last time you ended up seeing Mom and Dad go at it.

Gob · Narrator:But, thankfully, he'd found a way to forget that. / I've got a thing of pills in my pocket. I don't suppose I could convince you to grab me one? / Luckily, that worked, too.

Gob · Michael:Honey, the car is here. / Hey. Do you need a ride? You'll have to lie down.

Gob · Narrator:Yeah, Dad made me move my stuff out of Buster's room. / But only after hiding himself in the cage to get past the cops at the door.

Michael · Gob:Come on, Gob, you were gonna break out of this place once, I know you can help me break in. / It's not a Jamba Juice, Michael.

Gob:It's a jetpack, Michael. What could possibly go wrong?

Michael · Gob · Narrator:Now just make sure you tell me before you hit any buttons. / Good. Now we know what the strap was for. / Okay. Under the crotch. / Need a new plan. Yeah.

Michael · Gob · Narrator:Wish I knew the layout of this place. / Way ahead of you, Michael. Drew a map of it on my stomach. It's upside down, so it might be a little awkward. / It was awkward.

Gob:I drew us. I think we're, like, right there.

Gob:Well, the new facility isn't so bad, huh? It's a lot like school, only it's air-conditioned.

Gob · Michael:Graft versus Host. / Sounds like a tennis match between Steffi Graf and Happy Days star Donny Host. / It's Most. / But it's far deadlier.

Gob:Hello, I'm Gob Bluth. As a magician, I can make a lot of things disappear. / There are some things I can't make disappear. / No, not that candy ball machine.

Gob:When Toby first came into the family, none of us much wanted him around. / But that's because we couldn't see what was on the inside. / But lately, that's all we've been able to see.

Gob · Tobias:But what was Tobias to do? Have his hair plugs removed? / The doctor says I'd be completely healed if I were to do that.

Narrator · Gob:And Gob finally faces a phobia he'd faced before. / No! Not here! / Wait. I've seen this before. / Oh, God, I've seen this before!

Gob · Michael:Is it my turn to speak yet? I've got a good one. / We're gonna wait till after lunch for the tricks. / That's not a trick, Michael. It's a business opportunity.

Gob:Okay, you can turn the music off. I already shot my wad. Off. No, that's tape.

Gob:I have got a quick way for us to literally be showered with money. That's where the penny thing with the...

Gob · Michael:Anyway, it involves us making some money with our Mexican friends from Colombia. / I think they're called Colombians. / Oh, I forgot, we're being politically correct now.

Gob:'A Colombian cartel that won't kidnap and kill you.' / I underlined 'won't,' 'cause it makes the competition look like...

Gob · Michael · George Sr.:It's not stupid. You're stupid. / Nice pout, Dad.

Gob:If I didn't have a live dove in my pants right now, I would leap across this table and... you know what? Forget it.

Gob:You don't want a hungry dove down your pants. That's how Tony Wonder lost a nut.

Gob:I know that I don't know about this housing stuff, but I've got this Christian girlfriend now, and she's trying to get me to be a better man and reconnect with my son. And I'm trying to get her to renounce God and (bleep) me.

Gob:If you feel something moving down there, it's just the bird. I know it.

Gob · Michael:Did you know that more frozen bananas are sold here on this boardwalk than anywhere in the O.C.? / Don't call it that.

Gob:You're just scared of a little competish.

Michael · George Michael · Gob:There's no recipe, you just freeze a banana, then you stick it in the... / Don't tell them! Stick it in the what?!

Gob:Attention, everyone! Why go to a banana stand when we can make your banana stand? I give you Barbara and Dee!

Gob:Don't worry, these young beauties have been nowhere near the bananas.

Gob · George Sr.:Gob Bluth doesn't cave. / Yeah, you just did for me. / Well, you asked me to, so I thought... / Go. Go. Go. It's fine.

Michael · Gob:CD... CD one! CD one! Track two! Track two! Put the hostage here by the ottoman! Get it out of here! What's it doing in here?! Ottoman out!

Michael · George Sr. · J. Walter Weatherman · Gob:This is all fake. These guys are painters! / I'll kill you! / Oh, God, my arm! / Dad, you just shot off this... this guy's arm.

George Sr. · Michael · Gob:Now who's the stupid one now? / Thank you, Gob. / 'Gob?' You told him? I thought we were a team.

Gob · George Sr. · Michael:It's not fun feeling stupid, is it? / You son of a... / Wait a minute, I have to get my camera.

Michael · George Sr. · Gob:Cheat out. / I will kill you! / You're going out of frame.

Narrator · Gob · Michael · George Sr.:And that's why you don't pit Gob and me against each other. / Yes! Yeah! / You set me up. / That's right! / No more 'Boyfights.' / J. Walter Weatherman was in on it, too? / Right from the very start.

Gob · Lucille:As what, a waiter? Can I get you something, madam? / [immediately orders a vodka]

Gob · Lucille:Gob's waiter prank — he keeps serving despite the joke being over because the lunch rush begins.

Gob:Then would you like some foam in your coffee? It's called a cuppakeno and wait till you see what it costs.

Gob:Oh, I don't have any drugs for sale. Unless... did you expect me to follow you to your car?

Narrator · Gob:And Gob realized he'd accidentally worked a day in his life.

