A New Attitude

Narrator:The narrator calls their pissing contest a 'tinkling match'

Gob · Michael:The Julie Bowen exchange — both brothers claim to be dating someone 'famousy' and immediately suspect it's Julie Bowen

Gob · Michael:'Well, that's a funny way to phrase it' — Michael says 'I have not seen Julie Bowen' instead of 'I am not seeing Julie Bowen'

Gob · Michael:Gob asks Michael to pretend to be his boyfriend to get into a gay club to destroy Tony Wonder, and Michael says 'I'm going to say no, thank you. And don't you think it's a little inappropriate? I am your brother.'

George Michael:George Michael: 'I love magic, of course. I mean, my dad's a magician. Well, you're my dad, I mean, so, so you should know.'

Gob · George Michael:'Well, it'd be sort of a, a father-son thing at a gay club.' / 'Well, technically gay night at a magic club.'

Gob:Gob asks George Michael to pretend to be his boyfriend, then adds 'And don't make that face; you look homophobic.'

Gob · Michael:Gob presents a 'T' wedge as proof Tony Wonder sabotaged him. Michael says 'Jesus.' Gob replies: 'No, that would be a J. This is a T.'

Gob:Gob: 'He got the last laugh, which, in this case, happened to be the first laugh.'

Gob:Gob: 'Listen, if you insist on speaking to me like you're my wife, then don't be surprised to find my [bleep] in you and then you never hear from me again.'

Narrator:The episode title card: 'It's Gob's Arrested Development' — a parody of the show's own title card

Gob:'Do I seem like a clown to you? I got it. Do I seem like some kind of a clown to you?' — Gob repeating the same line twice

Narrator:Narrator: 'which, that night, did actually kind of resemble the Gothicassle'

Gob · George Michael:Gob at the Gothic Castle / gay club: 'Uncle Gob.' / 'Don't call me Unc... Actually, no, that's good, that works here.'

Gob:Gob: 'I do know that your daddy wants you to get your hot, little, tight, little, hot ass right up there right away to see him.'

Gob · George Michael:Gob admits the two things he told George Michael are 'unrelated' — he brought him all the way to a gay magic club just to be 'believable arm candy bean'

George Michael · Gob:George Michael mentions Fakeblock to Gob, and Gob has clearly already heard about it — then reveals 'I wonder if my dad thinks I'm blowing him off because that's starting to take off now'

Gob · George Michael:Gob licks the entry stamp off George Michael's hand, reacts: 'God, what is that inky taste?' / 'It's my stamp.' / 'I probably won't come back in.'

Gob · Bystander:Bystander: 'Bit my tongue, that little bitch.' Gob: 'Oh, no, he didn't.' Bystander: 'They're always doing that.' Gob: 'I mean, oh, no, he didn't.'

Gob:Gob's farewell to George Michael: 'Thank you, George Michael; honestly I owe you big-time... Now get out of here. I never want to sleep with you again. I mean, I probably will. I don't. But are we good?'

Gob:Gob locking everything in the club: 'Who's the dumbwaiter now?'

Tony Wonder:Tony Wonder's illusion: 'I don't want to look at you, son. Just go to work. Why can't you be like your brother?' — voices from his childhood closet, then popping out of a beanbag chair: 'I'm in a chair!'

Tony Wonder · Narrator:'Did somebody say Wonder?' Narrator: 'Nobody actually did that time, but I think he got away with it.'

Narrator:Narrator on the illusion: 'it really brought the crowd to their feet. Although it was pretty easy to figure out how he did it. They started out gay.'

Tony Wonder · Gob:Tony reveals his beanbag trick: 'I put it on another guy, and then I was in the bean bag chair the whole time.' / 'Oh, well, that's... that's... that's why they put that sign on the bean bag chair that says, Do not steal this...'