Gob:If you didn't have adult onset diabetes, I wouldn't mind giving you a little suger.

Gob · Lucille:And maybe later you can save a little piece of tail for me. / Come on!

Gob:Wait, no, no! Where's everyone going? No one's leaving until I get my money! I'll follow you to your cars!

Gob:Yes! I got him in the system. He is re-dyed, rested and ready to work.

Gob · Michael:I gotta tell Franklin. / I think he meant 'get Franklin'.

Gob · Franklin (Gob's puppet):Franklin, guess what? / But I don't know anything.

Gob · Lucille · Michael:He certainly hasn't heard anything from me. Mother doesn't know anything, either. / I don't know anything. / Well, you both certainly act innocent.

Gob · Michael:Whoa. I did not say that. / You did, Gob. Your mouth moved. Your hand didn't.

George Sr. · Gob:Wait, not the Judge Reinhold show from all those magazine ads? / They're all over the place. Look at this. / My name is Judge.

Gob:I could use this in my ventriloquism act.

Gob · Franklin:You'll call me up to the stand, say something like, 'Who is this little friend?' And he'll say... / My name is Judge. / Whose name is Judge? / My name is. / Okay. / That's a silly name. / That's enough. / Judge my name. / Yes, I am judging your name. It am silly. / Is. / Please stop. / Now you're correcting my grammar?

Michael · Gob:What's this? / Just practising my testimony in a fake witness box. / And you couldn't have just taken my stuff off the desk first or unplugged my computer?

Gob · Franklin:Check this out. You'll say, 'Who's this little friend?' And I'll say, 'Well, he's not really feeling that well.' And you'll say, 'Oh, what's wrong with the little guy?' And he'll say... / 'Patient presented with gastric bacterial infection.'

Gob:I need this! My career needs this.

Gob · Michael:You know what? Dad was right. If you really cared about this family, you'd be more supportive of me in this. / Gob, I'm not gonna turn this mock trial into some kind of... / You were gonna say 'mockery,' weren't you? / I was in trouble, like, three words into that.

George Sr. · Gob · Michael:Well, listen, have fun out there, because this is the last time you're gonna see this side of a courtroom — Franklin? You're calling Franklin, Mikey? / I sure am, pal. I support my brother.

Judge Reinhold · Gob:Well, it looks like we've got a mistrial. / But on the plus side, we've also got a hung jury. Hit it!

Gob:Oh, please. Pity the fool who gives me a bunch of jibber-jabber about romance.

Gob · Narrator:If someone was always asking you to embrace the Holy Trinity, what would you think they meant? / Gob thought it meant a three-way.

Gob:What? I thought that's what all you guys lived for.

Gob · Michael:The... something of my ways. / Wisdom? / It's probably wisdom.

Gob · Michael · Gob:Maybe we can give him a family discount. / Family discount is right, Gob. This is the sister that I've been talking about. / Maybe I should have been getting a family rate.

Michael · Gob · Nellie · Gob:How do you know her? / Met up with her after a show. / And you did things with her? / He didn't. / I did. / Well, if you consider crying like a girl doing something.

Gob · Nellie · Franklin:I just want my brother to respect me, you know? / I mean, I don't even have a job. / Look, I could use a man's voice on the phone. / And I like your little puppet show. / I ain't so little when I take my pants off, lady.

Gob · Michael:But I am not a pimp, Michael. She needed protection. So I make some threats, wear this hat, and I collect my ten percent. / Yeah, that's a pimp.

Gob:No, I think that's going to be something big.

Gob:I've seen a sign. / And I want to make this work. / A committed relationship that actually means something. / How about you? You want to do just the two of us? [ON NEXT episode preview]

Gob · Michael:Gob reveals he's going to Iraq for a USO tour doing a 'Christian magic act' — dressing as Jesus and walking on water.

Gob · Michael:Gob says 'I do the wine into water...' Michael corrects 'It's water into wine.' Gob: 'Then I emptied out all your wine bottles and filled them with fake stuff for nothing.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'You're just jealous that I am the son that the father has asked to do his work in the Holy Land.' Then: 'And he won't bump me up to business class.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'So you ready for Operation Hot Brother?' Michael: 'I'm not ready to call it that.'

Gob · Michael:Gob, found in prison, greets Michael with: 'Oh, I missed you, Michael! All right. Or should I say robot. What, 'cause I'm not crying? Maybe you don't have enough RAM to understand this, Michael, but there's such a thing as brotherly love.'

Gob · Iraqi Guard:Gob explains his act: 'And that is why Jesus was often referred to as the King of Kings.' Guard: 'Queens.' Gob: 'The King of Queens.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob performs 'The Burning Bush' illusion — with the crowd chanting 'Burn Bush, burn Bush' — which gets mistaken for an anti-American political demonstration.

Gob:Gob: 'Well, Dad... I mean, he had said if I happened to be in the neighborhood of Sadr City or Momoon, would I mind torching a couple model homes.'

Gob · Michael:Gob admits George Sr. asked him to 'torch a couple model homes' in Sadr City — 'Dad's just trying to keep information out of the hands of the Iraqis.' Michael: 'I have a feeling he was trying to keep it out of the hands of the federal marshals.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob: 'Oh shoot, I forgot to say good-bye to Yusef.' — then they're immediately released. Narrator: 'That was a lot easier than I expected. Almost too easy.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob: 'Oh, shoot, I forgot to say good-bye to Yusef.' / [They immediately walk out of prison] / Narrator: 'That was a lot easier than I expected. Almost too easy.'

CIA Agent · Gob:CIA agent explains they let Gob out of prison to follow him: 'Get in the cell, stupid.' / 'You... you're the one who didn't even shut the door.' — showing the 'escape' was staged.

Gob · CIA · Narrator:The CIA staged an 'honor marathon' to get Gob to run — showing Gob running through the prison yard. Narrator: 'They thought he was sure to take advantage of.'

CIA Agent · Michael · Gob · Buster:CIA agent: 'I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you guys out.' Michael: 'Take us out? Where?' Gob: 'I could really go for some Italian.' Buster: 'There is an Olive Garden in Mamoon.' Michael: 'I think he means to shoot you in the head.'

Gob · Michael · CIA Agent:Gob: 'Well, don't be mad, but I have been sending the pictures from my cell phone to my friend.' CIA agent panics. Michael: 'Well, who knows who she sent them to?'

Gob · Michael:Their reward demand from the CIA: 'We're going to need some business class tickets home. And direct flights. None of this stopping in Phoenix bull[bleep].'

Saddam Look-alike · Michael · Gob:'On the Next': Michael and Gob encounter the 'real Saddam.' 'You've got the wrong guy. The real Saddam has a scar on his head. I'm No Scar. Dot com.'

Narrator · Gob:Michael went to cancel the reservation on the party boat Buster so feared. Gob! When he saw Gob on a party boat of his own.

Michael · Gob:You might wanna untie these ropes first. / Don't tell me how to flee, Michael.

Michael · Gob:Perhaps you can tell me how you can afford a boat. / You mean on the paltry 1,500 a week you give me? / I give you 500 a week. / Yeah, well, somebody's drawing a little one on those checks. No big deal.

Gob · Michael:You give a man a fish, he'll eat for a night. / If you teach a man to fish... / He'll wanna use your yacht.

Gob:I don't want this thing smelling like fish. I'm burning through my future for it. But you wouldn't understand that because you're a robot.

George Michael · Gob:Who? / Ann. / Her?

Gob · Ann's friends · Narrator:What? I thought that's what all you guys lived for. / While Gob debased everything they believed in.

Gob · Narrator:It's really not that big of a deal, George Michael. I'm 18 now. And besides, we really haven't even done anything. Practically nothing. But what are you gonna do? The girl obviously needs a man. And that's when George Michael became one.

Narrator · Gob:Gob, angry at Michael for sending his son to the docks, went into a kind of knee-jerk revenge mode. / Why go for the best when you can go for the rest... of your life with a younger man?

Kitty · Gob:Kitty likes to scratch. / Oh, God! Mom! Mom!

Gob:Whoo !@%$# baby. / Looks like George Michael got his mom back today, huh?

Michael · Gob:Yeah, well, where is George Michael, by the way? / He came by the yacht. Gave me this shiner. / He hit you? What for? / You know teenagers.

Gob · Michael:He came by the yacht. Gave me this shiner. / He hit you? What for? / You know teenagers. Probably lashing out at you because of who I'm dating. / Who are you dating? / Ann. / Her?

Gob:Don't worry. I didn't fight back or anything. I was like, 'Oh, no, take the yacht. Please don't hurt me.' Just build up the little guy's self-esteem.

Gob · Michael · Gob:Are those police boats? / Oh, my God, the SEC. / They still have boats?

Gob:Hey, Maeby ever mention my name?

Gob:Gob arrives at the sweat lodge having gone 'down to San Diego and looped back up' to avoid the border ribbon. Then explains his career goal: 'I'm a gentleman honey farmer. The only thing I've got back there are my bees.'

Gob · George Sr.:Gob: 'Beans?' / George Sr.: 'No, bees!' / Gob: 'Bees?' / George Sr.: 'Bees!' / Gob: 'Bees! Oh, bees!' — escalating realization

Gob · George Sr.:The bee boxes tumble out of Gob's limo: 'Bees! Bees? Bees! Oh, bees! The boxes fell over on the way here when I had to swerve to avoid an ostrich.'

Gob · Michael:Gob and Michael's road rage standoff at Sudden Valley, each claiming right-of-way with escalating 'Mine! / My right of... way!' before reuniting

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'Actually that was a memorial to the death of Pete the mailman.' Michael: 'I knew that.' Gob: 'I brought one, too — size of the man's heart. I just got to figure out how to get it out of the car. If I could remember how I got it in.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'That's not from your Christian magic act?' / 'Christian magic act?' / 'If I were Muslim, would you say "Muslim magic act"?' / Michael: 'No, but it is hard to imagine any Muslim handcuffing himself to a glittery cross and living to tell about it.' / Gob: 'Yeah, well, the Christians aren't so (bleep)-hot about it either.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob: 'Things are incredible for me, I'm having an incredible year. I am a movie producer now, producing a movie, so they've got me in this enormous office.' / Narrator's note: 'Michael could see that his brother was unhappy and that his life had not worked out the way he had hoped.'