Tony Wonder:Tony: 'Also it's very hard to get out of at the end, when I appear.' — his dramatic entrance is ruined by struggling with a beanbag chair

Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob: 'I haven't seen you since your wedding, when you did the Jesus gag.' Tony: 'See, it's like a quotation mark, but with a W.' Gob: 'Oh, yeah, right... That's... I should do that.'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Tony: 'I guess you could say I was a runaway groom.' Gob: 'Well, makes sense now, doesn't it?' Tony: 'What do you mean?' Gob: 'Well, I mean, you are gay, right?'

Tony Wonder · Gob:Tony: 'I resorted to using my own legs in the Saw the Lady in Half gag. I even shaved them. Want to feel?' Gob: 'Wow, they are smooth. Like a lady's. I think.'

Gob · Valet:Valet announcement: 'The Cabriolet — license plate: ANUS TART.' Gob: 'That's me.'

Tobias · Gob:Tobias: 'I, too, am in a relationship, but mine is purely a revenge-based deal. Plan on making this person fall in love with me and then destroying them by breaking their heart.' Gob: 'How do you make someone fall in love with you?' Tobias: 'Can you pass the mustard, please?'

Tobias · Narrator:Tobias describes his romance: 'Last night, for instance, we both got a case of the munchies, and then we went out and we stole these pies...' Narrator: 'As it turns out, they did a lot more than steal pies.'

Tobias · Gob:Tobias: 'they remind us both of my crooked smile.' / 'Sounds like you're really into this girl.' / 'Don't call me girl, friend. No, this is purely an act of revenge, filled with white-hot hate.'

Tobias · Gob:'Sounds like you're really into this girl.' 'Don't call me girl, friend.'

Tobias:Tobias: 'Oh, I have a list of men that could fill every opening you have.'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob calls Tony Wonder, who answers: 'It's Tony. I'm not here right now, because I'm right behind you.' — it's his voicemail message

Gob · Lucille Bluth:Gob: 'Wow, that was fast, you hot little...' — Lucille Bluth answers instead of Tony

Gob:Gob recruiting workers for the wall: 'Who wants to help me build a wall... to keep Mexicans out of America?' (bleep) 'Who wants to help me build a wall for no reason?' (bleep) 'It's a different wall.'

Gob · Chinese man:Chinese man at the border: 'You should get the Chinese to build your wall. We make great walls.' / Gob: 'That would be great. How can we make that happen?' / 'I'm Chinese; I know all Chinese. I hook you up.'

Lucille Bluth:Lucille Bluth: 'Well, if I wasn't sure you were gay, I am now.' — responding to Gob telling his mother off in front of Tony Wonder on the phone

Tony Wonder:Tony Wonder planning his scheme: 'The only thing I'm better at than [sleeping with] women is pretending I'm gay.' / 'Trust me, I am all man.' / 'Give me a little leg shave?'

Sally Sitwell:Sally Sitwell reveals she stole $100,000 from Lucille Austero to rebrand Tony as the gay magician, then adds: 'And I don't want to have to sell that closet as a sweat sauna on Craigslist.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'And as long as we're recapping things that we already know...' — the 'inside source' reveal about Fakeblock

Tony Wonder · Narrator:Tony trying not to react when he hears 'wonder': narrator notes 'It took a lot of restraint for Tony to not pop out when he heard the word wonder'

Tony Wonder:Tony: 'Poor guy doesn't realize I'm about to destroy our life.' / 'Our life?' / 'I mean, destroy our life with Gob. Dest... I'm going to destroy our life-- my life-- with Gob.'

Tony Wonder · Sally Sitwell:Tony's increasingly mangled self-correction: 'Destroy my life with Gob.' ♪ Hello darkness, my old friend... ♪ 'Destroy my life with Gob.' / Sally: 'Just be careful. Could be a house of cards.'

Sally Sitwell · Narrator:Narrator: 'It seemed Sally had two secrets.' — after she reacts with terror to a caterpillar/moth that is clearly a reference to something else

Gob · Siri:Gob asks Siri for 'the gayest' Little Ballroom. Siri hears 'grayest' both times. Gob: 'I need the GAYEST Little Ballroom!' Siri: 'Okay, Gob, try this one.'