Gob:Gob: 'I told 'em I don't want to be driving to Beverly Hills every single day, so they put me in this enormous office just over here.' / Wide shot reveals the 'enormous office' is a small rental trailer in Sudden Valley.

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'My personal life is off the charts. I've met someone. Can't really give you any information — kind of famousy.' / Michael: 'Well, good for you. I also met someone. Also famousy. Can't give you any information.'

Gob:'My personal life is off the charts. I've met someone. Can't really give you any information — kind of famousy.'

Michael · Gob:Michael's confusion about Ron Howard: 'You don't have to worry about Ron Howard. I mean, he's not competition for you. Yeah, I mean, the guy's like 100 years old. What's he gonna do, poke you in the eyes?' / Gob's realization: 'Oh, you're confused. Ron Howard directed Apollo 13. You're thinking of Moe Howard, the angry stooge who's been dead for a quarter century.'

Gob:Gob: 'Well, that's good 'cause the whole time I'm thinking, like, "unless she likes a guy who's funny." Because that guy IS funny. 'Cause the whole time you're like... "Is he gonna poke me in the eyes?"'

Michael · Gob:Michael says he can't 'call [his son] and ask him.' Gob: 'You know what, Michael? I'll call him for you.' Michael: 'Really, you'd do that for me?' Gob: 'It's the least I could do. You've given me a new sense of purpose.' Michael: 'Did you actually have an old one? 'Cause it always seemed like you were just looking for the easy way out.' Gob: 'Yeah, that was it.'

Gob:Gob: 'You don't need to tell me about disappointment and sons. Let's not forget Steve Holt. That's the story of our relationship.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'Did you actually have an old one? 'Cause it always seemed like you were just looking for the easy way out.' / Gob: 'Yeah, that was it.'

Narrator · Gob:Gob had come far in the year since his girlfriend was less than an hour from turning 18.

Gob:While we run the clock down on this thing, why don't you just go change into something a little less unflattering.

Gob · Ann:Way to plant, Ann. You told me George Michael knew about us. Well, he does now, my darling plant. Ann.

Gob:And after I dazzle everyone tonight on the Queen Mary, my magic career will take off as surely as there's a mouse behind your ear. Well, as surely as there's a mouse behind your ear.

Narrator · Gob:A poll would confirm she was far from alone. For the fifth year in a row, your least favorite entertainers are magicians. A close second, talk show side-kicks. Hmm. You, too, America. 'cause I quit.

Gob:Gob: 'You, too, America. 'Cause I quit.'

Gob:You think I can't keep it in my pants in front of a bunch of doggy old women and my family? Don't be stupid. Who am I gonna hit on, stupid? My sister? Lindsay? Don't be stupid. She's my sister, that's gross.

Gob · Insurance Agent:Two drowned white doves, for 'flowers to doves.' This was a rabbit for 'doves to rabbit,' also drowned. These were mice... For 'rabbit to mice.' No, that can't be done.

Gob · Insurance Agent:'Mice-a-laneous.' 'Mouse in purse.' 'Mouse in drink.' 'Here's a mouse, now it's gone.' How'd he do that?

Gob · George Michael:Gob repeatedly asking George Michael 'But are we good?' despite George Michael saying 'No' each time

Gob · George Michael:Are we good? No. No, how could we possibly be? But... But are we good? No! You stole my girlfriend. That's a tough thing, and, you know, sometimes you have to ask yourself, 'Are we good?' Is it over between you guys? No. But are we good?

Gob:I mean, yes, we are good... There it is! There it is! Ah! From a nephew to his uncle, and just the 'yes,' the much-vaunted 'yes,' that he gets. Look at you, full of 'yes.' Look at how much 'yes' is in you!

Narrator · Gob:And Gob realized there was finally nothing standing in the way of a loving, committed relationship with Ann. My life is a fallacy. ♪ It's just a fallacy ♪

Narrator · Gob:But as she unzipped her pajamas, it reminded him of past situations which he'd successfully been aroused. Well, I could wait till after.

Ann · Gob:So how did you like your egg? I said you were fine.

Gob · Ann:Gob's extended stammering attempt to break up with Ann while she interrogates him.

Gob · Ann · Narrator:Well, marry me. Yes. Yes, I'll marry you, Gob! Of course, Gob meant it in the showbizzy way his niece had always used when she was accused of being too young. What are you, like 15? Marry me. Marry me. Marry me.

Narrator · Gob:Gob was surrounded by unconditional love from a family for the first time in his life. [Beat of silence/reaction]

Gob:I've made a huge mistake.

Lucille · Gob · Family Member:I'm sure Gob helped himself to the money. Hey, I got mouths to feed. Mouths? Mouth. Her. Oh, hey, mouth. I didn't see you sitting there. We rode up in the elevator together. I'm blanking.

Gob:Yeah, me and Blank are getting the old Christian magic act back together. I mean, you don't expect people to actually believe that I'm Jesus if I'm walking around in rags.

Gob · Narrator:Tony Wonder's making a fortune with that gay magician act. Gob's long-time nemesis had come out of the closet and used it to great advantage in his act.

Family Member · Gob:Who's getting married? Her! Who's marrying her? Me. Did I not open with that? You sure didn't.

Gob:At our wedding, I will be performing one of my famous magical illusions. That once your eyes have beholden it, you will put no God before me, because of its spectacularity.

Gob:Love for and God. Ann. And God.

Narrator · Gob · Michael:Gob was feeling bolder, which was perhaps why Michael returned home to find this. [Gob is nailed to a cross in the living room]

Gob · Michael:And yea, as if to be arisen the third or fourth day with all the magic of... Jesus Christ! Sorry. Wasn't on there too good.

Michael · Gob:Yeah, what's the illusion? That you actually love the bride? Hey, that's good patter.

Gob:Except for I need people to root for the Jesus character.

Michael · Gob:I don't remember a biblical passage where Jesus came out of a boulder. Is it in there? Oh, no, no, no, the boulder's my escape plan. They think I'm somewhere else. I'm actually in the boulder.

Gob · Michael:I have a bee company. You stole my idea? Uh-huh, I did not steal your... We sell... It would take hours.

Gob:My bees are dropping like flies, and I need them to fly like bees.

Gob · Michael:What if I don't actually get married? I don't think you'd need a best man, then, right? No, I guess, at that point, it'd really be more assistant.

Gob:Marriage is a lot of pressure, and she's not into it. Meanwhile, I'm working out like crazy, my diet has become insane, and this Jesus character... I mean, he was shredded.

Gob:Meanwhile, we have sex one time, and then she's just, you know, over it. Lets herself go. Her stomach's out to here.

Michael · Gob:Yeah, I know you're in the boulder. But how'd I get in the boulder?

Ann · Gob:I know it's bad luck for you to see me in my gown before the wedding. Well, hopefully I haven't.

Gob · Ann:I didn't want to make a big deal about it. You haven't.

Tobias · Gob:I'm playing Roman Centurion Number Two. What are you playing? I'm the groom.

Gob:It's true, this is a magical trick. If what Jesus did was a trick. I say it wasn't. It was an illusion.

Gob:Ooh! They did not like that one.

Gob:I am not the real Jesus. I am the Amazing Jesus!

Gob:Yes, the real Jesus came off the cross and went into his cave a dead man.

Gob · Pastor Veal:Pastor Veal, let me remind you that you are in a church in front of your daughter, your congregation, God. You cannot tell a lie. Right, nothing out of the ordinary? No, I didn't see anything.

Gob:I'm not going to lock myself in a cave for three days before this wedding ceremony. No, no. No, no, no. I plan on beating his record by two full weeks!

Gob:Hey, kids. [Gob inside the boulder in the parking lot as children play bingo inside the church]

Gob:Our first fight, and like all fights, you're a little right, I'm a little right.

Ann · Gob:I sold your cave on Craigslist. So it was all worth it. We have money to start our life together.

Gob:Now we have our nest, Egg... Ann.

Gob:The Holy... [Gob's extended reaction to Ann's suggestion that he let the Holy Ghost inside him]

Gob:I'm ready to let the son of Gob enfold me.

Gob:Have you been to the club And, owned by Jeremy Pivan? I'm gonna be there tonight about 8:00. Maybe you could join me.

Gob:Lost my wife, lost my career. When I was in that storage unit at the bottom of that rock, it was like I hit... Rock bottom? No, no, not that. More like a trending downward moment that just... I don't know.

Gob · Bartender:Maybe I'm being tested like that guy 'Jawb' from the Bible. Job. Yes? Job. Yes, sir. Job. Yeah.

Gob:God, I dated a chick named Eve once. Biggest mistake of my life.

Gob · Steve:I'll be there at 6:45 with two cups of coffee. Oh, Dad, this is the greatest day of my life. No, this is the greatest day of my life.

Gob · Patron:I bet it's been a long time since you've seen your... Cherry. I have lupus.

Gob · Mark Cherry's Handler:No, it's an illusion. A trick is something a whore does for... Do a trick and I'll pay for your bar tab.

Gob · Rebel Alley:That is a David Spade. Check your purse. Oh! Nice.

Gob:Getting away is kind of my specialty. I'll have us out of here in a flash.

Johnny Bark · Narrator (implied) · Gob:They're sick. They're going to collapse the whole colony. Did you tell him about the sick bees? Jesus, I just said that!

Entourage · Gob:Guys, hurry before he sees us. Come on. Hey, guys, where we going? I'll drive, I just got to put my sick bees in the trunk.

Gob:A lot of traffic out here today, Miss Daisy.

Gob:Fun night. A fun night. Fun night. [Three separate beats across time, shown in sequence]

Narrator · Gob:And that's when Gob decided to take advantage of an unexpected diversion and have a little fun by wedging shut a panel on the podium he knew Tony Wonder would pop out of.

Gob · PSA Voice/Narrator:Well, it's just... A little alcohol poisoning never killed anyone. Actually, alcohol poisoning is responsible for over 4,000 deaths a year. Binge drinking, not cool.

Narrator · Gob:♪ Go away, Getaway, stay away, Getaway... ♪ Great, and now my boss is up my ass.

Gob · Narrator:My cave. [Gob finds his boulder/escape cave in a storage unit] Why didn't you open? Only to discover that someone had wedged shut his secret compartment on the day he deserted his Christian bride. 'T.' Tony Wonder.