Gob · Michael:Gob arrives at the wrong Little Ballroom — a children's ball pit venue. Michael is there.

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'First of all, that's very dated of you, Michael. He's don't like to be called she's and I don't who this he-man is...' Michael: 'No, no, it's a she. My girlfriend. Rebel. Rebel Alley. Where is she?'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'I know what you do. Mom told me you were bragging about seeing somebody in showbiz. Then I see a frozen dove in a freezer.' Gob: 'That could be anything.' Michael: 'It said Love each other on the foot band.' Gob: 'Yeah, that does sound like one of mine.'

Michael:Michael: 'If I want to see bad acting, I'll go see Tobias in A Jew Comes to Dinner.'

Rebel Alley · Narrator:Rebel puts a dead dove in a bag, writes down 'species and location from which she'd acquired it' and then 'one further caution' — narrator: 'It was a merry mix-up.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'If ever we were gonna have a fight, Michael, this would be the safest place to do it.' / Michael: 'Right! Let's do it!' / Gob: 'This gay bar would be the best—!' Michael: 'Let's do it!'

Gob · Michael:Gob running from Michael through a ball pit: 'You'll never catch me, Michael!' / ♪ You raped and pushed and struggled / All those balls in the air... ♪ / 'You have to find me, Michael!'

Gob:After the fight: Gob says 'I'm just surprisingly tired. So tired... and so not hurt.'

Gob · Michael:Michael: 'With who?' / Gob: 'With sex offenders.' — the reveal of who Gob filled the homes with

Michael · Lucille · George Bluth Sr.:Michael visits Lucille, gets a black eye; Lucille assumes it's from Gob; then discovers George Senior was on the call with Gob; the call gets passed around on hold while everyone tells each other 'you're out of the movie'

Lucille Bluth · Michael · George Sr.:Michael goes back to Lucille and while relaying the story, George, Sr. calls in on the phone — 'I beg your pardon? Did you say George? Is that Dad? 'Cause he's the one who told me to hire Gob.'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Tony to Gob: 'Or is it because your boyfriend is 20 and I'm nearly twice that?' / Gob: 'You think that I care that you're... three years older than me?'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob says his younger brother is '42' — Tony: 'Same! My younger brother's 42, also.' — then both realize and say '32' simultaneously, escalating into 'Same! Same! Same!'

Gob · Tony Wonder:The 'Same!' bonding sequence: 'My younger brother's 42, also.' / 'Same!' / 'I mean 32.' / 'Third...two...' / '32!' / 'Same!' / 'Same! I was gonna say it.' / 'Same?' / 'I was thinking the same.' / 'That's so weird!'

Gob · Tony Wonder:The 'Same!' montage — Gob and Tony finding they have everything in common: wine preference, childhood sayings, scuba diving, Captain Crunch

Gob · Tony Wonder:'It's, like, two same. That's in-same. Totally in-same.'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob: 'I think I got into misdirection 'cause I just... maybe I was trying to hide my feelings or something.' Tony: 'I was just doing it to get out of gym.' Gob: 'Who's Jim?'

Gob · Tony Wonder:The popcorn fight: 'Ooh! / Oh... / Don't stop. / Oh! / Popcorn fight!'

Gob or Tony Wonder:'It almost went down my throat.' — after the popcorn fight

Narrator · Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob sees Tony's phone and chose not to take it. Tony sees Gob's mask and chose not to sabotage it — narrator describes both men's moments of choosing not to scheme

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'although he did put the mask down his pants. Ah.'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob: 'I would definitely stay and have gay sex with... or normal sex with you, but...' Tony: 'Yeah, I would totally have gay sex or whatever, but... just drank a lot of water, you know.'

Gob · Tony Wonder · Narrator:'I have... feelings for you.' Tony: 'I have feelings... for you.' Narrator: 'The feeling was friendship, but neither had ever experienced it.'