Narrator · Buster · Gob:...she was at least able to turn a man's head... Gentlemen, start your engines. ...although, perhaps had his head not turned... Buster. ...he would have seen the ostrich warning on the door. No, Gob. Oh!

Gob:Hey, Mark, you guys want to see a real failed magician, you might want to get down to the Opies tonight. It's going to be hysterical.

Tobias · Gob:Tobias casually tells Gob: 'I'm a registered sex offender, but things are good.'

Gob · Tobias:Gob: 'Well, looks like life is going pretty well for both of us, except that I'm broke.' / Tobias: 'And I'm a sex offender.'

Gob · Michael:The Julie Bowen exchange — both brothers claim to be dating someone 'famousy' and immediately suspect it's Julie Bowen

Gob · Michael:'Well, that's a funny way to phrase it' — Michael says 'I have not seen Julie Bowen' instead of 'I am not seeing Julie Bowen'

Gob · Michael:Gob asks Michael to pretend to be his boyfriend to get into a gay club to destroy Tony Wonder, and Michael says 'I'm going to say no, thank you. And don't you think it's a little inappropriate? I am your brother.'

Gob · George Michael:'Well, it'd be sort of a, a father-son thing at a gay club.' / 'Well, technically gay night at a magic club.'

Gob:Gob asks George Michael to pretend to be his boyfriend, then adds 'And don't make that face; you look homophobic.'

Gob · Michael:Gob presents a 'T' wedge as proof Tony Wonder sabotaged him. Michael says 'Jesus.' Gob replies: 'No, that would be a J. This is a T.'

Gob:Gob: 'He got the last laugh, which, in this case, happened to be the first laugh.'

Gob:Gob: 'Listen, if you insist on speaking to me like you're my wife, then don't be surprised to find my [bleep] in you and then you never hear from me again.'

Gob:'Do I seem like a clown to you? I got it. Do I seem like some kind of a clown to you?' — Gob repeating the same line twice

Gob · George Michael:Gob at the Gothic Castle / gay club: 'Uncle Gob.' / 'Don't call me Unc... Actually, no, that's good, that works here.'

Gob:Gob: 'I do know that your daddy wants you to get your hot, little, tight, little, hot ass right up there right away to see him.'

Gob · George Michael:Gob admits the two things he told George Michael are 'unrelated' — he brought him all the way to a gay magic club just to be 'believable arm candy bean'

George Michael · Gob:George Michael mentions Fakeblock to Gob, and Gob has clearly already heard about it — then reveals 'I wonder if my dad thinks I'm blowing him off because that's starting to take off now'

Gob · George Michael:Gob licks the entry stamp off George Michael's hand, reacts: 'God, what is that inky taste?' / 'It's my stamp.' / 'I probably won't come back in.'

Gob · Bystander:Bystander: 'Bit my tongue, that little bitch.' Gob: 'Oh, no, he didn't.' Bystander: 'They're always doing that.' Gob: 'I mean, oh, no, he didn't.'

Gob:Gob's farewell to George Michael: 'Thank you, George Michael; honestly I owe you big-time... Now get out of here. I never want to sleep with you again. I mean, I probably will. I don't. But are we good?'

Gob:Gob locking everything in the club: 'Who's the dumbwaiter now?'

Tony Wonder · Gob:Tony reveals his beanbag trick: 'I put it on another guy, and then I was in the bean bag chair the whole time.' / 'Oh, well, that's... that's... that's why they put that sign on the bean bag chair that says, Do not steal this...'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob: 'I haven't seen you since your wedding, when you did the Jesus gag.' Tony: 'See, it's like a quotation mark, but with a W.' Gob: 'Oh, yeah, right... That's... I should do that.'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Tony: 'I guess you could say I was a runaway groom.' Gob: 'Well, makes sense now, doesn't it?' Tony: 'What do you mean?' Gob: 'Well, I mean, you are gay, right?'

Tony Wonder · Gob:Tony: 'I resorted to using my own legs in the Saw the Lady in Half gag. I even shaved them. Want to feel?' Gob: 'Wow, they are smooth. Like a lady's. I think.'

Gob · Valet:Valet announcement: 'The Cabriolet — license plate: ANUS TART.' Gob: 'That's me.'

Tobias · Gob:Tobias: 'I, too, am in a relationship, but mine is purely a revenge-based deal. Plan on making this person fall in love with me and then destroying them by breaking their heart.' Gob: 'How do you make someone fall in love with you?' Tobias: 'Can you pass the mustard, please?'

Tobias · Gob:Tobias: 'they remind us both of my crooked smile.' / 'Sounds like you're really into this girl.' / 'Don't call me girl, friend. No, this is purely an act of revenge, filled with white-hot hate.'

Tobias · Gob:'Sounds like you're really into this girl.' 'Don't call me girl, friend.'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob calls Tony Wonder, who answers: 'It's Tony. I'm not here right now, because I'm right behind you.' — it's his voicemail message

Gob · Lucille Bluth:Gob: 'Wow, that was fast, you hot little...' — Lucille Bluth answers instead of Tony

Gob:Gob recruiting workers for the wall: 'Who wants to help me build a wall... to keep Mexicans out of America?' (bleep) 'Who wants to help me build a wall for no reason?' (bleep) 'It's a different wall.'

Gob · Chinese man:Chinese man at the border: 'You should get the Chinese to build your wall. We make great walls.' / Gob: 'That would be great. How can we make that happen?' / 'I'm Chinese; I know all Chinese. I hook you up.'

Gob · Siri:Gob asks Siri for 'the gayest' Little Ballroom. Siri hears 'grayest' both times. Gob: 'I need the GAYEST Little Ballroom!' Siri: 'Okay, Gob, try this one.'

Gob · Michael:Gob arrives at the wrong Little Ballroom — a children's ball pit venue. Michael is there.

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'First of all, that's very dated of you, Michael. He's don't like to be called she's and I don't who this he-man is...' Michael: 'No, no, it's a she. My girlfriend. Rebel. Rebel Alley. Where is she?'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'I know what you do. Mom told me you were bragging about seeing somebody in showbiz. Then I see a frozen dove in a freezer.' Gob: 'That could be anything.' Michael: 'It said Love each other on the foot band.' Gob: 'Yeah, that does sound like one of mine.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'If ever we were gonna have a fight, Michael, this would be the safest place to do it.' / Michael: 'Right! Let's do it!' / Gob: 'This gay bar would be the best—!' Michael: 'Let's do it!'

Gob · Michael:Gob running from Michael through a ball pit: 'You'll never catch me, Michael!' / ♪ You raped and pushed and struggled / All those balls in the air... ♪ / 'You have to find me, Michael!'

Gob:After the fight: Gob says 'I'm just surprisingly tired. So tired... and so not hurt.'

Gob · Michael:Michael: 'With who?' / Gob: 'With sex offenders.' — the reveal of who Gob filled the homes with

Gob · Tony Wonder:Tony to Gob: 'Or is it because your boyfriend is 20 and I'm nearly twice that?' / Gob: 'You think that I care that you're... three years older than me?'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob says his younger brother is '42' — Tony: 'Same! My younger brother's 42, also.' — then both realize and say '32' simultaneously, escalating into 'Same! Same! Same!'

Gob · Tony Wonder:The 'Same!' bonding sequence: 'My younger brother's 42, also.' / 'Same!' / 'I mean 32.' / 'Third...two...' / '32!' / 'Same!' / 'Same! I was gonna say it.' / 'Same?' / 'I was thinking the same.' / 'That's so weird!'

Gob · Tony Wonder:The 'Same!' montage — Gob and Tony finding they have everything in common: wine preference, childhood sayings, scuba diving, Captain Crunch

Gob · Tony Wonder:'It's, like, two same. That's in-same. Totally in-same.'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob: 'I think I got into misdirection 'cause I just... maybe I was trying to hide my feelings or something.' Tony: 'I was just doing it to get out of gym.' Gob: 'Who's Jim?'

Gob · Tony Wonder:The popcorn fight: 'Ooh! / Oh... / Don't stop. / Oh! / Popcorn fight!'

Narrator · Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob sees Tony's phone and chose not to take it. Tony sees Gob's mask and chose not to sabotage it — narrator describes both men's moments of choosing not to scheme

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'although he did put the mask down his pants. Ah.'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob: 'I would definitely stay and have gay sex with... or normal sex with you, but...' Tony: 'Yeah, I would totally have gay sex or whatever, but... just drank a lot of water, you know.'

Gob · Tony Wonder · Narrator:'I have... feelings for you.' Tony: 'I have feelings... for you.' Narrator: 'The feeling was friendship, but neither had ever experienced it.'

Gob · Tony Wonder · Narrator:Narrator: 'All they had to do now was avoid making any specific...' / Gob: 'Why don't we have normal sex on Cinco?' Tony: 'Let's have normal sex on Cinco.' Narrator: 'I guess they figured they could get out of it later. I'm not sure why they said that.'

Gob · Tony Wonder · Narrator:'Why don't we have normal sex on Cinco?' / 'Let's have normal sex on Cinco.' / Narrator: 'I guess they figured they could get out of it later. I'm not sure why they said that.'

Gob · Almost Ex-Wife:Gob runs into an 'almost ex-wife' — 'How long has it been?' / 'It's been five years.' / 'What are you doing here?' / 'I'm taking my five-year-old to see Fantastic Four.' / 'I'm pretty sure that's an adult...'

Almost Ex-Wife · Gob:'Oui.' / 'What? We what?' / 'No, oui. It's French for yes. As in, Yes, I have a son, and his father's a magician.'

Gob · Almost Ex-Wife:Woman: 'Oh. It's not us.' Gob: 'Don't worry. It's not you. It was a real magician.'

Gob · Ann:The Gob mask / Tony Wonder mask / 'Straight bait' plan — Gob explains an increasingly convoluted plot to Ann involving masks, hidden cameras, and 'fake gay but actually straight sex'

Gob · Ann:Ann: 'I have a child with him!' Gob: 'Okay, yes, new plan. I'm going to wear this Tony Wonder mask, you're going to wear the Gob mask, and... I am going to have sex with you.'