Gob · Tony Wonder · Narrator:Narrator: 'All they had to do now was avoid making any specific...' / Gob: 'Why don't we have normal sex on Cinco?' Tony: 'Let's have normal sex on Cinco.' Narrator: 'I guess they figured they could get out of it later. I'm not sure why they said that.'

Gob · Tony Wonder · Narrator:'Why don't we have normal sex on Cinco?' / 'Let's have normal sex on Cinco.' / Narrator: 'I guess they figured they could get out of it later. I'm not sure why they said that.'

Narrator:Cinco de Cuatro — the Newport Beach 'celebration' of Cinco de Cuatro

Gob · Almost Ex-Wife:Gob runs into an 'almost ex-wife' — 'How long has it been?' / 'It's been five years.' / 'What are you doing here?' / 'I'm taking my five-year-old to see Fantastic Four.' / 'I'm pretty sure that's an adult...'

Almost Ex-Wife · Gob:'Oui.' / 'What? We what?' / 'No, oui. It's French for yes. As in, Yes, I have a son, and his father's a magician.'

Gob · Almost Ex-Wife:Woman: 'Oh. It's not us.' Gob: 'Don't worry. It's not you. It was a real magician.'

Gob · Ann:The Gob mask / Tony Wonder mask / 'Straight bait' plan — Gob explains an increasingly convoluted plot to Ann involving masks, hidden cameras, and 'fake gay but actually straight sex'

Gob · Ann:Ann: 'I have a child with him!' Gob: 'Okay, yes, new plan. I'm going to wear this Tony Wonder mask, you're going to wear the Gob mask, and... I am going to have sex with you.'

Gob:Gob: 'And you know what it is? It's a straight bait. I just realized, it's a straight bait. You ever watch those?'

Gob:Gob to Ann: 'I need a little while to get same. To be the same.'

Tony Wonder · Ann:Tony pops up in the model home looking for somewhere to hide: 'Hello? Hello?' — and finds Ann

Tony Wonder:Tony's monologue about why David Geffen pretends to be gay, and Doug Henning being 'a secretly straight guy,' leading to: 'I mean, they can't give everything to Doogie Howser, right? Biggest fake gay there is, by the way.'

Tony Wonder:'I mean, they can't give everything to Doogie Howser, right? Biggest fake gay there is, by the way.'

Tony Wonder · Ann:Tony to Ann: 'I just thought that if you had to have sex with a man, wouldn't it be more of a turn-on to have sex with someone that looks like you?'

Tony Wonder:Tony: 'Put these on, and then meet me in the bedroom in five minutes for some serious secular intercourse. With myself.'

Gob · Tony Wonder:The 'Same / Same' beats score the scenes of Gob and Tony each preparing alone — 'Same. Same.' as Tony prepares, and the same word from Gob as he also prepares

Narrator · Gob:Gob dims the lights — preparing for his assignation with Ann (wearing a Tony mask), apparently unaware he's about to have sex with the woman while both wear masks of the man each loves

Narrator · Ann:Narrator: 'And that's how Ann not only performed a real-life version of Tony's most beloved illusion... / Now everybody's gay! / ...but was responsible for the first reported instance of a Christian straight-to-gay conversion.'

Michael:Michael's long speech to Gob about feeling shame: 'If you were ashamed of being in love with a man, suddenly discovered these new feelings... tried to convince yourself that the sex you were about to have was with yourself, but it turned out to be him... then I might say something like, Homo much?'

Gob · Michael · Narrator:Gob gives Michael the forget-me-now pill — Michael takes it, forgetting Rebel Alley; Gob remembers. Narrator: 'Stupid, forgetful Michael.'

Narrator · Michael:Michael wakes up and the TV is showing an anti-abortion ad: '700,000 abortions every year...' Narrator: 'The amount of money he owed because Tobias wanted to mount this abortion.'

Tobias:The TV plays: ♪ Fantastic Three, Fantastic... ♪ — implying Tobias's musical is called 'Fantastic Three' (not Four)

Rebel Alley:Rebel to mystery caller: 'Who was that?' / 'No one.'