Gob:Gob: 'And you know what it is? It's a straight bait. I just realized, it's a straight bait. You ever watch those?'

Gob:Gob to Ann: 'I need a little while to get same. To be the same.'

Gob · Tony Wonder:The 'Same / Same' beats score the scenes of Gob and Tony each preparing alone — 'Same. Same.' as Tony prepares, and the same word from Gob as he also prepares

Narrator · Gob:Gob dims the lights — preparing for his assignation with Ann (wearing a Tony mask), apparently unaware he's about to have sex with the woman while both wear masks of the man each loves

Gob · Michael · Narrator:Gob gives Michael the forget-me-now pill — Michael takes it, forgetting Rebel Alley; Gob remembers. Narrator: 'Stupid, forgetful Michael.'

Gob:Michael and Gob arrive at the model home. Gob: 'I know, I've got these things very, you know, meticulously maintained.' Then: 'There are some vultures. They might still smell Pete.'

GOB · Bluth Family · George Michael:'Happy birthday' after ripping up the check — GOB and the family singing happy birthday as a coda to Michael's dramatic exit

George Michael · GOB:GOB's magic present 'elevated his newfound confidence' then immediately 'diminishing it' — visual gag implied of a magic trick gone wrong

GOB · George Michael:GOB tries to meet George Michael at a 'magic club' — but takes him to what appears to be a gay club — supposedly to tell him his father is upset

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'What part of Mom is the fancy?' and 'Oh, God, the thought of your feet.'

Gob · Michael:Michael: 'Can't. Kitty hates me.' / Gob: 'First, you eat it with Buster, then you step in it with the movie, and now you're eating what you stepped in, because Kitty hates you.'

Gob · Michael:'Geo-bead' — Gob uses one of George Sr.'s made-up expressions meaning 'screw-up'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'Would that be helpful if I did? Or am I just being a G-O-B?' / Michael's pause / Gob: 'G-O-B spells Gob, you geo-bead'

Gob:Gob: 'Would that be helpful if I did? Or am I just being a G-O-B?' — then realizing: 'G-O-B spells Gob, you geo-bead, so why don't you s... ah. Well, today's the day.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'Why are you even still here? Go find your wife.' / Gob: 'I don't know where she is.'

Michael · Gob · Narrator:Gob's confession: 'Who were you dating?' / Michael: 'Julie Bowen!' — and the narrator reveals it was actually Tony Wonder

Michael · Gob:Michael and Gob discussing whether it 'never made sense' that Rebel liked George Michael — each talking about themselves

Michael · Gob:Michael and Gob: 'The only mother figure he's ever had in his life was... Oh, it was Mom.' / 'Yeah... Huh, poor kid.' / 'I can't imagine.' / Pause / 'Wait, we had Mom.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'I believe in you. You can do her.' / Gob's confused look / Michael: 'This. You can do this... to her.'

Kitty · Gob:Kitty to Gob: 'Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes.' / Gob: 'I was gonna say, they look puffy and red.'

Kitty · Gob:Kitty: 'How would you like to get inside of a LEM?' / Gob: 'If I could j... Um, Michael... I just... I can't do this.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'You can't make me touch her hair.' / Michael: 'I'm not gonna touch her hair.' — Michael coaching Gob by reassuring himself

Narrator · Gob · Kitty:Narrator: 'Meanwhile, Gob was trying to get in the mood with Kitty.' / Visual: Gob in the space capsule LEM

Gob · Kitty:Gob and Kitty in the LEM: 'Hard to believe they used to put monkeys in these.' / Kitty: 'My guess? They wouldn't be able to figure out a lot of this stuff.' / Gob: 'Yeah. Monkeys are kind of dumb. I'd like to see one get out of here quickly in an emergency. They'd be all...' [performs monkey impression] 'I have to get out of here. Get me out of here.'

Gob · Michael:Gob seeing Michael's text 'Did you trick her into it yet?' and responding 'Trick her into what?'

Tony Wonder · Gob:Tony Wonder calling from inside a Tumi suitcase in baggage claim — 'My assistant's picking me up, unless she takes another gray Tumi by mistake, then I go to unclaimed. That's how we lost the Amazing Frederick.'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob: 'I would've claimed you.' / Tony: 'I'll bet.'

Tony Wonder · Gob:Tony: 'I'm the flamboyant gay magician. You're the super straight Christian magician. We'll taint each other's brand.'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob: 'I guess we're... different in the same way.' / Tony: 'Same, in a different way.' / [deteriorating into] 'Different, wifferent... In a same gay way? Wame.'

Gob:Gob: 'I better shut up and listen for "wonder."' [pause] 'Wait, so is this goodbye...'

Gob · Lucille (or family member):I bet you guys are thinking, uh, will he, won't he? / 'Willy Wondy?' / Who's Willy Wondy? / 'Will he, won't he' do magic on our float.

Gob · Lucille (or family member):Tony? / Did you say Tony? / Won't he. / Wonder. What? Why are you trying to say 'Tony Wonder'? / No one's saying Tony... / Stay out of it! / Why are you saying Tony Wonder? Is he doing a trick? / No one's saying that or asking anything. / Good. / Let's keep it that way.

Gob:Anyway, you're probably saying or wondering... Now I'm doing it.